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‘Showgirls 2′ Red Band Trailer is Porn Minus Penetration

Wednesday, February 24 by

Showgirls 2: The Return – Redband Trailer – Watch more Movie TrailersMurder by dumbbell, tainted coke, nipples, and strobe filters. Showgirls 2 resembles the locker room at my local Bally's Fitness. Don't ask me why the janitor rapidly flicks the lights on and off in there. One second you're checking your weight, the next second you're the subject of a massive circle jerk.Someone willingly gave director Marc Vorlander $25 million dollars to film a sequel to the atrocious Showgirls and it appears he spent most of it on the retro 45-second title sequence at the end of the trailer. Wow, Vorlander directed this piece of sh*t?! I knew that guy in high school. He'd always flick the lights on and off in gym…wait a minute. Bally's janitor!   These links want a lap dance.The Most Racist Movies Ever (Moviefone)Creepy Batman Burlesque Show (Asylum)25 Sexy Snow Bunnies (HolyTaco)6 Ways to Get Lectured By Internet Commenters (Uproxx)Soccer Goalie Delivers Lethal Drop Kick (TotalProSports)10 Movies Where People's Heads Explode (Unreality)Pudzianowski's Next Opponent is a Fat Guy (CagePotato)Best Video Game Sports Reenactments (Maxim)Hot Alessandra Ambrosia Pics (CelebJihad)7 Best Buddy Cop Movies (Pajiba)Brangelina are Still Collecting Children (Atom) Sexy Spring Break Safety Tips (MadeMan)Danica and Dale Jr. at War (AllLeftTurns)

Mickey Rourke is Conan’s Papa

Wednesday, February 24 by

World's Greatest Dad.It was rumored some time ago that Mickey Rourke would portray Conan's dad in Marcus Nispel's upcoming Conan remake. The dealmaking fell through at the time but the producers likely sweetened the pot by offering a bag of sweetened pot (it's like kettle corn for your lungs). Now Rourke is close to signing on. As reported before Conan stars Fake Lenny Kravitz (with Leo Howard playing Lil' Conan) as he goes on a quest to avenge the slaughter of his people.This casting makes perfect sense. If Rourke were to have a child, there's no way that kid wouldn't grow up to have dreadlocks and a sword collection. (THR)

The Casting Shortlist for ‘Captain America’

Wednesday, February 24 by

Heat Vision has posted a list of seven actors believed to be screen testing this week and next for The First Avenger: Captain America. They are Michael Cassidy (Smallville), Patrick Flueger (The 4400), Mike Vogel (She's Out of My League), Scott Porter (Friday Night Lights), Chace Crawford (Gossip Girl), Garret Hedlund (Tron Legacy), and Jim "John Krasinski" from The Office.Okay, but who are the real choices? What? These are them? THESE are them?? These guys. Okay. Well, silly me. I thought you'd cast someone who could carry the film and it's eventual Avengers spin-off. That's my bad. Far be it from me to tell the director of The Wolfman and Jurassic Park III what he should do differently. (THR)

‘Cop Out’ Actress Michelle Trachtenberg

Wednesday, February 24 by

Michelle Trachtenberg was and always will be Harriet the Spy. She was hot then and she's hot now. No wait, it's okay I think she was hot then because the memories are from when I was younger. I don't think she was hot then anymore. …Only kinda. A word from Michelle: "Anything you throw at me, I'll try to tackle…wait, does that make sense?" No. The pics after the jump make ALL KINDS of sense.

“The Situation” Has Tainted Bar Refaeli

Wednesday, February 24 by

Let's pack it up, boys. No need to follow Bar Refaeli around town with our "seduction" kits any longer. We couldn't HAVE her before because leading man Leo DiCaprio is tappin' that ass (plus we're ugly), and now we don't WANT her because her vajayjay has touched the back of "The Situation's" self-tanner smeared neck.The ab extraordinaire must have sold the remains of his soul to the Devil in exchange for the opportunity to hoist Refaeli up on his shoulders. The vomit-inducing act was apparently a legit photoshoot for Interview Magazine, but something tells me it was "The Situation's" idea. When I asked DiCaprio how he felt about his girlfriend's crotch on a guido's neck, he responded:"Mama, I want hot dogs. I want hot dogs, Mama."  I questioned a DVD of What's Eating Gilbert Grape. (TMZ)

Road to Oscar: Rest of the Nominees

Wednesday, February 24 by

 

Jonah Hill Responsible for Children in ‘The Sitter’

Wednesday, February 24 by

Jonah Hill has signed on for The Sitter, a comedy that's being compared to Adventures in Babysitting or Charles in Charge with less coke on set. Like Jackie Chan before him, Hill will play a babysitter in charge of the well-being of three children. Though unlike Chan he will not have the secret side-profession of international spy. Let us hope that the family doesn't have a pet pig or duck or whatever Hollywood decides to give them to make the marketing more quirky. The evening goes awry when Hill brings the kids to a drug dealer's house while trying to score some blow so that he can get laid. So, that's how he does it!!David Gordon Green is in talks to take over the directing duties from The Wackness's Jonathan Levine, who is currently working on I'm With Cancer. Buzz is that the script is hilarious, but what attracted Hill to the project was the mention that his babysitter character would have full fridge privileges. (THR)

Second ‘Karate Kid’ Trailer Includes Its Own Fart Sound

Wednesday, February 24 by

 "I just go where they tell me to."The biggest problem I have with The Karate Kid remake isn't the casting or the performances but the premise. In the second trailer, we see Jaden Smith uprooted 11,000 miles away from home and forced to adjust to life on the rough and tumble streets of Beijing. I'm sorry but I refuse to believe that China is worse than Detroit. If you've ever been to Michigan, you know it looks like the aftermath of a zombie war. In China, the only real menace is subway overcrowding. All that withstanding, I can see this movie doing well. Jaden Smith's smugness is played down and Jackie Chan works as the grizzled mentor. Also, a monk threatens to bitchslap a cobra. The only thing that doesn't work for me are the "humorous" moments. I mean, c'mon. Is this a remake of The Karate Kid or Rush Hour 2? WATCH JACKIE CHAN BEAT CHILDREN AFTER THE JUMP…

Lars Von Trier Wants You to Visit Denmark

Tuesday, February 23 by

Denmark Introduces Harrowing New Tourism Ads Directed By Lars Von TrierThe Onion got their hands on a few new Denmark tourism ads that director/cinematic sadist Lars Von Trier has been putting together. I'm sure more folks are inclined to visit now that they're aware of the banging club scene, but a pictorial on Willem Defoe's naked, flexed ass would have brought them in in droves.Take a magical trip through today's links.The Future of 3D in Cinema (Moviefone)Worst Real-Life Bosses (Asylum)25 Terrible Athletes (HolyTaco)Epic 80s Stripper Documentary (FilmDrunk)Naked Sled Racing Should be in the Olympics (TotalProSports)8 Best Hilarious Cameos in Comedies (Unreality)UFC Will Overcharge Fans in Movie Theaters (CagePotato)22 Awesome Things That Look Like Yoda (Maxim)Hilary Duff Thanks Her Fiancé with Her Mouth (CelebJihad)'Nightmare on Elm Street' Movie Poster (Pajiba)ICP Juggalo News (Atom)How To Make a Viral Video (MadeMan)Jimmie Johnson On Late Late Show (AllLeftTurns)6 Reasons Why You Didn't Get Laid Last Night (RegretfulMorning)

Coen Brothers Invite 13-Year-Old Girl into ‘True Grit’ Production Van

Tuesday, February 23 by

After casting a nationwide net, Joel and Ethan Coen have found an actress to portray the young protagonist in their True Grit remake. Thirteen-year old Hailee Steinfeld will be joining forces with Jeff Bridges and Matt Damon to hunt down Josh Brolin. Though Steinfeld isn't as popular as her co-stars, all of that is going to change. Her character, the fourteen-year old Mattie Ross, is described as a “simple, tough as nails, young woman in post-Civil War Arkansas. Her unusually steely nerves and straightforward manner are often surprising to those she meets. She possessed plenty of true grit and determination."Let's hope that Hailee Steinfeld is every bit as precocious as the character calls for. Remember, fourteen-year olds in Arkansas are considered mature for their age. They're at least mature enough to legally wed. (Deadline)

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Officially Dating and Pale

Tuesday, February 23 by

Pattinson always lets secrets slip when he's trippin' balls. Sharpen your razerblades all you emotionally fragile Twihards out there 'cause Kristen Stewart has officially stolen your man. Robert Pattinson confirmed that him and Twilight co-star Kristen Stewart have been dating for months but been keeping it a secret because they're frightened of girls cutting them open and parading around in their very own Edward and Bella suits. It was their wish to make their first public appearance as a couple at the BAFTA awards until they realized it's easier to be assassinated there.In kind of similar news, the vampire couple is being praised for their pasty white skin. Due to their popularity, experts predict that they could help lower cancer rates among impressionable teens and Jersey Shore fanatics. Kids in the school yard will learn that it's cool to be transparent, like my old friend Billy Costigan. We'd strip him down and hold him directly in front of the sun so we could watch as his heart pumped blood throughout his entire body. Our recesses were unsupervised. (DailyMail, CinemaBlend)

Bruce Willis Wants to Go Global for ‘Die Hard 5′

Tuesday, February 23 by

He's battled terrorists of the German, mercenary, cyber, and hot Asian persuasion. Now it looks like he's ready to go another round. With a string of recent duds behind him, Bruce Willis announced he'll be reprising the role of John McClane while promoting his upcoming dud Cop Out. According to Willis, this time around will see McClane stamp his passport and terrorism in one fell swoop."I think we're going to do a 'Die Hard 5' next year. It's got to go worldwide."He then lamented the plight of the action star."But I like so much more making fun of it, taking the piss out of it and not making it a big deal. Not making the fact that I've acted in a lot of movies a big deal. It's all illusion and it's all bullsh*t and it's a great job for me to have, but everything else you can set on fire. Making people laugh is the real deal."The ghost of Chris Farley commented "F*********ck you," while pouring over pictures of Willis's hot wife. (MTV)

‘Cop Out’ Actress Rashida Jones

Tuesday, February 23 by

Rashida Jones is the stunning daughter of media mogul Quincy Jones and model Peggy Lipton. If you need a reason to condone interracial relationships look no further than Rashida. Looks, brains, and she even sings backup for Maroon 5. What more could you want?!A word from Rashida: "Be friendly to everybody; protect yourself; people sometimes want a piece of you for no good reason."I have a damn good reason. I'm selfish and oblivious to the fact you wouldn't find me your intellectual or physical equivalent. So there (gives raspberry). More examples of interracial awesomeness after the jump.

Dolph Lundgren Does Elvis, Karate

Tuesday, February 23 by

Dolph Lundgren Sings Elvis, Smashes Stuff – Watch more Funny Videos

Kevin James and Vince Vaughn to Double-Team Craft Services Table

Tuesday, February 23 by

A lot of food gets wasted on film and commercial sets but that shouldn't be a problem on Ron Howard's upcoming comedy. Kevin James is expected to sign-on to play opposite Vince Vaughn in the untitled comedy about infidelity. In the film, Vaughn will play a man who finds out his best friend's wife is cheating and struggles with what to do with that knowledge. James, who appears next in Grown Ups, will play the betrayed friend who struggles with a pair of Docker's.It's good to see Ron Howard returning to comedy. I'm optimistic that these three will turn out genuinely touching, funny moments with a lot of heart. An enlarged heart, if you will. (THR)

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