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WHAT TO WATCH ON TV: WEEKEND OF JULY 10-12, 2009

Friday, July 10 by

This weekend we're certain you'll be catching Brüno at least once.  (If you're not convinced of its worthiness, read Andy Rooney's review here.)  There's also I Love You, Beth Cooper, which looks good and grating, other than Hayden Panettiere's involvement.  But if you just feel like staying in, or you physically can't get outside because of obesity issues or allergies, we've got a cornucopia of televised delicacies for your discerning palate.  And none of them are cooking shows. FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP…

‘WWE Friday Night Smackdown’ Diva Michelle McCool

Friday, July 10 by

I'll be honest; I haven't watched anything related to the WWE since 4th grade.  I always felt that I needed a taste for Natty Light, trucker hats, and trailer homes to in order to fully appreciate the sport.  And I had none of the those.  But after scrambling to find a topical subject for today's girl gallery – and landing one – I now may be inclined to make a habit of WWE Friday Night Smackdown.  Because there's always a chance that beautiful "Diva" Michelle McCool will show up.  She's the current Divas World Champion, and, more importantly, used to be a 7th grade school teacher.  I leave the immature schoolboy jokes to you.A word from Michelle: "I, like most of the other Divas, get this question often. Though the girls have done some absolutely beautiful, classy shoots with Playboy, it's not for me. For now, I'll be keeping my clothes on."Sh*t.  Anway, check out some beautiful, classy photos of a scantily-clad Michelle after the jump!

FRIDAY NIGHT SMACKDOWN

Friday, July 10 by

The What: WWE Friday Night SmackDown is a professional wrestling television program for World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) that is currently airing on MyNetworkTV in the United States. The show's name is also used to refer to the SmackDown brand, in which WWE employees are assigned to work and perform on that program; the other programs and brands are Raw and ECW.  And that, junkies, is about the most corporate description we could borrow from wikipedia ever. The When: Fridays 8-10PM Eastern on My Network TV & WWE HDOfficial Site: http://www.wwe.com/shows/smackdown/

DESTRO MASK REVEALED!! KINDA SORTA!!!!

Friday, July 10 by

There's been a lot of controversy over the look of Destro's mask in the upcoming G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. Fans and baby crows alike are concerned that it just won't be shiny enough. Well, you can set those worries aside. UGO received an exclusive first look at a drawing… of the toy… based off the actor… playing the role of the cartoon. And here it is: I'm confused as to why they would model him after Marcia Cross though. Look at these shiny morning headlines… Todd Phillips hires Zach Galifianakis for his next two projects. (Cinema Blend) New 9 trailer makes burlap the hottest fabric this season. (io9) The Foot Clan are back in action. (First Showing) Napoleon Dynamite wants to be the next Tyler Perry. (Variety) Eli Roth is missing Thanksgiving this year. (Cinematical)

‘JENNIFER’S BODY’ SFW TRAILER HAS ARRIVED

Thursday, July 9 by

JENNIFERS BODY SFW Trailer – Watch more Movie TrailersOn Monday, we posted ShockTilYouDrop's Red Band trailer for Jennifer's Body, and today, the theatrical trailer was released online.  This one's noticeably tamer and free of Diablo Cody's trademark "Diablogue" like the soon-to-be-meme, "Smells like Thai food in here. Were you guys f**king?" We're guessing if Fox had allowed a permutation of that line in thisSFW version, it would go something like, "Smells like Thai food in here. Were you guys cooking Thai food?Here are today's top links that make you feel like you do while you're smelling Thai Food:Amanda Pogrell In Scant Clothing (Gorillamask) A Brief History Of Ruined Photos And Photo Bombs (Holytaco) Ricky Gervais Makes Fun Of Ralph Fiennes (Filmdrunk) 20 Freakishly Large Animals (Manofest) A Totally Awesome R2D2 Trashcan (Walyou) Classic Trailer Appreciation: Dodgeball (Pajiba) 7 Classic Star Wars Characters That Totally Dropped The Ball (Cracked) I Guess Creepy Dudes Like Ruining Photos In Japan (Sickpigs) What To Do If You Win The Lottery (Coedmagazine) Miley Cyrus Is Trying To Get You Arrested (Celebjihad) Worst Cars For Picking Up Chicks (Mademan) A Guide To Helping You Win Money From UFC 100 (Cagepotato) What Celebrities Would Look Like If They Moved To Oklaholma (Unreality) 3 Videogame Movies Hollywood Is Going To Eff Up (Asylum) Erin Andrews Takes Ball Off Chin (Bustedcoverage) 15 Awesome Pictures Of A Very Young Beatles Group (Uncoached) Elevator Episode: "Scars" (Elevator) 5 Landmarks In The Evolution Of Animated Porn (Regretfulmorning) Grilly Goat Proves To Be Useful Grilling Accessory (Bachelorguy) Photos Of Denise Milani Never Get Old (Moondogsports)

‘JENNIFER’S BODY’ GREENBAND TRAILER

Thursday, July 9 by

‘FUNNY PEOPLE’ REDBAND TRAILER

Thursday, July 9 by

‘DISTRICT 9′ OFFICIAL TRAILER

Thursday, July 9 by

‘BRUNO’ VS. ‘BETH COOPER’: THE DIVA CHART

Thursday, July 9 by

Friday marks the release of two "major" films, and both of them star celebrities who have lusted after Milo Ventimiglia.  I Love You, Beth Cooper tells the story of an unrequited high school crush. Brüno tells the story of… well, you’ve seen Borat right?  It's like that, but with different accents and a lot more butt sex jokes.  But here we are in the middle of July with not a single cat fight. Even Mariah Carey is playing nice with Janet Jackson! So, we went ahead and charted out the Diva War, blow by blow, to determine who'll be box office champion of the weekend! Actually, it's pretty obvious Brüno's gonna sweep the floor with Hayden's alabaster locks, but let's give each side a fair shake.Here you are, the scientific breakdown of each person’s worth (sums it up well):

WHAT TO WATCH ON TV TONIGHT: THURSDAY, JULY 9th, 2009

Thursday, July 9 by

Don't worry, dearest readers. we've once again combed through the listings to bring to you the bestest, mostest interestingest television viewing options for the evening. Unless, of course, you're into Samantha Who? and Grey's Anatomy. In which case, what the mother-effing eff are you doing here?  Go read Holy Taco… girl.FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP…

‘I LOVE YOU, BETH COOPER’ ACTRESS LAUREN STORM

Thursday, July 9 by

In the trailer for I Love You, Beth Cooper, someone whispers about the arrival of "The Trinity."  We've already covered one third of these lovely ladies, Lauren London, and we have faith that you can find photos of Hayden Panettiere on your own.  That leaves us with Lauren Storm, the final piece of the puzzle.  She's mostly done TV up to this point, with roles on "Malcom In The Middle," "24," and "Flight 29 Down," but this could prove to be her breakthrough into mainstream movies.  At least we hope so.  She also is owner of the funniest IMDB trivia section ever, which simply reads: "Jewish."A word from Lauren: "I don't watch a whole lot of TV, but when I have time I watch a lot of HBO. I think they have really good quality television. And I think they have really well made products."While Lauren is angling to get a job on an HBO show, you can check out hot photos of her.  After the jump, of course!

MICHAEL BAY’S EARTH EVAC LIST

Thursday, July 9 by

HAYDEN PANETTIERE’S BODY…OF WORK

Thursday, July 9 by

You remember the little girl from Remember The Titans? Yes you do. Don't you sit there and lie to me. You know damn well you watched that movie and said to yourself, "That girl is gonna be hot someday." Then you said, "Is that weird of me to say that? Does that make me a pedophile?" And the answer is," Don't look now, but Chris Hansen is standing behind you."Regardless of your deviance, we can all agree that Hayden grew up from this…All the way into this very attractive and very legal woman.    In honor of Miss Panettiere starring in I Love You, Beth Cooper this Friday, let's follow her career path starting with her breakout role and see how Hayden's… ahem… developed. "HEROES"

R-RATED “FUNNY PEOPLE” TRAILER

Thursday, July 9 by

FUNNY PEOPLE Red Band Trailer – Watch more Funny Videos Here we have the red-band trailer for Judd Apatow's Funny People. In this release they've taken the focus off all that cancer/dying bidness in order to focus on the jokes. And, well… honestly the stand-up in this clip is a little weak. I'm really hoping that the filmmakers are saving the best punchlines for the film itself because I really want this movie to be great. Unfortunately right now I have to agree with that humorless German at the trailer's end. Sorry. "Humorless German" is a redundant term. Check out this morning's top headlines… Megan Fox is all teeth. (Dread Central) Cameron Diaz is considering Green Hornet role. (EW) Syfy wants to bring Quantum Leap back(ula). (Pajiba) Larry King don't believe in no ghosts. (TV Squad) Season two of Dollhouse already getting the dizzick. (NY Mag)

FIRST 8 MINUTES OF ‘THE HURT LOCKER’ – WARNING: SPOILERS!!!

Wednesday, July 8 by

Seems we have a hankerin' for purée de ballsack today, because this 8-minute clip from The Hurt Locker popped up on Hulu not too long ago and we couldn't resist posting it.  If you haven't read our review of the film – currently in limited release – AND you enjoy verbal fellation, bone up here. The above opening scene sets the anything-goes tone but doesn't quite do the theatrical experience justice.  Word to the wise, should you decide to see The Hurt Locker at the cinema, you'll need to make sure your underpants have their own pocket organizer so they can pencil in a reminder about their inevitable meeting with a Mr. Poop Fromyourbutt.  He took several meetings with various pairs of undergarments in my screening.

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