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What’s On TV Tonight: Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009

Tuesday, November 3 by

Tonight on television you'll find out who's had more work done, the lizard aliens from ABC's V remake or aging lesbian Rod Stewart.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

Watch Cartoons on Jaroo.com! Cartoons!

Tuesday, November 3 by

Grab your bowl of sugar cereal and pop a squat in front of the computer! Jaroo.com launches today and you can watch all kinds of cartoons on it! According to The Hollywood Reporter: Jaroo launches with 50 TV series and 500 episodes, though it is digitizing its library of 6,000 episodes to ensure fairly rapid growth, said Ken Locker, senior vp digital media. Like Hulu, the Web site features TV shows that can be watched for free. Each 22-minute episode contains up to 90 seconds of commercials that cannot be skipped. But unlike Hulu, Jaroo content, including the commercials, is aimed at kids ages 4-12.4-12 my ass. I think we all know that cartoons transcend age brackets. Especially Inspector Gadget. We here at Screen Junkies were just reminiscing about how waiting for the next episode of Gadget was a true test on our childhood patience. And now all you gotta do is click a button and blond, pigtailed Penny can be yours whenever you desire. Oh Penny, how you stirred up emotions inside of us that we wouldn't understand until many years later…

‘Pirate Radio’ Actress Gemma Arterton

Tuesday, November 3 by

Gemma Arterton has already earned prestige by playing Bond Girl Strawberry Fields in Quantum of Solace. Some actresses only wish for this one casting dream and then are willing to call it quits. But Gemma, determined to be more than a Bond object, pressed on and is now starring in Pirate Radio, and next year the big action/adventure Prince of Persia with a silky-haired Jake Gyllenhaal.  A word from Gemma: "If you do this big film, it will open the doors for all these brilliant things. But you have to do the big film first."You make it sound so easy, Gemma. I'd advice against teaching an acting class at the local annex. Those desperate actresses will tear your pretty eyes out.More examples of how you become famous after the jump.

Shawn Levy Traps The Berenstain Bears Movie

Tuesday, November 3 by

The grizzly-run media's ploy to lull children into a false sense of security in the presence of bears has advanced a giant leap this morning with the announcement that The Berenstain Bears will be updated for the big screen. USA Today reports that Night At The Museum director Shawn Levy plans to produce a part live action, part CGI feature film based off the characters made popular in the books by Jan and Stan Berenstain. "I'd like the film to be un-ironic about its family connections but have a wry comedic sensibility that isn't oblivious to the fact that they're bears," says Levy in a statement that made me need to open up my dictionary. "The comedy comes from this bear family coexisting in a more recognizably real world." This is how it starts, people. One day your children are giggling at the anthropomorphic bears on-screen as they participate in the father-son sack race, the next they're climbing into a windowless van with Pedobear.

The Berenstain Bears

Tuesday, November 3 by

The Berenstain Bears get dropped into the real world.

Richard Kelly Talks ‘The Box’

Tuesday, November 3 by

Richard Kelly enjoys the macbre and the mindf**k equally.  He brings real emotion to his stories, but he also wants you to think…about what the hell is happening in his twisted narratives. And before you begrudgingly scream out "Southland Tales!" at your computer screen, let's just all take a deep breath and give him a pass on that one. And now all the people that liked Southland Tales are probably screaming at their computer screens, so you should also take a deep breath. We're all friends here.

Roland Emmerich Is Afraid Of Muslims

Tuesday, November 3 by

Throughout his film career, director Roland Emmerich has laid waste to several landmarks and institutions — the White House (twice), the Pentagon, New York City, the Golden Gate Bridge, and John Cusack's credibility. In his new film 2012, he smashes and shakes historic sites across the globe to rubble. But we've finally found a building impervious to his computer-generated destruction. In an early draft of the script, Emmerich was planning to level the Kaaba, one of Islam's holiest sites. He pussied out when his cowriter mentioned that inclusion of the scene would more than likely lead to a fatwa on their heads (first of all, grow some balls and secondly, this movie had a writer?). Naturally the disaster-meister opted to eradicate the Vatican and a group of Buddhist monks instead. When asked whether he feared any kind of retaliation for the script change, Emmerich asked, "What are you gonna do about it, Buddhists? Huh? You gonna cry? Buddhists gonna cry? Huh? Huh? Huh?" (Cinema Blend)

Marty MC Fly Spits Mad Rhymes In ‘Back to the Future’ Rap

Monday, November 2 by

Back To The Future Rap – Watch more Funny Videos  If you having space/time problems I feel bad for you, son. I got 99 problems but a Biff ain't one. RELATED JUNK: Dope-ass Predator Rap Last night, Darth Vader came down from planet Vulcan and told me that if you don't click these links that he'd melt my brain.  What Your Halloween Costume Really Said About You (HolyTaco) Massive Bulgarian Soccer Brawl (TotalProSports) Amercian Fatasses on Scooters (TheChive) Kurt Russell's Star Wars Audition (FilmDrunk) Darth Vader Conducts Icelandic Orchestra (SuperTremendous) 5 Worst Funniest Films Lists on YouTube (Pajiba) Megan Fox in a Tank Top and Daisy Dukes (CelebJihad) "Windows Sucks" YouTube Videos (Unreality) Craziest Movies Characters We'd Still Have Sex With (Asylum) Sarah De Herdt's Porn-ish Behavior (BustedCoverage) 5 Things You Learn After You Turn 21 (RegretfulMorning) How to Start Smoking Cigars (MadeMan) 50 Things More Exciting Than Sunday's Race (AllLeftTurns) Angry Families Rumble at Wedding (NothingToxic) Awkward Guy at the Orgy (Atom)

Pirate Radio

Monday, November 2 by

Director: Richard CurtisCast: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Bill Nighy, Nick FrostSynopsis: A period comedy about an illegal radio station in the North Sea in the 1960's.

‘Prince of Persia’ Trailer Sticks Like Cinema Sand in Your Brain Crevices

Monday, November 2 by

Jake Gyllenhaal jumps from crumbling ledge to overhang to gargoyle in this action-packed trailer for Prince of Persia. I haven't seen so much sand and fire whipping through the air since since my last drunken visit to the coast. Mike Newell of Harry Potter fame directs and Jerry Bruckheimer of facial hair infamy produces, guaranteeing a magically grand Disney adventure. Hopefully we'll see a higher quality version in the very near future, but for now this will have to do. I only hope they do something about Gemma Arterton's voiceover. It sounds like she's narrating a video game, and not the trailer for a video game adaptation.

Prince of Persia

Monday, November 2 by

Director: Mike NewellCast: Jake Gyllenhaal, Gemma Arterton, Ben KingsleySynopsis: Based on the video game, which follows an adventurous prince who teams up with a rival princess to stop an angry ruler from unleashing a sandstorm that could destroy the world.

What’s On TV Tonight: Monday, November 2nd, 2009

Monday, November 2 by

Tonight David Caruso pulls a Zach Galifianakis and the New York Yankees earn their paychecks.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

Buy the ‘Terminator’ Franchise During its Half-Off Sale

Monday, November 2 by

Things keep getting worse for producers of Terminator: Salvation. Between Christian Bale's blow up, McG's pissing contest with Michael Bay, and the controversy over Moon Bloodgood's handbra, they've received a ton of free press that they couldn't spin into box office gold. Now the Halcyon Holding Group has filed for bankruptcy and is ready to sell the franchise rights to the highest bidder. Apparently all the big studios are lining up to secure the rights. But why? The last two movies were pretty abysmal and The Sarah Connor Chronicles never found the audience it deserved. With Arnie indisposed and special effects breakthroughs having plateaued it's time to face the sad, cold truth. We as a people have to face the fact that killer robots are sooo over. Let us all begrudgingly tear down our Chopping Mall posters and set fire to our I, Robot theater-lobby standees. Today will usher in the age of the friendly (probably farting) robot. But honestly, is there any way to breathe life into Terminator? Preferably one that doesn't involve putting Peter Berg behind the camera? Let us know your thoughts. (The Financial Times)

Diora Baird is (Not) Topless in Her Deleted ‘Star Trek’ Scene

Monday, November 2 by

Why? Why, why, why, why?! JJ Abrams, you had a chance to put the amazingly buxom Diora Baird in a tastefully revealing bra and panties and you decided to NOT put Diora Baird in said lingerie. Do you need to replace the lenses in those stylish black frames of yours? The woman is a ten and you decided to go with a woman who is not Diora Baird:For shaaaaaaaame. Chris Pine and Diora might have had amazing chemistry, but now we'll never know because a robot could have played the role below. Hmmmm a robot Diora Baird… Now there's something that shouldn't have creeped into my imagination. [Topless Robot]

‘Survival of the Dead’ Promo Trailer

Monday, November 2 by

Thanks to the folks at Bloody Disgusting, we get a sneak peak at George Romero's latest attempt to breathe more life into the zombie horror genre (pun blatantly intended). There's everything you'd expect in the trailer below: zombies, humans, guns, brains, stilted dialogue. We don't watch these films for the breakthrough performances though, we watch them because we feel compelled to on the off chance that something blows our brains out of our skull (oh man the puns are so goooood)! Check out the trailer below and let us know what you think. Is Survival of the Dead going to be better than Land of the Dead? 

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