For the love of all things good and holy, don’t let there be a talking dog.

In honor of Elin Nordegren tearing down a mansion.

Anyone with any information is urged to call the West Hollywood police.

“Shitter’s Full!”

Oh, they’ll go to live with a family on a farm, all right…*takes off sunglasses*…a death farm.

My editor said I couldn’t count Patrick Bateman’s chainsaw from ‘American Psycho’ as a toy, so it didn’t make the list.

Did my admiration for ‘A Christmas Story’ grow even stronger, or did the compounding monotony of each subsequent viewing slowly strain my will to live? See for yourself by reading the detailed notes of my social experiment.