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‘STAR TREK’ OPENS AT 7PM, PEOPLE!!!

Thursday, May 7 by

  You want to see the new Star Trek, don't you? Don't you?!?! Ok then. Just Google 'star trek showtimes,' and pick from the lot. In the 25 mile radius of theatres around my house, Star Trek is being shown 89 times tonight between it's premiere at 7pm and the midnight screenings. Oh look–There's even a theater playing it every minute! Heck, why not avoid the costumed drunken Klingons and just see it at 3am tomorrow morning on IMAX? And what about you, Enterprise, AL? Or even you, 'Captain' Kirkland, WA? Bottom line, it's playing everywhere, all the the time. And it's going to kick ass. So get your damn tickets already (they're going fast).KHAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNN!!!!!!!In preparation for tonight's festivities, read our review of the film, or check out some Trek video delights after the jump:

DMX With A Bazooka Morning News

Thursday, May 7 by

io9 has uncovered a few clips from the awfulsome direct-to-DVD movie, Lockjaw. I've embedded one of the scenes below. It features DMX fighting a voodoo-created snake-alligator using only his wits and a bazooka. That synopsis is pretty much the tattoo that I was planning on getting. Just watch it already.Lockjaw – Watch more Funny VideosBill Maher uncovers the Susan Boyle sex-tape. (TV Squad)   Kiefer Sutherland probably still drinking. (National Ledger)   Rambo shirt will get you killed everywhere except Mexico. (Cinematical) Ninja trailer looks pretty all right. (Cinema Blend) Whatever Works poster highlights LD's junk. (First Showing)

LIKE MOTHER, LIKE SON! HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

Wednesday, May 6 by

Mothers Day Card 03 – Watch more Funny Videos

WHO’S LAUGHING AT WHO THIS MOTHER’S DAY?!

Wednesday, May 6 by

Mothers Day Card 02 – Watch more Funny Videos

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY, FROM YOUR BIGGEST FAN!

Wednesday, May 6 by

Mothers Day Card 04 – Watch more Funny Videos

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY, FROM YOUR ‘LITTLE SCREWUP!’

Wednesday, May 6 by

Mothers Day Card 01 – Watch more Funny Videos

THIS MOTHER’S DAY, HEADS UP, MA!

Wednesday, May 6 by

Mothers Day Card 05 – Watch more Funny Videos

SUCK ON MY SINATRA!

Wednesday, May 6 by

Give em Hell Malone Cannes Trailer – Watch more Funny VideosCheck out the Cannes trailer for Thomas Jane and Ving Rhames in Give 'em Hell, Malone, a Dashiell Hammet-inspired detective flick directed by Russell Mulcahey, who also helmed The Scorpion King 2, Resident Evil: Extinction and AC/DC: Family Jewels. The shameless title of this post is in reference to a character's line at about 1:54 in the clip, a line that has already solidified its place on a tee-shirt and bumper sticker somewhere, I'm sure. Frightening Star Trek Fans (Manofest) Lucy Pinder poses nude with Wolverine claws.  (FilmDrunk) Supreme Court Nominee Effects Sports Law (MoonDogSports) Jenna Lee Fox Business Network Interview (WallStreetFighter) Frank The Tank Joins 'Neighborhood Watch' (Pajiba) Misty Dawns Spank Bank (GorillaMask) Awesome Star Wars Wedding (IAmBored) 10 Popular Porn Scenarios (Cracked) Transformers 2 News (filmofilia) Clash Of The Titans Set Pics (DreadCentral) Office Etiquette Instruction (HolyTaco) Kentucky Derby Bikini (BustedCoverage) Snow Monkeys Are Too Human Like (Uncoached) Ryan Reynolds Is DeadPool (Unreality) What To Do If You Notice You're On Fire (TomOatmeal) Doctor Parnassus Screens In L.A. (ThePlaylist) Dude Fails At Carnival Hammer (NothingToxic)

GARY COLEMAN IS A ‘BASTERD’

Wednesday, May 6 by

Well, another day, another Inglourious Basterds poster featuring another cast member being labeled a "Basterd."  This time it's Diane Kruger… but we didn't want to use that as our main image, because we're feeling whimsical today.  So here's a fake poster from our fantasy version of inglourious Basterds, in which a youthful Gary Coleman takes on the Nazis.  Whatchutalkin'bout, Hitler?!See the real Diane Kruger poster (and the others released at this point) after the jump. 

NATALIE PORTMAN MUM ABOUT ‘V FOR VAGINA’

Wednesday, May 6 by

If you haven't seen Zach Galifianakis's FunnyOrDie show, Between Two Ferns, you've been missing the internet's best talk show, period.  In the new episode, the hirsute star of the upcoming Vegas comedy The Hangover (also starring likely Green Lantern Bradley Cooper and The Office's Ed Helms) waxes idiotically while interviewing Natalie Portman, who does her best not to crack up.  She's a trooper. Watch the video after the jump, and see Mr. Galifianakis threaten to tie a Yorkshire Terrier's penis in a knot.

PORN STAR STORMY DANIELS TO RUN FOR U.S. SENATE?

Wednesday, May 6 by

There have been rumors floating around, but today, on CNN's "American Morning," anchored by Kiran Chetry, former porn star (and current adult film producer) Stormy Daniels was interviewed about her 'serious' potential candidacy for United States Senate.  If it happens, she would be running in Louisiana against Republican Senator David Vitter, whom you may remember as being involved with the "D.C. Madame" and her prostitution ring back in '07.  Embedded video from CNN Video Not sure what platform Daniels will run on, but if one does only a tiny bit of research (or opens the secret compartment in the air duct where one keeps one's pornography), it's easy to see that Daniels has had experience with several hot button issues of the day.  She's seen action in the Persian Gulf with… She's brushed up on Foreign Relations with… And she's closely examined our broken health care system in…  Seems like we're merely steps away from…

‘STAR TREK’ STARLET: WINONA RYDER

Wednesday, May 6 by

Okay okay, maybe the term "starlet" doesn't apply to Winona Ryder, given that she's consistently worked in the biz since 1988's Beetlejuice.  But with Abrams' new movie, Winona's career is going to get a reboot, just like Star Trek itself.  So it's like a reincarnated starlet. Who is Winona in Trek?  In the film, Winona plays Amanda Grayson, Spock's human mom.  The character has appeared four times prior to this new installment, including the "Journey to Babel" episode in the Original Series, and in the films, Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, and Star Trek V: The Final Frontier.  If you're the first person to name the episode of the Trek cartoon series in which Amanda appears, WE HAVE A STAR TREK T-SHIRT FOR YOU.  (Just email our feedback_@_screenjunkies.com address)  Fun fact: her marriage to Spock's Dad, Sarek, is widely considered to be the first Vulcan-Human interracial marriage.  Space fevah!Character Quote: "Logic! Logic! I'm sick to death of logic! Do you want to know what I think about your logic?"It would only be logical of you to check out the photos of Winona after the jump:

SCRUBS RECAP: MY FINALE PT. 1

Wednesday, May 6 by

J.D. moves out to be closer to Sam and also decides to leave Sacred Heart.  Ted and Guch move in together and Elliot takes the fall for Denise’s blunder. RelocationJ.D.’s plans to relocate are set in motion and in a short period of time he has moved into and furnished an apartment, 37 minutes away from Sacred Heart.  Turk is proudly displaying his new Chief of Surgery badge when Denise and Derek emerge from the resting room.  Turk and Derek walk off while Carla and Elliot congratulate Denise for the fish she caught.  Elliot confesses that she’s fantasized about J.D. attacking her and Derek and then having both men pleasure her.  Her fantasy ends with her g etting hold of J.D.’s gun and going on a killing spree.  This helps her finish.  Denise is pretty certain that she’s getting distracted with him, and that her involvement is interfering with her abilities as a doctor.  When Carla asks her if Derek is a nice guy, Denise says she thought his name was “Eric”. A Dish Best Served Cold

Strike A Robo-Pose Morning News

Wednesday, May 6 by

There are new Transformers 2 one sheets up over at Yahoo. The posters feature battle-damaged Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, and Starscream. Coming soon to a movie theater lobby or nerd's bedroom near you! Big Dork has a big dork in MTV's new Hard Times. (Hollywood Reporter)Dom DeLuise has shuffled off this mortal coil. (Empire)Deadpool spin-off! A spin-off of a spin-off? That's the movie equivalent of thinning the gene pool. (Latino Review)Sam Rockwell is the brains. (The Playlist)Will Ferrell is watching you. (First Showing)

PUNISHER & EMINEM JOIN FORCES IN ‘ULTIMATE MARVEL CROSS-MARKETING PLOY’

Tuesday, May 5 by

Well, it was inevitable, really.  The Punisher is teaming up with Eminem in an all new Marvel comic book.  Read more about it at FilmDrunk, who actually had something insightful to say about it, unlike us.  We just laughed like a schoolgirl thinking of the inevitable in which Eminem can get challenged to battle lyrically, then win because the guy with the twin uzis, trenchcoat and the skull painted on his shirt is standing behind him without his knowlege.  Crowd pleaser!!!And while you're at it, check out these other peoples' insights about stuff and things and more stuff.Supreme Court Listens To Janet Jackson (MoonDogSports)The Best Of Keyboard Cat (SickPigs)Kate Beckinsale Is Hot (Manofest)RP Dom DeLouise (Pajiba)A Corset like Pirates of the Caribbean, but on a dude, and on ice (With Leather)Abby M's Spank Bank (GorillaMask)Homemade Wolverine Claws (IAmBored)Instruction Manuals For The Enterprise (Cracked)More on Wolverine 2 (Filmofilia)Unborn Official Art (DreadCentral)Celebrity Autobiographies We'd Like To See (Holytaco)Celtics Fans Can't Hold Their Booze (BustedCoverage)Charity Hodges Is Also Hot (Uncoached)Trekkies Bash New Star Trek (Unreality)

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