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Joel Edgerton and Mary Elizabeth Winstead to Battle ‘The Thing’

Monday, February 8 by

Last month we posted the casting breakdown for Matthijs van Heijningen Jr.'s prequel to The Thing, and today there's word that the protagonists have been selected. Scream queen Mary Elizabeth Winstead and rugged Kurt Russell-proxy Joel Edgerton have signed on to be drenched in blood and guts. Winstead will play Kate Lloyd, a Ph.D. candidate who travels with Norwegian scientists to Antartica to investigate an alien craft frozen in the ice. The alien escapes and begins systematically ripping the scientists limb-from-limb. Edgerton plays Sam Carter, the badass helicopter pilot who doesn't trust them queefy doctors and trusts his own gut over their rich-boy "science." He eventually teams with Winstead to destroy the Thing.I've got mixed feelings about this prequel. I like this casting and am eager to see who else signs on, but this group of filmmakers has their work cut out for them despite their talents. The original was so good that the bar was set impossibly high. Also impossibly high, anyone who thinks this will measure up to the original. (THR)

Joe Johnston Talks ‘Captain America’ Casting and Villain

Sunday, February 7 by

Joe Johnston has been pressin' it up for The Wolfman and he's taking that opportunity to talk about his upcoming Captain America, or The First Avenger: Captain America as it is known by fans of using too many words. Casting hasn't been announced yet but is expected to shortly. Ryan McPartlin from Chuck said that he read for the part and we're sure most of young Hollywood has as well. Except for the ugly ones naturally.Johnston's biggest announcement so far is that the Red Skull will appear as the main villian in the film, which comes as a shock to no one. To the best of my knowledge, Captain America only has two enemies: Red Skull and that dude with the skull that is red. Johnston also spoke briefly about the framework of the film."We will see the Captain America villain, the main villain, the Red Skull. But it's the origin story. It's how he became Captain America in World War II. There are present-day bookends, but it's his origin story. And we decided you only get one shot at telling an origin story, so you might as well tell it first."Yes. You only get one shot at telling an origin story. Especially for comic book movies. Unless of course we're talking about The Hulk, The Punisher, The Fantastic Four, Daredevil, or Spider-Man. Otherwise, you only get one shot. Oh yeah, also Batman. (HitFix)

Taylor Lautner Cast in Unnecessary ‘Stretch Armstrong’ Movie/Dump

Saturday, February 6 by

Twilight hunkA hunkA hunkA Taylor Lautner is going to be Stretch Armstrong in Universal's latest attempt to turn every board game into a 3D movie. You don't care about this news, I don't care about this news, but I still find the above picture amusing. This thing also (kinda) has a plot. Taylor would play Armstrong "an uptight spy who stumbles across a stretching formula, which he takes and must now adjust to in everyday life and when fighting crime.” Where I come from that's called an erection. And believe me, it takes more than 90 minutes to adjust to it.Steve Oedekerk wrote the screenplay and crazy-haired Brian Grazer is producing. No director is on board yet, but the economy is making a slow comeback so it may take a little longer to find one. Unless Shawn Levy is an avid fan of Screen Junkies and is fervently dialing his agent at the same time he's finishing this post. (THR)

Photobomb Fridays: ‘The Godfather’ + Snookie

Friday, February 5 by

As punishment for not giving "The Situation" the part, the producer woke up to find Snookie under his sheets.Here are your weekend links.25 Greatest Garbage Pail Kids (HolyTaco)Brazilian Comentator Faints on Live TV (TotalProSports)Insider Says Watchmen Sequel Not Happening (Moviefone)If Famous Directors Direct The Super Bowl (FilmDrunk)Does Chaeil Sonnen Have Your Attention Yet? (CagePotato)15 Anti-Climactic Movie Posters (Unreality)80's-Influenced Technology Available Now (Asylum)UFC's Kenda Perez Pics (Maxim)Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift are Dating (CelebJihad)George Lucas:Hero or Heretic (Pajiba)Val Kilmer Unravels The Super Bowl (Atom)6 Easy Steps to Bone-Crushing Tackles (MadeMan)You May Be Infected with Danica Fever (AllLeftTurns)

HBO Takes Us Inside The Glamorous World of Blogging

Friday, February 5 by

Blog. Fap. Repeat.HBO is cranking it up to ten with a series about the exciting world of movie blogging. The show, entitled Cheetos For Lunch Tilda, is being developed with hopes of going to pilot by Bill Condon (Dreamgirls, Kinsey) and Cynthia Mort (Tell Me You Love Me). It focuses on a tough female entertainment journalist with a "no-holds-barred style." HBO seems like the perfect home for a project like this. There's no way you could get away with the requisite blogger-pantslessness on regular networks. Also, the Entourage crossovers seem like a given. Here's an excerpt:JOHNNY DRAMA: Oh no! My sex tape leaked and now all of Hollywood knows I have a small donger!TILDA: (adjusts camel toe) TOLDJA!Comparisons were drawn immediately to Deadline Hollywood's Nikki Finke. Yet she hasn't responded to this at all. Weird. I hope that she's okay. Somebody please drive by her place to make sure she's not concussed while I call all the morgues. (THR)

Denis Leary Has Fond Memories of Sam Kinison Mowing the Lawn

Friday, February 5 by

Epix – Samuel Kinisons Mowing the Lawn – Watch more Funny VideosSam Kinison's tantrums and red-faced, eye-bulging screamfests influenced a ton of stand-ups, including famous ranter Denis Leary. On Saturday February 6th, EPIX will be featuring Kinison Back From Hell. Comedians including Chris Rock, Kathy Griffin and Denis Leary gather to pay tribute to the man who turned rage into an art form. Filmed in part at Sam Kinison's familiar Los Angeles stomping ground The Comedy Store, this documentary weaves performance footage and interviews to offer some fresh perspective on a truly original voice in comedy. Bring your earplugs and your grievances to the living room with you. Right now, EPIX is offering invite codes to EpixHD.com from 2/4 through 2/7 that are good for four-days of access.

‘Robin Hood: The Fatter Years’ Super Bowl Spot

Friday, February 5 by

The King of BurpsDue to my aversion to looking at Peyton Manning's square head, the only reason I was planning to watch this Sunday's Super Bowl was for the commercials. And now I won't have to even do that. Yesterday we had the Shutter Island leak and today we have an epic look at Ridley Scott's Robin Hood. Why pay the kajillion dollars for Super Bowl ad time when you're just going to release the spot beforehand? In spite of that, I gotta say that the movie looks pretty good. It's pretty much Robin Hood: The Fatter Years, which is to say a gritty look at the outlaw marauder before he got Disneyfied. Imagine Braveheart with Russell Crowe as H.A.I.C. (Head Australian In Charge) as well as some scenes with boats (I don't think I have to tell you how popular boats are). Let's hope this one is a hit. Russell Crowe seems like a really humble and appreciative guy. I'd hate to see him fail. Unlike Manning. His head looks like a damn olive oil can. HAVE AN EARLY LOOK AT THE SPOT AFTER THE JUMP…

James Cameron’s Forgotten Western Classic

Friday, February 5 by

Back in 1988 James Cameron made a terrible decision to direct a music video for Bill Paxton's band Martini Ranch. I'm sure the final product has been haunting him ever since, a horrible display of mariachis and teased hair that not even his domination at the box office can banish from his mind's eye. Ooooo is that Kathryn Bigelow?! Why in God's name don't they show more of her? And why is she wearing so many articles of clothing? Bustiers abound in this P.O.S. and Cameron doesn't slap one on Kathryn. If I wasn't so terrified of you, James, I'd give you angry fist shake. (Cinematical) 

‘Deal or No Deal’ Model Kelly Brannigan

Friday, February 5 by

Kelly Brannigan is briefcase number 24 on that gameshow hosted by the germaphobe. She was also voted Biggest Flirt in high school. I guess that's what happens when you strut to class in your bra with a pitbull.A word from Kelly: "I'm briefcase number 24."I don't have documentation of Kelly actually saying the above, but I have to believe she's given that answer when someone asked her directions to the airport.After the jump see why it's unnecessary for Kelly to speak.

Cop These ‘District 9′ Gats

Friday, February 5 by

Be the hardest geek in yo' hood with these life-size replicas of the burners from best picture nominee District 9. Them heads at Peter Jackson's Weta Workshop is slingin' the Gas Generator and Arc Generator pieces for 5 c-notes each. So, if you beefin' with some Trekkie who needs to get got, now you got the hardware to do so. Aaassa lama lakum, my brotha. (via /Film)

‘Cop Out’ Red Band Trailer

Friday, February 5 by

DOUBLE nut shot? BAHhahahaha! Tracy Morgan gets it right in between the legs and then he gives it to a 10-year-old. My vivid description really doesn't do the scene justice. And that is mainly what the Cop Out red band trailer is all about.  I'll admit, it's funnier than the first oral-sex-conversationless trailer, but I fear I still can't get behind this movie. Tracy Morgan has grown on me in 30 Rock, I just don't know if I can tolerate his unique line delivery for 90 minutes. It always sounds like his throat is seizing up and he's choking out words seconds before his death. Check out the trailer below. It has a crude drawing in it. (Hint: It's a penis…with balls.)

‘Buried’ Writer Cashes In with ‘ATM’

Friday, February 5 by

Chris Sparling attracted a lot of buzz with his script for Buried. After landing on the Black List, the film wooed Ryan Reynolds and was screened at Sundance to rave reviews. Lionsgate quickly bought the film and plan to distribute. Now, the screenwriter has parlayed that success into the sale of another script to the Safran Co. and Gold Circle Films. Newcomer David Brooks will direct.ATM is an action script that doesn't center around licking someone's butt. Actually it's about three co-workers who — on a routine stop at an ATM — unexpectedly end up in a desperate fight for their lives. I'm assuming this means they get held up or car-jacked. But I'm hoping it's a story about a guy's necktie getting caught in a killer, man-eating ATM.Could happen. (Variety)

‘Arrested Development’ Laugh Track Reduces Laughs

Thursday, February 4 by

Arrested Development with a Laugh Track – Watch more Funny VideosIt's amazing to witness how canned laughter can rape and murder genuine laughter. Arrested Development is one of my favorite shows of all time, so watching the above clip stirs an anger deep inside of me usually reserved for fat, ugly people who think they're smokin' hot. Hey, shows that still use a laugh track. Stop leaning on your crutch and write better material! Hey, fat, ugly person. Your massive cleavage doesn't make you less ugly! (Gawker)Here are today's pretty links.Check Out Top Rated Super Bowl Commercials (Break)Flowchart to Determine What You Should On Super Bowl Sunday (HolyTaco) Anna Kournikova Makes a Fan Horny (TotalProSports) Deciding on the Worst Movie Ever (Moviefone) Miley Cyrus's Sister ISN'T Wearing Lingerie (FilmDrunk) UC 109 Participants Make Super Bowl Predictions (CagePotato) 7 Must Have Gadgets from 80s Movies and TV (Unreality) Plus Size Swingers Take Over Jamaica (Asylum) Hooters Girls Explain Football (Maxim) Lock Up Your Whores Tiger Woods Leaving Rehab (CelebJihad) 15 Most Memorable Closing Credit Songs (Pajiba) The Berry/Steve Agee Experiment (Atom) Super Bowl Snacks to Keep You Slim (MadeMan) Behold, Snack Food Stadium! (AllLeftTurns) My Girlfriend is Stinky Down Below, What Now? (RegretfulMorning)

NBC Honors Black History Month Via Its Stomach

Thursday, February 4 by

NBC must rrrreeeaaaallllllyyyyyy love the legal process. Not only did they just pay out $44 million to Conan O'Brien,  but they also were just sued for stealing the font used in their logo redesign. Now their cafeteria is caught with its racist pants down. Or up. I don't know how racists wear their pants.Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and The Roots drummer Questlove tweeted the above picture today along with the comment "Hmm, HR?"An NBC publicist replied, "The sign in the NBCU cafeteria has been removed. We apologize for anyone who was offended by it."This of course has rightfully drawn a lot of offense. Many black people were bewildered when they laid eyes upon the controversial menu. In fact, most were overheard exclaiming, "$7.50?!!" (THR)

Some Little Jerk in The Running for ‘Spider-Man’ Reboot

Thursday, February 4 by

Let me preface this post by saying I disapprove of the Spider-man Reboot in general. With that said, little idiot Logan Lerman told Access Hollywood that he's in early talks to play Peter Parker in Marc Webb's jerktastic reboot of the Spider-Man franchise. Says Lerman: “It’s just, you know, conversations are starting. It’s a long process with the dumbass studio and the jerkball producers and everything. But it’s definitely a project that I’m really interested in, of course.  I’d love to focus on the sh*thead element a little bit more. It’d be such a fun experience.” However, the Hollywood Reporter says that the little snot and Percy Jackson star is just one of the dickwads with whom the sh*t-for-brains studio is meeting. Says a spokesman for the studio:“No offers have been made, nor have any business discussions been made with that fartknocker.”When asked for comment, a Spider-Man fan on the street (me) responded with a prolonged fart sound.So there you have it. The first official hat in the ring for the coveted role of Peter Parker. We'll keep you posted as more stupid buttheads are announced. (THR)

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