LATEST HEADLINES

‘Transformers 3′ on Track to Rape Your Senses Next Summer

Tuesday, January 12 by

It seems Michael Bay took time off from redefining evolution to prep his next film Transformers 3, which is set to begin filming in May. You might say, "Isn't that an awfully quick prep time for a movie of such magnitude," and I would respond, "Yeah, dude, now quit tugging at my sleeve." My guess is that the "creative team" is working off of a picture that Bay took of his bowl of Alpha-Bits Cereal. You never know what kind of fascinating stories you're going to find floating a top a silky sea of milk. Bay's breakfast spelled out, "Explosion robot sweat cleavage," and he was off to the races.  We'll find out if Transformers 3 sucks as much as its last predecessor July 1, 2011.

‘Youth in Revolt’ Actress Ari Graynor

Tuesday, January 12 by

You may remember Ari Graynor as the girl in Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist who takes the chewing gum out of the toilet full of her own puke. I bet it tasted like that movie played…A word from Ari: "I do not have an athletic bone in my body."There's no way your body needs to be playing sports. Keep it safe, unbruised, and unbroken. We don't need anymore Owen Wilson noses up on the silver screen.Check out more pics of Ari's tip-top body after the jump.

‘Sherlock Holmes’ Sequel to Milk the Teet of Success this June

Tuesday, January 12 by

Or are they???When you're a bro as in demand as Robert Downey Jr., bromances come and bromances go. And Jon Favreau needs to understand that.News has broken that Downey Jr. has dropped out of Favreau's Cowboys & Aliens in favor of broin' out with Jude Law on the set of the Sherlock Holmes sequel. The success of the first Sherlock Holmes has prompted Warner Brothers to fast-track the sequel and put it before cameras this June, which is exactly the same time that Cowboys & Aliens is planning to begin principal photography.It looks like this was strictly a business decision and Favreau should not take Downey's broparture to heart. I'm sure he'll find another bro who's brotastic enough for the part. That Matthew McConaughey seems nice. Just talk it over with Vince Vaughn. He's always there for a bro in need. (EW)

Road to the Oscars: ‘Avatar’

Tuesday, January 12 by

      

Ridley Scott’s ‘Robin Hood’ Restricted to 2D

Tuesday, January 12 by

In the wake of Avatar crushing so much ass at the box office, everyone wants to get into the 3D game. But now I have bummerific news for those who were hoping to have Russell Crowe's love handles looming out at their faces when Robin Hood comes to theaters. Previous reports that Ridley Scott had requested an additional $8 million to convert his re-telling to 3D have been denied by the studio. That's a decision that I can get behind. 3D is cool in small doses but it is ultimately an unnecessary gimmick. To the best of my knowledge, the following phrase has never been said: "Seven Samurai was really good but there just weren't enough swords poking out of the screen for my taste. Jeers to the filmmakers! Hiss! Hiss!!" (First Showing)

Sony Puts a Chalk Outline Around ‘Spider-Man 4′

Monday, January 11 by

Spider-Man 4 is deader than dead. Sam Raimi & Tobey Maguire and Sony have decided to part ways on the project after being unable to agree that John Malkovich would look totally awesome in a vulture costume, among other creative differences. Sony has decided to reboot the franchise completely, working from a script by Jamie Vanderbilt that places Peter Parker back in high school where he'll have to deal with sexual and arachnid hormones simultaneously. You can read the full Sony press release at Deadline Hollywood, but allow me to sum it up for you: "Ass-kissing, ass-kissing, ass-kissing. We're sorry this couldn't work. We wish only the best. Everyone is fantastic. (F*ck everyone). Ass-kissing, ass-kissing."The Spider-Man reboot is expected to hit theaters in Summer 2012.In the meantime, click on these links.50 Things Made Better with Bacon (HolyTaco)Mark McGwire Confesses to Steroids Use. Duh! (TotalProSports)Beautiful People ONLY (TheChive)These Swimmers Put the 'O' in Olympics (Maxim)13 WTF Foreign Signs (SuperTremendous)10 Most Preposterous Romantic-Comedy Professions (Pajiba)Ashley Greene in Body Paint Selling Sex Water (CelebJihad)The World's First Sex Robot Has Come to Life (Unreality)The Zombie Apocalypse will be Tweeted (Asylum)9 Sex Toys that will Retract Your Boner (RegretfulMorning)100-Year Leather Briefcase Giveaway (MadeMan)Jolene Van Vugt Pics (AllLeftTurns)Police Car Runs Over Criminal's Feet (NothingToxic)Chill Porky Pig Style (Atom)

CHUCK

Monday, January 11 by

CAST: Zachary Levi; Yvonne Strahovski; Adam Baldwin; Joshua GomezSYNOPSIS: A computer nerd with a brain full of government secrets balances normalcy with a life of espionage.

Exclusive: Joshua Gomez Reveals Classified ‘Chuck’ Season 3 Intel

Monday, January 11 by

Chuck fans got their wish for a third season, which premiered last night on NBC. Chuck’s got all his superspy stuff going on with Intersect 2.0 and his stunted romance with Sarah. We also saw Morgan return from Hawaii, single, and move in with Chuck. Joshua Gomez, who plays Morgan, told Screen Junkies that’ll give you a sense of where the rest of this third season is going. “My friendship with Chuck kind of comes back together and we kind of rely on each other a lot again and become roomies, finally become roommates and become a full on bromance,” Gomez said. “There’s big things at the store as far as Morgan is concerned, takes on a higher position. It’s some good stuff.”Morgan is there to help Chuck through the emotional times, but earning a promotion at the Buy More gives Morgan problems of his own. “He is no Emmet Milbarge, so the natives get a little restless because I don't think I’m tough enough,” Gomez said. “I think they’re one of me. I can level with them, I can communicate with them. I speak their language.”Read more from Joshua after the jump.

‘Alice In Wonderland’ Soundtrack to Be Crappier Than Initially Feared

Monday, January 11 by

It has been announced that screeching retard Avril Lavigne will contribute a song to Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland soundtrack. The song, entilted "Alice Underground", has been selected for the soundtrack and is reportedly going to be the first single off her upcoming album Daddy I$$uez (working title). Alice in Wonderland's soundtrack will also include songs by All Time Low and an ungodly collaboration from Mark Hoppus of Blink-182 and Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy. Wentz points out that this collaboration is only for fun and will not lead to a future band or project. Though if they are to ever combine their forces, might I recommend the band name SHART? It seems appropriate given the key ingredients of this union. (MTV)

Instruments Litter the Streets in HBO’s ‘Treme’ Teaser

Monday, January 11 by

A perfectly good cello leans up against a porch support in the teaser for HBO's new series Treme. The cello is one of several sad, ownerless instruments featured in the tour of the New Orleans neighborhood in which the series is set. Treme, from The Wire creator (start creaming your jeans) David Simon, will examine New Orleans in much the same way The Wire examined Baltimore. Treme specifically focuses on the musicians living in the titular neighborhood. Check out the trailer below, and please make a donation if you can to provide a loving home for all the stray instruments. The trumpets are the first to be put down. HBO Series Treme Teaser – Watch more Funny Videos(via HBO)

TREME

Monday, January 11 by

Network: HBOCreators: David Simon and Eric OvermyerCast: Wendell Pierce, Clarke Peters, Steve ZahnSynopsis: About musicians in New Orleans and is set in (and named after) Treme a New Orleans neighborhood that is home to many of New Orleans' musicians. 

‘Youth in Revolt’ Actress Portia Doubleday

Monday, January 11 by

Portia Doubleday is fairly new to the scene, but her starring role opposite Michael Cera in Youth in Revolt is getting a lot of buzz. It won't be long until she's snatching up all the parts that Kirsten Dunst is too old and cracked-out to play.A word from Portia: "At 14, I was not raring to go."That's okay, Portia. Sometimes it takes longer to blossom into a sexual being. Not having a penis is usually the cause.More pics of Portia to help you blossom after the jump.

MYMAG Gives a Chilling Glimpse Into Brett Ratner’s Mind

Monday, January 11 by

  MYMAG's mission statement is to "give the world's most interesting people a chance to showcase what inspires them." Well, maybe they plan to do that with future issues because for their kick-off they've chosen Olivia Munn, Steve Aoki, and BRETT RATNER to play editor-in-chief. Says Ratner threw his buttocks: "If I weren't a film director, I would probably be a magazine editor. When I was pitched the concept for MYMAG, I was shocked — how did they know I had a treasure trove of favorite magazine articles saved in my closet?" I don't know, dude. You seem like the type who's into collage-making? If you flip through the pages of RAT-MAG, you'll find articles about Michael Jackson, Roman Polanski, and Miley Cyrus (surprisingly you won't find any glittery unicorn stickers or cheese-glued pages). In summation, Brett Ratner's favorite topics are Michael Jackson, Roman Polanski, and Miley Cyrus. If that girl from iCarly goes missing, authorities should look no further than Ratner. If he runs, release the hounds. The smell of Hostess Snowballs will lead a path directly to him.

Gary Oldman’s Ranks of Villainy

Monday, January 11 by

Very few actors have the villainous acumen of Gary Oldman. His expansive biography of ne'er-do-wells extends from mythology's greatest bad guy (Dracula) to common pimps and pedophiles. His talent is so far reaching it also includes douchy politicians and power-hungry killers with bad hair.Alas, lately he's been springing up as Goody Two Shoes, like Batman's wingman Commissioner Gordon. He's even been using his predisposition as a bad guy with a sense of irony, as in his role in the Harry Potter series, Sirius Black. However, in his latest movie, The Book of Eli, he returns to his roots – playing the antagonist. So we'd like to congratulate Gary on his comeback to malevolence (we've missed you) with a highlight of the various evil-doers he's made so vivid on the silver screen, ranked in order of his characters' titles.

Green Lantern

Monday, January 11 by

DIRECTOR: Martin CampbellCAST: Ryan Reynolds; Blake LivelySYNOPSIS: Wielding the power of the Green Lantern, Hal Jordan battles the evil Sinestro.

MORE