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I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

Wednesday, August 5 by

Director: Bob GosseWriters: Tucker Max & Nils ParkerCast: Matt Czuchry, Jesse Bradford, Traci Lords, Keri Lynn PrattSynopsis: A guy tries to patch things up with his soon-to-be-married pal after botching things up at his bachelor party. Based on Tucker Max's best-seller "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell".

GIRL ON GAME SHOW INSULTS THE CHINESE WITH ANSWER

Wednesday, August 5 by

 Girl Gets Answer Very Wrong – Watch more Funny Videos Apparently the clip is from a Kiwi game show called "W3" – presumably from the early '80s based on hair dating technology – and features a young female contestant nonchalantly giving an answer that you might only expect from your well-meaning but racially insensitive relative who fought in WW2.  You have to commend young Jerry.  Like a young, Asian Martin Luther King of Oceanic televised game shows, he gives nary a flinch while following up with the correct answer.  Still, casual racism is hysterical, especially for white folks who feel inferior Asians, who, as whole, are omniscient. Increase your knowledge to sub-Asian levels (unless you are already Asian in which case, you have already read all of these in five languages) with these links: Actors Who Should Play Nascar Drivers (Allleftturns) Susan Weyland Wears A Lot Of Latex (Gorillamask) Bad News Crossword Puzzles (Holytaco) Have You Seen The Cast For Machete? (Filmdrunk) Keep MacGyver Away From Your Children (Manofest) Beer Glasses Made From Beer Bottles… Very Green (Walyou) The Time Traveler's Wife Now Changed To Be Happy (Pajiba) The Evolution Of The Internet Troll (Cracked) 10 Qualities Of A Great Drinking Buddy (Coedmagazine) Michael Douglas' Kid Is A Nerdy Drug Dealer (Celebjihad) Buy Yourself A Man-Cave (Mademan) World's Strongest Man To Fight MMA (Cagepotato) Hello Kitty Ruins Everything You Love In One Gallery (Unreality) What Songs Should Play At A Cougar Ball? (Asylum) Tennessee Vols Pose Shirtless With Lamborghini? (Bustedcoverage) 15 Animals That Got The Crap-End Of The Evolution Stick (Uncoached) Porn-Watching Habits Summarized In A Timeline (Regretfulmorning) The Steroid List Does Not Matter (Bachelorguy) Jennifer Anniston Is Lonely (Moondogsports) Redneck Boxing Match Ends Real Quick-Like (Nothingtoxic) New Sherlock Holmes Poster Showing Off Bad Guy (Filmofilia)

WHAT TO WATCH ON ON TV TONIGHT: WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 5th, 2009

Wednesday, August 5 by

Bickering, big guns, bikinis, bad weather, and burning the %#@& out of your mouth. Tonight's TV preview makes use of alliteration!CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!

temp weds links

Wednesday, August 5 by

Actors Who Should Play Nascar Drivers (Allleftturns)Susan Weyland Wears A Lot Of Latex (Gorillamask)Bad News Crossword Puzzles (Holytaco)Have You Seen The Cast For Machete? (Filmdrunk)Keep MacGyver Away From Your Children (Manofest)Beer Glasses Made From Beer Bottles… Very Green (Walyou)The Time Traveler's Wife Now Changed To Be Happy (Pajiba)

‘COLD SOULS’ ACTRESS LAUREN AMBROSE

Wednesday, August 5 by

A movie about Paul Giammatti removing his soul from his body and then trying to find it in the underground world of soul trafficking?  That sounds indie-tastic!  The only way to make Cold Souls have more indie credibility would be to cast a pretty but decidedly non-mainstream actress in a part.  Enter Lauren Ambrose.  She started in the mainstream on TV and the film Can't Hardly Wait (arguably one of the best teen movies in the 90s, but is that saying much?), but decided to stick with weirder and more intriguing projects than the cookie cutter stuff in Hollywood.  She's well known for being the youngest of the Fisher family in the HBO series "6 Feet Under" and, of course, for her fiery red hair.  Listen for her voice in the upcoming Spike Jonze film Where The Wild Things Are. A word from Lauren: " I came to L.A. to work and become a better actress, not to be a star." I guess that explains why she didn't go the path of fellow redhead Lindsay Lohan.  Thank God for that.  Check out more hot photos of Lauren after the jump!

Cold Souls

Wednesday, August 5 by

Director: Sophie Barthes Cast: Paul Giammatti, Emily Watson, Lauren Ambrose, Katheryn Winnick Synopsis: Paul, A depressed actor, finds a company that will remove his soul from his body long enough to help him survive an anxious performance of a play.  He soon discovers, however, that his soul has been stolen and is being trafficked to Russia.

IF MOVIE POSTERS USED BAD REVIEWS

Wednesday, August 5 by

Don't you hate when you're really revved up to see a movie based off its awesome trailer only to find that the best part of the movie IS the trailer? That's because the studio didn't allow the press to review the movie in advance. They know they have a crappy product and any bad reviews could hurt their opening weekend box office.Nowadays, early buzz is as important to a film as the star whose name appears above the title. A bad review could snowball into bad word of mouth and then Twitter gets a hold of it and the opening weekend is shot. Have a look at the recent releases of Funny People and Bruno. Both were anticipating to stack dollars into the stratosphere but due to early complaints about issues with length and penises (I feel ya) the films underperformed (that's how I roll).

“SAVED BY THE BELL” REUNION DISSES BELDING AND SCREECH

Wednesday, August 5 by

Dennis Haskins, better known as Mr. Belding, is upset about being left out of the Saved By The Bell reunion that People magazine recently put together. Apparently Zack and the show's other main actors would only reunite if "creepy" Belding and Screech were excluded. "I earned the right to be there. If anybody deserved to be on that cover, it was Dennis Haskins," the actor explained to the Detroit News. "I want people to know it was not my choice not to be there, because I would have been there. It hurts my feelings, but I'll live." Not cool, you guys. Belding is just as much a part of the show as the rest of you. Just because he always leers at Jessie's chest while saying with a lecherous smile, "Loved you in Showgirls," is not reason enough to freeze him out. This is just like televised high school all over again. (NY Mag)Have a gander at these morning links…Trailer for Peter Jackson's latest The Lovely Bones. (Apple) Double-threat Heath Ledger directs a Modest Mouse video. (The Playlist)Larry Fessenden visits The Orphanage. (Dread Central)Jason Segel joins The Adventurer's Handbook. (First Showing)Netflix streaming on its way to iPhone. (Cinema Blend)Check out the hotties in new Sorority Row pics. (Latino Review) Drop $40K on the Predator pool table. (Uncrate)

‘ONG BAK 2′ TEASER TRAILER

Tuesday, August 4 by

Ong Bak 2: The Beginning Trailer – Watch more Movie TrailersOh man… Tony Jaa is back, and you know this one is gonna be better than the first Ong Bak flick 'cos there are waaay more elephants this time around and they're Jaa's energy source.  (It was said he exploded three silhouetted heads in a childhood screening of Dumbo.)  The teaser does its job not giving too much in the way of story (you can check out the synopsis after the jump) but that's moot.  I'm of the mindset that the thinner the plot, the more likely Tony Jaa can use it to slice someone's scrotum off (after setting it on fire, of course).Even if you have crippling ADD, try to stay focused til the end of the trailer, where some nefarious villain type laughs heartily as if he were hearing Zack Galifianakis say "ritard" in The Hangover for the first time.Here are today's top links to make you feel all ri-tarded inside: Sophie Turner In A Smorgasbord Of Skimpy Outfits (Gorillamask)Suggestions For The New Alien Movie (Holytaco)Twilight Author Accused Of Stealing From 15 Year Old Girl… Makes Sense (Filmdrunk)55 Photos, 110 Babes, Lots Of Double Vision (Manofest)Holy Crap… 4 In 1 Game Table Is Awesome (Walyou)There's Already A Movie Trailer For The True Story Of A First Round 2009 NFL Draft Pick (Pajiba)7 Old Songs That Would Make Eminem Blush (Cracked)Apparently It's "Point Out How Awesome Betty White Is" Day On The Internet (Sickpigs)18 Things You Didn't Know About Megan Fox (Coedmagazine)Jessica Alba Is Hot Again In Swimsuits (Celebjihad)How To Get With A Hot Bartender (Mademan)Fedor Probably Won't Get Immediate Title Shot (Cagepotato)Where Are They Now?  The Cast Of Menace II Society (Unreality)Boozing On A Budget (Asylum)Bad Boy Golfer John Daly Weighs In On Health Care Issues (Bustedcoverage)Memorable Movie Dance-Offs (Uncoached)True Confessions From Online Dating Hell (Regretfulmorning)Mad Your Car Got Towed? Pay The Bill In Pennies! (Bachelorguy)ESPN's "Mort Goes To Camp" Lacks Any Football News (Moondogsports)Man In The Box: High School Reunion (Maninthebox)Billy Mays' Resurrectifier (Linkdork)10 Endangered Species That Are Way Too Ugly To Live (Atomfilms)

WHAT’S ON TONIGHT: TUESDAY, AUGUST 4th 2009

Tuesday, August 4 by

Cold sausage, bowel movements, bowling trophies, Dracula puppets, and a bikini-clad Kristen Bell. If more than one of these turns you on, you've got issues my friend. Tonight's TV preview will try not to judge you.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!

WHAT TO WATCH ON TV

Tuesday, August 4 by

‘Weeds’ Actress Elizabeth Perkins

Tuesday, August 4 by

Weeds has a variety of incredibly attractive women on it, but in comparison to other shows, it has the milf market cornered.  Much is said about Mary-Louise Parker, but the unsung hot mom of the show is Elizabeth Perkins.  Playing Celia Hodes, she nails the "raging bitch" role down pat, almost too well.  It makes us hope her character experiences a softening-up that occurs as a result of her new relationship with an oddly juvenile co-worker, preferrably played by Tom Hanks.  That, or we could all just watch Big again.  Either way, she's still hot.A word from Elizabeth: "My sisters are very academically inclined so whenever they would fix me up, it would always be from someone in their world, people they would find attractive. When they came to the door in suits, it was over."Luckily, most of our readership don't own suits, so it seems like we have a shot!  Check out more hot photos of Elizabeth after the jump!

WHAT CELEBS COULD LEARN FROM HE-MAN

Tuesday, August 4 by

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe wasn't just an awesome platform to sell toys. It was also a program that delivered good moral values to its young viewers, especially at the end of each episode (not unlike G.I. Joe).
Our scientists scoured the 'nets and assembled a collection of some of these lessons taught to us by He-Man and fellow Eternians… and then we thought about all the celebrities that could stand to learn from them.
Check out these lessons below. You might just learn something, too.

“G.I. JOE” MARKETS TO THE RED STATES

Tuesday, August 4 by

Paramount must realize the colossal turkey they have on their hands with G.I. Joe because now they're trying a new marketing approach… targeting dummies. A few weeks ago they directed their efforts on the Jersey Shore , now the LA Times is reporting that the advertising is focusing heavily on mid-America. The film is apparently embedded in the Kid Rock concert tour and advertising on giant screens in the Mall Of America. The message of this campaign being, it is your patriotic duty to see this movie. All right, fine. I love my country so I'll see this movie. Even though the post-traumatic stress will probably leave me a shell of my former self. Do your part and click on these morning links… Sacha Baron Cohen will create a new character. (The Sun)Sam Worthington replaces Tom Cruise in The Tourist. (The Playlist)Patricia Arquette spends a night with The Living Dead. (Dread Central)The Stallone Sequel Spree continues with Cliffhanger. (/Film) In defense of Funny People. (Cinema Blend)

FIRST LOOK: FOUR CLIPS FROM ‘KICK-ASS’

Monday, August 3 by

CLIPS REMOVED BY REQUEST OF LIONSGATE Well, seems like someone managed to sneak a camera into Hall H at Comic-con and snag all the clips from Matthew Vaughn and Mark Millar's KICK-ASS presentation.  But something tells me the filmmakers of this as-yet-unsold flick aren't gonna mind too much.  Not only do they need more hype, but the above clip – and the rest, which you can see after the jump – are about as high quality as the bootleg DVDs my mom used to get me from Shanghai.  So you're not gonna learn too much.  To give you some perspective, the knock-offs looked like the DP replaced the camera lens with an empty Vaseline jar, and the subtitles read as if written by a schizophrenic (case in point: the Green Goblin in SPIDER-MAN was referred to as the "Gublin" and the "Green Lady.") But hey, I still got the gist, and you will too with these promising – I think – first looks. [ via Twitch] Cup your ears to your speakers and squint through the other three clips after the jump (the kind that doesn't end in death through a car roof).  But before you do, enjoy these kick-ass links: Destiny Daniels Has An Interesting Array Of Almost No Clothing (Gorillamask) What Your Employee Badge Really Says About You (Holytaco) Michel Gondry Draws A Tranny For Filmdrunk (Filmdrunk) 10 Embarassing Moments Of White People Dancing (Manofest) Turn Your Shower Into A Rave With LED Shower Lights (Walyou) A Quiz On The Most Obscure Actors Of Recent Times (Pajiba) 7 Terrifying Giant Versions Of Disgusting Creatures (Cracked) A Scandalous Sex Tape From The Video Game World (Sickpigs) Trampolines+Basketball Hoops=Awesome (Coedmagazine) Jon Minus Kate Plus Skank (Celebjihad) 7 Novel Ideas For Theme Parties (Mademan) Fedor Signs With Strikeforce (Cagepotato) 15 Examples Of What People Really Think About TV Shows (Unreality) Should NFL Teams Have Jersey Ads? (Asylum) Matt Stafford's Girlfriend Got Implants? (Bustedcoverage) 15 Really Weird Hotel Rooms (Uncoached) Plus-Sized Fashion Failures (Regretfulmorning) Mad Men Yourself (Bachelorguy) Daily Kos Writer Thinks Forbes Disliked Athlete List Is Racist (Moondogsports) Two-Headed Calf Looks Like Something Out Of Guillermo Del Toro's Nighmare Journal (Nothingtoxic)

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