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THE COLLECTOR (2009)

Tuesday, July 21 by

Director: Marcus DunstanCast: Madeline Zima, Andrea Roth, Josh StewartSynopsis: Desperate to repay his debt to his ex-wife, an ex-con plots a heist at his new employer's country home, unaware that a second criminal has also targeted the property, and rigged it with a series of deadly traps. 

REAL ‘TRANSFORMERS’ FANS DRINK GASOLINE

Tuesday, July 21 by

According to FilmDrunk, a 14-year-old boy has been drinking gasoline for five years so he can be like his hero "Optimus Prime." Back in my day if you got excited by a movie you had your mom drive you over to Toys R Us and you screamed and kicked until she bought the toy you wanted. You didn't grab a lenth of garden hose and siphon gas out of your Dad's Kawasaki. Apparently the gasoline has made the kid dumber and he can no longer do math. Sounds to me like someone's just trying to sneak in an extra year of high school…Make some wise decisions this morning with these links…Charlize Theron may make Atlas shrug (Hollywood Reporter)G.I. Joe doesn't suck? (Collider)The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles get a rewrite (JoBlo)Nic Cage gets gangsta for The Green Hornet (Variety)Funny comedians recreate Point Break (/Film)

‘MYSTERY TEAM’ TRAILER #2 IS HERE!

Monday, July 20 by

MYSTERY TEAM Trailer #2 – Watch more Movie Trailers The new trailer for international internet comedy sensation Derrick Comedy's Mystery Team is on the case, and color us intrigued.  What is the color of intrigue, you ask?  Good question, we answer.  Then we avoid the subject entirely by not-so-tactfully changing it back to the film, which is  "a dark comedy that follows the lives of three high school age friends who are still holding on to their Encyclopedia Brown-esque childhood detective club. Of course, their world is turned upside down when they are presented with a real, adult mystery." On the adult mystery scale, this looks funnier than "Murder She Wrote," but not quite on the level of a "Father Dowling Mysteries," which was hilarious because priests don't solve mysteries in their spare time!  They're too busy covering up mysteries for their pedophile buddies. [via Film Drunk, via Film School Rejects]Here are Today's Top Links: Nicole Gagne In A Variety Of Skimpy Outfits (Gorillamask) What Her Pet Really Says About Her (Holytaco) Sony Buys Michael Jackson Footage For A LOT Of Money (Filmdrunk) This Guy Rules At Everything (Manofest) A Pacman Guitar Is Cool, Right? (Walyou) John Goodman Going Back To Television (Pajiba) 7 Fatal Injuries That People Somehow Survived (Cracked) Flavio Briatore Is A Man To Look Up To (Sickpigs) Spencer Pratt Wants To Rap; World Becomes More Bleak (Coedmagazine) Apparently The UK Still Cares About Lindsay Lohan (Celebjihad) 5 Flawless Road Trip Soundtracks (Mademan) Michael Bisping Ready To Bounce Back (Cagepotato) More Trailers Set To The Arcade Fire (Unreality) Giant Jellyfish Descend Upon Japan (Asylum) Michael Jordan And Inflatable Penis Share Face TIme On NBC (Bustedcoverage) 9 Year Old Kid Has The Blues (Uncoached) The Best Gift You Could Get Your Girlfriend (Regretfulmorning) Polefitness Is The New Hot Competitive Sport (Bachelorguy) Man Charged $23 Quadrillion For A Pack Of Cigarettes (Moondogsports) Cop Pulls Disabled Woman From Flaming Car (Nothingtoxic) Little Mac Vs. Soda Popinski (Atomfilms) The First Prince Of Persia Posters (Filmofilia)

MYSTERY TEAM

Monday, July 20 by

Director: Dan EckmanCast: Donald Glover, D.C. Pierson, Dominic Dierkes, Aubrey Plaza, Matt WalshSynopsis: At age seven, Oakdale's Mystery Team was a band of kid detectives dedicated to solving child-sized mysteries (like who put their finger in the pie, and who stole the tricycle), and the town loved them for it. Now they're eighteen years old, about to graduate from high school, yet they're still storming the playground to bust little kids, and the town of Oakdale is sick to death of it.When a little girl sees their sign advertising "Mysteries Solved, Ten Cents," she asks the gang to find out who killed her parents. The Team embarks on a mystery that takes them deep into a violent conspiracy that sees their lives threatened, their friendship strained and tests their claim that they're "real detectives."

WHAT’S ON TONIGHT: MONDAY, JULY 20th, 2009

Monday, July 20 by

A daring comedy from the 70s, a comedy about a daredevil, and three sci-fi programs depending on whether or not you believe the Apollo Moon landing actually happened.  These are the best options for TV watchin' tonight.FIND OUT EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE AFTER THE JUMP!NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!

temp monday link dump

Monday, July 20 by

Nicole Gagne In A Variety Of Skimpy Outifts (Gorillamask)What Her Pet Really Says About Her (Holytaco)Sony Buys Michael Jackson Footage For A LOT Of Money (Filmdrunk)This Guy Rules At Everything (Manofest)A Pacman Guitar Is Cool, Right? (Walyou)John Goodman Going Back To Television (Pajiba)7 Fatal Injuries That People Somehow Survived (Cracked)

‘FUNNY PEOPLE’ ACTRESS AUBREY PLAZA

Monday, July 20 by

Judd Apatow has a knack for finding women that manage to be very funny and incredibly hot at the same time for his movies.  For Funny People, he has found Aubrey Plaza, and up and coming actress and comedian who plays Seth Rogen's love interest in the film.  She also stars on the small screen in NBC's Parks and Recreation.  As a small side note, her Sarah Silverman impression is dead on.A word from Aubrey: "Wilmington is pretty small. There wasn't a ton to do there, but it definitely made me more creative because I had to kind of find my own thing to do, which is why I started making weird, funny videos."So growing up in a small and boring town is the secret to creating a hot and funny personality… Very interesting.  Check out more photos of Aubrey after the jump!

CREEPY KIDS FROM MODERN MOVIES

Monday, July 20 by

Something's Wrong with Esther. That's the tagline for the film Orphan opening wide this Friday. Either it's just me, or there's been something wrong with a lot of kids at the cinema as of lately.   It used to be we'd occasionally get an outstanding f*cked up youngster:But now it seems there's a flock of mediocre mini sociopaths running amoke on the silver screen. Have the parents in these films never heard of a child psychologist? Or a good punch to the temple? Both are effective for different reasons, but I can guarantee you that either method will get your demented offspring, or unfortunate adoption, to quit lighting your pets, houses, and better behaved children on fire. That is unless head shrinking and corporal punishment really pisses them off. Then you might just have to put them down for good.

JIM CAVIEZEL ATTACKED BY BICYCLE

Monday, July 20 by

Passion of the Christ / Pay It Forward actor Jim Caviezel was injured over the weekend when a crazy person threw a bicycle into the path of his motorcycle. He suffered a few scrapes but is expected to recover. Mel Gibson is rumored to really miss his bike. BA-DOOP-CHOOM!! (via Reuters)More heavenly morning links…Futurama may recast original cast. Bender now played by a Japanese guy. (Variety)Get to know Astro Boy. (First Showing)Movie Monster Size-Chart. (io9)Leonardo DiCaprio wants to remake The Twilight Zone Movie. (Empire)Danny Devito head exploded. Perfectly good shirt ruined. (Cinema Blend)

KATHIE LEE GIFFORD SCARES MY BRAINS OUT

Sunday, July 19 by

Kathie Lee is a Creep – Watch more Funny VideosEverything Is Terrible unearthed this video of Kathie Lee Gifford giving a walkthrough of her homelife under the guise of a workout video. To say that the footage is scary and bizarre is an understatement. Her home and humor seem beyond weird and this really makes me worry about young Cody and Cassidy and what they're up to nowadays. Law enforcement would be wise to keep an eye on the Gifford kids. Leatherface had a more normal upbringing than them.

Raise Your Glass. ‘Three Sheets’ Season Four Returns to TV On Monday

Saturday, July 18 by

THREE SHEETS Season 4 Sizzle Reel – Watch more Movie TrailersThis Monday night, July 20th, "Three Sheets" returns to television @ 10pm ET/PT on Fine Living Network (FLN).  It's the start of Season 4, and host Zane Lamprey – a name that sounds like it should belong to the coolest sea creature EVER – is still traveling the world, drinking copious amounts of local alcoholic beverages, and following it up with… more booze.  Occasionally, he eats bizarre foods, too, but usually is turned off by the taste and must wash it down with… more booze.  In the United States, this would be called a drinking problem.  But where Zane goes, the locals call this "way better than those crappy pamphlets at the tourism office," so they just laugh and laugh… and keep the beer/wine/rat poison flowing.  Actually, I should let you know that this show in no way endorses irresponsible drinking.  Lamprey is a pro, and can drink anyone under the table without losing his visuo-spatial perception, basic motor skills, or logic.  Why Nick Nolte has not signed onto the show as Lamprey's faithful sidekick, I have no idea.

THREE SHEETS

Saturday, July 18 by

Network: Fine Living (FLN)Time: Weeknights @ 10pm ET/PTSynopsis: Host Zane Lamprey travels the world, drinking and… drinking.  And occasionally eating some really awful stuff… then cleansing his palate with more booze. 

WHAT TO WATCH ON TV THIS WEEKEND: July 17th – 19th, 2009

Friday, July 17 by

Chances are strong that you'll be spending the weekend watching your favorite wizard. And if this guyis busy then you'll probably be watching Harry Potter. Or maybe you're too busy clicking away for your chance to win Watchmen: The Director's Cut. But if you're not, have a gander at these programs we've hand-selected for your viewing pleasure.FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP…

’500 DAYS OF SUMMER’ ACTRESS ZOOEY DESCHANEL

Friday, July 17 by

Being hailed as this year's breakout Sundance hit, 500 Days of Summer opens in limited release this weekend.  While I cannot attest to whether or not it's a breakout Sundance hit, I can confirm that it is a breakout reason to see Zooey Deschanel act adorable on a giant movie screen.  Although, to be fair, every movie she is in counts as one of those.  From small parts in films like Almost Famous to a romantic lead in the holiday classic Elf, she's been every indie nerd's dream for quite a while (she even has a respectable indie band, for goodness sakes!).  She even made The Happening bearable!… well, ok, she actually didn't, but it's not like she hurt the already awful movie or anything.A word from Zooey: "I don't really like to go out very much. I'm not scandalous. I'm not, like, in this to be famous. I also find it so embarrassing when you read about people and it's like they were so trashed at Skybar and stumbling around. I don't want to be that person. That's just so embarrassing to have that written about you."…And that's exactly why you're awesome, Zooey.  Check out more non-scandalous, albeit very pretty, photos of her after the jump!

KICKASS ‘KICK-ASS’ COMIC-CON POSTER BY JOHN ROMITA JR.

Friday, July 17 by

I love a good unofficial poster.  They're almost always a lot cooler than the the authorized versions.  And the collector in me likes the whole limited edition-ness of them, too.  I know that my signed "Dwight Yoakam live at the Wiltern Theater 2007" poster will one day be worth at least $7 to someone.  And I only paid $15 for it.  That's called smart investing.Speaking of smart investing and nerdery, Screen Junkies is headed to Comic-Con for the first time ever this year, and it brings me great pleasure to show you the above special edition Kick-Ass poster designed exclusively for Comic-Con 2009 by artist John Romita Jr.  He's the artist behind the original Kick-Ass comic book series, on which Matthew Vaughn's film is based.  I once met Mr. Romita Jr. and he signed my copy of Ghost Rider, Punisher, Wolverine: Hearts of Darkness AND Cable #1.  I still have both issues.  I still have a lot of issues from the early '90s.  Like painful self-loathing.Here are your kickass weekend links:Amber Marie Mekush On The Beach (Gorillamask)Open Letters To Annoying People (Holytaco)Judd Apatow Interviews Adam Sandler (Filmdrunk)The 69 Sexiest Women Dressed As Wonder Woman (Manofest)Star Wars Themed Battleship! Yes! (Walyou)The 5 Best Whimsiquirkilicious Films Of The Decade (Pajiba)5 Unintentionally Hilarious Work Saftey Videos (Cracked)Michael Jackson In The Year 2000 (Sickpigs)The 10 Most Awesome Old School Nickelodeon Theme Songs (Coedmagazine)Pam Anderson And Mischa Barton Are Zombies (Celebjihad)Accessories For True Men (Mademan)10 Awesome Pixar Mashups (Unreality)15 Beautiful AND Intelligent Women (Asylum)Margo McAuley Is The Hottest NCAA Junior Athlete (Bustedcoverage)Things Hugh Hefner Probably Says Before Having Sex (Uncoached)6 People Who Will Ruin Your Summer Pool Experience (Regretfulmorning)Manliness Of Yesteryear: The Liquid Lunch (Bachelorguy)2009 SEC Coaches All-SEC Preseason Team (Moondogsports)Hammer Vs. Hand Or Face Vs. Fire Extinguisher (Nothingtoxic)Inappropriate Workplace: Big And Baby (Atomfilms)Inglourious Basterds TV Spots (Filmofilia)

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