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‘American Idol’ Recrap: Solo Night
Friday, February 18 by

I’m not sure what to make of “American Idol.” With only 100 contestants left, most of the people I hate have been sent home. And since I’m incapable of love, I feel empty and alone, much like the 50 losers from last night’s “solo night” show.

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‘American Idol’ Recrap: Group Night
Thursday, February 17 by

Last night was “group night” on “American Idol,” which is much less exciting than it sounds to an Internet-porn addict, like myself. Never the less, I watched all two hours of the program in order to describe it in detail to you, the reader. Congrats.

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‘American Idol’ Recap: Hollywood ‘Weak’ Part 1
Friday, February 11 by

By it’s very nature, Hollywood Week isn’t as fun to watch. Almost, everyone who has made it to this point can sing, so there are no sad, pathetic people to mock and ridicule. As such, we have to settle for the next best thing: reveling in the failure of those who are more talented than us.

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‘American Idol’ Recap: San Francisco
Thursday, February 10 by

Last night was the final episode of the “American Idol” auditions, and what better way to end this sh#t show than with a fart. No, really. The show began with a teary-eyed girl complaining that the judges wouldn’t let her finish after she ripped ass.

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10 Music-Related Movies That Make ‘Never Say Never’ Look Like ‘Citizen Kane’
Wednesday, February 9 by

This Friday marks the release of Justin Bieber’s new film, Never Say Never. Unless you still have a hymen, chances are you don’t give a damn. I completely understand. After…

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‘American Idol’ Recap: L.A.
Friday, February 4 by

Those sons of b#tches at “American Idol” finally broke down and put a crazy homeless dude on national television for everyone to laugh at.

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‘American Idol’ Recap: Austin
Thursday, February 3 by

Highlights included a seven-foot-tall armadillo, a fat guy who looked like a live-action version of Cleveland Brown’s son, and a girl in a Viking outfit (or maybe it was Hermes, but honestly, who cares).

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‘American Idol’ Recap: Nashville
Friday, January 28 by

Tonight, the T.V. gods were merciful, and the Nashville edition of “American Idol” was only an hour long. But despite the more manageable length, it still managed to leave me feeling sore and violated.

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‘American Idol’ Recap: Milwaukee
Thursday, January 27 by

Milwaukee native and former Idol contestant Danny Gokey was on hand to give false hope to delusional contestants. And if you’re looking for delusional people, a Rustbelt city like Milwaukee does not disappoint.

10 Best Reality TV Moments 2010
Sunday, January 23 by Raina Lorring

Now you'll know which videos to search for online with these 10 best reality TV moments of 2010. If you missed any of these moments, you missed some reality TV…

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‘American Idol’ Recap: New ‘Snore’-leans
Thursday, January 20 by

While the season premiere of “American Idol” was disappointing, the second episode (New Orleans) started out strong. By “strong,” I mean it began with a gay dude named Blake Patterson playing the piano and sobbing uncontrollably.

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‘American Idol’ Recap: The New Jersey Auditions
Thursday, January 20 by

I hate “American Idol.” But, I made one innocent comment about the size of my editor’s wife’s ass, and now I’m stuck on recap duty.

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What Will Happen On ‘American Idol’ Tonight
Wednesday, January 19 by

If I’m going to be forced to watch, I might as well make some predictions. If any of them come true, I’ll look like a genius. If not, no one will give a damn. So here’s my timeline of what you’ll see during tonight’s broadcast.

Booty and the Beast: Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler to Join ‘American Idol’?
Friday, July 30 by

Jennifer Lopez…in happier times.
With the departure of Ellen Degeneres from "American Idol," Fox has some big, sensible shoes to fill. And it looks like they'll be filling those shoes with Jennifer Lopez's giant ass.
Deadline is reporting that Lopez signed a secret deal to replace Degeneres sometime last week. However, producers are still looking for a replacement for Simon Cowell. Rumor has it that the reanimated corpse of Aerosmith front man Steven Tyler is the frontrunner. As you probably remember, Tyler killed himself after recording "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" for the Armaggedon soundtrack back in 1998.
Personally, I think the two are a perfect fit. Lopez will bring back the washed-up singer vibe perfected by Paula Abdul, and Tyler's beastly face will allow viewers to snicker and crack jokes, helping to fill the meanness void that will result from Cowell's departure.