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‘G FORCE’ ACTRESS KELLI GARNER

Wednesday, July 15 by

Disney's G-Force has pulled off an interesting trick that made me want to see it: they cast Zach Galifianakis in it.  While that prospect is interesting, the trick they pulled that will make me definitely see it is casting Kelli Garner.  The gorgeous blonde is taking a step away from her usual film-type of indie dramas such as Lars and the Real Girl to entertain children with the help of guinea pigs.  That, or she's helping to entertain the adults who are forced to take their children to a movie about guinea pigs.A word from Kelli: "OK, sure, I have a body. I've had one since I was 16. But the attention it brings me, in life as well as in the industry, makes me really uncomfortable."…That makes this next part kind of awkward.  Check out more pictures of Kelli's hot body after the jump!

‘DESPICABLE ME’ TEASER ARRIVES

Wednesday, July 15 by

The teaser trailer for next summer's Despicable Me has arrived online and has accomplished what Michael Bay could not… it destroys the Pyramid of Giza. Well, an inflatible facsimile but still. Not much is revealed about the actual plot but it looks like it could be a fun ride. The film stars Steve Carrell, Danny McBride, Kristin Wiig and four of the other fifteen people that are in every comedy. I guess Jason Bateman and Bill Hader weren't invited to this party. Check the teaser out down below. DESPICABLE ME Trailer #1 – Watch more Funny VideosHave a look at these morning links…Harry vs. Voldemort: The Rap Battle. (/Film)Contestant on The Bachelorette is "camera shy." (NY Mag) THE STATE ON DVD!!!! (TV Squad)Emily Blunt joins Matt Damon in the Investment Bureau. (THR)Producer sues LOST for intellectual property theft. If he wins, Gilligan's Island is owed a mint.  (TMZ)

5 REJECTED TOYS FROM DISNEY’S ‘G-FORCE’

Tuesday, July 14 by

This week, Disney's latest action film G-Force opens.  It's the story of an elite team of Guinea Pigs – voiced by the likes of Nic Cage, Penelope Cruz, Sam Rockwell & Tracy Morgan – dispatched to stop a billionaire (Bill Nighy) from taking over the world with diabolical household appliances.  And it's no government secret that cute Guinea Pigs plus tiny weaponry is a formula for Disney to sell the crap out of toys to boys and girls alike.  Toys like these "Darwin" and "Hurley" action figures are only the beginning.

G-Force

Tuesday, July 14 by

Director: Hoyt YeatmanCast: Nicholas Cage (voice), Zach Galifianakis, Sam Rockwell (voice), Penelope Crux (voice), Tracy Morgan (voice), Jon Favreau (voice), Will Arnett, Steve Buscemi, Bill NighyStudio: DisneySynopsis: A specially trained squad of guinea pigs is dispatched to stop a diabolical billionaire, who plans to taking over the world with household appliances.

First 7 Minutes of ‘Torchwood: Children of Earth’

Tuesday, July 14 by

Not too long ago, about 20% of Screen Junkies readers likened us to the antichrist for having omitted T.A.R.D.I.S. from our list of Movie Time Machines.  For those of you not in the know, T.A.R.D.I.S. is the inter-dimensional traveling phone booth from "Dr. Who," and not an elite task force of idiots, as the acronym may seem.  An even smaller number of you may be aware that "Dr. Who" has a spinoff, called "Torchwood," airing on BBC America for the past few years.  It's actually a pretty cool show – sort of like an "X-Files" meets "Buffy" meets funny accents and bad teeth (it's primarily based in Cardiff, Wales).  And next week, Captain Jack and the covert operatives from Torchwood are getting a five part miniseries, the first seven minutes of which you can watch above.  "Torchwood: Children of Earth" premieres five nights straight starting on Monday, July 20, 9:00 – 10:15 p.m. ET/PT on BBC AMERICA.  'Ere ah today's top links, guv'nah! Gillian Leigh Is Uber Good Looking (Gorillamask) 5 Terribly Awesome Examples Of Porn Acting (Holytaco) Bruno  Terrorist Threatens To Sue (Filmdrunk) The 10 Funniest Workplace Training Videos Of All Time (Manofest) Finally: A Portable Microwave (Walyou) Pajiba's Final Thoughts On Michael Jackson (Pajiba) 9 Toys That Prepare Children For A Life Of Menial Labor (Cracked) Asians Make Animal Cruelty Seem Hilarious (Sickpigs) A New Kind Of Green Beer (Coedmagazine) Jessica Simpson Has A New Man (Celebjihad) 10 Things Harry Potter Teaches Men About The Real World (Mademan) Where Are They Now?  The Cast Of Die Hard (Unreality) Awesomely Manly Cakes (Asylum) 10 Incredibly Entertaining One-Punch Knockouts (Uncoached) When Should One Wear A Condom? (Regretfulmorning) Get Tapped At Home With The Newcastle Draught Keg (Bachelorguy) US Senator Wants BCS Investigated (Moondogsports)

TORCHWOOD

Tuesday, July 14 by

The Lowdown: A spinoff off BBC sci-fi staple "Dr. Who."  Captain Jack Harkness, a partner of the Doctor, travels to 21st century Cardiff, where he joins a special renegade agency, named Torchwood, that is intent on protecting Earth from supernatural and alien forces.Cast: John Barrowman, Eve Myles, Naoko Mori, Gareth David-LloydNetwork: BBC America Airs: Mondays, 9:00-10:15 PM

WHAT TO WATCH ON TV TONIGHT: TUESDAY, JULY 14th, 2009

Tuesday, July 14 by

Yo, yo, yo Junkies! Welcome to Tuesday's edition of What To Watch Tonight. We've combed the listings once more to give you our best offerings. In addition to the All-Star Game (to which we paid solemn tribute) there's a lot of options tonight. Essentially Roadhouse or a furry orgy. You've got some tough calls to make. Are you really going to foresake Patrick Swayze?? FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP…

temp tues link dump

Tuesday, July 14 by

Gillian Leigh Is Uber Good Looking (Gorillamask)5 Terribly Awesome Examples Of Porn Acting (Holytaco)Bruno  Terrorist Threatens To Sue (Filmdrunk)The 10 Funniest Workplace Training Videos Of All Time (Manofest)Finally: A Portable Microwave (Walyou)Pajiba's Final Thoughts On Michael Jackson (Pajiba)9 Toys That Prepare Children For A Life Of Menial Labor (Cracked)

MLB All Star Baseball Lover Alyssa Milano

Tuesday, July 14 by

The MLB All Star Game is on tonight, and what better way to prepare you for it (other than legitimate baseball news, which I for one know none of) than with a girl gallery of a moderately famous actress who has %$&*d dated a buncha baseball players.  That's right, it's Alyssa Milano.  She's been linked to Brad Penny, Carl Pavano, Barry Zito, and Russell Martin.  Although it seems her days of pretending she's Susan Sarandon's character in Bull Durham are over (she's engaged to a CAA agent now… he probably repped a baseball player on some movie), her love for the game still goes on.  She's recently released a book entitled Safe At Home: Confessions of a Baseball Fanatic. A word from Alyssa: "I used to sleep nude – until the earthquake."While we try to digest what that quote means, YOU should check out more hot photos of Alyssa after the jump!

Tribute to Cinema’s Best Slugging

Tuesday, July 14 by

There's nothing like a trip to the ball field in the summer. The roar of the crowd, the organist's familiar theme, and the crack of the bat — all events that invigorate our senses. In honor of tonight's 2009 MLB All-Star Game we sat down to discuss which baseball films had the greatest impact on us as people, nay Americans. It sparked heated debate and words were said that cannot be taken back (Patrick called me a f** so I had my manager sucker punch him), but despite the brouhaha we were able to pare down the list to include the true Home Run Kings. So please join us as we pay salute to our national pastime with this montage of cinema's greatest hits (and we threw one TV show in there because it's too good to pass up).

‘UHF’ POSTER IS PRETTY SWEET

Tuesday, July 14 by

/Film has been covering Gallery 1988's Crazy4Cult Art show for some time now. Now they have uncovered this completely awesome UHF poster created by artist Tom Whalen. In my mind, I've always likened maintaining a website such as this to the task laid out for Weird Al's George Newman character. Maybe someday we'll be immortalized in poster form. Perhaps one where we can has cheezburger?Turn your dial to these morning links…Natalie Portman is in Thor. (Film Drunk)Vanessa Hudgens will de-frock in Sucker Punch. (Metro UK) Curl up with Mary-Louise Parker. (Pajiba)Jason Statham takes on a serial killer. (Cinematical)The training has paid off. You can be in the Ninja Turtles movie! (Cinema Blend)Morgan Spurlock will expose The Simpsons. (MTV)

‘TREEVENGE’ IS AL GORE’S FANTASY HORROR MOVIE

Monday, July 13 by

According to Twitch, who premiered the clip above, Treevenge is follow-up short film from the creative team that produced & directed Hobo with a Shotgun.  While this sadly has no hobos or shotguns, it's nonetheless full of gore – the kind of gore that Al Gore probably had in mind every time he eked out a smile during his Inconvenient Truth presentation.  More specifically, Treevenge is about trees getting their revenge on humans for chopping them down (hence the clever portmanteau in the film's title). Next time you wipe your ass with toilet paper, take a second to think about the tree that had to die so you don't get sh*t all over your pants, you savage!  That's all they ask.Here are Today's Top Links! Sabrina Jane Is Hot (Gorillamask) 7 Possibilities For The Next Awesome "Wolf T-Shirt" (Holytaco) Natalie Portman Is In Thor (Filmdrunk) Star Wars: Attack Of The Electone (Manofest) How Come No One Thought Of A Pocket Urinal Before? (Walyou) First Look At Wes Anderson's Fantastic Mr. Fox (Pajiba) 6 'Facts' About Historical Figures (That Their Enemies Made Up) (Cracked) Black Metal Idol–Awkward In Any Language (Sickpigs) The Home Run Derby Drinking Game (Coedmagazine) Jon Gosselin's New Girlfriend (Celebjihad) Manly Ways To Be A Feminist (Mademan) Rampage Jackson And Rashad Evans Get Into It At UFC 100 (Cagepotato) 10 Funny Deleted Scenes From Classic Comedies  (Unreality) Swedish People Invent Floating Sauna, But Does Anyone Care? (Asylum) Tony Romo Dumps Jessica Simpson; Cowboys Fans Breathe Sigh Of Relief (Bustedcoverage) Emmanuel Lewis Pictures That Need To Be Commented On (Uncoached) Marijuana In Your Life: A Time Line (Regretfulmorning) The 10 Most Sexually Active Cities In America (Bachelorguy) Mary Louise Parker Poses In Little To No Clothing (Moondogsports) Cops Make MLB Player Matt Bush Cry (Nothingtoxic) Inventions For The Insane (Atomfilms) Paramount Adapting Max Steel (Filmofilia)

Treevenge

Monday, July 13 by

Director: Jason EisenerSynopsis: Treevenge is a short film detailing the experiences and horrifying reality of the lives of Christmas trees. Clearly, for trees, Christmas isn’t the exciting “peace on earth” that is experienced by most. After being hacked down, and shipped away from their homes, they quickly become strung up, screwed into an upright position for all to see, exposed in a humiliation of garish decorations. But this Christmas will be different, this Christmas the trees have had enough, this Christmas the trees will fight back. Treevenge could be a short film about the end of days for Christmas trees, or perhaps, the end of humanity?

WHAT TO WATCH ON TV TONIGHT: MONDAY, JULY 13th, 2009

Monday, July 13 by

Okay fight fans! Tonight's recommended viewings all linger around the theme of fighting for survival in one way or another. So why not watch with a friend? And then why not punch them upside when they're not looking. I think you'll both get a pretty good laugh out of it. FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP…

‘Entourage’ Actress Emmanuelle Chriqui

Monday, July 13 by

"Entourage" made its triumphant return last night, and with it came the return of the adorable Emmanuelle Chriqui.  She took a long break from playing Sloan, Eric's smoking hot girlfriend – much to the dismay of every heterosexual male who watches it in hopes of seeing attractive women (the same ones who watch to hear Ari say something cool that they can co-opt for themselves).  The producers and writers must've realized they were all morons for not featuring her on the show, and now she's back.  All is right with the world (except the economy, of course).A word from Emmanuelle: "You know, "Entourage" is the biggest surprise of my career. It's never really been my dream to be on a TV series. But every pilot season, my agent wants me to do something. So this time I said, 'Okay, look, if I do television, I want to do an HBO show.'"It's no surprise you'll find hot photos of Emmanuelle after the jump.

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