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How to Hog Tie a Terrorist

Tuesday, September 1 by

Ever wonder nowadays whether the next commercial jet you fly on is going to get hijacked? If you have anxiety issues like me, this is the part where you turn your head, look out the window and gruffly whisper, "Every damn day…" Well, there's a show for people like us, or people who like being prepared.  It's called "Surviving Disaster," and Season 2 premieres tonight on Spike @ 10pm ET/PT. Check out the clip below, where Navy SEAL/badass host Cade Courtley teaches us how to hog tie an airplane hijacker.  How to hog tie a terrorist. – Watch more Funny Videos Who is this Courtley guy? He's like your own personal cheerleader for urban survival. He's like Bear Grylls, but useful. Face it; you're never going to get lost on a mountain. You're more likely to die from choking on a glazed donut. Or a bank heist gone awry.  And guess what? Courtley covers bank heists this season.  And earthquakes, and home invasions, fire, mall shootings, hurricanes and effin' nuclear attacks.  And nuclear attacks are just like the world's giant glazed donuts. Silent. Deadly. And served by a Korean.   

‘CARRIERS’ ACTRESS EMILY VANCAMP

Tuesday, September 1 by

In Carriers, coming out this Friday, Emily VanCamp plays one of four friends trying to outrun the end of the world and each other.  Apparently someone even as cute as her is still susceptable to the awful viral pandemic threatening to destroy the human race.  It's amazing how quickly movies get made these days.  Swine flu just hit the scene and it already has a film coming out about it starring Emily VanCamp.  Let's all hope its ego inflates so rapidly that it implodes and we can enjoy this coming winter instead of worrying about possible death.    A word from Emily: "Getting naked is sort of taboo in America, and I think that's something we need to get over." Yeah, great, because being nude isn't a good way to catch a virus, Emily.  Pffff. Whatever. I'm just going to look at all the pics of you after the jump now.

DISNEY BUYS MARVEL

Tuesday, September 1 by

Of course by now you have read about Disney's purchase of Marvel for the astonishing price of $4 billion. But what does this mean exactly? Will characters in the Marvel Universe be needlessly Jonas-ized? That's doubtful (God willing). There's been some speculation that Pixar will animate a Marvel property or two. To which I say 'yes' and 'please'. But more than likely, the changes won't be too drastic. Except for the fact that Stan Lee will now be a fixture in the club scene, where he'll be seen regularly making it rain on them hoes. Blowin off stacks of cheddar… Drizzle some billz on these morning links… A nervous Fox polishes the turd that is The Fantastic Four films. (First Showing)Predator Goes Hawaiian. (io9)Writer Shakes hands with Bruckheimer. (Latino Review)VH1 takes out the trash. (NY Mag)De Mornay cast as MILF. (Empire)From an end, comes a new beginning for Supernatural. (Cinema Blend)

ASTRO BOY

Monday, August 31 by

Director: David Bowers Cast: Nicholas Cage, Kristen Bell, Freddie Highmore, Donald Sutherland, Eugene Levy Synopsis: Set in futuristic Metro City, Astro Boy is about a young robot with incredible powers created by a brilliant scientist in the image of the son he has lost. Unable to fulfill the grieving man's expectations, our hero embarks on a journey in search of acceptance, experiencing betrayal and a netherworld of robot gladiators, before he returns to save Metro City and reconcile with the father who had rejected him.  

SURVIVING DISASTER

Monday, August 31 by

 

‘AGORA’ TRAILER HAS RACHEL WEISZ, SWORDS, HEAVY CLEAVAGE.

Monday, August 31 by

AGORA Trailer with Rachel Weisz – Watch more Movie Trailers Above is the first trailer for the new Egypt-under-the-Roman-Empire period piece, which stars Rachel Weisz as the brilliant astronomer Hypatia, who along with her disciples, fights to save the wisdom of the Ancient World during a violent religious upheaval.  It looks like there's action, but whether or not Weisz will kick some holy Roman ass remains to be seen. The title bugs me. "Agora." It comes from the Greek for a marketplace. That's like naming DIE HARD "NAKATOMI PLAZA." Or UNDER SIEGE 2 "MOVING TRAIN." If they're going to just name it after the location, they could at least do something dynamic like THE TOWERING INFERNO did. Maybe call it RELIGIOUS RUMBLE AT THE ALEXANDRIA MALL. Or I'M AGORA GIT YOU SUCKA.Git deez links, SUCKA!Mindi Smith Is A One-Woman Carwash (Gorillamask)The Anatomy Of A Bikini Carwash (Holytaco)Rambo 5: Rambo Goes To Mexico (Filmdrunk)25 Amazing Man Babies (Manofest)Nintendo Rubik's Cube Is 8-Bit Fun For All (Walyou)The Best TV Robots (Pajiba)Cheap Acting Tricks That Fool The Critics (Cracked)So Many Hot Legal Schoolgirls (Coedmagazine)'09 Hometown Hotties Finalists. Rock The Vote! (Maxim) It's Not Too Soon For Dead Ted Kennedy Jokes (Celebjihad)How To Tell If She'll Be Good In Bed (Mademan)Ed Herman Is Pretty Certain His Knee Is F*cked (Cagepotato)Video Game Console Costumes Turn You Into A Tool (Unreality)Robot Striptease Teaches Us How To Feel (Asylum)Celebrities 'Hate' Vick's Return To The NFL (Moondogsports) Cop Rams Squad Car Into A Man In A Wheelchair (Nothingtoxic)The Worst Speeches Of All Time (Atomfilms)First Pics Of Ms. Kidman in 'Rabbit Hole' (Filmofilia)

AGORA

Monday, August 31 by

Director: Alejandro Amenábar Cast: Rachel Weisz, Max Minghella, Rupert Evans Synopsis: A historical drama set in Roman Egypt, concerning a slave who turns to the rising tide of Christianity in the hopes of pursuing freedom while also falling in love with his master, the famous female philosophy professor and atheist Hypatia of Alexandria.  

Levar Burton: “Reading is Dead”

Monday, August 31 by

  EDITOR'S NOTE: This isn't really written by LeVar Burton. But seeing as how so many of the people commenting are wondering, or are calling it defamatory, let us make it clear: LeVar Burton did NOT write this piece. It was meant to be a joke. Because the real LeVar Burton would never in his right f**king mind write something like this. If Mr. Burton doesn't like this piece, then we apologize. He has not contacted us requesting that we remove it. If he does request we do so, then we will out of respect. We love LeVar Burton. We also like reading, and hope that the "literary arts" stay strong for all time.  

WHAT’S ON TV TONIGHT: MONDAY, AUGUST 31st, 2009

Monday, August 31 by

Bear wrestling, busty women, outlandish costumes, and tragedy. Tonight's TV Preview reads like Mickey Rourke's day planner. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!

‘GAMER’ ACTRESS AMBER VALLETTA

Monday, August 31 by

Amber Valetta stars as Angie in Gamer this Friday, but you may better recognize her as the machine gun-wielding killer in the very impractical outfit from Transporter 2.  Pink lingerie, stilettos, and gobs of black eyeliner to blow someone's head off?  It doesn't seem like the most accommodating attire, but then again, she might be using the sight of dewy side-boob to stun her victims before riddling them with hollow points. Apparently she plays the mom… Oopsies! A word from Amber: "I'm from Oklahoma!"And Rogers & Hammerstein give each other a posthumous fist bump, as their plan to turn the Sooner state's name into an expletive gets one celebrity closer to reality.  Check out the Mother-Oklahomin' photos of Amber after the jump. 

‘THE TOURNAMENT’ NSFW TRAILER

Monday, August 31 by

The new trailer for Scott Mann's THE TOURNAMENT hit today and we couldn't be more excited about it. The plot is simple: every seven years, in a small town, a tournament to determine the world's #1 assassin takes place. Believable? Nope. Awesome? Eff yes. If the trailer is a true indication of the tone of the movie, it's going to be, as ScreenJunkie Wookie Johnson put it, "SMOKIN' ACES without the gimmicks."     You have to admit it's a virtual who's who of badasses all crammed into one actio flick:    Marcellus Wallace from PULP FICTION? Check.  

The Tournament

Monday, August 31 by

Director: Scott Mann Cast: Ving Rhames, Ian Somerhalder, Robert Carlyle, Kelly Hu Synopsis: Every seven years in an unsuspecting town, The Tournament takes place. A battle royale between 30 of the world's deadliest assassins. The last man standing receiving the $10,000,000 cash prize and the title of Worlds No 1, which itself carries the legendary million dollar a bullet price tag.

‘HALLOWEEN 3-D’ TO BE RELEASED NEXT SUMMER

Monday, August 31 by

Despite the shortcomings of Halloween 2 at the box office this past weekend,  Bob Weinstein has announced that Michael Myers will be back to hacking and slashing next summer will another sequel… in jaw-dropping 3-D. Weinstein noted that Rob Zombie won't be back this time around as they are going in a new direction with a director 'who has experience with horror'. Negotiations are happening now so the director could not be named. Let's start speculating. Alexander Aja or Neil Marshall would be interesting choices. Or perhaps John Carpenter would return to the franchise. Oh wait. This is a schlocky sequel that is unlikely to have anything going for it beyond it's gimmicky 3-D presentation. Better get those guys from the Saw movies. (Dread Central) Stab your brain with the knowledge contained within these links… Rambo 5!!! (/Film)Burnett and Lowry to ride again in Bad Boys 3. (First Showing)Nicolas Cage is going to get points on his license. (Empire)Seth Rogen's The Green Hornet pushes back release. (The Playlist)10 TV Shows That Should Never, Ever Be Made Into Movies. (io9)

GEORGE CLOONEY IS A JEDI MASTER

Friday, August 28 by

The Men Who Stare At Goats Trailer – Watch more Funny VideosAbove is the brand new trailer for THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS, the based-on-a-true-story-and-a-bestselling-book flick that stars George Clooney, Jeff Bridges, AVATAR's Stephen Lang and Kevin Spacey as U.S. Army men who are part of the military's special program for paranormal soldiers. Lang can run through walls, Spacey is a psychic, Clooney can kill livestock with his mind, and Jeff Bridges is the party dude.  Party down with these weekend links:  Michelle Mayden Stretches Out Her Suit (Gorillamask) Read This Flowchart Before You Bang A Fat Chick (Holytaco) Robin Williams Returns To Sucking (Filmdrunk) 15 Sexy Twitter Babes To Tweet (Manofest) USB Crunching Rocky Bolboa Goes The Distance (Walyou) Rachel Weisz Lights Up 'Agora' Trailer (Pajiba) 5 Badass Movie Characters Who Are Real People (Cracked) Piven's Mercury Poisoning Is Bullshit (Heeb) 10 Signs You Might Be A Douche (Coedmagazine) 10 Awesome Predator Tattoos (Maxim) Girls Gone Wild Guy Sucker Punches Playmate (Celebjihad) How To Sleep With Your Teacher (Mademan) Mark Kerr Has No Chance In Hell (Cagepotato) Tarantino Reviews 'There Will Be Blood' (Unreality) 7 Worst Things Guys Do In Public Restrooms (Asylum) Lou Holtz Tackles Healthcare On Hannity (Moondogsports) First Person View Of Jet Crash (Nothingtoxic) Plaxico Burress' PSA On Gun Safety (Atomfilms)

Men Who Stare At Goats

Friday, August 28 by

Director: Grant HeslovCast: George Clooney, Ewan McGregor, Kevin Spacey, Jeff Bridges Synopsis: A reporter in Iraq might just have the story of a lifetime when he meets Lyn Cassady, a guy who claims to be a former member of the U.S. Army's First Earth Battalion, a unit that employs paranormal powers in their missions.

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