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NEW ‘DISTRICT 9′ TRAILER WILL PURÉE YOUR BALLS

Wednesday, July 8 by

DISTRICT 9 Official Trailer – Watch more Movie TrailersThe latest full-length trailer for District 9 has just debuted and to put it simply, "Gagagagooooooo!" *slaps face with both hands repeatedly, does double take with eyes wide like saucers* Arresting visuals? Check. Compelling plot? Double check! Mech suits that might rival Avatar? I'm not sacrilegious. It's like they put Signs, Iron Man, and Slumdog Millionaire into a blender but instead of setting to "Blend" they went straight to "Purée Your Balls Awesome." And now my balls are but a frothy soup. So much for having children, I guess. Is it wrong that I'm totally okay with this?HERE ARE TODAY'S LINKS THAT WILL AT LEAST JULIENNE YOUR BALLS!Rachel Mestonen Is Hot (Gorillamask) Corey Feldman's Doodles At Michael Jackson's Memorial Service (Holytaco) Apparently, There Is Going To Be A MacGruber Movie (Filmdrunk) The 50 Most Bizarre Google Earth Images (Manofest) Finally – A Battleship Drinking Game! (Walyou) Words Of Wisdom From 80s Comedies (Pajiba) 6 Badass Tricks You Can Do With Fire… That Could Kill You (Cracked) 70s-Style 2012 Trailer?  Hell Yes. (Sickpigs) "We Are The World," Except Done By Japanese People (Coedmagazine) Madonna Looks Strong… Scarily Strong… (Celebjihad) 8 Signs I Might Give It Up Tonight (Mademan) Does Having A Day Job Make You A Tough Fighter? (Cagepotato) 20 Badass Video Game Cosplay Costumes (Unreality) 8 Women-Approved Tips From Pickup Bootcamp (Asylum) We Can Only Hope Charles Furbush Makes It To The Majors (Bustedcoverage) The Best Slim Jim Commercials Of All Time (Uncoached) Cuddle Parties Sound Really Cool (Regretfulmorning) Manliness Of Yesteryear: The Duel (Bachelorguy) Teenage Boy Tries To Sell Nude Photos Of His Mom… Very Weird (Moondogsports) Gangsters Knock A Dude Out, Get Their Asses Kicked (Nothingtoxic) Pick Your Favorite Star Wars Fan Film (Atomfilms) Harry Potter 6 Ticket Sales Outpace Transformers 2, Will Most Likely Be Better Film (Filmofilia)

WHAT TO WATCH ON TV TONIGHT: WEDNESDAY JULY 8TH, 2009

Wednesday, July 8 by

Alright Junkies, we're halfway through the week. You did it. You're a champ. Why not reward yourself by relaxing by the soft, cathode flicker of your television whilst sipping the finest of boxed wines? We've got some pretty great suggestions for tonight but felt it necessary to point out a strange programming phenomenon that is also taking place. While combing the listings we noticed programs called "15 and Pregnant", "16 and Pregnant" and "Obese and Pregnant" are all airing at some point across three different channels. Who's getting all these teenagers and morbidly obese women pregnant? I want an APB on Tracy Morgan immediately. See what to watch after the jump…

‘BRUNO’ VICTIM BRITTNY GASTINEAU

Wednesday, July 8 by

Bruno comes out this Friday, which inevitably means that a bunch of real people are going to look very dumb to the general movie-going public that day as well.  Socialite/model Brittny Gastineau is one of the many in this group.  She assists Bruno in his attempt to infiltrate American television, to the expected hilarious result.  While she manages to look stupid in amazingly offensive ways (you'll understand when you see the movie), she also maintains an incredibly high hotness quotient, thereby putting her lack of intelligence or social tact in the "who gives a sh*t?" category for most of the males watching her in the flick.A Word From Brittny (Via Twitter): "Doing laser hair removal at dr frank ryans office and boyy does it HURT!!! I'm such a baby"Eloquent words from Ms. Gastineau.  Hopefully her insightful Tweeting will help rebuild her image after the movie… Oh, who are we kidding?  She's still hot, and that's all that matters.  Speaking of which, check out more smokin' photos of Brittny after the jump!

“G.I. JOE” PUBLICITY STUNT INVADES JERSEY SHORE

Wednesday, July 8 by

A tipster wrote in to Latino Review to report a strange publicity stunt that they witnessed over the Fourth of July weekend. New Jersey beachgoers were surprised when a black helicopter emblazoned with the GI Joe logo appeared and hovered over the water. A stunt person then dangled from a rope ladder on the bottom of the copter.That's definitely a strange way to promote your movie. I heard that further north in Paramus they actually had Storm Shadow cut some people in half. More morning news for yous… Aaron Sorkin Wrote A Facebook Script. Several people like this. (/Film) SNL's MacGruber adds Val Kilmer and Ryan Phillipe. (Cinema Blend) Tobey Maguire is at war with raccoons. (Empire) 100 Bullets adaptation may be headed to HBO. (MTV)El Superbeasto goes straight to DVD. (Cinematical)

The Michael and Michael Interview

Tuesday, July 7 by

By Patrick Schumacker

TRAILER FOR ‘BIG FAN’ STARRING PATTON OSWALT

Tuesday, July 7 by

BIG FAN Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers Robert Siegel made a big splash with critics when he scripted The Wrestler and it looks like he's going to be lauded copiously once again. The trailer for his directorial debut Big Fan has hit the 'Net and it looks like an novel concept. Patton Oswalt stars as a repressed toll-booth worker who gets beat down by his NFL hero. The trailer does a good job of pulling me in. Although I don't need another place to watch an Italian family scream at one another.  I get my fix of that with reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond.Get Your Evening Fix Of Hot Girls, Hilarity, and Weird-Ass News With These Links: Carrie Lachance Has A Lot Of Interesting Skimpy Outfits (Gorillamask) The Oldest Bible Seems Very Familiar (Holytaco) Slumdog Millionaire Actor Moves Into A Nice Apartment (Filmdrunk) Like Beer Pong Or Not, This Video Is Amazing (Manofest) Tetris Wall Shelves: For Those Whose Walls Aren't Nerdy Enough (Walyou) The Big Fan Trailer Has Patton Oswalt Playing Serious (Pajiba) The 6 Best Movies Where People Are Hunted For Sport (Cracked) How To Not Be a Douchebag New Yorker In NYC (Coedmagazine) Michael Jackson Buried Beside His Dead Career (Celebjihad) How To Build A Kegerator (Mademan) How not to Pick Up Your Co-Worker (Man in the Box) Rampage Jackson Almost Succeeds In Impregnating Reporter (Cagepotato) Where Are They Now?  The Cast Of Predator (Unreality) How To Avoid A Terrible Road Trip Experience (Asylum) Video Proof That Mets Fans Are Tools (Bustedcoverage) Chong Li From Bloodsport: Now 71, Can Still Beat You Up (Uncoached) 12 Items That Shouldn't Be Available Used On Amazon (Regretfulmorning) 5 Tips For Keeping Your Shoes Like New (Bachelorguy) Which MLB Division Leader Will Not Make The Playoffs? (Moondogsports)

Big Fan

Tuesday, July 7 by

Director: Robert D. Siegel Cast: Patton Oswalt, Kevin Corrigan Synopsis: A die-hard New York Giants fan finds himself at difficult crossroads when he is severely beaten by his favorite player. Genre: Drama Release Date: August 28, 2009

WHAT TO WATCH ON TV TONIGHT: TUESDAY, JULY 7th, 2009

Tuesday, July 7 by

  Alright, it's that time of day again for us to provide a handy guide of tonight's worthwhile television offerings you need to watch. Of course, that's assuming that you're not worn out from watching Michael's all-day memorial. No pressure but if you feel so inclined to turn down "Beat It" for a few hours.  We got your back. See what to watch after the jump:

Break

Tuesday, July 7 by

Director: Marc Clebanoff Cast: Frank Krueguer, Sarah Thompson, Michael Madsen, David Carradine, Jamie Lynn Synopsis: A detached hitman is hired to kill a terminally ill crime boss and his lover.  Things become complicated when he finds that the crime boss' lover is an old flame of his. Genre: Noir Release Date: July 14, 2009

‘BREAK’ ACTRESS JAMIE LYNN

Tuesday, July 7 by

Jamie Lynn plays "The Luscious Brunette" in the new comic book-styled noir Break.  I expect that if there are awards for truthfully naming a film's characters, Break will win one on the strength of Jamie Lynn's character name alone.  The luscious brunette is probably best known as the 2006 Penthouse Pet of the year.  She also has her own site, the aptly named sexyjamie.com where she opens herself up to all of the internet (for a small price).  Recently, she has been branching out of what my conservative relatives would call "the smut business" in favor of acting in films such as Break and 2008's Ninja Cheerleaders.A Word From Jamie: "My sexy photos and videos are updated once a week.  For only $19.95 a month, recurring every 30 days, you'll have access to my photos and videos."It's a small price for such a luscious brunette.  Check out more hot pictures of Jamie after the jump (for free!), and be sure to check out Break, available on DVD July 14th right here! 

ANDY ROONEY REVIEWS ‘BRUNO’

Tuesday, July 7 by

By Andy Rooney, of CBS's "60 Minutes"My primary care physician has recommended that I find a way to put more exercise into my daily routine. Normally I avoid all forms of physical exertion, but seeing as I’m no spring chicken anymore I decided it might be in my best interest to take him up on his suggestion.  I wouldn’t want to die and miss out on this newfangled digital television.  (Sometimes it’s hard to convey sarcasm through writing.  So let me just tell you last night I almost electrocuted myself walking into the HDTV my son bought me for Christmas.  It thought it was a doorway to the beach and I had my metal detector in hand.  Turns out I forgot to turn off the Travel Channel.)

GET FREE COPIES OF ‘KNOWING’ & ‘PUSH’ ON BLU-RAY!

Tuesday, July 7 by

     The KNOWING & PUSH Blu-Ray Contest Has Ended.  @agenttrav and @thyndman4are the winners!  Please direct tweet us or hit us up at feedback_at_screenjunkies_dot_com to arrange shipment!  CONGRATS!!Summit Entertainment just released two of this year's notable sci-fi flicks on DVD and Blu-Ray, and Screenjunkies has copies of both films (on Blu-Ray, of course, we're not savages).  Sure, you could buy Knowing here and Push here, but since free is better than not – even with Amazon's discounts – we're giving away two copies of each film for nuttin' (and nuttin' means we pay the postage, too). Find out how to get the goods after the jump.

HULU WILL STREAM MICHAEL JACKSON’S MEMORIAL SERVICE TODAY

Tuesday, July 7 by

Today beginning at 9:30 a.m. PST, 12:30 p.m. EST Hulu will live stream Michael Jackson's Memorial Service. Stevie Wonder, Al Sharpton, Brooke Shields, Smokey Robinson, Berry Gordy, Kobe Bryant, Magic Johnson, and John Mayer amongst others will be appearing as eulogizers. I only hope that Mayer knows this is the wrong venue to try out his stand-up material. [via The Business Insider]Morning headlines that won't cause epic gridlock… Zach Galifianakis plots his takeover of Hollywood. (Reuters) Baywatch is getting the big screen treatment. (First Showing) Lost loses its best writer. (NY Mag) Sly talks The Expendables. (Latino Review) A Christmas Carol poster is SMOKIN'! (Cinema Blend) Is Michael Jackson's ghost haunting Neverland Ranch? (Dread Central)

TRAILER FOR ‘THE DESCENT: PART 2′

Monday, July 6 by

THE DECENT: PART 2 Trailer – Watch more MOVIE TRAILERSThe Descent: Part 2 trailer has arrived online and it looks every bit as scary as the original.  And, judging by the brief images in the above, the film looks to combine several elements that scare the crap out of me — dark, confined spaces, vicious man-eating creatures and the Paris Hilton sex tape. It's bound to give me nightmares so if you don't mind, I may have to sleep with your mom tonight.  If you'll recall, I take two sugar cubes in my morning coffee; please have it ready.  Hang on one sec… your mom's requesting two teabags for her… Oh.  Wait that last bit wasn't for you.Descend Into The Lowest Common Denominator with Today's Top Web Content! Santana Rose, By Any Other Name, Would Still Be Hot (Gorillamask) What Your Tattoo Really Says About You (Holytaco) Because The World Needs A TJ Hooker Movie (Filmdrunk) Sesame Street vs. Slayer (Manofest) An Awesome Xbox 360 Laptop Mod (Walyou) The 6 Best Films From The First Half Of 2009 (Pajiba) 5 Bizarre Sexual Conditions That Can Ruin Your Life (Cracked) How To Not Make Friends At An Animal Cruelty Protest (Sickpigs) The Megan Fox Sex Soundboard (Coedmagazine) Comparing Angelina Jolie And Megan Fox (Celebjihad) 9 Mistakes You Make While Getting It On (Mademan) Fun In The Offices Of The Dudes Who Run UFC (Cagepotato) A Collection Of Pretty Awesome Celeb Casting Calls (Unreality) Roger Federer Or Tiger Woods? (Asylum) Teacher Sends Sex Tape Home With Kids, Father Objects (Bustedcoverage) The Best Bloodsport Clip That Never Aired (Uncoached) Can't Remember How Trashed You Were On The 4th?  Here's a Chart To Help (Regretfulmorning) A Ceiling Fan That Plays Music Is Useful, Right? (Bachelorguy) Will Albert Pujols Get A-Rod Money In 2012? (Moondogsports)More Commentary on Twitters from the Stars done by Some Guy in a Basement (Tweet Boxx) Inept Robbers Take A Dive Out Of A Store Door (Nothingtoxic) How To Be Funny In A Post-Moonwalking And Mighty Putty World (Atomfilms) New Alice In Wonderland Images (Filmofilia)

The Descent: Part 2

Monday, July 6 by

Director: Jon HarrisCast: Shauna MacDonald, Natalie Jackson Mendoza, Krysten CummingsSynopsis: Unable to plausibly explain to the authorities what happened – or why she's covered in her friends' blood – Sarah is forced back to the subterranean depths to help locate her five missing companions. As the rescue party drives deeper into uncharted caverns, nightmarish visions of the recent past begin to haunt Sarah and she starts to realize the full horror and futility of the mission. Subjected to the suspicion and mistrust of the group and confronted once more by the inbred, feral and savagely ruthless Crawlers, Sarah must draw on all her inner reserves of strength and courage in a desperate final struggle for deliverance and redemption.

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