Michael Bay Gives Victoria’s Secret the Ol’ One-Two-BOOM!

Monday, December 7 by

Screen Junkies has an unhealthy obsession with Michael Bay so it's only fitting that I post this commercial he recently directed for Victoria's Secret. The rumor I'm starting has it that Bay schtooped every single model on set, but only after he bent the sky over and took it from behind, thus scorching the earth all for a totally awesome shot. Here are today's lin–BOOM!What Your Favorite Sport Really Says About You (HolyTaco) London Knights Fan Makes it Rain Teddy Bears (TotalProSports) Sexy Surfers (TheChive) The Final Frame of Old Dogs is Creepy (FilmDrunk) 25 Amazing Christmas Light Displays (SuperTremendous) The Decade's Ten Biggest Flameouts (Pajiba) Top 10 Twilight Fan Gifts (CelebJihad) 10 Reasons We Miss Dolph Lundgren (Moviefone) A Collection of Horrible Prequel Ideas (Unreality) Is Playground Pole Dancing Porn? (Asylum) Brenda Warner Has Long Hair Now! (BustedCoverage) Quad Loading Fail (RegretfulMorning) Makeover Your Pad James Bond-Style (MadeMan) 66 Hot Track Girls (AllLeftTurns) Vicious Soccer Fight Over Dirty Play (NothingToxic) Tiger Woods Gets His Sext On (Atom)

‘Spanish Movie’ Trailer is a Thing That Exists

Monday, December 7 by

FOX targets the only race that still cares about their glut of sh*tty, sh*tty parody movies by releasing this trailer for Spanish Movie. For those unfamiliar with Fox's previous spoofs (ie: Epic Movie, Date Movie), you've just officially won at life. Keep up the good work. This time around they have Spanish crossover films such as The Orphanage, Pan's Labyrinth, Rec, Volver, and Open Your Eyes in their sights. I didn't see one Paris Hilton or Amy Winehouse joke in here. Without them as fodder, what will people not laugh at in this movie?Keep an eye out for Leslie Nielsen. It's nice to see that his fart jokes transcend all racial divides. Take that Tower of Babel!

What’s On TV Tonight: Monday, December 7th, 2009

Monday, December 7 by

Andrew Jackson's checkered past, Santa Claus's shady beginnings, and a potential mother-meet on How I Met Your Mother. ALL TONIGHT.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC

‘Death at a Funeral’ Trailer Should Have Its Own Casket

Monday, December 7 by

Neil LaBute has given up on Nic Cage and "beeeeeeeeees!" and decided to remake a movie that's only two years old. The original Death at a Funeral was a British comedy directed by American Frank Oz, and featured mostly white people. For the remake, Hollywood decided to replace most of the white people with black people, but still keep in the midget because midgets are always amusing. Chris Rock leads the ensemble cast, and Martin Lawrence leads the utterances of "Daaaaaaaaaamn." The film focuses on a funeral that “devolves into a debacle of misplaced cadavers, indecent exposure and family secrets.” Also, Danny Glover poops on Tracy Morgan's hand. Check out the trailer after the jump, if you dare.

Death At a Funeral

Monday, December 7 by

Director: Neil LaButeCast: Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence, Tracy Morgan, Zoe SaldanaSynopsis: A funeral ceremony turns into a debacle of exposed family secrets and misplaced bodies.

Mel Gibson is Renting a Mexican Prison

Monday, December 7 by

  Mexican Governer Fidel Herrerra is emptying out a large section of a Veracruz prison to make room for Mel Gibson. The actor is said to be shooting a large production though there is no word on what the project will be. My fingers are perma-crossed that we'll finally see a big budget remake of the girls-in-sexy-jail classic Caged Heat. The Governer refers to Gibson as his friend, probably due to the fact that since shooting Apocalypto in Veracruz, Gibson has also donated $1 million to replace storm-damaged homes in the area. A few years ago I would view this as a thoughtful act of charity. Nowadays I'm not so quick to trust Gibson, and now he has the Mexican government in his pocket. What is he planning? (THR)

‘A Single Man’ Actress Ginnifer Goodwin

Monday, December 7 by

Ginnifer Goodwin is Bill Pullman's youngest wife of three in Big Love on HBO. Unfortunately they don't do a lot of threesomes on the show because I guess God "frowns" on that sort of stuff, but I don't particularly want to see Chloe Sevigny naked anyway.   A word from Ginnifer: "I have no idea how to play her, but I am dying to figure it out."It's all part of the process, Ginny. Unless of course you fail miserably at honing your craft.  Feel some big love with the pics after the jump.

A Single Man

Monday, December 7 by

Director: Tom FordCast: Colin Firth, Julianne MooreSynopsis: A story that centers on an English professor who, after the sudden death of his partner tries to go about his typical day in Los Angeles.

Trippy Tarantino SoftBank Commercial

Monday, December 7 by

Someone let Quentin Tarantino play with the Japanese, and the result is unsettling. Below is a commercial that Tarantino starred in for SoftBank, a Japanese cell phone company. There's a talking real dog, a talking fake dog, a black man in a kimono, a screaming white woman, and Tarantino, who probably thinks this is all happening in his head. I don't speak Japanese, so if you can translate this please tell me if it's signaling the end of the world.  

‘It’s Complicated’ Poster Celebrates Old People Sex

Monday, December 7 by

The poster for Nancy Meyers's It's Complicated shows Oscar co-host Alec Baldwin and Oscar winner Meryl Streep in post-coital bliss. Actually, Baldwin has a look of contented bliss and Streep has a look of dissatisfied worry (obviously he stole a page from my playbook). At any rate, gross Mom and Dad!!!Also, does Alec Baldwin always look like Keyboard Cat after sex?

First Teaser Trailer for ‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows’ Teases You One Year Out

Sunday, December 6 by

As usual, all is not well at Hogwarts. Voldemort's power has grown stronger, and he has control of the Ministry of Magic and Hogwarts. Meanwhile, Harry, Ron, and Hermoine are trying to put to rest the Dark Lord and their boners, which are inveritable forces in their teenage years. The newly released teaser trailer starts off with director David Yates and producer David Heyman talking about how lovely it is to be creatively involved and making sh*tbuckets full of money on the last two Potter installments. Fast forward 50 seconds and you get the real meat – actual film footage and John Hurt being awesome. Sure, it's great to see the wizard trio, but come on, the always brilliant supporting cast in these movies bring the real magic. That's right, I said magic.  Check out the teaser trailer after the jump, then the movie a year from now when it opens November 19th, 2010.

Photobomb Fridays: Full Metal Jacket + Rocketman

Friday, December 4 by

Rocketman doesn't care if your military base is closed to the public. Here are your weekend links:25 Hilarious WiFi Network Names (HolyTaco)Buffalo Bills Coach Steamrolled on Sideline (TotalProSports)Douchebags Everywhere (TheChive)Taylor Lautner Gets Xtreme (FilmDrunk)25 Funniest Nutshots of All Time (SuperTremendous) 10 Best Stand-Alone TV Episodes of the Aughts (Pajiba)Tiger Woods Voicemail Slow Jam Remix (CelebJihad)Sex Mario is Freaking Us Out (Unreality)Kylie Bisutti – Before She Was an Angel (Asylum)Generate Your Own Tiger-Esque Sext Message (BustedCoverage)Fire Stunt Ends Badly (RegretfulMorning)Have Ambien Sex Like Tiger Does (MadeMan)Montoya and Stewart Almost Hug It Out (AllLeftTurns)Epic Ghetto Catfight (NothingToxic)Hot Twitter Chick (Atom)

What’s On This Weekend: Friday, December 4th – Sunday, December 6th

Friday, December 4 by

This weekend, Blake Lively hosts SNL as well as a party in my pants.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

Producer Spills New ‘Jack Ryan’ Movie Details

Friday, December 4 by

Screen Junkies caught up with producer Mace Neufeld after he spoke at the Invictus press conference earlier today. Here's what he had to say about the next Jack Ryan project, which thus far remains untitled:Why did you go with an original script and not one of the books? "Well, we were out of books. Red Rabbit was the last one and we just couldn't seem to get a script out of that. The new management came into Paramount. They said, "This is a really valuable franchise. Let's try and restart it with a younger actor. The Chris Pine idea came up and hopefully that's what we'll be doing"   Who did the rewrite? Adam Cozad. Hossein Amini did one draft and Adam is now working on another one.   No title yet? No title, The Untitled Jack Ryan movie.   Will you reboot his origin like you did with Sum of all Fears? No, no. We pick him up when he's on Wall Street.   Do you have action set pieces in mind? It all starts with the writer. It really does. When you say, 'We need action, action, action.' The Jack Ryan movies have never been action films. They've been thinknig man's thrillers. Jack is referred to as a water walker because of his ability to jump ahead to a conclusion. We've always seen that in all the Ryan films. That's how we want to portray him. He's a teacher, he's a historian, he's a linguist and he's really smart.   Would you shoot in Annapolis or DC again? D.C. probably yes. So there you have it. Seems like Paramount is pumped to deliver a quality Jack Ryan movie in order to wash the taste of Affleck out of our mouths. Eeewww. Tastes like almonds.

Matt Damon Won’t Do ‘Bourne 4′ Without Paul Greengrass

Friday, December 4 by

We reported earlier this week that Paul Greengrass bailed on the fourth Bourne installment after having a falling out with the cash-strapped Universal. Now it appears that Matt Damon is showing some loyalty, and sticking by his director's side.When Screen Junkies caught up with Damon at the Invictus press junket he told us, "I'll wait for him and when he wants to do one, we'll do it." When asked specifically is it Greengrass or no Bourne, the actor went on to say, "I've always said that, but I think it will happen. Just down the road. We don't have a script right now."With Damon holding on tightly to the hand of Greengrass maybe Universal will reach a little deeper into their pockets. Afterall, they need to hold on to the Bourne series like grim death if they plan on eating anything other than Ramen next year.