LATEST HEADLINES

Matlock And Tapioca Pudding Nominated For Oscars Links

Thursday, January 22 by

The big story of the day continues to be the massive FAIL on the part of the The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences regarding their Oscar nominations. I spend most of my day reading what I would like to think of as the opinions of younger, more in touch people. Mostly regarding movies, but sometimes regarding other stuff. These are the same sort of people that were massively influential in electing our new president, and who are way more adapted to the media environment that we're all living in. With that said, here are some of the fine works that represent this ascendent generation. Barack And Michelle Will Do What To Each Other? (Holy Taco) BIG NEWS FOR TWEENS! Dakota Fanning In New Moon? (Filmdrunk) Thelma and Louise. Only with 4 aging whores: Sex In The City 2 (WIMB) Seven Unintentionally Hilarious Movie Villains (Unrealitymag) Bill Hader To Cut People Into Tiny Pieces, Eat Them (Pajiba) Uwe Boll, Mike Myers Lead 'Official' 2008 Razzie Nominations (Playlist)

Taken

Thursday, January 22 by

The film follows an ex-CIA "Preventer" (Neeson), who is faced with recovering his daughter after she is kidnapped by human trafficking|sex-traffickers in Paris, France.Release Date: January 30th, 2009Rating: PG-13Studio: Europ Corp.Babes to Watch For: Famke Janssen, Maggie Grace 

OSCAR NOMS ARE IN!

Thursday, January 22 by

This year's nominations are official. And there are a few categories with which I am taking immediate umbrage (throws down top hat, removes monocle) #1: The Wrestler should be nominated for Achievement in Costume Design. It took Mickey Rourke DECADES to weave that human suit out of growth hormone, horse steroids, hooker sweat, and amateur boxing matches.  #2. Springsteen's song for The Wrestler should have been nominated in the Original Song category. #3 The Reader does not deserve a nom for Best Picture. It's about a woman who can't read. We can not use America's preeminent award ceremony to promote illiteracy. #4. Benjamin Button was good, but not 13-noms-good. Check them out and have your say, Junkies.

Lost Premiere Recap: We have to go back.

Thursday, January 22 by

Okay, now that we’re all done releasing our three-minute long sighs of relief that the best drama on TV is back, it’s time to take a look at where our beloved islanders and mainlanders are nowadays. The islanders discover that they’ve somehow been unhinged from time and are bouncing around different times on the island, and Jack and Ben unite to recruit their old friends for a return visit to the island. Kate is also confronted with a choice to make about Aaron, and Hurley has to find a way to hide a dangerously tranquilized Sayid after they’re nearly shot down by assassins waiting in the gloom of Sayid’s room. It’s riveting, it’s fun, it’s a must watch, and it’s also right after the jump.

Wednesday Night TV Preview

Wednesday, January 21 by

If you've never seen Lost, then tonight is your night. The first hour attempts to recap everything that happened in the past four seasons, and then they proceeds to bombast you with a two hour premiere that will leave you stupeified and asking for more. Also check out FOX's new series Lie to Me starring Tim Roth as an expert in lie detection who helps the cops solve crimes. Would I be lying if I said I'm crapping my pants in anticipation for Lost? You be the judge.

Friday The 13th Movie Trailer

Wednesday, January 21 by

I've heard that the best part of this movie is when Martin Lawrence and Will Smith come riding in on giant robots and fight Jason while a flaming asteroid is plummeting toward earth and then, and then, and then (*catches breath*) Japan attacks everyone, including Ben Affleck and America wins. I really wish Michael Bay would direct horror movies instead of just produce them. BOOM.

13 Insanely Horrible Local TV Ads

Wednesday, January 21 by

Not every commercial can come from the typewriter of Darren Stevens or the desk of Don Draper. Here is a cluster of shoddily made local commercials. I urge you, DO NOT get up for a beer. Do not even get up to piss. Just sit back and enjoy these words from the sponsors.

Post Inauguration Hangover Links

Wednesday, January 21 by

There's this race in Portland, OR called the I-Tit-Arod where dudes have to go to every strip club in town and have a drink within 24 hours. There are something like 90 clubs. No one has ever finished the race. I hope there's a similar competition during the Inaugural Balls where young, brash Charlie-Wilson-esque state representatives have to stop at each party, chug a glass of scotch, sexually harass three Senate aids, and lobby for a new bridge in their home district. I'd call it the Inagarod. Now here's the links. A Shitty Day In The Life Of An Informmercial Actor (IAMBORED) The Music of Mark Gormley Is F'Ing Amazing (Gorilla Mask) ZOOEY WHATSERFACE IS CUTE (Filmdrunk) The Ten Greatest Lost WTF-isms (Unrealitymag) Because I Ain't Gonna See It: A Waltz With Bashir Review (Pajiba) Totally Not TV or Movie Related: Denise Milani Is Hot (Holytaco)

Olivia Dunham Will Kick Your Ass

Wednesday, January 21 by

The show opens with Olivia being held captive by five men in a secluded lab down by the docks. Yes, it's a typical kidnapping with guys in masks and her being tied down to a gurney. What's not typical is the female in distress, Olivia in this case, kicking, punching and shooting her way out. Yup, Olivia opens up this episode with quite the can of whoop-ass, check out what she does next after the jump.

7 Best Paternity Results Reactions

Tuesday, January 20 by

FROM: HOLY TACO. Why someone would want to be confronted with paternity test results on national television is beyond me. But then I'm also not addicted to meth, Aqua Net, and Value Cigarettes. Click HERE to witness some of these amazing reactions.

Inauguration Extravaganza TV Preview

Tuesday, January 20 by

Barack Obama and his Super Friends take over all the stations for prertty much the entire day and night. You have every channel commenting on every single gesture everyone makes, with interspersed shots of really excited people screaming and jumping to be seen on TV at the biggest bash of all time. What, you're not drunk yet? I'm trashed! Surprisingly, FOX is running their regular schedule, which includes the return of Fringe. Welcome to the age of Obama!

Presidential Motorcade Gatling Suburban

Tuesday, January 20 by

I've been watching the MSNBC inauguration coverage out of the corner of my eye today. With the few delays– like Ted Kennedy having a seizure and a few gaffs– like Chief Justice John Roberts bungling the inaugural oath, it's been a pretty amazing day in DC, and the anchors have done a solid job. They spent some time talking about how cock-diesel the new Presidential Limo is. 5 inch thick blast proof doors, chemical attack-proof oxygen system, and other things we'll never know about. But what they didn't mention was that this bad-boy gatling gun suburban rolls behind it in the motorcade parade that's currently taking place. Hope and change are important and all. But if things go south, spraying a wall of lead is a nice backup plan. Check this video.

Painless

Monday, January 19 by

Tonight’s episode is about pain. Well, not all about pain, but mostly about it. The patient suffers from intense chronic pain that nobody can cure. House suffers ever-increasing pain in his legs, and he is starting to wonder if this pain will ever leave.  Ohhh, and a pipe breaks in House’s home, leading to an extended metaphor for House’s physical condition. Along with this main theme of pain are the smaller sub-plots that make House one of the best shows on television. Thirteen and Foremon discuss their kiss, Taub and Kutner fight about the ethics of suicide, and Cuddy gets approved to be a foster mom.  It is these little sub-plots that have me tuning into House every week. That and House’s sarcastic banter. I love that sarcastic banter. The Patient

24 Recap: 12PM-1PM

Monday, January 19 by

Matobo and his wife, locked into the safe room, hang tight while Jack, Tony, and Emerson try and figure out a way in. Agent Walker, fresh from interrogating Tanner, speeds towards Matobo's house. But Larry Moss calls her enroute, asking about her methods of interrogation. "So you tortured him?"–"I got the information we needed." He demands that she come back, but Walker's stubborn, and tells him that she's got to make things right.

For Inaguration I’m Getting Some ‘Hores’ Link Time

Monday, January 19 by

This is basically the last night that you will sleep while George W. Bush is your president. For some of you this may be the sad parting of a hawkish visionary who's tough guy politics heralded in a new era of American dominance. Others may be puking joy as Commander Dickface heads back to Crawford or Dallas or wherever to hopefully wither into obscurity and never talk in a public forum again.  Whatever side you may be on, we will all most likely wake up tomorrow and things will basically be the same. Celebrate this new epoch of sameness with Screenjunkies and some of our link friends. Everyone Likes Sexy Commercials (UNCOACHED) Someone is Stealing the Jonas Brothers Underwear (Webster Is My Bitch) Planet 51 Looks Like Space Shrek For Jerkwads (Unreality Mag) GRAN TORINO REVIEW: GET OFF MY LAWN, GOOK (Filmdrunk) The 5 Worst-Selling Inauguration T-Shirts (Holy Taco)

MORE