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Sorry Fellas, Snooki Has Taken a Lover

Tuesday, February 9 by

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but reality show Oompa Loompa, Snooki has selected a suitor to share her bed. The Jersey Shore Hobbit stepped out recently with Emilio Antonio and he is the juicehead of her dreams. She seems genuinely smitten. Belted in the face by love, if you will."He's actually a body builder and works at the gym," she said. "I am really excited to like show the public who he is."And those hoping that their connection is merely intellectual and therefore vulnerable to temptation, I have worse news."He is freaking banging. We're the sexiest couple I have ever seen in my entire life so I am excited for everybody to see that."There you have it. Theirs is a love that will endure at least until Spring Break. Between this and the passing of Zelda Rubinstein, 2010 is shaping up to be a chaste year for pygmy-chasers. (NY Daily News)

‘Valentine’s Day’ Actress Jessica Biel

Tuesday, February 9 by

Here's an obligatory Jessica Biel post. I haven't done her yet as the girl of the day, and no I didn't mean it THAT way. If you don't know who Jessica is by now you must be living under a rock that doesn't get internet access because even being barricaded in your parent's basement wouldn't be an excuse.A word from Jessica: "It’s nice to have a little meat on you, and I hope I inspire women to appreciate their muscular calves."I don't know if women appreciate them, but men certainly do. Namely YOUR muscular calves, which can look gross on many less attractive, fatter females. Oh no, did I just ruin your inspirational message?The pics after the jump will heal all wounds.

Christopher Nolan is Superman’s Godfather; ‘Batman 3′ Script in the Works

Tuesday, February 9 by

Superman rescues Mini Nolan. It doesn't matter why. Warner Bros. must be supplying Christopher Nolan with an endless supply of whores, drugs, or fish and chips. The director of The Dark Knight and the upcoming WB film Inception has decided to nurture the new Superman movie that's in development and let it suck from the voluptuous teet of his creativity. Nolan is not writing or directing the film, but instead has taken on the role of "godfather," a title I hope appears in the credits. Developing Superman Returns was such a quagmire for WB it's no wonder they're turning to their golden boy for advice, insight, scribbles he wasn't planning on using for future projects. An insider at the studio said, "We know what we don't want to do. But we don't know what we want to do." That sounds like every Friday night conversation I had with my friends in high school. Result: we all decided to stay home, much like the audience will for this film. Shut up, I had friends! Nolan is also actively working on the Batman 3 script with brother Jonathan Nolan and blood brother David Goyer. Nolan came up with a story idea, probably while clipping his nails whilst dropping a deuce, and the team hopes to finish a draft during post-production on Inception. It looks like SJ writer Wookie Johnson has some egg on his face this morning. The proverbial and the scrambled. The former for saying yesterday that Batman 3 scripts rumors were bull hockey, the latter for sticking his face in a plate of scrambled eggs. The man's a barbarian, folks. (Deadline)

Batman 3

Tuesday, February 9 by

DIRECTOR: Christopher NolanCAST: Christian Bale; Michael Caine; Morgan Freeman; Gary OldmanSYNOPSIS: TBDRELEASE DATE: July 20, 2012

’24 The Movie: Jack Bauer Takes A Vacation…Or Does He?’

Tuesday, February 9 by

Kiefer getting angsty at the Sears Portrait Studio.Today news broke that made the 2003 Me high-five the air and request a "what-what." Keifer Sutherland is closer to bringing his penchant for sh*tty days to the multiplex. Sutherland has reportedly convinced Fox to hire screenwriter Billy Ray (State of Play, Moon, the upcoming Source Code) to adapt 24 for theater audiences.Much like Agent Cody Banks, the Griswolds, and Deuce Bigalow before him, this adventure will take Jack to Europe. That's great news!! If Die Hard and Rocky IV have taught me anything it is that European villians are waayyyy harder to kill, so this could be a fun, over the top movie. Pens in the eye for everyone!!!The show's kinda sucking in the ratings right now and the current season is expected to be the last. So we'll have to wait and see if Jack Bauer has to save the Louvre from being blow'd up. (Variety)

Road to Oscar: Best Actress Showdown

Tuesday, February 9 by

Today we pit our top contenders for the Best Actress Oscar in the metaphorical pudding pool for a bikini-clad, chocolate-treat-slathered Battle Royale from which only one shall emerge the victor. …

3-D ‘Jaws’ Remake May Be in the Works at Universal

Tuesday, February 9 by

Has our insatiable appetite for stereoscopic film imagery driven us past the point of no return? Would Hollywood be brazen enough to dig up the corpse of a classic in order to drop a 3-D deuce in its mouth? I'd like to think there's a certain line that does not get crossed but this item has me worried.A source at Universal has told Cinema Blend that a 3-D remake of Jaws may be in the works. From Cinema Blend:Their claim is that people now expect more, visually, from their movie going experience. So, Hollywood studios are inclined to take some of their tried and true franchise names like Jaws and bring them into the 3D world. The tipster also revealed that at one point Tracy Morgan was being considered for the role of Matt Hooper, originally played by Richard Dreyfuss. Willikers. This is too absurd to be true. It's like a movie poster 30 Rock's Tracy Jordan would hang in his dressing room. I don't know what to fear more with Tracy Morgan in the water, the shark or somebody getting pregnant.Regard this as a rumor for now. Universal will come to their senses. The last thing Jaws needs is a remake, especially one that heads in a comedic direction. That's why we have One Crazy Summer. (Cinema Blend)

Behind You! Mirror Scares Montage!

Monday, February 8 by

Fourfour put together a compilation of all those cheap scares in movies when someone pushes the medicine cabinet mirror closed after grabbing their Xanax/roofies for the evening, and someone/something APPEARS BEHIND THEM IN IT! It's quite amazing how many movies have actually used a gag that I'm quite positive was first on screen back when people thought Cary Grant was straight. Watch out for these links!The Best Strip Scenes in Movies (Moviefone) 25 Rednecks Being Rednecks (HolyTaco) Marisa Miller Loves Matthew Stafford's Hair (TotalProSports) Tarantino Fields an Avatard Question (FilmDrunk) Phil Baroni's Mom Makes Lattes for Matt Serra (CagePotato) 20 Noticeable Mistakes from James Bond Movies (Unreality) Is Girls in Adult Diapers Considered Porn? (Asylum) Maxim's Red Hot Valentines (Maxim) Twilight Star John Murtha Dies (CelebJihad) 5 Best Movies Filmed in New Orleans (Pajiba) Phone Sex with Two Girls is Better Than One (Atom) The White Castle Valentine's Day Dinner (MadeMan) 15 Essential NASCAR Twitter Feeds (AllLeftTurns)

Mickey Rourke and Megan Fox Compare Height in ‘Passion Play’ Photo

Monday, February 8 by

Mickey Rourke plays a down on his luck trumpet player in his upcoming film Passion Play. Megan Fox plays a circus freak with wings on her back who helps Rourke's character find redemption. They're definitely an interesting pair to cast against one another and the veteran actor has only high praise for his co-star."I think the pleasant surprise was this girl who’s a world-class beauty turned out to be probably the best young actress I’ve ever worked with. At 23, I couldn’t do half of what she’s doing."Really, Mickey? You sure you're just not saying that because of her boobs and stuff?? Look, she's a really pretty girl. We get that. But this is what they do, man. This is what they do!! One minute you're complimenting her and telling her she's better than Evan Rachel Wood and Scarlett Johanssen and Keira Knightley, but then all of a sudden you're helping her move out of her apartment. Don't do it, man. It'll be you and Shia lugging her TV up six flights of stairs while that dude from 90210 plays grab-ass with her. I've seen it dozens of times. (EW)

Twin Jessica Albas in ‘Machete’ for the Price of One

Monday, February 8 by

Sensory overload. Not enough blood in my brain as I write this post. Has traveled to my…elsewhere. In a recent interview with MTV, Jessica Alba revealed she'll be playing identical twins in Robert Rodriguez's Grindhouse spinoff, Machete. One of them will be bad, one of them will good, and both of them will look like Jessica Alba. I'd suggest that the two Albas kiss in the film but I'm fairly certain such an event would signal the apocalypse. In all honesty, what more would we have to live for? Check out Alba's interview below. Movie Trailers – Movies Blog

Machete

Monday, February 8 by

DIRECTOR: Ethan Maniquis; Robert RodriguezCAST: Danny Trejo; Jessica Alba; Steven Seagal; Robert De Niro; Lindsay Lohan; Michelle Rodriguez; Jeff Fahey; Cheech Marin; Don JohnsonSYNOPSIS: The wrong Mexican is f*cked with.

Stupid Rumors Round-Up: Streep, Murray, and the Smiths

Monday, February 8 by

Here we are again with a day full of speculation and little actual movie news. The headlines today are all about the Superbowl's crappy array of commercials, Drew Bree's kid's sweet headphones, and flimsy movie rumors. Luckily, Whiplash the Cowboy Monkey is here to round up those rumors like a stack of basket cats.Bill Murray is a ghost – We've heard this rumor before but now Bill Murray confirmed that the only way he'll return for Ghostbusters 3 is in ghost form. Though the interview is suspected to have taken place in October and we haven't heard anything official about this movie since that time. Rule of thumb around here is to regard all Ghostbusters 3 news as rumors and lies. (Daily Mail)Meryl Streep will fold Russell Brand's underwear – Russell Brand is eager to remake Arthur and a British tabloid has reported that Meryl Streep is considering signing on to play his butler. Bear in mind this came from a British tabloid so it's all lies. The British excel at sneakiness. Case in point, James Bond. (Daily Star)A Brangelina-free Mr. & Mrs. Smith is on the way – This one isn't as much a rumor as it is just stupid. Regency Enterprises is moving forward with a reboot of Mr. & Mrs. Smith. A reboot means cheaper talent, which means more money for the studio. Honestly, I can't tell Angelina Jolie movies apart from one another anymore. But rebooting a film that's relatively recent seems dangerous to me. Dangerous because it could lead to a Saw reboot. (NY Mag)

‘Valentine’s Day’ Actress Christine Lakin

Monday, February 8 by

Christine Lakin was the tomboyish daughter on the ol' T.G.I.F. show Step by Step. The one with Patrick Duffy and the wife beater. Luckily, Christine is in to sporting more revealing articles of clothing these days. Hey, at least she's not doing meth like Stephanie Tanner.A word from Christine: "It was even hard for me as a kid to spend the night at someone else's house."That's why you have instincts. You NEVER spend the night at Patrick Duffy's house, Christine. Didn't you have parents growing up who taught you anything?No tomboyishness left in the pics after the jump.

Are Goyer and Nolan Working on the ‘Batman 3′ Script?

Monday, February 8 by

Oh, hey. Here's some news that's probably nothing. David Goyer has stepped down as FlashForward showrunner to focus on his career in features. This news has sprouted a multitude of nerd boners due to the speculation that he is writing a third Batman film with Jonathan Nolan. But all those plump dork stiffies may be engorged for naught as there has been no official word that Goyer is involved in the project. Nor is there any confirmation that it is even in the scripting phase. Right now it's all speculation stemming from this quote from Deadline Hollywood:"Of course, Goyer's feature career is really heating up, since he co-wrote Batman Begins, and penned the story for The Dark Knight, and is now writing the third Batman installment with Chris Nolan's brother Jonah." Fact of the matter is that, as of right now, Christopher Nolan is busy with Inception and Goyer has a lot of feature projects in development, including Super Max, Ghost Rider 2, Magneto, Y: The Last Man, Scanners, The Invisible Man, The Unforgettable, and Here, There Be Dragons. So nerds, please resheath your geek-woodies until we have something more substantial to fluff to. Unless, of course, you're turned on by stories where there be dragons. Pervert. (Deadline Hollywood)

10 Best Movie Dates

Monday, February 8 by

Everyone always talks about date movies, but what about the dates in movies? Sure, you can pick Hollywood’s latest (laaaaame) offerings of Dear John or Valentine’s Day and hope to impress the girl you tricked into going out with you. Or, you could take a cue from some movies that nailed the perfect date and really knock their socks/panties off. 10) Superman: The Movie

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