Well, Kiefer got his, too. Like Party Down, the film will be a direct continuation of the series finale. Also like Party Down, very few people saw the series finale, so maybe they’ll give us one of those “Previously…on 24” montages that lasts for 43 minutes, showing the audience so many double agents, betrayals, and “dammits” that their eyes will begin to bleed.

Kiefer is touting an April filming date, despite the fact that the project hasn’t announced a director, nor has a script been approved by Fox. Mere details, I’m sure.

The film will once again follow Jack Bauer around during one of his trademark cuh-razy days, but with a run time of around 90 minutes, rather than the 18 hours. They might want to rethink that, though. Theater owners could make a killing off concessions should they make the movie 18 hours long.

All that’s known is that, according to THR, the show will be an “animated comedy series,” co-produced with a firm called Icebox, which was founded by writers who have worked on King of the Hill, 24, and that stalwart of conservative propaganda, The Simpsons.

While the information might be scant at this time, it’s more than enough for us to put together a shortlist of AWESOME premises for a Glenn Beck cartoon. For instance:

5. The Adventures of Hill Billy and His Wife, Shrilly

In this hilarious cartoon, an Arkansas man named Billy simply travels around the world, screwing everything up, like Mr. Magoo, only if Mr. Magoo had a liberal agenda that caused everyone to lose all self-reliance and to line up for government handouts like so many two-bit crackheads. In the second episode, Billy’s ineptitude would get him kidnapped and an elite squad of anti-terrorism experts headed by Black Ops specialist Ronald Dumsfeld frees him, all the while preservin the American way of life.

Hill Billy celebrates by eating a chicken leg, farting, and raising everyone’s taxes.

4. Profilin’ Pete and His Good Time Gang of TSA Employees

This cartoon would largely take place in the realm of an airport security checkpoint. It would be a feel-good show about the men and women that keep us safe from the threats presented by nail clippers and baby formula. There wouldn’t be a premise per se, but the show would incorporate the following aspects:

• Six plus-sized employees in extremely tight polyester pants
• One young man who looks WAY too young to in charge of anyone’s safety
• A never-ending string of hapless travelers who all claim to be “racing to make their flight.” (The fine print on your ticket says get here two hours early, MORON!)
• Bernadette, the evil queen of snow globe-confiscation
• A plotline that insists you can’t be uncomfortable if the person is using the back of their hands to probe your ass crack
• And an undeveloped character whose catch phrase will be, “If you’re not able to prove to me that that’s your diabetes medicine, you’re going to need to dispose of it before you pass through”

India‘s recent bouts with terrorism have been more frequent than the United States, so tacklin 24 is a pretty topical move on their part. The man behind the push is 20th Century Fox‘s head of international television, Marion Edwards, who is not only working on getting 24 to India, but also Malcolm in the Middle, The Wonder Years, and Modern Family. I guess he passed on Hill Street Blues and The Hogan Family.

24: India (as it is being called internally) will be hitting Indian airwaves in 2012, after Kapoor finishes shooting Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol.

The following three scenarios are so common in films and so wildly uncommon in the real world that it merits mentioning and criticism. Since they won’t adapt to the way things are done, it’s probably a lot easier if everyone just starts adopting their telephone behavior and equipment to those of film.

Don’t argue. Just do it.

Scenario 1:

Back At My Place, Making Out With Hot Executive I Met At The 2011 Businessmen’s Conference

The house phone rings, but being deep in the throes of passion, I let it go to voicemail. But my “voicemail” is actually a 1988-style answering machine that plays all incoming messages aloud, so while I’m rounding second base, a message from my ex-girlfriend plays, notifying both me and my new ladyfriend that my ex has tested positive for…crabs, and I should get to the crab doctor as soon as possible. The hot female executive leaves, and it’s never been clearer that I just can’t win.

The whole answering machine-as-an-expository-device is ridiculous. Nobody has owned an answering machine in 15 years, and the ones that play messages out loud haven’t existed in probably 20. I understand it’s a convenient way to let the cat out of the bag, but having a party read someone else’s text messages or email is way more believable.

Few anachronisms end suspension of disbelief likes this one does. It would be like if the next The Fast and the Furious movie featured only racing with horses and buggies. Wait. It wouldn’t be like that at all, because that would be awesome and inspired, and the presence of answering machines in contemporary films is lazy and cheap.

“That’s been the most difficult thing. You have to remember that we have 24 hours to explain the stories in 24 and so trying to condense that into a two-hour film version has been a real shift in gear for us. We were originally trying to make it too big and put too much into it – but once we relaxed, we found out how to tell that story. So yes we definitely do plan on making the film.”

This summer‘s flashback of 90′s nostalgia was fun and all, but like all good things, it must come to an end. Bring on nostalgia for the aughts! (The Telegraph)

Air Force One

Being forced to sit through this Harrison Ford stinker would constitute torture in most of the Western world. But the ridiculous plot and the over-the-top American patriotism would surely hit Osama extra hard.

Navy Seals

Given that bin Laden was killed by a team of Navy Seals, forcing him to watch this shit fest seems fitting. And the fact that Charlie Sheen is in it is the icing on the cake. Even people living in Pakistan are sick of hearing about that guy.

Ishtar

Ishtar, starring Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman, is widely considered one of the biggest box-office flops of all time. Critical response wasn’t much better. Given the Middle-Eastern setting of the film, it’s a perfect fit for this list.

Yentl

Jews? Check. Empowered female? Check. Cross-dressing? Check. More Jews? Check. Barbra Streisand? Check. Yep, when it comes to torturing a Muslim extremist, this movie has it all.

Brokeback Mountain

Islamic extremists aren’t big fans of homosexuals. So a film about two gay cowboys is a nice addition to Osama’s new DVD collection. Extra points if he’s forced to watch while getting raped by demons.

Pearl Harbor

Any Michael Bay film would be right at home on this list. His entire filmography belongs in hell. But because of the patriotic subject matter, we chose Pearl Harbor. The actual World War II attack was only slightly more tragic than this awful film.

Team America: World Police

Unlike most of the other films on this list, Team America is awesome. But something tells us the humor will be lost on Osama.

True Lies

True Lies represents everything an Arnold Schwarzenegger film should be. Plus, it has Tom Arnold. As you know, Islamic extremists hate Tom Arnold.

Delta Force

Part of me thinks that the last thing Osama bin Laden saw before he died was Chuck Norris‘ smiling face. While that’s probably not true, the idea of bin Laden being forced to watch Delta Force on repeat for all eternity doesn’t seem that far fetched.

Honorable Mention: Season Two of”24“

Even though it’s a television show, we couldn’t leave Jack Bauer off this list. And given its plot line involving Middle-Eastern terrorists, season two of “24” should be mandatory viewing for Osama.

Turns out, he was telling the truth!

Super-producer Brian Grazer confirmed via Twitter that the ‘24‘ movie will hit theaters in 2012. His next tweet confirmed that a bird had just accidentally impaled itself on his hair. He really should wear a red bandanna or something to prevent that from happening constantly.

Kiefer has now started milking the Tony Scott-is-interested-in-directing rumors, having even appeared on “The View” this morning to say the film will be released in 2012, despite the fact that the only thing that seems to be in place right now is its star’s unbridled enthusiasm. I could see him getting interviewed by those chicks on “The View,” the replying offhand if they know anyone in development at Paramount, only to be met with blank stares and tilted heads.

“24” did well with the real-time angle for several seasons, but condensing a saga into two hours is something that Hollywood hasn’t had much success with. I would like to submit Nick of Time and Timecode as examples. Further, I can’t see any big name directors to eager to take on such a staid institution as “24.” The format is pretty much written in stone, so I’m not sure barking up the tree of big names will garner much success. In three months, expect Kiefer to be milling about the USC campus, handing out “Student Filmmakers Wanted!” fliers. (/Film)

Haybert’s Sundance film was The Details, a comedy starring Tobey Maguire. He plays Maguire’s basketball buddy, a hard up working man who creates more comedic problems for Dr. Lang (Maguire) when Lang tries to give him break. The voice of Allstate and David Palmer talked comedy and his thoughts on the last season of “24.”

Q: Was it nice to play a character that wasn’t an authority figure?

DH: Yeah, you know, it took some getting used to. I liked that. I love to stretch.

Q: Do you start getting offered the same things and get sick of it?

DH: No, never get sick of it. Not at all. I love the parts I get to play but I also love stretching once in a while. No other place can you do that better than in an independent film.

Q: Does it work better for comedy when you can play it straight with your gravitas?

DH: Sure. It’s only as good as the scripts that you get.

Q: How did you come up with the bald bearded look?

DH: It was pretty much how it was written. Bad teeth, I tried very hard to hide because I figured anybody would if they had bad teeth and couldn’t afford to have them fixed. I’d be a little self-conscious about that. The beard, those are all choices.

Q: Was it a difficult makeup process?

DH: Not the teeth so much but I had a scar on my arm which I talked about in that one basketball scene with Tobey when we were the only ones in the gym, that we cut out. He finished the story as he was telling Elizabeth [Banks] when they were at home, but I think you got one glimpse of the scar in the kitchen after the dinner I prepare for he and his wife.

Q: How would you describe the tone of The Details?

DH: It’s quirky. Kind of nutty yet also real because it’s life.

Q: How does this Sundance compare to other times you’ve been here?

DH: This one is the truly artistic and a celebration of the small film for the most part. I think it had to expand and bring in these new kind of bigger independent movies in order to get people in, get the sponsors and bring in the A-listers. So I think it all helps. It all helps.

Q: Have you gotten to see any films?

DH: Not this trip. I came in yesterday, went to the premiere, I’m doing press today, might see something tonight.

Q: Did you keep up with “24” after you left?

DH: Yeah.

Q: What did you think of the finale?

DH: You know, it was okay. It is what it is. I’m not going to disparag 24. It just added too much to my life and career. I’ll always love those guys, the crew and all the actors that they got to play afterwards. Each season was a tribute to the season before and the season before that, so I couldn’t sit here in good conscience and disparage it.

Q: They had to leave it open for a movie.

DH: Well, it doesn’t really matter because once you do a movie you can start anywhere you want to. You can go back to your strongest season and pull out pieces of your strongest stories and somehow put them together. I don’t know, eight years, I do think that they started repeating certain shows. I mean, how many atomic bombs can go off without the whole country being decimated.

Q: When did the voice become such a strong asset to you?

DH: It’s always been a strong asset. It’s just when people decided to use it and have it become a national kind of voice.

Q: Was it around the time of “24?”

DH: I’ve always done voiceovers. Everything helps everything else. If you have a great role on television, people start to think about the voice and companies start thinking about using your voice to sell certain products. It all depends on how popular you get. Okay, now, oh, that voice, let’s use that voice as opposed to that voice. A lot of guys, a lot of actors out there are using their voices. Most of the time you just don’t see them.

Q: Actors can be self-critical. When did you start feeling you were getting good?

DH: Day one. [Laughs] I think work begets work. It depends on the degree you go in each performance. I like to think that I grew after each performance and I’m continuing to grow.

In a recent interview, Kiefer Sutherland said that shooting on the 24 film would begin next December or January. Though the last pass on the script by writer Billy Ray (State of Play) has been rejected, now we learn a new script is being worked on — and worked over with electric shock treatment — according to Sutherland.

So why has the wait been torturously long? Sutherland explains:

It’s a very difficult thing to take something that you’ve done for eight years, almost 200 episodes, and try and find a story that’s going to be unique and yet service the history of the show as well… So we start shooting hopefully by next December or January.

So Jack Bauer may just make it to theaters after all. Unless the terrorists have their way, but as long as America is awesome, I guarantee you they will not. (/Film)

A Scott and Keifer powwow is all well and good, but now that Fox has passed this project looks deader than dead. The Playlist also reports on a rumor I’ve never whiffed involving Jack Bauer and John McClane teaming up for Die Hard 24/7. That’s such a ridiculous idea I might actually watch it. Maybe McClane could get Bauer to crack a smile. Or end his sick dependence on Chloe.

“I know, dude. This is the last time I let Miley Cyrus smoke a bong in my car.”

“Yes, I will meet you at the Applebee’s in downtown Fallujah.”

Cool guys don’t look at explosions.

The winners will receive a copy of”24” Season 8 on DVD.

Thanks to everyone who entered. We’ve got more contests coming up in the very near future. The next lucky bastard could be you!

To celebrate the release of”24” Season 8 on Blu-ray and DVD on December 14th, we’re giving away three DVD copies! I dare you to watch the entire season in one sitting. That’s over 16 hours of Jack Bauer viewing if you take out the commercials, which Fox was kind enough to do for you. Bathroom breaks allowed every five hours.

FOX has decided to pull the plug on 24 after eight seasons. Climbing budgets, declining ratings, and writers being unable to figure out what the hell is left for Jack Bauer to save are the main reasons the show will air its final episode in May. NBC flirted with the idea of picking up 24 next season but after their accountants crunched the numbers they realized the content wasn’t worth the cheddar.

There’s still the possibility of a 24 feature film that would take Jack Bauer to Europe, but there’s also the possibility of an Arrested Development movie, and we all know how sluggishly that’s been making its adaptation. I enjoyed 24 a great deal in its earlier years, but quickly got tired of the same "Tell me where the bomb is!" storyline week after week after week after week. It had a good run. I’m glad they’re ending it before it jumps a terrorist shark strapped to the gills with C4. (THR) 

^{Kiefer getting angsty at the Sears Portrait Studio.}

Today news broke that made the 2003 Me high-five the air and request a "what-what." Keifer Sutherland is closer to bringing his penchant for sh*tty days to the multiplex. Sutherland has reportedly convinced Fox to hire screenwriter Billy Ray (State of Play, Moon, the upcoming Source Code) to adapt 24 for theater audiences.

Much like Agent Cody Banks, the Griswolds, and Deuce Bigalow before him, this adventure will take Jack to Europe. That’s great news!! If Die Hard and Rocky IV have taught me anything it is that European villians are waayyyy harder to kill, so this could be a fun, over the top movie. Pens in the eye for everyone!!!

The show’s kinda sucking in the ratings right now and the current season is expected to be the last. So we’ll have to wait and see if Jack Bauer has to save the Louvre from being blow’d up. (Variety)

Annie Wersching is from my hometown of St. Louis, Missouri, so that automatically makes her awesome. We do breed some fiiiiiiine women in the Show Me State. I have yet to figure out if it’s due to Budweiser replacing the drinking water.

A word from Annie: “Acting gave me the opportunity to do outrageous things.”

Hmmm, when Googling Annie I came across no spicy pictorials or mentionings of nude scenes. If she’s going to say she’s done outrageous things can a brotha at least get a lingerie spread?

The pics after the jump will leave you wanting.

_{Jack Bauer and the case of Now Where Did I Park My Car…}

In spite of rumors that Jack Bauer would be playing peek-a-boo with his grandchild for 24 episodes of this season of 24, it appears the writers came up with something a tad more action-y. Who knew that Jack wouldn’t be content settling down and enjoying the simpler things in life? I knew, because men who gauge out eyes with Bic pens don’t just trade that in for fishie faces and ants on a log.

Below is a trailer and a featurette for the brand spankin’ new 8th season of 24. Yes, Jack has had seven miserable, exhausting, terrorist-filled days and it looks like he’s in store for another one. Maybe this season ends with him battling the lack of oxygen getting to his brain. In other words, a stroke, like most normal people would have faced by now.

The official synopsis goes as such:

"Season Eight resets in New York City where a retired JACK BAUER (Sutherland) is unwillingly drawn back into the intense action after learning of a plot to assassinate Middle Eastern peace-keeping leader OMAR HASSAN (Anil Kapoor). Meanwhile, RENEE WALKER (Annie Wersching) and CHLOE O’BRIAN (Mary Lynn Rajskub) return alongside CTU newcomers DANA WALSH (Katee Sackhoff), BRIAN HASTINGS (Mykelti Williamson) and COLE ORTIZ (Freddie Prinze Jr.)."

The new season of 24 takes your television set hostage on Sunday, Jan. 17 (9:00-11:00 PM ET/PT) and Monday, Jan. 18 (8:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX.

(via CinemaBlend)

It was only a matter of time before Jack Bauer demanded a sitdown with Santa. You can’t expect to land on people’s roofs all night and break into their homes without CTU getting a whiff of reindeer poop. But is it Jack who’s naughty, Santa? Or is it you? Put that perplexing thought in your candycane pipe and smoke it.

The death of David Carradine grows more and more bizarre by the day. At first it was believed that the actor had committed suicide. Later it was ruled as an accidental death due to a session of auto-erotic asphyxiation gone awry. Now, the family’s lawyer is claiming that Carradine was killed by ninjas because the Kung Fu star was trying to uncover the shadowy doings of the secret society.

Wait. This is almost exactly like the plot of Mortal Kombat. Robert Carradine, Shao Kahn has challenged you to a duel. [Source=WWTDD]

Here are some other morning headlines…

Plans for Liam Neeson to join A-Team movie are coming together. (Variety)

Best Week Ever is having the worst week ever. (NY Mag)

Starbuck pushes Jack Bauer’s buttons. (/Film)

Wes Craven talks Scream 4. (Digital Spy)

Thor casting news real unfortunately. (First Showing)

Peter Jackson to attend Comic-Con, blend into crowd instantly. (Cinematical)

Harold Ramis not certain Ivan Reitman will direct Ghostbusters 3. (Cinema Blend)