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What’s On TV Tonight: Wednesday, September 17th, 2009

Wednesday, September 23 by

An aging strongman, bored soldiers, bored housewives, and various residues. Tonight's TV Preview contains things you might find in a Walmart. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!

‘Modern Family’ Actress Sofia Vergara

Wednesday, September 23 by

Sofia Vergara isn't too well known in the States, but in Colombia she's a goddess.  And judging by her pic above you can see why.  Sofia stars as Ed O'Neill's wife Gloria Delgado-Pritchett in Modern Family, which premieres tonight on ABC.  I've seen it, and while it may not completely alleviate your Arrested Development withdrawal, it's as close as you're going to get to funny dysfunctional family situational comedy.  Watch it, if only for Sofia, and to kill some time.A word from Sofia: "This is how I've looked since I was 13 years old."I think that makes you the reason they invented statutory rape.Here are some delightfully legal pics after the jump!

Facebook Movie Gets a Cast

Wednesday, September 23 by

This morning, Variety confirmed that Columbia Pictures and David Fincher have set the three principal castmembers for The Social Network, the Aaron Sorkin-penned drama retelling the creation of Facebook.    Hollywood's current "awkward smart guy" du jour Jesse Eisenberg will portray Facebook's founder, Mark Zuckerberg.   

The Social Network

Wednesday, September 23 by

Director: David FincherCast: Jesse Eisenberg, Justin Tiberlake, Andrew GarfieldSynopsis: Aaron Sorkin-penned drama about the true story of the creation of Facebook.  

Nicolas Cage Make Up Tests Are Hilarious

Wednesday, September 23 by

A Japanese Tim Burton fansite leaked the above picture of Nicolas Cage dressed as Tommy Wiseau dressed as Superman and its now all over the 'Netz. Some speculate that this is a test shot for Burton's never-lensed Superman Lives project. Others say it is Nicolas Cage badly shooped onto an action figure. At any rate, it's not half as ridiculous as this Nicolas Cage Ghost Rider makeup test.Apparently, Cage had Harlow FX do this trial run on him for his Halloween party a few years back while Ghost Rider was in the early stages of pre-production. It is also apparently where his son Weston Coppola Cage gets his fashion sense. Try these links on for size…Summit Entertainment to murder Highlander (Latino Review)The Social Network throws a sheep at Justin Timberlake (First Showing)The Mad Men animated gif you've been waiting for (GIF Party)George Clooney to direct Matt Damon in War On Terror (MTV)Colm Feore and some chick join Thor (/Film)Some other chick joins Dinner for Schmucks (Empire)

GI Joe Nemesis COBRA Raises Money with Hair Metal Band [VIDEO]

Tuesday, September 22 by

In these hard economic times, many of us have had to turn to our own ingenuity to make ends meet. And a lot of times, that means going out of one's comfort zone. In the case of international terrorist organization COBRA, they had to resort to recruiting would-be ne'er-do-wells with their own hair metal band… and its own theme song, "Cold Slither." Thankfully, Al Qaeda hasn't been able to assemble a band of such caliber, though I hear Osama has a hard-on for Tesla. This video is one of several awkwardly insane moments from 80s cartoons that Spike.com has up on their site. Check out the rest here. Otherwise, grab the spandex and the Aqua Net™ dudes. Today's links wail: 10 Awesome Football Announcer Screw Ups (HolyTaco) CFL Fan Uses Field Goal As Balance Beam (TotalProSports) Cakes For Awkward Situations (TheChive) The Kanye Thing Is Over, Jack White (FilmDrunk) 15 Awesome Office Chairs (SuperTremendous) Top 12 American Movie High Schools (Pajiba) 10 Items Recovered From The Lohan Robbery (CelebJihad) 'District 9' Pisses Off Nigeria (Unreality) Cardstacker Bryan Berg Gets A Room (Asylum) Why We Love College Football: A Gallery (BustedCoverage) Hot TV Host Falls Hard (RegretfulMorning) Signs You're Severely Overworked (MadeMan) Why Your Driver Will Lose: Greg Biffle (AllLeftTurns)

What’s On TV Tonight: Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009

Tuesday, September 22 by

Tonight's preview features gyrations and eruptions. Not the sexy kind. Also take a look at some of tonight's big premieres by checking out our Fall Prime Time Picks. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!

‘Miss Howard TV’ Dominique Dicaprio

Tuesday, September 22 by

No relation to Leo, but impressive, none the less.  Very impressive.  Not much is known about Dominique except that shock jock Howard Stern apparently picked her to be the next "Miss Howard TV."  She's even ahead of Megan Fox in search trends on Google.  Yowza!  Who knew we'd live to see this day.  People are finally getting over Megan Fox.  Looks like she might have to take that next big leap to keep her career alive.  And of course I'm talking about gettin' nakey.   A word from Dominique: No comment.Dominique is too new on the scene to say anything that we can blatantly take out of context, but I'm guessing you're not too interested in her deep insights anyway.  You want to see more voluptuous curves, and you want to see them now, damnit.Well look no further than after the jump!

MODERN FAMILY

Tuesday, September 22 by

Network: ABCCast: Ed O'Neill, Julie Bowen, Ty Burrell, Sofia VergaraProducers: Steven Levitan, Christopher Lloyd Synopsis: A satirical look at three different families and the trials they face in each of their own uniquely comedic ways.

Fall 2009 Primetime TV Picks

Tuesday, September 22 by

Praise the autumnal equinox!  With the changing of the leaves comes the changing of television programming, and while the Summer heat made me unconscionably sweaty, this season's new lineup has all my glands wide open.  So clear your DVR's queue to make room for my personal favorites this Fall.  I'm guaranteeing a fantastic time indoors away from parents, women, and cyborgs (don't pretend like they're not out there among us).  Enjoy the following!   What it's about: Winning Emmys. 

“Resident Evil 4″ Starring Prison Zombies

Tuesday, September 22 by

Resident Evil 4 plot details have leaked like the drool that oozes from the corners of its target audience's mouth. It's been revealed that Ali Larter and Prison Break's Wentworth Miller have joined the cast. Larter will reprise her role as Claire Redfield and Miller's role is unknown at this point. Though his prison experience will come in handy due to the factor that the film's undead will besiege a prison in this installment. If they wanted an actor with prison experience, the producers should look no further than Tom Sizemore. (Dread Central)  These morning links don't bite… Darren Aronofsky makes Ocean's Eleven look like Leonard Part Six (Cinematical) Marvel President to take over Disney? (Latino Review) Coen Brothers plan Old Fink (MTV) Sherlock Holmes demands a sequel (First Showing) Toy Story 3 trailer set to premiere (/Film)

‘Pandorum’ Twitter Giveaway. Tweet to win an MP3 player, a ‘Resident Evil’ DVD Pack & More!

Monday, September 21 by

THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED. @AnthonyRicci is the winner. Please Direct Message us with your address so you can claim your prizes!The new Dennis Quaid and Ben Foster-starring sci-fi thriller Pandorum opens up this Friday, and Overture Films is giving away a Pandorum prize pack that includes a wall mountable mp3 player, a Resident Evil Trilogy DVD pack, and a mini Pandorum one-sheet (all pictured below).  If you want to win all of the above, we're gonna make things real easy on you. All you have to do is sign into your Twitter account, and tweet the following message: "RT @screenjunkies Don't fear the end of the world. Fear what happens next http://tinyurl.com/lc7ohe "  That's it. Simple. And it won't cost you any space bucks. Winner will be chosen at random from the collection of received tweets. We'll contact you via Twitter. Contest ends at 11:59pm on Thursday, September 25th, Pandorum's opening day.   Contest is NOW CLOSED.

Christopher Walken Cooks a Chicken

Monday, September 21 by

Christopher Walken Cooks a Chicken – Watch more Movie Trailers "The way your Dad looked at it, this Stove Top stuffing was your birthright. He'd be damned if anybody else was gonna put his greasy hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something. This chicken. Forty-five long minutes, he had this stuffing up this chicken. Then when he had to run out to the grocery store, he gave me the chicken to put in the oven. I kept this chicken in the oven for fifteen more minutes. Then, after letting it sit, I placed it in this serving dish. And now, little man, I give the stuffing to you."   These links belong on a gold watch, they do:  How To Keep An Office Romance A Secret (HolyTaco) TPS Monday Afternoon Quarterback (TotalProSports) 23 Uber Sexy Oktoberfest Photos (TheChive) Twilight Has Doomed Us All (FilmDrunk) 61 Greatest Emmy Cleavage Photos (Manofest) 5 Best Shows Looked Over By Emmy (Pajiba) J. Love Hewitt Airbrushed Skinny (CelebJihad) Five Excellent Moments With Tarantino (Unreality) 91-Year-Old Man Defends Home With Revolver (Asylum) ESPN Hires Bikini Model To Drive Fans Nuts (BustedCoverage) A College Girl's First Walk Of Shame (RegretfulMorning) Hottest Emmy Winners Of '09 (MadeMan) Why Your Driver Will Lose: Brian Vickers (AllLeftTurns) Asesinato In Mexican Subway Station (NothingToxic) Russell Brand Is Feeling Naughty (Atom)

What’s On TV Tonight: Monday, September 21st, 2009

Monday, September 21 by

The President of the United States stops by Letterman tonight to discuss Health Care Reform and to see a dog that can bark the alphabet. PLUS season premieres of your favorite shows. And Heroes. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

‘House’ Actress Jennifer Morrison

Monday, September 21 by

You may remember Jennifer Morrison from the two minutes she spent playing Captain Kirk's mommy in this past Summer's (today's the first day of Fall!) little indie Star Trek.  If you happened to miss her birthing scene because you were buying Sour Patch Kids, you can see her a lot more on House M.D., which premieres its 6th season tonight on FOX.  It looks like her character Cameron is going to marry Chase this year, which is interesting because those two were engaged in real life and broke it off right before the marriage.  Talk about conflict!  Let's hope some of the awkwardness shines through on screen.         A word from Jennifer: "This isn't technically the normal way that medicine works."Oh great!  Thanks for pulling back the curtain and revealing all the smoke and mirrors behind the magic of television.  You're such a party-pooper, Jennifer.  …But I'd still play doctor with you. Here are a few more pics of Jennifer after the jump that won't poop your party!

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