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Piranha 3D

Tuesday, January 19 by

DIRECTOR: Alexandre AjaCAST: Elisabeth Shue; Ving Rhames; Christopher Lloyd; Jerry O'Connell; Richard DreyfussSYNOPSIS: Prehistoric fish go apeshit at Spring Break.

‘Creation’ Actress Jennifer Connelly

Tuesday, January 19 by

Your obsession with Jennifer Connelly began back when she starred alongside a creepy (normal) David Bowie in Labyrinth. Since then it has grown with each passing film, and even though the quality of Jennifer's work has gone downhill since she won her Oscar for A Beautiful Mind, you still love her unconditionally. By the way, I project my infatuations. A word from Jennifer: "It's just funny looking back at yourself walking and talking at age 14."Someone's a late bloomer, Jennifer… I was already hearing about this thing people were doing called "sex" by 14.  Check out more pics of Jennifer's blooming after the jump.

Hustler’s Making an ‘Avatar’ Porno. Duh.

Tuesday, January 19 by

The "Reverse Na'vi-girl" has already been perfected. Someone over at Hustler had the brilliant idea to turn the second (soon maybe first) most profitable movie of all time into a porno. Give that man a promotion! In addition to Hustler, he must have an endless subscription to DUH!!!!!! Magazine.The nakey, sweaty, blue-smeary version of Avatar will be called This Ain't Avatar XXX, and it's just one of a few forthcoming porn parodies from Hustler. They also plan to "produce" This Ain't Curb Your Enthusiasm XXX, This Ain't Glee XXX, and This Ain't CSI XXX: Chatsworth. Another genius must by scribbling these names down feverishly in the titling department.In fact, the titles are confusing and misleading altogether. Is this NOT Avatar XXX? Does that mean it's just the Avatar without all the moaning and thrusting? If I'm browsing the shelves of my favorite adult bookstore for the latest Avatar porn why would I want to buy the one called This AIN'T Avatar XXX? I want This IS Avatar XXX. I want the IS! All of the blue, long-tailed, pointy-earred filthy IS they can crame into one poorly executed film! Just don't give it to me in 3D. My senses aren't prepared for that onslaught… (Empire)

‘MacGruber’ Red Band Trailer Explodes in Your Face

Tuesday, January 19 by

Today we have a first look at MacGruber, courtesy of this red-band trailer. Will Forte displays a swagger that is as equal parts Richard Dean Anderson as it is David Hasselhoff. Looks like a fun movie. It's filled with danger, intrigue, explosions, and Upper-Deckers. Just like one of Michael Bay's house parties.On a sidenote, did Val Kilmer hire Steven Seagal's stylist and Kirstie Alley's trainer? Rumor is that they needed the jaws of life to get him out of his trailer every morning.Check out the age-restricted red band trailer at here.MacGruber stunt-rolls in to theaters April 23rd, 2010.

Road to the Oscars: ‘Up in the Air’

Tuesday, January 19 by

       

‘Paranormal Activity 2′ Hires a ‘Saw’ Director

Tuesday, January 19 by

Last year's low-budget horror hit Paranormal Activity has been greenlit for a sequel. But how do you make a sequel to such a stripped-down film who's genius was found in it's simplicity? You hire a director known for their heavy-handed and overwrought filmmaking style.Saw VI's Kevin Greutert has been brought on board by Paramount to water down the scares and crank up the third-tier rap rock. Greutert was editor on all of the Saw movies and apprentice editor on Ernest Scared Stupid so we should be in really capable hands. The movie is scheduled to hit theaters on October 22nd, 2010, which leaves little time. Somebody get a Godsmack cover-band on the phone!! (THR)

Macgruber

Monday, January 18 by

Director: Jorma TacconeCast: Will Forte, Bill Hader, Val Kilmer, Kristen WiigSynopsis: A comedy based on Will Forte's bumbling secret agent whose lack of skill and abundance of personal problems serve as a detriment to him — and those around him.Release Date: April 23, 2010

James Cameron Envisions Rack of Tasty Na’vi Meat

Monday, January 18 by

Avatar won Best Picture last night on The Golden Globes, and James Cameron celebrated by staring at Zoe Saldana's boobies, or possibly the invisible basketball she's holding. Cameron sees things that aren't there, a side effect from his attempt to give Arnold Schwarzeneggar acting skills.Here are today's tangible links.25 Funny Billboards (HolyTaco)Peyton Manning Snaps at Jeff Saturday (TotalProSports)Jade Raymond is One Hot Geek (TheChive)The 25 Best Action Movies (Moviefone)Hot Women of Religious Movies (Maxim)The Abriged Avatar Script (FilmDrunk)15 Celebrity Yodas (SuperTremendous)Best Foreign Language Films of 2009 (Pajiba)Confirmed: Steven Spielberg is a Jew (CelebJihad)Busters. Myth Busters. (Unreality)10 Most Mantastic Moments in Black History (Asylum)29 Pictures of Hot Babes in Star Wars Outfits (RegretfulMorning)Inside the Mind of Motocross's Larry Linkogle (MadeMan)Danica Patrick Mega-Gallery (AllLeftTurns)Fat People Fight! (NothingToxic)Best if Chicago Sketchfest (Atom)

Stupid Rumors Round-Up

Monday, January 18 by

You know it's a slow news day when I've got to break out Whiplash the Monkey Cowboy. The news today is all last night's Golden Globes, Christina Hendricks's globes, and vague tabloid rumors. Here's a round-up of everything that probably isn't going to happen in the world of entertainment.Tobey Maguire is Bilbo Baggins – He's denied the rumor before but now that Spidey 4 is dead, some say that Tobey Maguire will be cast in The Hobbit. But those people are British, therefore liars. (The Sun)Robert Pattinson is Spider-man – Robert Pattinson (or R-Patz as I refuse to call him) is tabloid fodder created merely to give young girls and Adam Shankman something to talk about. The studio-controlled Spider-man reboot will be undoubtedly mishandled but I doubt it's going the Tiger Beat route. (Star Pulse)Wes Craven Might Not Direct 'Scream 4' – Come on, Wes. David Arquette NEEDS you. (MTV)Sigourney Weaver Hints at 'Avatar' Sequel Involvement – After all the crap she's put out there about Ghostbusters 3, you need a PKE-style Bullsh*t Meter to corroborate her stories. (MTV)

‘Castle’ Actress Alyssa Milano

Monday, January 18 by

Alyssa Milano was on Castle last week, and I needed an excuse to post an Alyssa Milano gallery. So there you have it. If you don't like it you can take it up with management. Management says shove off.A word from Alyssa: "I feel a lot healthier when I'm having sex." What do we have if we don't have our health? Be as healthy as possible, Alyssa. So so so SO healthy. Like 24/7 healthy. In all kinds of weird positions. Work toward a healthier you by checking out more pics after the jump.

Mark Strong Considering ‘Green Lantern’ Role, Jackie Earle Haley Considering More Distracting Facial Hair

Monday, January 18 by

The attractiveness of castmembers for Martin Campbell's upcoming Green Lantern is no longer in jeopardy. Reports last week that Jackie Earle Haley was the front-runner for the role of Sinestro have been debunked by the director. MTV asked Campbell about the Haley casting rumor and he responded,"What? No. That ugly old thing?? No way. I'd sooner cast that hulk from Precious."Well, he didn't exactly say that. But he totally wanted to. You can tell. Check it out."No. That's completely wrong. In fact, we're in negotiations with Mark Strong to play Sinestro. He's not only a wonderful actor, but he looks like Sinestro. If you look up old pictures of Sinestro, he's very like him. The Jackie Earle Haley thing, somebody told me about it this morning; I had never heard it before in my life."Mark Strong is on a hot streak. Between Sherlock Holmes, Kick-Ass, and Green Lantern (and rumored sequels), he'll be Hollywood's official villian (behind Jeff Zucker). Somewhere, Andy Garcia weeps. (MTV)

New ‘Inception’ Pic Features Leo Trapped in a Painting

Monday, January 18 by

Leo DiCaprio is on the hunt for Salvador Dali in this new pic from Christopher Nolan's Inception. I don't know if that's what's officially happening, but since Inception and LOST both choose to give us NOTHING before their premieres I only have my ridiculous assumptions to go on. In an interview with the L.A. Times, Christopher Nolan said that Inception was a larger endeavor than The Dark Knight, filming in no less than six countries. I'm guessing the above pic was taken in China, because I've never been there and I like to imagine China looks like a melted oil painting. Christopher Nolan went on to say, "I think we've put a lot of different things into the pot with this one. I grew up watching James Bond films and loving those and watching spy movies with their globe-trotting sensibility." The L.A. Times describes the film's premise as corporate espionage by way of dream invasion. Sweet. It's like John Grisham rewriting The Firm totally baked. Now if only he'd rewrite A Time to Kill while under the influence. Matthew McCaughnehey's character would be TOTALLY the same.

2010 Golden Globe Winners

Monday, January 18 by

"Maybe swinging by Taco Bell before the show was a mistake on my part."Last night at the 2010 Golden Globe Awards, host Ricky Gervais talked about his penis and helped hand out some statues. Avatar won for Best Motion Picture Drama and Best Director. Michael C. Hall and John Lithgow dominated for their work on Dexter. The Hurt Locker walked away empty-handed. Maybe the film will have better luck at The Academy Awards where the winners are based on merit, not studio checkbooks. *almost keeps a straight face*CHECK OUT THE FULL LIST OF WINNERS AFTER THE JUMP…

NBC Wants Custody of Conan’s Masturbating Bear

Sunday, January 17 by

NBC and Conan are working out the details now for his exit from the network and The Tonight Show. It's now believed that NBC will not enforce the no-compete clause in his contract and allow him to set up shop at another network, but he won't be taking his recurring characters and sketches with him. Inside sources say that NBC is keeping trademarked elements of Conan's shows as part of the exit deal. Characters like Masturbating Bear, Pimpbot 5000, Vomiting Kermit, Coked-Up Werewolf, and Horny Manatee (why didn't he connect with old people?!) will never appear again nor will sketches such as If They Mated, In the Year 3000, and Desk-Driving. It's unclear if Robert Smigel's Triumph the Insult Comic Dog is effected in this deal. I'm certainly looking forward to when Conan sets up elsewhere with a new slew of characters like Masturbating Deer, Pimpbot 6000, Sharting Kermit, and Coked-Up Werewolf Wearing Groucho Glasses. (THR)

Photos from the Set of Robert Rodriguez’s ‘Predators’

Saturday, January 16 by

Somehow streams of daylight make Predators look…less horrifying. Here are a few shots from the Robert Rodriquez written and produced sequel Predators. The film is directed by Nimrod Antal, and stars Adrien Brody, Laurence Fishburne, Topher Grace, Danny Trejo, and Walton Goggins. I hope once the sun slips behind the horizon the Predators above take on a more if-I-ever-came-face-to-face-with-one-of-these-things-I'd-sh*t-my-pants-instantly look.Predators hits theaters July 7th, 2010. Check out more pics after the jump.

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