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Hellboy Learns About Direct TV

Tuesday, January 6 by

I use Comcast because of the no-contracts thing, so I have no idea how direct TV works. But I like the idea of being able to use my computer to pick what I want to record. One of the biggest problems with the interface I use is that searching for shows requires entering in words one letter at a time using the remote, kind of like registering a high score in an old school arcade game. I thought this commercial was actually OK. Very subtle. The future of TV is only going to be integrating it with your computer until they are the same entity (I know, BOLD prediction). My suggestion is that Comcast implement this feature and get the Dark Knight to explain how it works.

Terminator:Salvation

Monday, January 5 by

Title: Terminator:SalvationDirector: McGCast: Christian Bale, Anton Yelchin, Sam Worthington, Moon Bloodgood, CommonSynopsis: John Connor is facing a future that's not entirely what his mother laid out as he faces the robotic hordes of Skynet.Genre: Sci-Fi & FantasyRelease Date: May 22, 2009 

American Gladiators Cancelled, But Carano May Have a New Job Soon

Monday, January 5 by

From CAGE POTATO. One of the reasons that American Gladiators tanked is that it's just not violent enough. Watching people smack each other with giant Q-Tips on a padded pedestal 7 feet above waist-deep water is just not the same as seeing Kimbo Slice get pummeled in an octagonal cage. We are Americans. We need the specter of real injury in our competition. It looks like Gina Carano, one of AG's strong/sexy women might have some employment opportunities somewhere that won't be shut down after one season. Read the full story HERE. 

My Bloody Valentine 3D

Monday, January 5 by

Title: My Bloody Valentine 3-D Director: Patrick Lussier Cast: Jensen Ackles, Jaime King, Kerr Smith, Kevin Tighe, Tom Atkins Synopsis: Ten years ago, a tragedy changed the town of Harmony forever. Tom Hanniger, an inexperienced coal miner, caused an accident in the tunnels that trapped and killed five men and sent the only survivor, Harry Warden, into a permanent coma. But Harry Warden wanted revenge. Exactly one year later, on Valentine’s Day, he woke up…and brutally murdered twenty-two people with a pickaxe before being killed. Ten years later, Tom Hanniger returns to Harmony on Valentine’s Day, still haunted by the deaths he caused. Genre: Horror Release Date: January 16, 2009

Crank 2: High Voltage

Monday, January 5 by

Chelios faces a Chinese mobster who has stolen his nearly indestructible heart and replaced it with a battery-powered ticker that requires regular jolts of electricity to keep working. Studio: LionsgateRating: n/aRelease Date: April 17th, 2009Babes to Watch For: Amy Smart

Worst Of The Week: Inalienable Trailer

Monday, January 5 by

It just absolutely boggles the mind that some movies get made.  I feel like it's my DUTY to find these gems and let you know about them. It's not even 11AM on Monday and I've already found one that I think is going to be hard to top the rest of the week.  Just sit back and ask yourself: what type of hooker debt did Lt. Chekov get himself into that he would need to be in a movie about a baby-octupus alien boy hatched from a dude's front-butt? And how did Cameron from Ferris Bueller take such a hard fall? Does he also have really bad hooker debt. Guys! You and your hookers. So many questions. So few answers, and even more hookers.

Black Dynamite

Monday, January 5 by

Title: Black Dynamite Director: Scott Sanders Cast: Michael Jai White, Salli Richardson, Nicole Sullivan, Mykelti Williamson, Mike Starr Synopsis: This is the story of 1970s African-American action legend Black Dynamite. The Man killed his brother, pumped heroin into local orphanages, and flooded the ghetto with adulterated malt liquor. Black Dynamite was the one hero willing to fight The Man all the way from the blood-soaked city streets to the hallowed halls of the Honky House. Genre: Action & Adventure Release Date: January 15, 2009

The Unborn

Monday, January 5 by

The Unborn follows the story of a young woman Casey (Odette Yustman) that's haunted by a menacing ghost-devil-child that threatens everyone in she loves. In order to stop the Nazi cursed ghost that gains strength by inhabiting people, Casey must travel to the terrifying unknown to end the curse forever.   Michael Bay Produces!Studio: UniversalRating: PG-13Release Date: January 9th, 2009

Welcome To The New Year Morning News

Monday, January 5 by

It's the first monday of the rest of your life. We have a black president. Marley and Me is still dominating our box office. Despite the crumbling economy and the increasing probability that the rapture will occur in YOUR lifetime, moving pictures continue to be a profitable business. Netflix is going to be built into your TV. And Steve Jobs told the world that there is something wrong with his hormones, but that he will live. All of this in our morning news links. The future, dear Junkies, is a bright one.

Ridiculous Ninja Assassin Training Video

Monday, January 5 by

I probably should have been a Ninja. Or at least a Korean Pop star who plays a Ninja in a movie. I have missed my calling. I blame my parents for never letting me go to Ninja camp or join the Korean Pop Star team in high school. This is a great behind the scenes vid of what goes into fight choreography in the production of Ninja Assassin, a film produced by the Wachowski brothers and directed by James McTeigue.The film stars stars Korean pop star Rain (Speed Racer) as Raizo, one of the deadliest assassins in the world. Taken from the streets as a child, he was transformed into a trained killer by the Ozunu Clan, a secret society whose very existence is considered a myth. But haunted by the merciless execution of his friend by the Clan, Raizo breaks free from them… and vanishes. Now he waits, preparing to exact his revenge.

Monday Night TV Fiesta

Sunday, January 4 by

Still hungover from New Years huh? Monday TV's got your back. Better make some three layer microwave nachos and watch the Fiesta Bowl, and then chill out with six whole hours of Lost reruns (you knew season 5 premiers in 16 days right?!). Only time cures hangovers (those pills at 7/11 don't work, believe me) and everyone knows that's best spent in front of your TV.  The Fiesta Bowl: OSU vs Texas 5:15 on FOX Fiesta Bowl Boise State Vs Oklahoma – Watch more Free Videos

5 Celebrities Most Likely To Die In 09

Friday, January 2 by

From: HOLY TACO. Although their list from last year went 0-8, I'm pretty sure that at least two of these five will not live to see the sun rise on 2010. Which sucks, because that's when the future officially starts. Click the image for the post.

Crank 2: High Voltage Red Band Teaser

Friday, January 2 by

It looks like they let the guys from Jackass direct a film with Jason Statham in it.  It's about that quality and has the same sort of camera work. But it's also totally badass. I liked the first Crank, mainly because of the scene where he bones the girl in the middle of a street. Also, this version has Dwight Yoakum. And Cory Haim. That automatically makes it more awesome.  Crank 2: High Voltage Red Band Trailer – Watch more free videos

Post Holiday Wrap-Up

Friday, January 2 by

It was a weird holiday season. If you have not been glued to the internet, rest assured that you have not missed much, other than a little lawsuit, some new trailers, and this picture from the cover of a 1976 edition of Sesame Street Magazine. Here is a wrap-up of some of what has happened while a lot of you were on extended vacation. Have a good friday, enjoy the weekend, and get ready to f'ing work your tits off come monday. We have an economy to fix, bro.

Crank 2 Red Band Teaser Trailer

Friday, January 2 by

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