The star who has previously refused to swim without wearing a t-shirt takes it all off along with Sandler, Chris Rock, and David Spade. If this doesn’t make Mr. Skin’s year-end, there’s no justice.

Also, this:

Why are they falling? Is that a Mad Men-type metaphor?

Why does everyone appear terrified about falling except Adam Sandler? The fact that he is furthest down indicates that perhaps he is the bravest, which would be why he’s smiling, and also possibly their leader.

Kevin James has a really weird beard. That’s not a question, but still merits discussion.

Why are they all wearing t-shirts when their exposure to water was a near-certainty? It’s probably because they don’t have great bodies.

Is the tagline for the film really “Summer isn’t just for kids?” Who made that claim? Also, having four man-children jumping to the abyss on the poster doesn’t really do much to refute that claim. If they put Ian McKellan, Christopher Walken, and maybe Richard Nixon on the poster, getting wet in t-shirts, then you could state a case that, no, summer is not just for kids, but having Adam Sandler enjoying summer doesn’t speak to its adult disposition.

David Spade? DAVID SPADE?  

Adam Sandler is looking to team back up with his The Wedding Singer and 50 First Dates co-star Drew Barrymore for a film about two adults, who, after their first date goes horribly awry, find themselves trapped at a family resort with all their kids from previous marriages.

Yuck.

I’m thinking that they will get together in the end after the kids perform some machiavellian deeds to bring them together. Some other conditions precedent will be Sandler saying “poop” and his yelling at a child in his toddler/Jewish grandmother hybrid voice.

Get excited?

Andy Samberg

Andy Samberg is a funny guy, but most importantly, HE’S NOT ADAM SANDLER, which should allow him to win any Reel Rumble against Adam Sandler. His best years lay ahead of him, which is more than can be said for Sandler, and his scant past work wins by default when compared to Sandler’s later years.

It remains to be seen if Andy Samberg will become a bona fide star, but I’ll take his future promise over Adam Sandler’s current slate of films, which includes Grown Ups 2 and a comedy called Valet Guys with Kevin James. Included in Andy Samberg’s upcoming filmography are two films co-starring Sandler (the aforementioned Grown Ups 2 as well as the animated film Hotel Transylvania, as well as The To Do List (formerly The Hand Job). It’s close, but I’ll take Samberg, thankyouverymuch.

The next comparative category, mouth size, isn’t very close. It’s Samberg in a walk.

Both actors also have more than a passing interest in comedic music, with Sandler having charmed audiences in his SNL days with ditties like “Red Hooded Sweatshirt,” “Lunchlady Land,” and the entire catalog of Opera Man.

Meanwhile, Samberg is 1/3 of the hilarious and talented Lonely Island and responsible for the SNL Digital Shorts “Dick in a Box” and “I’m on a Boat.” Not even close there, Sandler.

Adam Sandler

Who was funnier on SNL, Adam Sandler or Andy Samberg? Sandler, hands down.

To insinuate that Andy Samberg’s time on Saturday Night Live was funnier or better spent than Adam Sandler’s is laughable in its own right. Samberg wouldn’t have his brand of comedy if not for Sandler. He’s in the house of manboy that Sandler built. Though many comedy greats worked under the lights of Studio 8H before Adam Sandler joined the cast in 1991, Sandler was the first to introduce the buffoon vibe to the show, and thus reinvent the institution. By simply doing the silliest thing possible, he was able to shine amongst a sea of future superstars. Sandler shared his time with Dana Carvey, Phil Hartman, Mike Myers, Chris Farley, Chris Rock, Rob Schneider, and David Spade and still stood out. Samberg rose to prominence amongst a much weaker cast and writing staff. You can’t give a culinary trophy to a chef who cooks for the starved.

I will also mention that Andy Samberg had every opportunity to win this superlative but squandered them. This is done by virtue of the Digital Shorts format itself. Designed for Internet praise, these pre-taped and production-heavy videos strayed from the “live” confines SNL had worked within for thirty years. Of course, the standouts like “Dick In A Box,” “I’m On A Boat,” and “Jack Sparrow” were well-received. They grabbed headlines by making use of cheap celebrity stunt-casting and sly winks to the camera. Regardless of Samberg’s weak lyrics and lame rap skills, the Internet ate his awkward performances up. Whereas Sandler made his way before a live audience in a time before the “Like” button existed without smug grins to convey a punchline just hit.

Though this is not a defense of all his films, it is unfair to judge the man’s entire career based on however Drew Barrymore ruined him. That would be like refusing to rock out to “Say It Ain’t So” just because Weezer has finally slipped off the cliff of Sucking Really Bad. Also, by that precedent, a fair amount of blame can be cast in Samberg’s direction because when his work is bad, it’s really bad. Like abysmal bad. “Throw It On the Ground” and that Gotye short this past season owe me minutes of my life back. Minutes that I will redeem by not watching Jesse and Celeste Forever.

In summation, Adam Sandler: hard-working, unique, a star for the ages. Andy Samberg: similar to every Internet comedy group, coasted on the work of his not-so-camera-ready partners, wack rap skills, and need of a haircut.

No.

Will Forte, while doing press for That’s My Boy, has said, “I don’t think anybody in their right mind would give us any money for it.” Which is pretty damning considering he should be the most optimistic person of all, being Mr. MacGruber and everything.

That’s a shame, because MacGruber was pretty damn funny and weird, and we have to hear this bleak outlook while he’s doing press for another phoned-in Adam Sandler project which did manage to get made as some studio exec shrugged and just mumbled, “I dunno. Adam Sandler?”