Tinseltown is a horrible, fickle mistress. A tarted-up fame junkie with flashbulb eyes and ashy elbows who is always on the hunt for the next big thing.

One day, you might find yourself seated at the best tables with no need for a reservation. The next, you’re nobody. A nothing. Fodder for tabloids to call fat or for bloggers to draw dicks on. Like these esteemed actresses who likely won’t get Oscar noms this year.

Blake Lively – Savages

She solidified herself as an actress to watch (this time for her acting) with her performance in The Town. However, her next foray into serious drama didn’t garner a fraction of the acclaim. Unless Amy Adams starts doing American Pie sequels, there’s no way we should expect Blake Lively to receive the Best Supporting Actress nod in 2012.

Nicole Kidman – The Paperboy

To the surprise of everyone who hasn’t seen a movie pre-2003, Nicole Kidman snagged nominations for both a SAG Award and a Golden Globe for her role in The Paperboy. Despite her total commitment to the slutty Southern character, the film itself is to blame here for her Oscar snub. The reasons are two-fold. For one, Zac Efron is in this movie. Two, she number ones on him. I can’t think of many award-winning movies in recent memory where characters pee on themselves or others. Except 127 Hours maybe.

Doona Bae – Cloud Atlas

She gave the bravest performance in the year’s most unjustifiably derided films. Doona Bae’s portrayal as a servant clone/sex slave turned revolutionary in 2144 Neo Seoul. Not only did her pain inspire future generations to fight for their civil rights, but it also inspired me to second-guess the hiring practices at Hooter’s restaurants.

Laura Linney – Hyde Park On The Hudson

We haven’t seen much of Laura Linney lately, outside of Downton Abbey introductions, and Hyde Park On The Hudson was her chance to come back. Not that the Academy will take notice with Anne Hathaway out there shaving her head while crying.

Helen Mirren – Hitchcock

I don’t know. Just seems Oscar-y, doesn’t it?

• Foreign-language submissions needn’t be exhibited in 35mm in their country of origin! Pinch me! I’m dreaming!
• A fourth songwriter on one track for Best Original Song category may be included in “rare and extraordinary circumstances.” I feel like I’m rolling on ecstasy!
• Minorities and Republicans will not be allowed into the Dolby theater, but rather asked to watch the telecast across the street at the El Capitan Theater via a live closed circuit feed. Hmm. That just seems kind of racist and mean.
• The Best Makeup Category will now be Best Makeup and Hairstyling. This news is so good I want to top it off with anonymous sex!

While this may sound like a pretty stupid thing to occur, let alone for us to read and learn about, this “controversy” is just one of a handful of “controversies” that have taken place during the Academy Awards. I keep putting quotes around “controversy” because something controversial that takes place during a damn awards ceremony isn’t really a controversy. In fact, it isn’t really anything.

But because I suckle on the botox-ed, turgid tit of the entertainment industry, I give you six other Oscar controversies that really don’t amount to a hill of beans to anyone but a select group of silly people.

Jane Fonda Throws Up A Black Panther Salute

In 1970, Jane Fonda received her first Oscar nod for They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?, a film that follows one woman as she ascertains whether horses are being shot (That’s almost certainly untrue). Getting out of her limo, making her way to the red carpet, she threw up a Black Panther salute, much to the chagrin of most every non-Black Panther in attendance.

She made up for it by having her acceptance speech translated into sign language when she won ten years later. Which is nice, so long as the signing is real. See below to understand that enigmatic half-riddle.

The Streaker

Robert Opel was able to score a Wikipedia entry for himself by running across the 1974 Academy Awards stage naked, or “streaking” as the kids my father’s age called it. The act was done while David Niven was introducing Elizabeth Taylor. Unfazed, Niven offered, “Well, ladies and gentlemen, that was almost bound to happen… But isn’t it fascinating to think that probably the only laugh that man will ever get in his life is by stripping off and showing his shortcomings?”

Simpler times, people. Simpler, wiener-filled times.

The awards are often considered a decent prognistication of the Oscar outcomes, but honestly, what award ISN’T considered an indicator of Oscar buzz? Let’s take a closer look at the BAFTAs so that you can determine if they’re worth your time and energy.

(Spoiler alert: Unless you’re nominated or a film critic, a walk around the neighborhood might serve you better than tuning into this guy’s ceremony)

What are the BAFTAs?:

The BAFTAs are the annual awards given out by the British Academy of Film and Television Arts. While the academy represents both film and television, as the name states, the award ceremonies are delineated so that fans of cinema the world over aren’t subjected to watching a sweep by whatever national program Brits were watching before Downton Abbey.

The Academy has 6,000 or so professionals in the industries of film, television, and, recently, video games. This is important because, unlike the Oscars, which are voted on by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Scientists, the BAFTAs are voted on by video game and television professionals as well, which makes them a little less “insder-y” if you want to be diplomatic, and a little less “up their own butt” if you don’t.

They take place at Royal Albert Hall in London in mid-February, always before the Oscars and always after the Golden Globes.

How They’re Judged:

Lucky for you, this is where it gets kind of complicated. What’s that? You didn’t want to spend your weekend studying how the BAFTA Award winners are determined? Tough shit. This is happening.

Around 250 films get entered in all for the various categories. Every Academy member can vote up to 12 times (!) in every category. From there, the 15 with the highest vote totals form the shortlist for each category. Then, each Academy member can vote 5 times for the nominees, creating a shorter shortlist of 5 films per category. From THERE, all Academy members can only vote in the following categories:

Best Film
Leading Actress
Leading Actor
Supporting Actress
Supporting Actor
Film Not in the English Language
Outstanding British Film
Documentary

All of the other categories, like editing and sound, are voted on only by members specific to that field. Of course, to complicate matters, this flow chart (taken from BAFTA’s website) states that there are only 6 universal categories (with the actor and actress categories having two awards each for lead and supporting performances) on which everyone can vote.

Ok. This means that you don’t have some 80 year-old woman who was a child star in the 1940’s voting on Best Sound and Best Visual Effects. That seems to be an edge the BAFTAs have over the Oscars in terms of “accuracy.” However, considering the Oscars are still the alpha dog come awards season, how much does being the rightful winner if someone else gets the biggest award? Probably not much.

What Do They Matter?:

That said, since the BAFTA nominations and awards both precede the Oscars, it’s thought that, more and more, the BAFTAs are influencing Oscar voters, namely by suggesting British films for Oscar nomination that otherwise would have gone unnoticed. So, thanks for that, BAFTAs. They have served as a decent predictor since they moved in between the Golden Globes and Oscars in 2001. Of course, some of the correlation could just be due to the fact that the two academies share some members, who ostensibly vote for the same films for each award.

So, if you find your Sunday night lacking, and wouldn’t mind taking a gander at one of the myriad “Oscars Jr.” ceremonies, tune in to BBC1 at 9 PM British time to watch the Oscars’ last dress rehearsal!

Here is a list of the nominees. Do with it what you will.

Best Film

The Artist
The Descendants
Drive
The Help
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Film Not in the English Language
Incendies
Pina
Potiche
A Separation
The Skin I Live In

Outstanding British Film
My Week with Marilyn
Senna
Shame
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
We Need to Talk About Kevin

Director
The Artist – Michel Hazanavicius
Drive – Nicolas Winding Refn
Hugo – Martin Scorsese
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy – Tomas Alfredson
We Need to Talk About Kevin – Lynne Ramsay

Original Screenplay
The Artist
Bridesmaids
The Guard
The Iron Lady
Midnight in Paris

Adapted Screenplay
The Descendants
The Help
The Ides of March
Moneyball
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Cinematography
The Artist
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Hugo
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
War Horse

Editing
The Artist
Drive
Hugo
Senna
Tinker Tailor Solider Spy

Production Design
The Artist
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2
Hugo
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
War Horse

Make Up & Hair
The Artist
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2
Hugo
The Iron Lady
My Week with Marilyn

Costume Design
The Artist
Hugo
Jane Eyre
My Week with Marilyn
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Special Visual Effects
The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2
Hugo
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
War Horse

Documentary
George Harrison: Living in the Material World
Project Nim
Senna

Sound
The Artist
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2
Hugo
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
War Horse

Original Music
The Artist
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Hugo
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Animated Film
The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn
Arthur Christmas
Rango

Leading Actor
Brad Pitt (Billy Beane) – Moneyball
Gary Oldman (George Smiley) – Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
George Clooney (Matt King) – The Descendants
Jean Dujardin (George Valentin) – The Artist
Michael Fassbender (Brandon) – Shame

Leading Actress
Bérénice Bejo (Peppy Miller) – The Artist
Meryl Streep (Margaret Thatcher) – The Iron Lady
Michelle Williams (Marilyn Monroe) – My Week with Marilyn
Tilda Swinton (Eva) – We Need to Talk About Kevin
Viola Davis (Aibileen Clark) – The Help

Supporting Actor
Christopher Plummer (Hal) – Beginners
Jim Broadbent (Denis Thatcher) – The Iron Lady
Jonah Hill (Peter Brand) – Moneyball
Kenneth Branagh (Sir Laurence Olivier) – My Week with Marilyn
Philip Seymour Hoffman (Paul Zara) – The Ides of March

Supporting Actress
Carey Mulligan (Irene) – Drive
Jessica Chastain (Celia Foote) – The Help
Judi Dench (Dame Sybil Thorndike) – My Week with Marilyn
Melissa McCarthy (Megan) – Bridesmaids
Octavia Spencer (Minny Jackson) – The Help

OH! And if you’ve made it this far, you deserve a little Easter egg. Miss Piggy is the BAFTAs red carpet host. Which is pretty neat.

With every list of nominees, there are inevitable snubs. Here’s a rundown of the actors and films we feel should at least be considered by the dillhole Academy.

Uggie

Granted, The Artist has charm out the ass. But one can’t deny the contributions of George Valentin’s canine sidekick, played excellently by Uggie, who kept perfect pace with the film’s leads. He can do it all! Jump up and down, pull people out of quicksand, skateboard! And check out that pic! Dude is packing some serious Fassbender. Hell, is it too late to make him the Oscars host?

Andy Serkis

Andy Serkis got a ton of buzz for his work in Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Deservedly so. The master of motion capture brought Caesar to life, giving the character more complex emotions than traditional animation could ever provide that really shaped the film’s more heartbreaking moments.

This snub doesn’t appear to be directly pointed at Serkis as an actor, but more so at the technique of motion-capture itself. Another HUGE snub goes to The Adventures of Tintin in the animated category. That movie is pure awesome and didn’t get a nod. Yet, Puss In Boots makes the list despite its animated style having been featured on screens in four other movies over the past 11 years.

The nominees are:

BEST PICTURE
The Artist
War Horse
The Descendants
Moneyball
The Tree of Life
Midnight in Paris
The Help
Hugo
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

BEST DIRECTOR
Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist
Alexander Payne, The Descendants
Martin Scorsese, Hugo
Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris
Terrence Malick, The Tree of Life

BEST ACTOR
Demian Bichir, A Better Life
George Clooney, The Descendants
Jean Dujardin, The Artist
Gary Oldman, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
Brad Pitt, Moneyball

BEST ACTRESS
Glenn Close, Albert Nobbs
Viola Davis, The Help
Rooney Mara, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady
Michelle Williams, My Week With Marilyn

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Jonah Hill, Moneyball
Kenneth Branagh, My Week With Marilyn
Max von Sydow, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
Nick Nolte, Warrior
Christopher Plummer, Beginners

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Berenice Bejo
Jessica Chastain
Melissa McCarthy
Janet McTeer
Octavia Spencer

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
The Artist
Bridesmaids
Margin Call
Midnight in Paris
A Separation

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
The Descendants
Hugo
The Ides of March
Moneyball
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE
A Cat in Paris
Chico & Rita
Kung Fu Panda 2
Puss in Boots
Rango

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
A Separation
Footnote
In Darkness
Bullhead
Monsieur Lahzar

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
Pina
Hell and Back Again
If A Tree Falls
Paradise Lost 3
Undefeated

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY

The Artist
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Hugo
The Tree of Life
War Horse

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE
The Adventures of Tintin
The Artist
Hugo
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
War Horse

BEST ORIGINAL SONG
“Man or Muppet” from The Muppets
“Real in Rio” from Rio

BEST EDITING
The Artist
The Descendants
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Hugo
Moneyball

BEST ART DIRECTION
The Artist
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
Hugo
Midnight in Paris
War Horse

BEST COSTUME DESIGN
Anonymous
The Artist
Hugo
Jane Eyre
W.E.

BEST MAKEUP
Albert Nobbs
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
The Iron Lady

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
Hugo
Real Steel
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Transformers: Dark of the Moon

BEST SOUND MIXING
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Moneyball
Hugo
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
War Horse

BEST SOUND EDITING
Drive
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Transformers: Dark of the Moon
War Horse  

BEST ANIMATED SHORT
Dimanche/Sunday
The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore
La Luna
A Morning Stroll
Wild Life

BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT
Pentecost
Raju
The Shore
Time Freak
Tuba Atlantic

BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT
The Barber of Birmingham: Foot Soldier of the Civil Rights Movement
God Is the Bigger Elvis
Incident in New Baghdad
Saving Face
The Tsunami and the Cherry Blossom

In a move that will send shock waves through the shrimp-eating/masturbating community, director Brett Ranter has stepped down from his post as a producer of this year’s Oscar telecast. Well, it wasn’t so much a “step down” as it was a halfhearted waddle followed by an unsuccessful attempt to pull up his pants.

Ratner apologized for his recent comments and announced his resignation in an open letter to the entertainment industry. No word yet on whether the letter was smeared with mustard.

So many artists and craftspeople in our business are members of the LGBT community, and it pains me deeply that I may have hurt them. I should have known this all along, but at least I know it now: words do matter

The fact that Brett didn’t realize words matter, coupled with the fact that he thinks “rehearsing is for fags,” really goes a long way toward explaining his films. At least he’s learning. And if I’ve learned anything from all this, it’s that while making fun of gays is clearly off limits, making fun of fat people is still OK, especially if the fat person in question is making fun of gays. (Vulture)

Anne Hathaway and James Franco have been roundly panned for their performance at last night’s Academy Award ceremony. And while I hate to jump on the snarky anti-Oscar bandwagon, the fact remains that last night’s broadcast sucked more than one of Charlie Sheen’s house guests. For a show that was supposed to appeal to a younger audience, it sure did rely heavily on comedic cliches, and that’s coming from a guy who just made a Charlie Sheen joke. But what it lacked in originality it more than made up for in geriatrics. If that sounds exciting, you’re going to love the seven most miserable moments of the 83rd Academy Awards.

Moms and Grandmas

Hey look, Anne Hathaway’s mom is in the audience, and so is James Franco’s grandmother. Isn’t that adorable? Sure, I suppose it is, if you’re a 60-year old woman. Otherwise, watching a celebrity’s family reunion is about as exciting as watching a Staten Island children’s choir.

Kirk Douglas

I was happy to see Kirk Douglas alive and kicking. He’s a living legend who commands respect. But he’s also a 94-year-old stroke victim. This isn’t “Harrison Bergeron.” Maybe it wasn’t the best idea in the world to have him speak for a prolonged period. It would be one thing if he was accepting a lifetime achievement award. In that situation, you let the man talk as long as he wants. But watching him present an award was just painful, and would have killed the show’s momentum if there had been any. Next year, why not have Michael J. Fox hold the boom mic?

James Franco In Drag

Putting a man in drag is the comedic equivalent of shrugging your shoulders and saying “f*ck it.” Honestly, what could be more uninspired. This is the Oscars, not Big Momma’s House III. They had a year to come up with this shit.

Anne Hathaway In Anything

James Franco was bad. Anne Hathaway was worse. I wanted to like her, I really did. But she was awful. You could make the argument that at least she was trying, as compared to Franco who seemed to be phoning it in. But in this situation, less was more. Maybe that’s not fair, but neither was having to sit through Anne singing that stupid song about Hugh Jackman. Jesus Christ, I think Whoopi Goldberg might have been more entertaining, and I’m not talking about when she hosted the Oscars. I’m talking about her role in the 1995 comedy, Theodore Rex.

Melissa Leo Drops the F-Bomb

I don’t mind foul language. In fact, I fucking love it. But this is the Oscars. Millions of people are watching, including children. Do I think a bunch of brats hearing an F-Bomb or two are going to instantly turn into juvenile delinquents? No. But Melissa Leo’s use of the word during her rambling acceptance speech was pointless. If you’re going to break out the big guns in a situation like the Oscars, it should at least be funny or clever. Leo was neither, and it just came across as desperate. Besides, if she wanted to go that route, fuck is played out. She should have told the audience she would C U Next Tuesday.

Billy Crystal Makes Me Miss Billy Crystal

For years, I hated Billy Crystal’s trite, predictable Oscar routines. But seeing him last night in the middle of such a sub-par show made me nostalgic for his bland musical numbers. I’m not sure if this is the result of Hathaway and Franco’s failure, or the fact that I’m slowly becoming my parents. Either way, it made me very, very sad.

The Singing School Kids

Maybe I’m just a soulless bastard, but what the hell was the point of bringing in the childrens choir to end the show? Were they cute? I guess, if you’re a woman or a pedophile. But so what. Why not just end the show with stream of puppies and kittens being released onto the stage. Actually, that’s an awesome idea. It would have been a lot more enjoyable than some brats from Staten Island.

Best Motion Picture of the Year Winner: The King’s Speech (2010) – Iain Canning, Emile Sherman, Gareth Unwin

Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role Winner: Colin Firth for The King’s Speech (2010)

Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role Winner: Natalie Portman for Black Swan (2010)

Best Achievement in Directing Winner: Tom Hooper for The King’s Speech (2010)

Best Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures, Original Song Winner: Toy Story 3 (2010) – Randy Newman(“We Belong Together”)

Best Achievement in Editing Winner The Social Network (2010) – Kirk Baxter, Angus Wall

Best Achievement in Visual Effects Winner: Inception (2010) – Chris Corbould, Andrew Lockley, Pete Bebb Paul J. Franklin

Best Documentary, Features Winner: Inside Job (2010) – Charles Ferguson, Audrey Marrs

I admit to being disappointed that The Social Network didn’t bring home any major awards, but this will almost certainly be a case of a “loser” being remembered much longer than the winner. When was the last time you watched Shakespeare in Love? (via IMDb)

Best Feature: Black Swan

Best Female Lead: Natalie Portman, Black Swan

Best Male Lead: James Franco, 127 Hours

Best Supporting Female: Dale Dickey, Winter’s Bone

Best Supporting Male: John Hawkes, Winter’s Bone

Best Director: Darren Aronofsky, Black Swan

Interesting stuff — we’ll see if these three movies can do anywhere near as well at the Oscars, given that they have so much more competition. You can get a complete list of all the winners over at IMDb.

All of Hollywood woke up early today to find out the nominees for the 2011 Academy Awards. Except for M. Night Shyamalan. He’s going to sleep in. And then eat some waffles that he later discovers are ghosts.

Without further ado, here are the nominees that will have to struggle to keep eye contact with co-host Anne Hathaway.

Best Picture

‘Black Swan’

‘The Fighter’

‘Inception’

‘The Kids Are All Right’

‘The King’s Speech’

‘127 Hours’

‘The Social Network’

‘Toy Story 3′

‘True Grit’

‘Winter’s Bone’

Best Director

Darren Aronofsky, ‘Black Swan’

David O’Russell, ‘The Fighter’

Tom Hooper, ‘The King’s Speech’

David Fincher, ‘The Social Network’

Joel and Ethan Coen, ‘True Grit’

Best Actor

Javier Bardem, ‘Biutiful’

Jeff Bridges, ‘True Grit’

Jesse Eisenberg, ‘The Social Network’

Colin Firth, ‘The King’s Speech’

James Franco, ‘127 Hours’

Best Actress

Annette Bening, ‘The Kids Are All Right’

Nicole Kidman, ‘Rabbit Hole’

Jennifer Lawrence, ‘Winter’s Bone’

Natalie Portman, ‘Black Swan’

Michelle Williams, ‘Blue Valentine’

Best Supporting Actor

Christian Bale, ‘The Fighter’

John Hawkes, ‘Winter’s Bone’

Jeremy Renner, ‘The Town’

Mark Ruffalo, ‘The Kids Are All Right’

Geoffrey Rush, ‘The King’s Speech’

Best Supporting Actress

Amy Adams, ‘The Fighter’

Helena Bonham Carter, ‘The King’s Speech’

Melissa Leo, ‘The Fighter’

Hailee Steinfeld, ‘True Grit’

Jacki Weaver, ‘Animal Kingdom’

Cinematography

Matthew Libatique,’Black Swan‘

Wally Pfister, ‘Inception’

Danny Cohen, ‘The King’s Speech’

Jeff Cronenweth,’The Social Network‘

Roger Deakins,’True Grit‘

Best Animated Feature Film

‘How to Train Your Dragon’

‘Illusionist’

‘Toy Story 3′

Best Foreign Film

Mexico – ‘Biutiful’

Greece – ‘Dogtooth’

Denmark – ‘In a Better World’

Canada – ‘Incendies’

Algeria – ‘Outside the law’

Best Original Screenplay

‘Another Year’

‘The Fighter’

‘Inception’

‘The Kids Are All Right’

‘The King’s Speech’

Best Adapted Screenplay

‘127 Hours’

‘The Social Network’

‘Toy Story 3′

‘True Grit’

‘Winter’s Bone’

Best Art Direction

‘Alice in Wonderland’

‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I’

‘Inception’

‘The King’s Speech’

‘True Grit’

Best Costume Design

‘Alice in Wonderland’

‘I Am Love’

‘The King’s Speech’

‘The Tempest’

‘True Grit’

Best Original Score

‘How to Train Your Dragon’ John Powell

‘Inception’ Hans Zimmer

‘The King’s Speech’ Alexandre Desplat

‘127 Hours’ A.R. Rahman

‘The Social Network’ Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross

Best Documentary

‘Exit through the Gift Shop’ Banksy and Jaimie D’Cruz

‘Gasland’ Josh Fox and Trish Adlesic

‘Inside Job’ Charles Ferguson and Audrey Marrs

‘Restrepo’ Tim Hetherington and Sebastian Junger

‘Waste Land’ Lucy Walker and Angus Aynsley

Best Film Editing

‘Black Swan’

‘The Fighter’

‘The Kings Speech’

‘127 Hours’

‘The Social Network’

Best Makeup

‘Barney’s Version’

‘The Way Back’

‘The Wolfman’

Best Sound Editing

‘Inception’

‘Toy Story 3′

‘TRON: Legacy’

‘True Grit’

‘Unstoppable’

Best Sound Mixing

‘Inception’

‘The King’s Speech’

‘Salt’

‘The Social Network’

‘True Grit’

Animated Short Film

“Day & Night”

“The Gruffalo”

“Let’s Pollute”

“The Lost Thing”

“Madagascar, carnet de voyage (Madagascar, a Jouney Diary)”

Live Action Short Film

“The Confession”

“The Crush”

“God of Love”

“Na Wewe”

“Wish 143″

Visual Effects

“Alice in Wonderland”

“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1″

“Hereafter”

“Inception”

“Iron Man 2“

Algeria, “Hors la Loi” (“Outside the Law”), Rachid Bouchareb, director;
Canada, “Incendies,” Denis Villeneuve, director;
Denmark, “In a Better World,” Susanne Bier, director;
Greece, “Dogtooth,” Yorgos Lanthimos, director;
Japan, “Confessions,” Tetsuya Nakashima, director;
Mexico, “Biutiful,” Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, director;
South Africa, “Life, above All,” Oliver Schmitz, director;
Spain, “Tambien la Lluvia” (“Even the Rain”), Iciar Bollain, director;
Sweden, “Simple Simon,” Andreas Ohman, director

I’m not the most well-versed guy in contemporary foreign film, but I do like movies and I’ve only heard of 1 of these (I’ll leave it to you to guess which one). Anyway, all patriots know that America makes the best movies. Do I look like a socialist or something? Where’s Glenn Beck‘s Oscar??

Another reason the BAFTA nominations didn’t make much noise is the fact that they never really do. They have an (understandable) tendency to pile on the praise for native Brits, so much so that they even have a two categories strictly for Brits. I mean, the Oscars are certainly ethnocentric to America, but we don’t explicitly say it. That’s just tacky.

A third reason that the BAFTA noms aren’t shaking the earth today is that they’re not very interesting. It hasn’t exactly been an awards season rife with surprises. In fact, the only snub on this list that’s immediately apparent is the exclusion of The Fighter for True Grit. So as much as the Brits like to praise their own, they clearly HATE CHRISTIAN BALE. (Except that the nominated him for Best Supporting Actor. So perhaps they are CONFLICTED ABOUT CHRISTIAN BALE.)

Here’s a full list of the nominees. It’s no big departure from any other list you’ve seen in the past few months, but enjoy the last category, where, for reasons indeterminate, they try to sneak in an award for teeny-boppers. Very droll, Britain. Very droll, indeed. Cheerio.

BEST FILM
Black Swan — Mike Medavoy, Brian Oliver, Scott Franklin
Inception — Emma Thomas, Christopher Nolan
The King’s Speech — Iain Canning, Emile Sherman, Gareth Unwin
The Social Network — Scott Rudin, Dana Brunetti, Michael De Luca, Céan Chaffin
True Grit — Scott Rudin, Ethan Coen, Joel Coen

OUTSTANDING BRITISH FILM
127 Hours — Danny Boyle, Simon Beaufoy, Christian Colson, John Smithson
Another Year — Mike Leigh, Georgina Lowe
Four Lions — Chris Morris, Jesse Armstrong, Sam Bain, Mark Herbert, Derrin Schlesinger
The King’s Speech — Tom Hooper, David Seidler, Iain Canning, Emile Sherman, Gareth Unwin
Made in Dagenham — Nigel Cole, William Ivory, Elizabeth Karlsen, Stephen Woolley

OUTSTANDING DEBUT BY A BRITISH WRITER, DIRECTOR OR PRODUCER
The Arbor — Director, Producer — Clio Barnard, Tracy O’Riordan
Exit Through the Gift Shop — Director, Producer — Banksy, Jaimie D’Cruz
Four Lions — Director/Writer — Chris Morris
Monsters — Director/Writer — Gareth Edwards
Skeletons — Director/Writer — Nick Whitfield

DIRECTOR
127 Hours — Danny Boyle
Black Swan — Darren Aronofsky
Inception — Christopher Nolan
The King’s Speech — Tom Hooper
The Social Network — David Fincher

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Black Swan — Mark Heyman, Andrés Heinz, John McLaughlin
The Fighter – Scott Silver Paul Tamasy, Eric Johnson
Inception — Christopher Nolan
The Kids Are All Right — Lisa Cholodenko, Stuart Blumberg
The King’s Speech — David Seidler

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
127 Hours — Danny Boyle, Simon Beaufoy
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo – Rasmus Heisterberg, Nikolaj Arcel
The Social Network — Aaron Sorkin
Toy Story 3 — Michael Arndt
True Grit — Joel Coen, Ethan Coen

FILM NOT IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
Biutiful — Alejandro González Iñárritu, Jon Kilik, Fernando Bovaira
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo — Søren Stærmose, Niels Arden Oplev
I Am Love — Luca Guadagnino, Francesco Melzi D’Eril, Marco Morabito, Massimiliano Violante
Of Gods and Men — Xavier Beauvois
The Secret in their Eyes — Mariela Besuievsky, Juan José Campanella

ANIMATED FILM
Despicable Me — Chris Renaud, Pierre Coffin
How to Train Your Dragon — Chris Sanders, Dean DeBlois
Toy Story 3 — Lee Unkrich

LEADING ACTOR
Jarvier Bardem — Biutiful
Jeff Bridges — True Grit
Jesse Eisenberg — The Social Network
Colin Firth — The King’s Speech
James Franco — 127 Hours

LEADING ACTRESS
Annette Bening — The Kids Are All Right
Julianne Moore — The Kids Are All Right
Natalie Portman — Black Swan
Noomi Rapace — The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Hailee Steinfeld — True Grit

SUPPORTING ACTOR
Christian Bale – The Fighter
Andrew Garfield — The Social Network
Pete Postlethwaite — The Town
Mark Ruffalo — The Kids Are All Right
Geoffrey Rush — The King’s Speech

SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Amy Adams — The Fighter
Helena Bonham Carter — The King’s Speech
Barbara Hershey — Black Swan
Lesley Manville — Another Year
Miranda Richardson — Made in Dagenham

ORIGINAL MUSIC
127 Hours — AR Rahman
Alice in Wonderland — Danny Elfman
How to Train Your Dragon — John Powell
Inception — Hans Zimmer
The King’s Speech — Alexandre Desplat

CINEMATOGRAPHY
127 Hours — Anthony Dod Mantle, Enrique Chediak
Black Swan — Matthew Libatique
Inception — Wally Pfister
The King’s Speech – Danny Cohen
True Grit — Roger Deakins

EDITING
127 Hours – Jon Harris
Black Swan — Andrew Weisblum
Inception — Lee Smith
The King’s Speech — Tariq Anwar
The Social Network — Angus Wall, Kirk Baxter

PRODUCTION DESIGN
Alice in Wonderland — Robert Stromberg, Karen O’Hara
Black Swan — Thérèse DePrez, Tora Peterson
Inception — Guy Hendrix Dyas, Larry Dias, Doug Mowat
The King’s Speech — Eve Stewart, Judy Farr
True Grit — Jess Gonchor, Nancy Haigh

COSTUME DESIGN
Alice in Wonderland — Colleen Atwood
Black Swan — Amy Westcott
The King’s Speech — Jenny Beavan
Made in Dagenham — Louise Stjernsward
True Grit — Mary Zophres

SOUND
127 Hours — Glenn Freemantle, Ian Tapp, Richard Pryke, Steven C Laneri, Douglas Cameron
Black Swan — Ken Ishii, Craig Henighan, Dominick Tavella
Inception — Richard King, Lora Hirschberg, Gary A Rizzo, Ed Novick
The King’s Speech — John Midgley, Lee Walpole, Paul Hamblin
True Grit — Skip Lievsay, Craig Berkey, Greg Orloff, Peter F Kurland, Douglas Axtell

SPECIAL VISUAL EFFECTS
Alice in Wonderland — Nominees TBC
Black Swan — Dan Schrecker
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 — Tim Burke, John Richardson, Nicolas Ait’Hadi, Christian Manz
Inception — Chris Corbould, Paul Franklin, Andrew Lockley, Peter Bebb
Toy Story 3 — Nominees TBC

MAKE UP & HAIR
Alice in Wonderland — Nominees TBC
Black Swan — Judy Chin, Geordie Sheffer
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 — Amanda Knight, Lisa Tomblin
The King’s Speech — Frances Hannon
Made in Dagenham — Lizzie Yianni Georgiou

SHORT ANIMATION
The Eagleman Stag — Michael Please
Matter Fisher — David Prosser
Thursday — Matthias Hoegg

SHORT FILM
Connect — Samuel Abrahams, Beau Gordon
Lin — Piers Thompson, Simon Hessel
Rite — Michael Pearce, Ross McKenzie
Turning — Karni Arieli, Saul Freed, Alison Sterling, Kat Armour-Brown
Until the River Runs Red — Paul Wright, Poss Kondeatis

ORANGE WEDNESDAYS RISING AWARD
Gemma Arterton
Andrew Garfield
Tom Hardy
Aaron Johnson
Emma Stone

Hello, Junkies!  Ronnie Pudding here, once again participating in the state parole board’s work release program by taking a look at the front runners for the 83^rd Academy Awards and writing about it on the internet.  Hard to believe 2010’s already been tossed in the dumpster like a dirty syringe but there it is, festering with HIV and broken dreams.  Or maybe that’s an actual dirty syringe; after all, Ronnie’s writing this from the dumpster behind Starbucks of Toluca Lake (not the worst dumpster I’ve spent the night in and hey, free WiFi). Seems like just yesterday I was comparing the Oscar prospects of films like Avatar, Up in the Air and The Hurt Locker. Of course that could be due to the fact that I spent the last eleven months in a paint-huffing-induced coma. Or perhaps because the resulting brain damage gave me the short term memory recall of Guy Pearce’s character in Memento. Or maybe it’s because… what was I writing about again? And what’s that tattoo on my scrotum? Oh yeah… the Oscars.

Unlike last year, there’s no one film gobbling up media attention like a paternal-love-deprived stripper at a daddy convention. And that’s probably a good thing. Because while it went on to become the highest grossing movie of all time, 2009’s Avatar has aged about as well as Maria Conchita Alonzo in a pair of Z Cavaricci pants. Luckily, there are a number of actual good films in contention for this year’s Best Picture shiny gold dude. Films such as The King’s Speech, Inception, 127 Hours Black Swan True Grit, Amputee Sluts 5 (a solid improvement over the franchise’s 4^th installment) and the subject of this week’s article, The Social Network.

I was admittedly skeptical when I heard the news that a Facebook movie was in the works.  After all, the Friendster movie had spiraled into obscurity as quickly as it rose to prominence and the MySpace movie turned out to be nothing more than a garish display of tasteless narcissism, shameless self-promotion and sparkly unicorn GIFs. However my initial misgivings were put to rest when I actually saw the film. While David Fincher’s probably most known for his visual flourishes – and for a film taking place mostly in dorm rooms and board rooms here and there are plenty – his best work can be found in his loving handling of mentally deranged misanthropes such as Fight Club’s schizophrenic protagonist, the serial killers from Se7en and Zodiac and now perhaps the most misanthropic of them all, Facebook creator and Mark Zuckerberg. The slick editing capture the spirit of the internet age, zipping from scene to scene like someone scrolling through a lady friend’s Facebook gallery hoping for a drunken panty flash or nipple shot. But what really stood out was Aaron Sorkin’s dialogue, which comprised a litany of instantly quotable lines rattled off at a machine gun clip not unlike a smarter version of Tarantino’s coked-up motor-mouthisms. For a film populated almost entirely by privileged Ivy League douchebags, The Social Network was utterly engaging.

But was it an Oscar winner? Let’s see where it stands in the in the major categories that drive the Academy’s voting.

RETARD STRENGTH (2.5/5): While Jesse Eisenberg had previously made a career of being the discount Michael Cera, with his portrayal of Facebook head honcho Mark Zuckerberg, he finally stepped out of George-Michael’s shadow and into his own spotlight. His Zuckerberg was deliciously complex; too villainous to be an anti-hero, too pathetic to be an actual villain.  He was misanthropic, misogynistic, sociopathic, and perhaps a bit Aspberger’s afflicted. But unfortunately, a flawed character does not a retard make.  As I explained last year: If you qualify for the Special Olympics, you’re retarded enough for an Oscar — so long as you adhere to the “full retard” rule posited in Tropic Thunder. But while Zuckerberg’s personality flaws made him a more interesting character, they did not provide obstacles for him to overcome on his journey (which culminated in him becoming a multi-billionaire). If anything, they helped. A lot.

SOCIAL RELEVANCE (4/5): While the Prius-driving, Mac-using, plastic-rimmed-glasses set will remind you that they abandoned Facebook for Twitter (or was it Tumblr) like a thousand-million years ago, no amount of hipster elitism can hide the fact that Facebook is a genuine social phenomenon. It has transcended the ephemeral nature of most “killer apps” and for the moment at least, seems to be a permanent addition to our cultural zeitgeist. Want proof? Ask your mom. Not only does she know what Facebook is, she’s actually on it — tagging you in embarrassing family photos and posting irony-oblivious comments under your snarky status updates. Eff yeah, Facebook’s relevant.

EPICOSITY (2/5): While The Social Network’s cinematography would make for an amazing episode of “Saved by the Bell,” it hardly contains the sort of epic grandiosity that leads to an easy Oscar win. This is not a knock on David Fincher or his cinematographer Jeff Cronenweth; The Social Network necessarily takes place in visually banal locales such as Ivy League dorms, generic office buildings and Palo Alto computer geek hovels. But while this certainly serves the film, if they were hoping to serve the tastes of Academy voters they should have the thrown in the occasional helicopter shot of the Grand Tetons, or a camel caravan crossing Saharan Tunisia.

UPLIFT (1/5): Are you a wealthy, silver-spoon-chewing douche-nozzle whose massive ego is only dwarfed by your gargantuan sense of entitlement? Do you have zero regard for personal relationships, viewing your friends as ultimately disposable stepping stones toward attaining the success that is your birthright? Well according to The Social Network, if you play your cards right, you might wind up being one of the wealthiest men in America before your 30^th birthday.  This is probably pretty uplifting to the handful of you reading this from your Phillips-Exeter dorm rooms as you arbitrarily select which nannies you’ll frame for stealing the family silver over sprin break. But for the rest of us – we actual humans with actual souls — it only serves as a grim reminder that success is all too often built on the knife-adorned backs of those foolish enough to trust their fellow man.

TOTAL POWER RANKING (2.375/5): Is The Social Network a great film? Certainly. Given the degree to which social networking has inexplicably affected (and infected) our daily lives it is the most relevant film of the year – perhaps even the decade — and a best adapted screenplay trophy for Sorkin is virtually guaranteed.  But I don’t see it taking home a Best Picture Oscar on February 27^th. Perhaps The Twitter Movie will be the internet film to finally pull that off.

Oh, and hey, don’t forget to “like” this article on Facebook! LOL! Fart.

Wheeeeew, did you guys catch that Oscar thing last night?! What a thing that was, huh? Not so much? Well if you didn’t read along with our live blog while you were watching I can understand why you might not have had any fun. But hey, that doesn’t mean you can’t read it now and laugh your head off from the nostalgia. Last night will be a night we’ll all remember for a VERY long time. Wait, a woman won something right?

Check out the winners here, and read our "hilarious" live blog below!

We firmly believe that the Oscars would benefit from adding a few wild-card categories every year. You know, mix it up. Keep it fresh. Here are a few possibilities, including  nominees. If you have more, post them in the comments section. And don’t forget to follow our Oscar liveblog HERE starting 8pm Eastern, 5pm Pacific this Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. Sunday.

Best Alien Performance

• Neytiri – "Avatar"
• Gallaxhar – "Monsters vs. Aliens"
• Nero – "Star Trek"
• Chrisopher Johnson – "District 9"
• Lil Wayne – "The Carter"

Best Abusive Parent

• Mo’Nique – "Precious"
• Dylan Walsh – "The Stepfather"
• Sheri Moon Zombie – "Halloween II"
• Robin Williams – "World’s Greatest Dad"
• Any Parent Who Took Their Kids To See "Old Dogs"

Best Actress Who Has Made Out With Peter Sarsgaard

• Carrie Mulligan – "An Education"
• Vera Farmiga – "Orphan"
• Maggie Gyllenhaal – "Crazy Heart"

Best Direction By A Total Fox

• Kathryn Bigelow – "The Hurt Locker"
• Kathryn Bigelow – "Point Break"
• Kathryn Bigelow – "Near Dark"
• Kathryn Bigelow – "Strange Days"
• George Clooney – "Confessions of a Dangerous Mind"

Best Film You Don’t Care About

• "Ajami" – Israel
• "The Milk of Sorrow" – Peru
• "A Prophet" – France
• "The Secret in Their Eyes" – Argentina
• "The White Ribbon" – Germany

Best Murdered Elderly Person

• The Comedian – "Watchmen"
• Sheriff Jim Burke – "My Bloody Valentine"
• Eytukan – "Avatar"
• Charles Muntz – "Up"
  

Best Performance By An Australian Playing An America

• Sam Worthington – "Avatar"
• Nicole Kidman – "Nine"
• Russell Crowe – "State of Play"
• Guy Pierce – "The Hurt Locker"
• Eric Bana – "The Time Traveler’s Wife"

Best Performance By George Clooney As Himself

• George Clooney – "Up In The Air"
• George Clooney – "Ocean’s Eleven"
• George Clooney – "Ocean’s Twelve"
• George Clooney – "Ocean’s Thirteen"
• George Clooney – "Out of Sight"

Best Performance By A Pair Of Tig Ol’ Bitties

• Helen Mirren – "The Last Station"
• Kevin James – "Paul Blart: Mall Cop"
• Jamal Woolard – "Notorious"
• Christina Hendricks – "Mad Men" (who gives a sh*t if it’s TV)

Best Direction By A Crazy Person

• James Cameron – "Avatar"
• Quentin Tarantino – "Inglourious Basterds"
• Lee Daniels – "Precious"
• Werner Herzog – "The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call – New Orleans"
• Troy Duffy – "The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day"

Best Heath Ledger Impersonation

• Johnny Depp – "The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus"
• Jude Law – "The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus"
• Colin Farrell – "The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus"
• Spike Jonze – Banging Michelle Williams

Best Shakey Cinematography

• Barry Ackroyd – "The Hurt Locker"
• Oren Peli – "Paranormal Activity"
• Dean Semler – "2012"
• Trent Opalach – "District 9"

Best Use of Lesbianism As A Marketing Ploy

• "Jennifer’s Body"
• "Women in Trouble"
• "Bitch Slap"
• "Sorority Row"
• "Whip It"

Best Performance By A Messed-Up Eye

• Forest Whitaker – "Power Blue"
• Lenny Kravitz – "Precious"
• Mel Jones – "Coraline"

Best Performance By Penélope Cruz In A Film Where We Can’t Understand What She’s Babbling

Today we pit our top contenders for the Best Actress Oscar in the metaphorical pudding pool for a bikini-clad, chocolate-treat-slathered Battle Royale from which only one shall emerge the victor.  As if that imagery wasn’t disgusting (and sexy) enough, consider that this year’s top dogs form an unholy three-way culled from the deepest depths of lesbian porno hell: Front runners Meryl Streep (Julie & Julia) and Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side) along with our dark horse (did I just write that?) Gabourey Sibide (Precious: Based on the Novel bla bla bla bla bla). 

MERYL STREEP

Let’s face it: All Meryl Streep needs to do to get nominated for an Oscar is show up on set. Hollywood’s grand dame has been nominated 16 times and already has two Shiny Gold Dudes for her prodigious award mantle. She could do a regional K-Mart commercial and still be the talk of awards season. She could do a one-line walk-on in a Larry the Cable Guy movie and sweep the Golden Globes. But that doesn’t necessarily guarantee her the Academy Award, does it?

PRO: Thanks to the Food Network, cooking shows are sizzlin’ hot (zing!).  So Streep’s turn as Julia Child was well-timed.  And while Julie & Julia probably won’t even rank in the legendary actress’ Top 10 performances, Streep has been getting deserved nods for revealing the depth and complexity hiding beneath the iconic chef’s apron (thank the gods that’s the only thing hidden beneath Julia Child’s apron that was revealed).

CON: Unfortunately Streep only accounts for half of Julie & Julia’s two-tittied titular characters.  And while her performance was impressive, it did not make up for the dreadful “Julie” segments.  Dear Hollywood: Bloggers do not make interesting fodder for movies.  See: Tucker Max’s I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.  Okay, there is one exception to this rule — me — but that’s because I moonlight as a kung f ninja assassin for the Dutch government, not because I write snarky quips for the internetzes.  Believe me, there is nothing at all entertaining about me in my Ben and Jerry’s stained tighty-whities, typing rape jokes between sips of Steel Reserve; it’s just sad and pathetic.  And while the adorable Amy Adams did give the role of food blogger Julie Powell her all, she’s still the proverbial albatross around Meryl’s neck.

SANDRA BULLOCK:

When we look back on 2009, we will likely remember it as the Year of the Bullock.   After phoning in 2007’s dreadful Premonition, the actress seemingly disappeared, presumably banished to the same island where Ashley Judd forages for berries.  But last year Miss Congeniality came back with a vengeance and somehow managed to garner both a Razzie Nomination (for the abominable All About Steve) and an Oscar nomination in the same year.   Which raises an interesting question: Is it possible that Bullock might actually be both the best and worst actress of the year?

PRO:  Bullock seemed to take a shotgun approach to winning the Oscar.  If she stars in EVERY movie that comes out in a given year, she’s bound to win for something, right?  In all fairness, she did receive some good reviews for her work in The Blind Side, being called “unusually watchable” by one critic, “surprisingly pleasant” by another and “not at all making me want to jam a fork in my eye” by yet another (me).

CON:  This is Sandra Bullock we’re talking about.  She specializes in box office fluff aimed at eternally-single cat ladies — usually opposite some equally generic hunkbot actor e.g. Matthew McConaughey.  It seems silly handing her a Shiny Gold Dude for the achievement of merely being less bland than normal.   It’s like awarding vanilla the Creamy Award for Best Ice Cream.  Sure, it’s fine when it’s scooped onto a slice of pie, but it’s still no Chunky Monkey (the flavor du jour staining my tighty-whities).

GABOUREY SIBIDE

Not only does Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire (pant… pant…) own the distinction of having the most annoying title, it was — along with The Blind Side and Paranormal Activity — one of the year’s notable sleeper hits.  But what most people don’t know is that it also provided one of 2009’s most popular Halloween costumes.  As a matter of fact I was at the DMV last week and even though Halloween has been over for months several of the employees were STILL wearing their Precious costumes.   Pretty impressive.  But was Gabourey Sibide’s performance equally impressive?

PRO: Sibide’s performance as the illiterate incest victim with a heart of gold was solid, if not mind-blowing.  But she does have a unique edge over her competition: Let’s face it, it’s not like Sibide’s going to be top-lining summer blockbusters next year.  She’s a morbidly obese African-American woman.  No one’s casting her opposite Brad Pitt in the next Doug Liman actioner.  Outside of the occasional Oprah Winfrey Network movie-of-the-week and Tyler Perry cameo, Precious may be her lone moment in the spotlight.  And I believe the Academy will reward her accordingly.  When she’s selling Mary Kay ten years from now at the very least she’ll have a Shiny Gold Dude by which to remember her Walhol-prescribed 15 minutes.

CON: She’s up against Meryl Streep.  Still, for the reason stated above I think Sibide will pull off the upset and take home the Oscar. Streep already has more Academy Awards that she knows what to do with and likely has not won her last.  But unless Martin Scorsese decides to adapt The Jeffersons for the big screen and hand-picks Sibide to be his Weezy, this will likely be her only grab for the gold.  She deserves it just as much as her competition, but the distinction will mean a lot more to her.  And I believe the Academy will recognize this fact and reward her accordingly. 

ADVANTAGE:  GABOREY SIBIDE

This morning at 5:00 a.m. PST and 8:00 a.m. EST, actress Anne Hathaway arose from her hole and saw her shadow. As ruled by the laws of nature, this required her to announce the nominees for the 2010 Academy Awards.

Avatar and The Hurt Locker lead the charge with nine nominations apiece. What are the chances that a divorced couple would be competing against one another for Hollywood’s top prize? That just gave Nora Ephron an idea for a film. Someone get Julia Roberts and Philip Seymour Hoffman on the phone! Amanda Seyfried will play the daughter.

Rounding out the super-sized category for Best Picture are: District 9, The Blind Side, A Serious Man, Inglourious Basterds, An Education, Precious, Up and Up in the Air.

CHECK OUT THE FULL LIST OF NOMINEES AFTER THE JUMP

BEST PICTURE
Avatar
The Blind Side
District 9
An Education
The Hurt Locker
Inglourious Basterds
Precious
A Serious Man
Up
Up in the Air

BEST DIRECTOR
Kathryn Bigelow
James Cameron
Quentin Tarantino
Lee Daniels
Jason Reitman

BEST ACTOR
Jeff Bridges
George Clooney
Colin Firth
Morgan Freeman
Jeremy Renner

BEST ACTRESS
Sandra Bullock
Helen Mirren
Carey Mulligan
Gabourey Sidibe
Meryl Streep

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Matt Damon
Woody Harrelson
Christopher Plummer
Stanley Tucci
Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Penelope Cruz
Vera Farmiga
Maggie Gyllenhaal
Anna Kendrick
Mo’nique

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Mark Boal, The Hurt Locker
Quentino Tarantino, Inglourious Basterds
Alessandro Camon & Oren Moverman, The Messenger
Joel & Ethan Coen, A Serious Man
Peter Docter, Bob Peterson, Tom McCarthy, Up

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY Neill Blomkamp & Terri Tatchell, District 9
Nick Hornby, An Education
Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Armando Iannucci & Tony Roche, In The Loop
Geoffrey Fletcher, Precious
Jason Reitman & Sheldon Turner, Up in the Air

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
Ajami, Israel
El Secretro de sus Ojo, Argentina
The Milk of Sorrow, Chile
Un Prophete, France
The White Ribbon, Germany

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE
Coraline
Fantastic Mr. Fox
Princess and the Frog
The Secrets of Kells
Up

And now for the below-the-line ones not included on the TV broadcast (from Oscars.org.

ART DIRECTION
“Avatar” Art Direction: Rick Carter and Robert Stromberg; Set Decoration: Kim Sinclair
“The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus” Art Direction: Dave Warren and Anastasia Masaro; Set Decoration: Caroline Smith
“Nine” Art Direction: John Myhre; Set Decoration: Gordon Sim
“Sherlock Holmes” Art Direction: Sarah Greenwood; Set Decoration: Katie Spencer
“The Young Victoria” Art Direction: Patrice Vermette; Set Decoration: Maggie Gray

CINEMATOGRAPHY
"Avatar” Mauro Fiore
“Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” Bruno Delbonnel
“The Hurt Locker” Barry Ackroyd
“Inglourious Basterds” Robert Richardson
“The White Ribbon” Christian Berger

COSTUME DESIGN
“Bright Star” Janet Patterson
“Coco before Chanel” Catherine Leterrier
“The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus” Monique Prudhomme
“Nine” Colleen Atwood
“The Young Victoria” Sandy Powell

DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
“Burma VJ” Anders Østergaard and Lise Lense-Møller
"The Cove” Nominees to be determined
“Food, Inc.” Robert Kenner and Elise Pearlstein
“The Most Dangerous Man in America: Daniel Ellsberg and the Pentagon Papers” Judith Ehrlich and Rick Goldsmith
“Which Way Home” Rebecca Cammisa

DOCUMENTARY SHORT
“China’s Unnatural Disaster: The Tears of Sichuan Province” Jon Alpert and Matthew O’Neill
“The Last Campaign of Governor Booth Gardner” Daniel Junge and Henry Ansbacher
“The Last Truck: Closing of a GM Plant” Steven Bognar and Julia Reichert
“Music by Prudence” Roger Ross Williams and Elinor Burkett
“Rabbit à la Berlin” Bartek Konopka and Anna Wydra

FILM EDITING
“Avatar” Stephen Rivkin, John Refoua and James Cameron
“District 9” Julian Clarke
“The Hurt Locker” Bob Murawski and Chris Innis
“Inglourious Basterds” Sally Menke
“Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” Joe Klotz

MAKEUP
“Il Divo” Aldo Signoretti and Vittorio Sodano
"Star Trek” Barney Burman, Mindy Hall and Joel Harlow
“The Young Victoria” Jon Henry Gordon and Jenny Shircore

ORIGINAL SCORE
“Avatar” James Horner
“Fantastic Mr. Fox” Alexandre Desplat
“The Hurt Locker” Marco Beltrami and Buck Sanders
“Sherlock Holmes” Hans Zimmer
“Up” Michael Giacchino

ORIGINAL SONG
“Almost There” from “The Princess and the Frog” Music and Lyric by Randy Newman
“Down in New Orleans” from “The Princess and the Frog” Music and Lyric by Randy Newman
“Loin de Paname” from “Paris 36” Music by Reinhardt Wagner Lyric by Frank Thomas
“Take It All” from “Nine” Music and Lyric by Maury Yeston
“The Weary Kind (Theme from Crazy Heart)” from “Crazy Heart” Music and Lyric by Ryan Bingham and T Bone Burnett

ANIMATED SHORT
“French Roast” Fabrice O. Joubert
“Granny O’Grimm’s Sleeping Beauty” Nicky Phelan and Darragh O’Connell
“The Lady and the Reaper (La Dama y la Muerte)” Javier Recio Gracia
“Logorama” Nicolas Schmerkin
“A Matter of Loaf and Death” Nick Park

LIVE ACTION SHORT
“The Door” Juanita Wilson and James Flynn
“Instead of Abracadabra” Patrik Eklund and Mathias Fjellström
“Kavi” Gregg Helvey
“Miracle Fish” Luke Doolan and Drew Bailey
“The New Tenants” Joachim Back and Tivi Magnusson

SOUND EDITING
“Avatar” Christopher Boyes and Gwendolyn Yates Whittle
“The Hurt Locker&rdquo Paul N.J. Ottosson
“Inglourious Basterds” Wylie Stateman
“Star Trek” Mark Stoeckinger and Alan Rankin
“Up” Michael Silvers and Tom Myers

SOUND MIXING
“Avatar” Christopher Boyes, Gary Summers, Andy Nelson and Tony Johnson
"The Hurt Locker” Paul N.J. Ottosson and Ray Beckett
“Inglourious Basterds” Michael Minkler, Tony Lamberti and Mark Ulano
“Star Trek” Anna Behlmer, Andy Nelson and Peter J. Devlin
“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” Greg P. Russell, Gary Summers and Geoffrey Patterson

VISUAL EFFECTS
“Avatar” Joe Letteri, Stephen Rosenbaum, Richard Baneham and Andrew R. Jones
“District 9” Dan Kaufman, Peter Muyzers, Robert Habros and Matt Aitken
“Star Trek” Roger Guyett, Russell Earl, Paul Kavanagh and Burt Dalton

According to Nikki Finke, Oscar asked Ben Stiller and crazy Robert Downey Jr. if they wanted to host his awards show this year as a duo, and the guys gave The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences’ a duo of middle fingers. Alright, maybe it wasn’t quite that harsh, but apparently they did say no. Maybe Adam Shankman, director of this year’s ceremony, can still get the guys to hop up on stage and explain to the actors why you never go full retard. My guess is Sean Penn will have a scowl on his puss that could crumble The Kodak Center right then and there.