Skeptical, he replied, “I’d like to see you try!” And with a six syllable pitch, I effectively shot holes in his disbelief. Thus, I proudly present to you Seven Movie Characters Attacked By Lions.

Supporting Cast – Savage Harvest

When Tom Skerrit and Michelle Phillips take their children to Africa, it’s supposed to be the perfect getaway. However, the family is soon attacked by a pride of lions driven crazy by drought. Seeing that this is Tom F***ing Skerritt we’re talking about here, the family is able to survive multiple attacks. They’re colleagues however aren’t as fortunate, which is just all the more reason for them to wish they were Tom Skerritt.

Charles Remington – The Ghost and the Darkness

After using superior stealth and speed to kill off workers building the African Uganda-Mombasa Railway, two lions find themselves on the sh*t-list of a military engineer and the famous hunter, Charles Remington. But these are particularly clever lions who are perpetually one step ahead of their pursuers. Eventually, one is killed while trying to eat Val Kilmer and a baboon. It’s vengeful counterpart drags Remington from his tent and kills him before later dying itself in a final battle with the camp’s sole survivor.

The number one movie for the second week in a row is Rio, with a weekend gross of $26.8 million. I already used up all my Rio jokes last week, so write your own! This ain’t the joke train, mister. In second, third, and sixth place are three new releases: The overly possessive Tyler Perry’s Madea‘s Big Happy Family, Water for Elephants, and African Cats, proving that America loves cats, elephants, and large sassy black women played by men. This bodes well for my screenplay Madea Saves Cats and Elephants, coming to a theater near you. (Box Office Mojo)