It’s only because I love Fargo that I’m opposed to this. It’s poisoning the well. The last thing television needs is another crime procedural. Even if that procedural centers around an extremely pregnant investigator. The saving grace is that this is in FX’s hands and they’ve got a great track record. But honestly, just focus on making the Powers television series awesome enough to air and don’t go down this road.

Do you really want to be in the company of these shows?

The Firm

It took ten years to develop a small screen version of John Grisham’s The Firm and about ten minutes for it to flop. The series debuted this past winter to the weakiest premiere numbers NBC has ever suffered. And this is the network that aired .quarterlife we’re talking about here. Oof.

Ferris Bueller

It was a foolhardy venture to try and adapt a character as beloved as Ferris Bueller for the small screen. Audiences weren’t into seeing the character played by not-Matthew Broderick and the show was crushed by the competition — Major Dad. It is notable however for giving America a short glimpse of Jennifer Aniston. However, her work here wasn’t popular enough to influence America’s choice of haircut.

Blade: The Series

I didn’t want to believe it at first either, but Spike TV‘s Blade: The Series was actually really good. Like surprisingly good. It’s a shame that it didn’t make it to a second season. As always, lead actor Sticky Fingaz is a man ahead of his time.

But who has time for all that reading? Yick. Luckily, there are already film adaptations of most pieces of classic literature. The choice is yours. You could spend a week envigorating your imagination and feeding your brain knowledge by reading a book the slow way, or you could watch like twelve books in a day. It’s much easier to eat junkfood the second way.

In honor of Read Across America Day, we’d like to highlight nine classic books that you can just watch instead.

One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest

Yes. You can pour over like a million pages of crazy people sitting around in a room with their mouths hanging open. Or you could just watch them do it. Plus, the film stars Jack Nicholson at the top of his game. It’s one of the best English-language novels ever written, but it’s also a celebrated film with five Oscar wins.

If you just watch it, you’ll have plenty of time left over to play Twisted Metal.

Of Mice and Men

Steinbeck’s classic isn’t really a long book, but it is full of words. Instead you should just watch the 1992 adaptation starring Lieutenant Dan and John Malcovich. And then you should also watch Being John Malkovich. That’s an awesome movie.

The Scarlet Letter

I’ve read this one. Total snore. Plus, no violence and sexuality. That’s where the adaptation starring Gary Oldman and Demi Moore is here to help. And if that doesn’t sound appealing. Just watch Easy A. It’s the same thing kinda-sorta.