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Bill & Sam are Gonna Makeout and Stuff on ‘True Blood’

Tuesday, January 19 by

You don't need to read my mind to see my boner. In True Blood's idiotic second season finale, Bill needed to save Sam by squirting him full of his magic vampire blood (SPOILER ALERT). Well, who knows who will be squirting what in the new season. Show creator Alan Ball tells Michael Ausiello that the vampire and shapeshifter now share "not just any connection, an erotic connection," as a result of the transfusion. Ball wouldn't disclose how erotic the scenes will be, but let's assume the monster-mashing is nestled somewhere near Van Helsing and New Moon on the Gay Monster Scale, or GSM as it's more commonly called. (Ausiello Files)

DVD Review: ‘The Bourne Series’

Tuesday, January 19 by

If you’re like me, and you’re still not convinced you should shell out the extra cash for a Blu-Ray player (case it point: my “revolutionary” mini-DV player is now worth $4 on Craig’s List), then the re-release of the Bourne Series on flipper discs is a good compromise. Like Jason Bourne himself the three discs don’t quite know what they are— DVD on one side and Blu-Ray on the other—which actually is perfectly fine with me: I won’t feel like a moron adding an obsolete DVD or un-tested Blu-Rays to my library. Read more after the jump.

‘Piranha 3D’ Trailer Looks Better Than Expected

Tuesday, January 19 by

All right Screen Junkies, time to put on your 3D glasses and get ready to witness the mayhem of Piranha 3D. In this trailer you'll see the — what's that? You don't have 3D glasses? Well, you're supposed to be ready at all times. These are the post-Avatar days we're living in afterall.For those of you who did come prepared, please enjoy this blurry look at a sh*tty movie that tries to sell you on the combined star power of Elisabeth Shue and Jerry O'Connell. Last week we heard it has had its release date pushed back maybe indefinitely. Moreover, if it does ever come out, word is it won't be in 3D anymore. But hey, BOOBIES!!!And on a sidenote, how are you going to make a movie about piranha where a guy on a jet ski rolls under the water's surface and doesn't emerge as a skeleton? That's just lazy filmmaking. (Pajiba)Check out the trailer with the little scary fishies after the jump…

Piranha 3D

Tuesday, January 19 by

DIRECTOR: Alexandre AjaCAST: Elisabeth Shue; Ving Rhames; Christopher Lloyd; Jerry O'Connell; Richard DreyfussSYNOPSIS: Prehistoric fish go apeshit at Spring Break.

‘Creation’ Actress Jennifer Connelly

Tuesday, January 19 by

Your obsession with Jennifer Connelly began back when she starred alongside a creepy (normal) David Bowie in Labyrinth. Since then it has grown with each passing film, and even though the quality of Jennifer's work has gone downhill since she won her Oscar for A Beautiful Mind, you still love her unconditionally. By the way, I project my infatuations. A word from Jennifer: "It's just funny looking back at yourself walking and talking at age 14."Someone's a late bloomer, Jennifer… I was already hearing about this thing people were doing called "sex" by 14.  Check out more pics of Jennifer's blooming after the jump.

Hustler’s Making an ‘Avatar’ Porno. Duh.

Tuesday, January 19 by

The "Reverse Na'vi-girl" has already been perfected. Someone over at Hustler had the brilliant idea to turn the second (soon maybe first) most profitable movie of all time into a porno. Give that man a promotion! In addition to Hustler, he must have an endless subscription to DUH!!!!!! Magazine.The nakey, sweaty, blue-smeary version of Avatar will be called This Ain't Avatar XXX, and it's just one of a few forthcoming porn parodies from Hustler. They also plan to "produce" This Ain't Curb Your Enthusiasm XXX, This Ain't Glee XXX, and This Ain't CSI XXX: Chatsworth. Another genius must by scribbling these names down feverishly in the titling department.In fact, the titles are confusing and misleading altogether. Is this NOT Avatar XXX? Does that mean it's just the Avatar without all the moaning and thrusting? If I'm browsing the shelves of my favorite adult bookstore for the latest Avatar porn why would I want to buy the one called This AIN'T Avatar XXX? I want This IS Avatar XXX. I want the IS! All of the blue, long-tailed, pointy-earred filthy IS they can crame into one poorly executed film! Just don't give it to me in 3D. My senses aren't prepared for that onslaught… (Empire)

‘MacGruber’ Red Band Trailer Explodes in Your Face

Tuesday, January 19 by

Today we have a first look at MacGruber, courtesy of this red-band trailer. Will Forte displays a swagger that is as equal parts Richard Dean Anderson as it is David Hasselhoff. Looks like a fun movie. It's filled with danger, intrigue, explosions, and Upper-Deckers. Just like one of Michael Bay's house parties.On a sidenote, did Val Kilmer hire Steven Seagal's stylist and Kirstie Alley's trainer? Rumor is that they needed the jaws of life to get him out of his trailer every morning.Check out the age-restricted red band trailer at here.MacGruber stunt-rolls in to theaters April 23rd, 2010.

Road to the Oscars: ‘Up in the Air’

Tuesday, January 19 by

       

‘Paranormal Activity 2′ Hires a ‘Saw’ Director

Tuesday, January 19 by

Last year's low-budget horror hit Paranormal Activity has been greenlit for a sequel. But how do you make a sequel to such a stripped-down film who's genius was found in it's simplicity? You hire a director known for their heavy-handed and overwrought filmmaking style.Saw VI's Kevin Greutert has been brought on board by Paramount to water down the scares and crank up the third-tier rap rock. Greutert was editor on all of the Saw movies and apprentice editor on Ernest Scared Stupid so we should be in really capable hands. The movie is scheduled to hit theaters on October 22nd, 2010, which leaves little time. Somebody get a Godsmack cover-band on the phone!! (THR)

Macgruber

Monday, January 18 by

Director: Jorma TacconeCast: Will Forte, Bill Hader, Val Kilmer, Kristen WiigSynopsis: A comedy based on Will Forte's bumbling secret agent whose lack of skill and abundance of personal problems serve as a detriment to him — and those around him.Release Date: April 23, 2010

James Cameron Envisions Rack of Tasty Na’vi Meat

Monday, January 18 by

Avatar won Best Picture last night on The Golden Globes, and James Cameron celebrated by staring at Zoe Saldana's boobies, or possibly the invisible basketball she's holding. Cameron sees things that aren't there, a side effect from his attempt to give Arnold Schwarzeneggar acting skills.Here are today's tangible links.25 Funny Billboards (HolyTaco)Peyton Manning Snaps at Jeff Saturday (TotalProSports)Jade Raymond is One Hot Geek (TheChive)The 25 Best Action Movies (Moviefone)Hot Women of Religious Movies (Maxim)The Abriged Avatar Script (FilmDrunk)15 Celebrity Yodas (SuperTremendous)Best Foreign Language Films of 2009 (Pajiba)Confirmed: Steven Spielberg is a Jew (CelebJihad)Busters. Myth Busters. (Unreality)10 Most Mantastic Moments in Black History (Asylum)29 Pictures of Hot Babes in Star Wars Outfits (RegretfulMorning)Inside the Mind of Motocross's Larry Linkogle (MadeMan)Danica Patrick Mega-Gallery (AllLeftTurns)Fat People Fight! (NothingToxic)Best if Chicago Sketchfest (Atom)

Stupid Rumors Round-Up

Monday, January 18 by

You know it's a slow news day when I've got to break out Whiplash the Monkey Cowboy. The news today is all last night's Golden Globes, Christina Hendricks's globes, and vague tabloid rumors. Here's a round-up of everything that probably isn't going to happen in the world of entertainment.Tobey Maguire is Bilbo Baggins – He's denied the rumor before but now that Spidey 4 is dead, some say that Tobey Maguire will be cast in The Hobbit. But those people are British, therefore liars. (The Sun)Robert Pattinson is Spider-man – Robert Pattinson (or R-Patz as I refuse to call him) is tabloid fodder created merely to give young girls and Adam Shankman something to talk about. The studio-controlled Spider-man reboot will be undoubtedly mishandled but I doubt it's going the Tiger Beat route. (Star Pulse)Wes Craven Might Not Direct 'Scream 4' – Come on, Wes. David Arquette NEEDS you. (MTV)Sigourney Weaver Hints at 'Avatar' Sequel Involvement – After all the crap she's put out there about Ghostbusters 3, you need a PKE-style Bullsh*t Meter to corroborate her stories. (MTV)

‘Castle’ Actress Alyssa Milano

Monday, January 18 by

Alyssa Milano was on Castle last week, and I needed an excuse to post an Alyssa Milano gallery. So there you have it. If you don't like it you can take it up with management. Management says shove off.A word from Alyssa: "I feel a lot healthier when I'm having sex." What do we have if we don't have our health? Be as healthy as possible, Alyssa. So so so SO healthy. Like 24/7 healthy. In all kinds of weird positions. Work toward a healthier you by checking out more pics after the jump.

Mark Strong Considering ‘Green Lantern’ Role, Jackie Earle Haley Considering More Distracting Facial Hair

Monday, January 18 by

The attractiveness of castmembers for Martin Campbell's upcoming Green Lantern is no longer in jeopardy. Reports last week that Jackie Earle Haley was the front-runner for the role of Sinestro have been debunked by the director. MTV asked Campbell about the Haley casting rumor and he responded,"What? No. That ugly old thing?? No way. I'd sooner cast that hulk from Precious."Well, he didn't exactly say that. But he totally wanted to. You can tell. Check it out."No. That's completely wrong. In fact, we're in negotiations with Mark Strong to play Sinestro. He's not only a wonderful actor, but he looks like Sinestro. If you look up old pictures of Sinestro, he's very like him. The Jackie Earle Haley thing, somebody told me about it this morning; I had never heard it before in my life."Mark Strong is on a hot streak. Between Sherlock Holmes, Kick-Ass, and Green Lantern (and rumored sequels), he'll be Hollywood's official villian (behind Jeff Zucker). Somewhere, Andy Garcia weeps. (MTV)

New ‘Inception’ Pic Features Leo Trapped in a Painting

Monday, January 18 by

Leo DiCaprio is on the hunt for Salvador Dali in this new pic from Christopher Nolan's Inception. I don't know if that's what's officially happening, but since Inception and LOST both choose to give us NOTHING before their premieres I only have my ridiculous assumptions to go on. In an interview with the L.A. Times, Christopher Nolan said that Inception was a larger endeavor than The Dark Knight, filming in no less than six countries. I'm guessing the above pic was taken in China, because I've never been there and I like to imagine China looks like a melted oil painting. Christopher Nolan went on to say, "I think we've put a lot of different things into the pot with this one. I grew up watching James Bond films and loving those and watching spy movies with their globe-trotting sensibility." The L.A. Times describes the film's premise as corporate espionage by way of dream invasion. Sweet. It's like John Grisham rewriting The Firm totally baked. Now if only he'd rewrite A Time to Kill while under the influence. Matthew McCaughnehey's character would be TOTALLY the same.

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