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WHAT’S ON TV THIS WEEKEND: FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 4th – SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 6th, 2009

Friday, September 4 by

Debauchery, corpses, zombies, monstrosities, and key parties. This weekend's TV Preview is a real monster mash if ya catch my drift. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!

‘Glee’ Actress Jassalyn Gilsig

Friday, September 4 by

Jessalyn Gilsig (one of the more interesting names I've ever typed) stars as Terri Schuester in Glee, premiering next Wednesday.  Jessalyn is no stranger to TV, as it appears she's been in almost every show in the past ten years.  Alright, not every show, but the list includes Nip/Tuck, Heroes, Friday Night Lights, CSI:NY, Law & Order, Prison Break, NYPD Blue, Boston Public, and The Practice.  Damn Jessalyn, you've been bus-y.  You must keep your trim figure running from set to set to set to set.     A word from Jessalyn: "I'm proud that I can be single. I think it's good being alone." Oh so that's how you wanna play it?  Alright, I can act aloof, too.  Yeah, being single is awesome.  I love not coming home to someone who cares for me and rubs my shoulders when I'm stressed.  Frozen TV dinners rock my world, as my lonely tears drip into luke warm apple cobbler!  At least there are pics of you after the jump to keep me company…

INAPPROPRIATE MOVIE LAUGH TRACKS

Friday, September 4 by

The "laugh track" has a long and storied history of letting morons know when to laugh. But when paired with the wrong footage, the use of a laugh track becomes highly inappropriate. To prove this asinine point, we here at Screen Junkies went ahead and added laugh tracks to five inappropriate films. We hope you like it, because it's the first of 47 installments.  Enjoy. Crash Racism + Laugh Track = Inappropriate     The Deer Hunter Russian Roulette can be funny, but not when the players are coerced. Inappropriate!

KEVIN SMITH SPENDING LABOR DAY TWEETING

Friday, September 4 by

According to /Film, Kevin Smith won't be barbecuing this coming Labor Day.  Instead, he's decided to hold a 24 hour Q&A session on Twitter to promote his latest book Shootin' The Sh*t With Kevin Smith.  We commend him for forgoing the deliciousness of baby back ribs and crisp, buttery corn on the cob in favor of a computer screen and tedious fan inquiries.  We'll save a plate for you, Kevin.  Other Morning News Links:Arrow Kitty Makes it to TV (Warming Glow)5 new clips of Viggo Mortensen in THE ROAD (Latino Review)Dan Fogler responds to Pajiba.com with WORDS (Pajiba)

FINALLY, STAR WARS GETS ITS CLONE WARS TECHNOLOGY RIGHT

Thursday, September 3 by

Twenty-two Princess Leias and a guy who kind of looks like Zangief from STREET FIGHTER 2's portlier, less successful brother, Lonny. Yeah that one. The one with the legend for a penis. [via Picture Is Unrelated]  Enjoy this evening's new streamlined links: Jessica Barton's Hair Is The Perfect Length (Gorillamask) Flowchart: What Will Happen At Your Labor Day BBQ (HolyTaco) Megan Fox Lesbian Kiss Doesn't Disappoint (FilmDrunk) 25 Funniest Pwned Videos Of All Time (Manofest) Valuable Lessons From Movies In Office Settings (Pajiba) Wil.I.Am Wants To Be A Gay Fish (CelebJihad) Funny (Non Star Trek) William Shatner Moments (Unreality) The Rules For Being A Gangsta (Asylum) Why We Love College Football: A Photo Gallery (BustedCoverage) The 6 People Who Ruin A UFC PPV Party (RegretfulMorning) Cameraman Inches Away From Car To The Face (TotalProSports) The Perils Of Dating Catholics (Heeb) Gloria Navaro: Most Ferocious Cougar (Mademan) 10 Best NASCAR Commercials (AllLeftTurns)

STAR WARS

Thursday, September 3 by

If it's Star Wars related, it lands on this page smoother than the Millenium Falcon.

WHAT’S ON TV TONIGHT: THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 3rd, 2009

Thursday, September 3 by

Tonight's TV Preview has prison tatts, monsters, awesome sandwiches, ass kickings, and vagina bombs. That's right vagina bombs. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!

‘Sons of Anarchy’ Actress Taryn Manning

Thursday, September 3 by

Taryn Manning is our second lovely Sons of Anarchy lady of the week, and we'd like to send out a special thanks to the show's casting director.  Last season Taryn played Cherry, the Prospect's adoring girlfriend who wanted to be his 'ol lady more than anything else in the world.  But she got herself into a bit of a pickle with the ATF and had to split Charming.  We're hoping she returns to town this season and brings that sexy, raspy voice back with her.  It's like the smooth, slow hum of the Harley I'm not cool enough to own.        A word from Taryn: "The thing that makes me feel most alive is when I'm playing guitar and singing." The thing that makes us feel most alive is when we're looking at you wearing silky clothes that trace your silhouette in such a way that it teases us with the gloriousness hiding underneath.  …While we're playing guitar.  Looks like there's some inspiration for us after the jump!

GLEE

Thursday, September 3 by

Network: FOXCast: Matthew Morrison, Dianna Agron, Cory Monteith, Jane Lynch, Jayma MaysProducers: Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk, Ian BrennanSynopsis: The show follows an optimistic high school teacher as he tries to refuel his own passion while reinventing the high school's glee club and challenging a group of outcasts to realize their star potential.

EXTRACT: MIKE JUDGE’S COMEDY FORMULA

Thursday, September 3 by

This Friday sees the release of Mike Judge's Extract, his third live-action comedy. In 1999, Office Space was a huge success and proved Judge could do things outside of the animation world and do it well. His follow-up, Idiocracy (2006), was greeted with lukewarm feelings and absolute zero box office, but its cult following is rabid, and the film cemented Judge as a comedy writer/director with a damn unique voice. So we got to asking ourselves… Having seen the trailer and some clips from Extract, is there a formula to Judge's acerbic wit and humdrum social satire?  We cooked something up, let it percolate, and then bottled it at the source. And now, faithful shareholders, we give you: "Mike Judge's Comedy Formula."  

‘CAPTAIN EO’ RETURNING TO DISNEYLAND

Thursday, September 3 by

 The Playlist is reporting on a rumor that Michael Jackson's Captain EO may be making its way back to Disneyland. According to Disney insiders, the film will be back in the park this January. Man, 3D and celebrity deaths are soooo hot right now. The line is kind of blurry on this one. What do you think, heartfelt tribute or distasteful money-making ploy? Check out these links in eye-popping 2D!!! Guy Ritchie to direct Lobo movie. But why? (/Film)Mastodon scores Jonah Hex. (First Showing)Penelope Cruz in her underwear. (Latino Review)Sequels that should be in 3-D. (MTV)7 Beloved Celebrities and the Awful Sh*t You Forgot They Did. (Cracked)Cate Blanchett caught lovely. (NY Mag)

HAWK JONES… 10-YEAR-OLD COP!

Wednesday, September 2 by

Check out this three-minute sizzle reel from HAWK JONES that the good gents at Everything is Terrible have strung together. Imagine if the cast of SCARFACE & LETHAL WEAPON got the reverse treatment that Tom Hanks got in BIG.  Yes, minds blown and eyeballs effed in the A.  I would warn you about spoilers, but the chances that you'll actually find the film in its entirety are slim to none. (And yes, that is a personal challenge to you all. If you can find it and tell us where to get it, and we can actually get it… then you get a prize. For real. We can negotiate.) According to imdb.com, there's a straight-to-video movie called HAWK JONES that was released in 1986 and directed by one Richard Lowry, who also scored the film. That's all you have to go on. What do you have to say about the links below, stern but lovable police chief?"You may be crazy, but damned if you ain't clickable."  Hillary Fisher Chills In The Woods (Gorillamask) If Money Was Designed Today (Holytaco) Zachary Quinto Is Really Good At Swearing (Filmdrunk) 10 Dirtiest Hand Gestures Of All Time (Manofest) Is It Your iPhone Or Is It A Sleave?! (Walyou) Iron Man's 5 Douchiest Co-Stars (Pajiba) Celebrities And Their Respective Felonies (Cracked) '09 NFL Preview: Cheerleaders Edition (Coed) 7 Sweet Ass Summer Camps (Regretfulmorning) Hottest Tennis Players On The Planet (Maxim) Megan Fox Looks Deep Into Your Eyes (Celebjihad) 9 Best Cities For Bachelors (Mademan) Baroni To Take On Sadollah At UFC 106 (Cagepotato) 10 Louis C.K. Bits You Should Watch Right Now (Unreality) Overage Pics Of Cougar Convention 2009 (Asylum) Favorite Playmate Victoria Silvstedt Holds Up Well (Moondogsports) Russian Kid Beats Fragile Old Man (Nothingtoxic) Kick-Ass And Expendables Get Release Dates (Filmofilia)

WHAT’S ON TV TONIGHT: WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 2nd, 2009

Wednesday, September 2 by

A little song, a little dance, indie darlings and Paul Blart. Tonight's TV Preview features THREE things you might see at an awards show.   CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP   NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!

‘Sons of Anarchy’ Actress Maggie Siff

Wednesday, September 2 by

Sons Of Anarchy returns to FX this Tuesday for its second season, and Maggie Siff returns along with it as the prodigal girlfriend Tara Knowles.  You may also recognize Maggie as Rachel Menken from AMC's Mad Men.  If you don't know her from either of these shows then you must have an aversion to awesome television.  Try turning off those reality programs that cast serial killer bachelors and tune in to some intelligent, gripping serialized dramas that utilize important things such as…writers!    A word from Maggie: "I think I fall into the camp of people who don’t feel safe about motorcycles." I don't even like when a motorcycle looks at me.  Damn thing sends chills up my spine.  That's probably because I imagine breaking my spine after I fly off of it and into a lamppost.  Stay off of bikes, Maggie, and maintain that beautiful figure of yours, which we can see more of right after the jump!  

DISNEY-MARVEL MASHUPS GALLERY

Wednesday, September 2 by

The announcement on Monday of the House of Mouse's plans to acquire the Marvel Bullpen sent a ripple thoughout the internet the likes of which has not been seen since Celebricide '09. Within hours there were several illustrations which combined the icons from either camp. Screen Junkies has scoured the corners of the 'Net to put together the most comprehensive gallery of these genius monstrosities. In addition, we sprinkled in a few of our own.   CLICK ON THE THUMBS TO SEE THE ORIGINALS IN THEIR FULL GLORY. EXCELSIOR!  

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