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Natalie Portman Wants to Blaze Up a Fatty

Monday, February 22 by

A few years ago Natalie Portman started a production company named Handsomecharlie Films in order to develop projects that "better suited her tastes." Apparantly one of those tastes is the sweeeeet sticky icky.In addition to Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Portman is now developing a stoner comedy called Best Buds about two female friends who take a road trip to their friend's wedding in order to save her by bringing her weed. It's said to be like Half Baked or Harold and Kumar except in this one the protagonists know what it's like to touch boobs. Between this project and Your Highness with Danny McBride, Portman could emerge as High Times Magazine's "Actress of the Year." Though it's an honor just to be nominated. (Pajiba)

9 Movie Plot Threads That Go Nowhere

Monday, February 22 by

 Films only have a limited time to get their whole story across.  If a crazy dragon thing is introduced on Pandora early in a film, you can bet your bottom dollar that the main Na’vi hero will be riding that dragon thing by forcing his sexual ponytail into it by the end.  But sometimes, threads are introduced in films that really don’t add up to anything.  Whether it’s laziness or stupidity no one can say for sure.  Except me.  And I say it is laziness and stupidity.  Here are 9 movie plot threads that don’t really go anywhere.Batman Returns – Max Shreck’s Reverse Power Plant

Kevin Smith Wants Seann William Scott to ‘Hit Somebody’

Monday, February 22 by

Kevin Smith wants Seann William Scott to take it to the boards for his new hockey comedy Hit Somebody. The script is based on a Warren Zevon song with lyrics by Mitch Alborn that tells the story of a hockey enforcer who strives to score a single goal in a game. No deal is in place yet but this is who Smith really wants for the project. Having worked together most recently on Cop Out, Smith says of Scott:"I had all the elements in place, and the one thing I was missing was the personality. Generally I like to write to a voice, but I didn't know who that voice was or what that voice could be. And then after spending all the time with Seann on this movie, he's pitch perfect. He is that guy."He goes on to say:"I look at this as Seann's opportunity to go to the (Tom) Hanks level."What does that entail? Goofy wigs and AIDS dramas? If I were to cast a movie called Hit Somebody, my immediate choice would be to hire Sean Penn. (NHL.com)

‘Growing Pains’ Actor Andrew Koenig is Missing

Sunday, February 21 by

Andrew Koenig, a filmmaker and actor best known for his portrayal of "Boner" Stabone on Growing Pains, has officially been declared a missing person. Koenig was last seen in Vancouver on February 14th but did not make his flight back to the U.S. on the 16th. Several friends and the Vancouver Police are working tirelessly to find the missing Koenig and urging that everyone take to the Internet to help get the word out. If you have any information about Koenig's whereabouts, please contact Detective Raymond Payette of the Vancouver PD at 604-717-2534.I was a huge fan of Keonig's work on Growing Pains when I was a kid. Please help spread the word. I really hope that Boner pops up soon. (via Maximum Fun)

Maggie Q is New ‘Nikita’

Saturday, February 20 by

Extremely attractive Asian actress Maggie Q is in talks to play the title character in CW's reboot of Nikita. You might ask, "Ain't dat role usually for a white b*tch?" and I would answer you, "Yes, only a white b*tch has played Nikita in the past." Anne Parillaud first played the sexy assassin in Luc Besson's 1990 film, followed by Bridget Fonda in the inevitable American remake, and Peta Wilson in the 1997 USA series.CW and creator Craig Silverstein's take on the story is that a new Nikita is being trained to replace the original one after she goes rogue. I can understand your feelings of meh-ness at this concept, but let me squash that indifference by telling you I have read the pilot script and enjoyed it thoroughly. There's tons of action, hot slightly older assassins (Nikita), hot teenage assassins (new Nikita), and witty dialogue. I'd say it's very much like Alias, but I was never a huge fan of that show so I'll say it's like…a better Alias. The casting choice of Maggie Q really seals the deal for me though. She almost kicked John McClane's ass in Live Free or Die Hard, and I expect her to succeed on all fronts in her new endeavor. Also, on the show, she should wear a tight leather suit when she isn't wearing a tight leather cocktail dress. Just a suggestion for ratings gold. (THR)

Photobomb Fridays: ‘Tootsie’ + Tranny

Friday, February 19 by

Seems the audtion process needs a few more checks and balances. Here are your weekend links.Black Hollywood's 10 Game-Changing Films (Moviefone)Zebra Escapes in Downtown Atlanta (Asylum)25 Dog Fails (HolyTaco)Make a Damned Pong Movie Already (FilmDrunk)This Cricket Fan Had One Too Many (TotalProSports)10 Celebrities Turned Muscle Heads (Unreality)The UFC Has No Loyalty to Anyone (CagePotato)Best Supporting Mustaches (Maxim)Megan Fox Looks Cold in W Magazine (CelebJihad)Leonardo DiCaprio Career Assessment (Pajiba)57 Seconds of Abuse (Atom)15 Great Jack Drinks (MadeMan)Dale Earnhardt Jr. Gear Contest (AllLeftTurns)

Conan is Taking His Show on the Road

Friday, February 19 by

Conan O'Brien keeps finding ways to outfox NBC. Since refusing the network's attempt to eff him over, he went on to rip them a new one night in and night out on his ill-fated Tonight Show. Then he walked away with $44 million dollars of what can only be described as "F*ck You" money. A clause in the contract precludes him from returning to television screens until September of 2010 but the show must go on. There's news today that he's kicking around the idea of doing live shows across the country. Of course, he has all that aforementioned "F*ck You" money so why would he care about a few concert dates? Well, it would capitalize nicely with all the people who were suddenly with Coco, and that would help him secure a deal with another network. There's no word on what elements from his NBC shows he would bring along with him, if any at all. It would be great to see him do a few of his crazier bits and really let loose. I just hope that he doesn't break out his guitar. Oh crap. He's totally going to break out his guitar, isn't he? (Page Six)

Jay Baruchel Blows His Wad in ‘She’s Out of My League’ Red-Band Clip

Friday, February 19 by

What a punum on this one. The vein in the forehead really sells it for me. In this red-band clip from She's Out of My League, Jay Baruchel tries to hold it in for Alice Eve, but, understandably, fails. I WISH I had the opportunity to destroy a pair of Dockers due to Alice-Eve-friction on my sensitive areas. She wouldn't even have to touch. A simple glance would send me twitching and flopping to the ground. Oh pretty ladies, how they make standing in line at Subway such a chore. Tell us your birthday to check out the red-band clip here, and try to control yourself.

Jay Leno’s Grandiose Delusions Continue in New Promo

Friday, February 19 by

NBC premiered the first promo for Jay Leno's return to The Tonight Show during last night's Olympics broadcast. The results were not so good. Actually it's not entirely fair to call this a new promo. It's literally the same footage he used for his The Jay Leno Show promo with the Beatle's "Get Back" over-dubbed. Talk about polishing a turd. Get back to where you once belonged? I'll tell you where you can get back to, Leno. You can get back to, um, elsewhere. (Burned him.) Of course, Kevin Eubanks won't come along for the ride but for now we can seek solace in knowing that someone out there will ask the hard-hitting questions. Like, "Hey Vince Vaughn. What is your favorite sandwich?" For the record, the answer is all of them. Vince likes all the sandwiches.

‘The Good Guy’ Actress Kate Nauta

Friday, February 19 by

Kate Nauta stars in The Good Guy this Friday, but you may better recognize her as the machine gun-wielding killer in the very impractical outfit from Transporter 2. Pink, lingerie, stilettos, and gobs of black eyeliner to blow someone's head off? Then again she might be using the sight of dewy side-boob to stun her victims. A word from Kate: "I never met a beer I couldn't handle."Beer's a little easy. Having never met a bottle of whisky you couldn't handle would be more impressive. Let's go out and you can impress me until your better judgement has dissolved. You can't handle the pics after the jump.

William Shatner is Dad in ‘Shit My Dad Says’

Friday, February 19 by

Sh*t My Dad Says is officially going to pilot at CBS with William Shatner in place as the crosspatch dad. The addition of the star/inexplicable-mountain climber with his complete awesomeness forced CBS to greenlight the multi-camera comedy.Written by Justin Halpern and former Screen Junkies editor Patrick Schumacker, the show tells the story of a young man who returns to the nest and the profane advice of his father. Shatner is a perfect fit. Just imagine him saying, "Don't mess with him…Trust me, you don't f*ck with a man that sleeps next to a woman he never screws. They're unpredictable." Actually, you could tell me that originally came from Shatner's Twitter and I would believe you.

New ‘Kick-Ass’ Red Band Trailer

Friday, February 19 by

Those tissues aren't for the tears. The new red band trailer for Kick-Ass tackles a subject very near and dear to all teenagers. The protagonist's dedication to making regular spank bank donations leads him to a higher calling: kicking ass without the help of super powers. I thought I'd be sick of more Kick-Ass footage, but the new trailer succeeds in its attempt to get me even more amped up. I'm thinking of stretching a pair of my neighbor's pantyhose over my head and putting an end to crime. I'll then be arrested for breaking into my neighbor's house and stealing her pantyhose, a charge I'll vehemently defend as a necessary evil.  Check out the trailer below.

Good News For Sony’s ‘Spider-Man’ Reboot

Friday, February 19 by

There's been a few new developments with the Spider-Man reboot that may have a positive effect on the unnecessary reboot. We already know that director Marc Webb recently met with James "Piss in the Soup" Cameron, but now there's word that he's met with another heavy hitter. Comics demi-god Brian Michael Bendis tweeted yesterday that he and the filmmakers had a meeting at Sony. He went on to comment, "very, very cool stuff!!"Bendis should know what is and isn't cool in the world of superheroics. He's written many of the best comics out there, including Ultimate Spider-Man, and has won five Eisner Awards. There's no word if Bendis will re-write the script or consult with story changes but the fact that they even met is a step in the right direction. My nerd boner is 19% chubby as of right now. But it could be easily deflated depending on what little f*cktard nabs the role of Peter Parker. (Bendis Twitter)

People Are Crazy: Post-Rapture Kennel Care

Thursday, February 18 by

Don't worry, when there's no more heathens these saved survivors will take care of your pets. I just hope it's a single animal to a cage. Fraternizing gives my dog the runs. (Videogum)These links guarantee access to heaven. Hollywood's 10 Most Eeeeevil Actors (Moviefone)Traveling at Light Speed Will Kill You (Asylum)Epic Beard Man's Doodles (HolyTaco)Kevin Smith Won't Shut Up About Southwest (FilmDrunk)Shaq Turned Down by Shakira (TotalProSports)Most Random Superwoman Picture Ever (Unreality)Interview: Ben Rothwell Talks Cro Cop (CagePotato)California NASCAR Babes (Maxim)Justin Bieber Torments 3 Year Old Girl (CelebJihad)The Best Snow Movies (Pajiba)It's Really Hard to Tell a Girl You Love Her (Atom)How to Decode a Restaurant Menu (MadeMan)Auto Club 500 Odds (AllLeftTurns)

Michael Douglas is Clearly the Devil in International ‘Wall Street 2′ Trailer

Thursday, February 18 by

Today we get a second look at Oliver Stone's Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps via the international trailer. Even though we didn't ask for it. Thanks, I guess. This time around we learn a bit more about the plot. Michael Douglas is out of jail and lecturing a new generation about how to rob people blind. Shia LaBeouf stars as his idealistic ward who incidentally plans to marry his estranged son daughter. A bunch of cliché stuff happens and there are motorcylces and the Rolling Stones. Then Shia must choose between millions of dollars and dating a girl who looks like Justin Bieber. The End. Hey, remember 9/11? Seriously, what's up with Carey's hair? Try to figure it out after the jump…

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