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WHAT’S ON TV TONIGHT: THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 3rd, 2009

Thursday, September 3 by

Tonight's TV Preview has prison tatts, monsters, awesome sandwiches, ass kickings, and vagina bombs. That's right vagina bombs. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!

‘Sons of Anarchy’ Actress Taryn Manning

Thursday, September 3 by

Taryn Manning is our second lovely Sons of Anarchy lady of the week, and we'd like to send out a special thanks to the show's casting director.  Last season Taryn played Cherry, the Prospect's adoring girlfriend who wanted to be his 'ol lady more than anything else in the world.  But she got herself into a bit of a pickle with the ATF and had to split Charming.  We're hoping she returns to town this season and brings that sexy, raspy voice back with her.  It's like the smooth, slow hum of the Harley I'm not cool enough to own.        A word from Taryn: "The thing that makes me feel most alive is when I'm playing guitar and singing." The thing that makes us feel most alive is when we're looking at you wearing silky clothes that trace your silhouette in such a way that it teases us with the gloriousness hiding underneath.  …While we're playing guitar.  Looks like there's some inspiration for us after the jump!

GLEE

Thursday, September 3 by

Network: FOXCast: Matthew Morrison, Dianna Agron, Cory Monteith, Jane Lynch, Jayma MaysProducers: Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk, Ian BrennanSynopsis: The show follows an optimistic high school teacher as he tries to refuel his own passion while reinventing the high school's glee club and challenging a group of outcasts to realize their star potential.

EXTRACT: MIKE JUDGE’S COMEDY FORMULA

Thursday, September 3 by

This Friday sees the release of Mike Judge's Extract, his third live-action comedy. In 1999, Office Space was a huge success and proved Judge could do things outside of the animation world and do it well. His follow-up, Idiocracy (2006), was greeted with lukewarm feelings and absolute zero box office, but its cult following is rabid, and the film cemented Judge as a comedy writer/director with a damn unique voice. So we got to asking ourselves… Having seen the trailer and some clips from Extract, is there a formula to Judge's acerbic wit and humdrum social satire?  We cooked something up, let it percolate, and then bottled it at the source. And now, faithful shareholders, we give you: "Mike Judge's Comedy Formula."  

‘CAPTAIN EO’ RETURNING TO DISNEYLAND

Thursday, September 3 by

 The Playlist is reporting on a rumor that Michael Jackson's Captain EO may be making its way back to Disneyland. According to Disney insiders, the film will be back in the park this January. Man, 3D and celebrity deaths are soooo hot right now. The line is kind of blurry on this one. What do you think, heartfelt tribute or distasteful money-making ploy? Check out these links in eye-popping 2D!!! Guy Ritchie to direct Lobo movie. But why? (/Film)Mastodon scores Jonah Hex. (First Showing)Penelope Cruz in her underwear. (Latino Review)Sequels that should be in 3-D. (MTV)7 Beloved Celebrities and the Awful Sh*t You Forgot They Did. (Cracked)Cate Blanchett caught lovely. (NY Mag)

HAWK JONES… 10-YEAR-OLD COP!

Wednesday, September 2 by

Check out this three-minute sizzle reel from HAWK JONES that the good gents at Everything is Terrible have strung together. Imagine if the cast of SCARFACE & LETHAL WEAPON got the reverse treatment that Tom Hanks got in BIG.  Yes, minds blown and eyeballs effed in the A.  I would warn you about spoilers, but the chances that you'll actually find the film in its entirety are slim to none. (And yes, that is a personal challenge to you all. If you can find it and tell us where to get it, and we can actually get it… then you get a prize. For real. We can negotiate.) According to imdb.com, there's a straight-to-video movie called HAWK JONES that was released in 1986 and directed by one Richard Lowry, who also scored the film. That's all you have to go on. What do you have to say about the links below, stern but lovable police chief?"You may be crazy, but damned if you ain't clickable."  Hillary Fisher Chills In The Woods (Gorillamask) If Money Was Designed Today (Holytaco) Zachary Quinto Is Really Good At Swearing (Filmdrunk) 10 Dirtiest Hand Gestures Of All Time (Manofest) Is It Your iPhone Or Is It A Sleave?! (Walyou) Iron Man's 5 Douchiest Co-Stars (Pajiba) Celebrities And Their Respective Felonies (Cracked) '09 NFL Preview: Cheerleaders Edition (Coed) 7 Sweet Ass Summer Camps (Regretfulmorning) Hottest Tennis Players On The Planet (Maxim) Megan Fox Looks Deep Into Your Eyes (Celebjihad) 9 Best Cities For Bachelors (Mademan) Baroni To Take On Sadollah At UFC 106 (Cagepotato) 10 Louis C.K. Bits You Should Watch Right Now (Unreality) Overage Pics Of Cougar Convention 2009 (Asylum) Favorite Playmate Victoria Silvstedt Holds Up Well (Moondogsports) Russian Kid Beats Fragile Old Man (Nothingtoxic) Kick-Ass And Expendables Get Release Dates (Filmofilia)

WHAT’S ON TV TONIGHT: WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 2nd, 2009

Wednesday, September 2 by

A little song, a little dance, indie darlings and Paul Blart. Tonight's TV Preview features THREE things you might see at an awards show.   CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP   NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!

‘Sons of Anarchy’ Actress Maggie Siff

Wednesday, September 2 by

Sons Of Anarchy returns to FX this Tuesday for its second season, and Maggie Siff returns along with it as the prodigal girlfriend Tara Knowles.  You may also recognize Maggie as Rachel Menken from AMC's Mad Men.  If you don't know her from either of these shows then you must have an aversion to awesome television.  Try turning off those reality programs that cast serial killer bachelors and tune in to some intelligent, gripping serialized dramas that utilize important things such as…writers!    A word from Maggie: "I think I fall into the camp of people who don’t feel safe about motorcycles." I don't even like when a motorcycle looks at me.  Damn thing sends chills up my spine.  That's probably because I imagine breaking my spine after I fly off of it and into a lamppost.  Stay off of bikes, Maggie, and maintain that beautiful figure of yours, which we can see more of right after the jump!  

DISNEY-MARVEL MASHUPS GALLERY

Wednesday, September 2 by

The announcement on Monday of the House of Mouse's plans to acquire the Marvel Bullpen sent a ripple thoughout the internet the likes of which has not been seen since Celebricide '09. Within hours there were several illustrations which combined the icons from either camp. Screen Junkies has scoured the corners of the 'Net to put together the most comprehensive gallery of these genius monstrosities. In addition, we sprinkled in a few of our own.   CLICK ON THE THUMBS TO SEE THE ORIGINALS IN THEIR FULL GLORY. EXCELSIOR!  

BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD REVIEW ‘EXTRACT’

Wednesday, September 2 by

Beavis and Butthead have come out of retirement to talk up Mike Judge's latest, Extract. It's great to see these guys again and I love their straight to the point and honest review. Perhaps if Ben and Ben showed this kind of charm they would still be At The Movies.  @ Yahoo! Video Look at these morning links, buttwagon… Iron Man 2 interested in jumping on the 3-D bandwagon. (First Showing) Downey & Favreau hop aboard Cowboys & Aliens. (Empire) Get ready for another 30 Days of Night. (Cinema Blend) MacGruber set photo. (Latino Review) Family Guy shuffles the writer's room. (Reuters)

YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO THE MYERS BRIS

Tuesday, September 1 by

I mean, psychotic or no, the man was born to slash foreskin. And it's a good thing, cause after FINAL DESTINATION whooped his ass this past weekend, he'll need steady work for a while.  You and a guest are cordially invited to attend the following:  Nicky Fleites Has Sand All Over Her Areas (Gorillamask) How To Survive When Your City Catches Fire (Holytaco) How Twilight Should Have Ended (Filmdrunk) The 10 (Or 20, Really) Biggest Breasts In The World (Manofest) Tetris Sugar Game Is Sweetest Game Of All Time (Walyou) Nominate Megan Fox And Make Your Awards Irrelevant (Pajiba) 5 Amazing Inventions That Will Doom Humanity (Cracked) I Can't Stop Singing Boyz II Men (Heeb) 7 Douchiest Theme Parties (Coedmagazine) Hottest Israel Women Deserve The Holy Land (Maxim) Miley Cyrus Ass-Sex Pics Leaked (Celebjihad) 10 Of History's Unknown Badasses (Mademan) Either Jerry Millen Is Stupid, Or He Thinks You Are (Cagepotato) 15 Movies That Can Also Be Watched Backwards (Unreality) Mudflat Olympics In Germany Gets Dirty (Asylum) Playboy Really, Really, Really Wants Lohan To Pose Nude (Moondogsports) Mickey Turned To Prostitution After Marvel Joined The Team (Atomfilms)

WHAT’S ON TV TONIGHT: TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 1st, 2009

Tuesday, September 1 by

Bad food, unexpected pregnancies, and workplace malaise. Tonight's TV Preview is just like any other day at the OBGYN. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!

How to Hog Tie a Terrorist

Tuesday, September 1 by

Ever wonder nowadays whether the next commercial jet you fly on is going to get hijacked? If you have anxiety issues like me, this is the part where you turn your head, look out the window and gruffly whisper, "Every damn day…" Well, there's a show for people like us, or people who like being prepared.  It's called "Surviving Disaster," and Season 2 premieres tonight on Spike @ 10pm ET/PT. Check out the clip below, where Navy SEAL/badass host Cade Courtley teaches us how to hog tie an airplane hijacker.  How to hog tie a terrorist. – Watch more Funny Videos Who is this Courtley guy? He's like your own personal cheerleader for urban survival. He's like Bear Grylls, but useful. Face it; you're never going to get lost on a mountain. You're more likely to die from choking on a glazed donut. Or a bank heist gone awry.  And guess what? Courtley covers bank heists this season.  And earthquakes, and home invasions, fire, mall shootings, hurricanes and effin' nuclear attacks.  And nuclear attacks are just like the world's giant glazed donuts. Silent. Deadly. And served by a Korean.   

‘CARRIERS’ ACTRESS EMILY VANCAMP

Tuesday, September 1 by

In Carriers, coming out this Friday, Emily VanCamp plays one of four friends trying to outrun the end of the world and each other.  Apparently someone even as cute as her is still susceptable to the awful viral pandemic threatening to destroy the human race.  It's amazing how quickly movies get made these days.  Swine flu just hit the scene and it already has a film coming out about it starring Emily VanCamp.  Let's all hope its ego inflates so rapidly that it implodes and we can enjoy this coming winter instead of worrying about possible death.    A word from Emily: "Getting naked is sort of taboo in America, and I think that's something we need to get over." Yeah, great, because being nude isn't a good way to catch a virus, Emily.  Pffff. Whatever. I'm just going to look at all the pics of you after the jump now.

DISNEY BUYS MARVEL

Tuesday, September 1 by

Of course by now you have read about Disney's purchase of Marvel for the astonishing price of $4 billion. But what does this mean exactly? Will characters in the Marvel Universe be needlessly Jonas-ized? That's doubtful (God willing). There's been some speculation that Pixar will animate a Marvel property or two. To which I say 'yes' and 'please'. But more than likely, the changes won't be too drastic. Except for the fact that Stan Lee will now be a fixture in the club scene, where he'll be seen regularly making it rain on them hoes. Blowin off stacks of cheddar… Drizzle some billz on these morning links… A nervous Fox polishes the turd that is The Fantastic Four films. (First Showing)Predator Goes Hawaiian. (io9)Writer Shakes hands with Bruckheimer. (Latino Review)VH1 takes out the trash. (NY Mag)De Mornay cast as MILF. (Empire)From an end, comes a new beginning for Supernatural. (Cinema Blend)

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