That’s fine because there are at least a million candidates btter suited for The Bachelor. In fact, of those million, here are the top seven. Here you go, girls. Feast your eyes on these heart breakers.

Franck Ribery

What women wouldn’t swoon at the opportunity to romance an international footballer? These guys are wealthy, tremendous athletes who are adored all over the world. Even Franck Ribery, who looks like the offspring of Michael Richards and Sloth. The man is a national treasure in France. Sure, you might have to compete with underage prostitutes for his affections, but boys will be boys.

Ted Williams

Ted Williams is off the streets, rehabbed, and has rebuilt his life. In other words, dude is ready to mingle. And that voice, that silky, golden voice that so perfectly purrs the time and temperature. America’s ready to get to know the new and improved Ted Williams. And I’m sure the lovely young succubi on The Bachelor would be more than ready themselves.