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20 Weird Movie and TV Holiday Cards

Thursday, December 10 by

The holiday spirit is hidden somewhere in these greetings…

What’s On TV Tonight: Thursday, December 10th, 2009

Thursday, December 10 by

Tonight on TV, Zooey Deschanel throws her sister a bone.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

‘The Slammin’ Salmon’ Salmon Chowder Eating Contest Happened

Thursday, December 10 by

In an effort to promote their new movie, The Slammin' Salmon, the Broken Lizard gang held a salmon chowder eating contest at City Crab & Seafood in New York City. Gluton Bob Shoudt broke the Major League Eating capacity record after eating 2.4 gallons and more than 24 pounds of chowder in 6-minutes. A disgusted and bewildered Michael Clarke Duncan served as guest judge and the Broken Lizards were amateur coaches at the Major League Eating contest. Eater X, Badlands Booker, Crazy Legs Conti and Allen "Shredder" Goldstein competed along with amateur hopefuls. I threw up in my mouth. Never have I seen so much stewed oil, cream, and fish shoveled into an orifice. I hope everyone at this contest felt very bad about themselves after. The human body isn't meant to tolerate so much thick, white liquid. Hence the stomach pump. 

‘The Lovely Bones’ Actress Rachel Weisz

Thursday, December 10 by

Rachel Weisz starred in The Mummy and The Mummy Returns. She's also won an Academy Award. Two facts that have nothing to do with one another. Thank God.  A word from Rachel: "People find out I'm an actress and I see that 'whore' look flicker across their eyes." Is that a real thing because I SWEAR I've seen that look in so many eyes and I thought I was just crazy! Damn this sixth sense is such a burden. See if Rachel's eyes flicker in the pics after the jump.

‘Tron Legacy’ Has a Poster and Cool Hair

Thursday, December 10 by

As this new poster for Tron Legacy declares, "the game has changed." But how? How has this game changed? Still looks all cyber-bikey to me. Is there cyber-lava now?? Or is it that the chicks are hotter this time around?Yes. That could be it. The girls are more attractive and, as you can see from the poster below, the perverts are just as Midwestern.

6 New ‘Avatar’ Clips

Thursday, December 10 by

Posted below are six new clips from a small indie movie called Avatar that comes out December 18th. Like most other bloggers, I refuse to watch them because I want to get the most out of my expensive-ass IMAX ticket. Plus I like wearing shades when I see movies. You know, so the stuff jumps out at you and stuff, like Captain EO. If you like to experience your epic action-adventure movies on a much smaller, 2D screen, then by all means click play below. 

Dreamworks Pits ‘Wife Vs. Ninja’

Thursday, December 10 by

What if Amy Fisher knew karate? That's roughly the idea behind Wife Vs. Ninja, a pitch recently purchased by Dreamworks. The story centers on a scientist who leaves his Long Island housewife for his beautiful young intern. But the intern is actually a ninja assassin intent on murdering him and stealing his work. Not sure why the wife would want to save her cheating spouse. Must be children involved.Producer Michael Besman will write the script along with scribes Michael Zam and Jaffe Cohen. Not sure how good this one can be. I place it just above Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever on the Versus Movie Scale. (Variety)

THE LOVELY BONES

Wednesday, December 9 by

Director: Peter JacksonCast: Mark Wahlberg, Saoirse Ronan, Rachel Weisz, Stanley Tucci, Susan SarandonSynopsis: Centers on a young girl who has been murdered and watches over her family – and her killer – from heaven. She must weigh her desire for vengeance against her desire for her family to heal.

‘LOST’ Season Five Bloopers are Silly

Wednesday, December 9 by

Lost Season 5 Bloopers – Watch more Funny VideosThe LOST characters should spend less time joking around and more time figuring out why the f*ck they're on that island. The final season drops February 2nd on ABC. These links drop right now. Flowchart to Determine What Holiday to Celebrate (HolyTaco) Norwegian Goalie Makes Amazing Goal-Line Save (TotalProSports) Camouflage Can't Hide Stupidity (TheChive) 15 Freakishly Large Babies (SuperTremendous) I Want to F You With a Cobra (FilmDrunk) The Greatest Love Stories of the Aughts (Pajiba) Team Edward's Starting Left Tackle Injured (CelebJihad) A Literal A to Z List of CGI Movie Characters (Unreality) Cheech & Chong Blaze a New Trail (Asylum) Tennessee Using Tail to Attract Football Recruits? (BustedCoverage) Coffee That'll Wake You the F Up (RegretfulMorning) What Does Your Headache Mean? (MadeMan) Google Satellite and Sprint Cup Teams (AllLeftTurns) Russian Car Accident Turns to Fistfight (NothingToxic) Hanukkah is a Time for Sharing (Atom)

Bobby Bottleservice Auditions for ‘Jersey Shore’

Wednesday, December 9 by

Bobby Bottleservice – Jersey Shore Audition Tape – watch more funny videosBobby Bottleservice (the hilarious Nick Kroll) is back, and he's trying to claim his rightful place in the inevitable second season of Jersey Shore on MTV. With Bobby B as one of the tenants, the house will be more Guidorrific than ever. He'll bring his hair gel, Cadillac, and sloppy grammar to the party, and the overly tan dwarf ladies will eat it up like a big plate of gabagoolooka (my made up Italian deli meat).

What’s On TV Tonight: Wednesday, December 9th, 2009

Wednesday, December 9 by

Tonight, Top Chef ends its season and Padma Lakshmi regrettably covers up for the winter. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

James Cameron Develops ‘Avatar’…Again

Wednesday, December 9 by

I can do this all day, buddy. James Cameron is developing a futuristic sci-fi action film. Someone should tell him he's already been doing that for the past twenty years. It's called Avatar, Cameron. Remember? The blue mutant cat people? Ahhhh (dismissively waves hand).The event film set in the future, but not Fern Gully, is scripted by uber Hollywood screenwriter Shane Salerno. In June of this year it was mentioned in Variety that Salerno was developing a project for Cameron, and many think it could be Doomsday Protocal, which Salerno sold to Fox for seven figures of cold, hard cheddar. The project is about aliens and humans with various abilities being brought together to save earth. Sounds like one of those "important" movies. Please standby while I pass gas through the flame of a lighter. It isn't known if Cameron is intending to direct the project, or merely produce. The only thing that's known is Cameron just made a movie with aliens and humans being brought together, and he doesn't know it.(via /Film)

‘Jersey Shore’ Links Ed Hardy Hats and Sucker Punches

Wednesday, December 9 by

MTV's Jersey Shore is getting A LOT of negative attention, which is a shame because as I have stated on a few occasions that it is a solid show, an important show. In addition to numerous catchphrases they have now given us a piece of footage more compelling than the Zapruder Film. Watch in wild wonder as a drunken Seaside bar patron fist pumps directly into pint-sized castmember Snooki's face:   Bada-bing. Bada-BOOM! That. Is. Horrifying. Did you see the absent look in the assailant's eyes? It's as if he was under mind control a la The Manchurian Candidate. Did Chris Brown install that Naked Gun chip in his brain? We would ask Snooki but she isn't slated to wake up until February. And it should be known that Screen Junkies doesn't advocate this kind of violence. If someone offends you, tell them to shut their stupid face. You don't hit. You punch with your words. Unless it's a douchebag. Then you rail on him.

‘Cougar Town’ Actress Courteney Cox

Wednesday, December 9 by

Courteney Cox is 45 and still smokin' hot. There's something about dark hair and piercing blue eyes that makes me feel all funny in my nether regions. You can currently see Courteney playing the appropriate role of a cougar in Cougar Town on ABC. A word from Courteney: "I don't think I'm too thin at all. I understand when people say, 'Well your face gets gaunt."Don't listen to them, Cox! You're beau–hehehe. Cox…Check out more maturely hot pics after the jump.

JERSEY SHORE

Wednesday, December 9 by

Network: MTVSynopsis: Guidos and Guidettes move into the ultimate beach house rental and indulge in everything the Seaside Heights, New Jersey scene has to offer: hair gel and Cadillacs.

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