What's On TV This Thanksgiving Weekend

This Thanksgiving weekend, television is thankful for strippers.

CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP

NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 25th, 2009

CRIMINAL MINDS
Network: CBS
Time: 9 - 10PM

Reasons to watch: Master of Disguise C. Thomas Howell returns as The Reaper to terrorize Hotch and his family. He could be anyone at anytime. Even a black dude. 

SOUTH PARK
Network: COMEDY CENTRAL
Time: 10 - 10:30PM

Reasons to watch: The annual Thanksgiving showing of Helen Keller: The Musical! This is my second favorite holiday tradition. My favorite is listening to That Woman Who Was Attacked By A Chimp's Christmas Album.

WHO'S ON LATE

LENO
Paula Patton

LETTERMAN
Natalie Portman; Adam Lambert performs

CONAN
Norm MacDonald; Gretchen Bleiler; Dan Cummings

KIMMEL
Charles Barkley; Peter Facinelli; Leona Lewis performs

FERGUSON
Robin Wright Penn; Wolfgang Puck

FALLON
Seth Green; Padma Lakshi; Mos Def and Talib Kweli perform

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26th, 2009

CHARLIE BROWN THANKSGIVING
Network: CBS
Time: 8 - 9PM

Reasons to watch: The Peanuts Gang warp back to 1620 to portray the Mayflower's original settlers. Unfortunately Linus's small pox blanket wipes out the lot of them.

CHARLIE ROSE
Network: PBS
Time: 11PM - MIDNIGHT

Reasons to watch: Kooky nutbar Tim Burton is the guest. Make a drinking game out of it. Shots everytime he says "corpse" or bashfully hides behind his Dracula cowl.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 27th, 2009

MONK
Network: USA
Time: 9 - 10PM

Reasons to watch: In the penultimate episode of the series, Monk pieces together clues about his wife's murder. It only took eight years. Adrien Monk, man of action. 

THE SOUP
Network: E!
Time: 11 - 11:30PM

Reasons to watch: Joel McHale takes a swing at daytime and reality television's low hanging fruit.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 28th, 2009

THE INCREDIBLES
Network: NBC
Time: 8:30 - 11PM

Reasons to watch: Disney stops just short of fulfilling every girl's dream of seeing Craig T. Nelson in a spandex bodysuit. 

THE WRESTLER
Network: HBO
Time: 8 - 10PM

Reasons to watch: Mickey Rourke rises back to prominence in his career-reviving role of Mickey Rourke With Long Hair.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 30th, 2009

A DOG NAMED CHRISTMAS
Network: CBS
Time: 9 - 11PM

Reasons to watch: A developmentally-disabled boy advocates that everyone in his town adopts a dog for Christmas. Even though his own father is against it. I can't believe somebody actually had this idea and was moved to write it down. And then Hollywood was compelled to make it. 

CALIFORNICATION
Network: SHOWTIME
Time: 10 - 10:30PM

Reasons to watch: Hank and Charlie get caught up in the middle of a convenience store robbery. How will Hank f*ck his way out of this one?