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Merry Christmas! Hope Santa Didn’t Murder You!

Friday, December 25 by

Here's a classic clip from the film Silent Night, Deadly Night that reminds us all never to strike up a conversation with the elderly. Chances are they're going to frighten or cough on you. "You see Santa tonight you better run, boy! You better run…for your life!"

‘It’s Complicated’ Actress Lake Bell

Thursday, December 24 by

The only thing I don't like about Lake Bell is her name. Who names their kid after a body of water? Hippies, that's who! River Phoenix's parents did it and look what happened to him. He died outside of a nightclub. Let this be a lesson to all parents: don't go chasing waterfalls. Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to. Why did I just quote TLC? See Lake taking Meryl Streep's Baldwin in It's Complicated on Christmas Day.A word from Lake: "You have to keep hobbies in L.A. Otherwise, it's sad."Um, hello, Lake. What about being disillusioned? That keeps things constantly happy. And don't you tell me otherwise! See pics of Lake in a lake after the jump. Brilliant!

Kevin Smith’s ‘Cop Out’ Trailer is Missing ‘Dicks’ and Balls

Thursday, December 24 by

  Grooooooaaaaaan. The trailer for Kevin Smith's new "comedy" Cop Out, formerly know as A Couple of Cops, formerly know as A Couple of Dicks (yes! funnier!), has hit, and it's about as amusing as tweezing someone else's pubes. I can't even tell what the movie is about, except that Tracy Morgan's character (I'm guessing a mentally challenged volunteer?) is teamed up with Bruce Willis's character (a "doin' it for the paycheck" grizzled veteran who's simply getting too old for this sh*t?).  Oh Kevin Smith, what has happened to you. I don't doubt that movie making by committee impeded on your ultimate vision for this film, but I honestly don't know if your ultimate vision would have been much better even if you were given free reign. Maybe if Jay and Silent Bob were hanging outside of every convenience store Morgan and Willis will inevitably go in to. After all, you gotta get product placement in their somehow. My ideal sponsors for this film would be Chiquita Bananas and KY Jelly.   Cop Out rips one in theaters on February 2nd, 2010. Check out the trailer after the jump. Or if you'd like to be more entertained, just watch the opening credits of Panic Room. 

Cinema 2009 Retrospective Retrospects Cinema of 2009

Wednesday, December 23 by

Editor Kees van Dijkhuizen has put together a tremendous Cinema 2009 retrospective. He's mashed together an enormous amount of 2009 film clips for his piece, 1 Year, 342 Movies, 12 Months of Production, 7 Minutes. Think of it as a more whimsical Trailer To End All Trailers.From Kees: "2009 proved that innovation is rewarded, and for that reason, I've decided no film should be left behind." For the most part, he's true to his word. The only thing missing from this clip is Nic Cage and his singing iguanas. Once you're done updating your Netflix queue, check out these links… Where To Hook Up in an Airport (Holy Taco) Redneck Waterskiing (Total Pro Sports) Your Girlfriend is Doing a Kegstand (The Chive) Brendan Fraser: A Career in Pictures (FilmDrunk) 8 Gifts That Only Rich Kids Got (Maxim) This Decade's Most Painful Movies (Pajiba) Zany Snowmen (Unreality) Things  You Should Never Do or Say When Stopped for a DWI (Asylum) Mrs. Claus Looks Very Good in Very Little (RegretfulMorning) 8 Women Who Are Completely Off-Limits (MadeMan) What Is Your NASCAR IQ? (AllLeftTurns) Dude Gets Run Over by Roller Coaster (NothingToxic) In Case You Wanted A Russian Mail-Order Wife for X-Mas (Atom)

‘Alice in Wonderland’ Tea Party Billboard Warrants a No RSVP

Wednesday, December 23 by

 I'm pretty sure that if I attended this tea party I would be the biscuit this motley crew served their LSD on. Who is the Mad Hatter's interior designer anyway? You can't mix multi-colored tablecloths and then just place a caterpillar on a giant mushroom in the foyer. It ruins the whole flow of the space!This new art proves to be just as trippy as the most recent trailer, and I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. I still haven't decided if I'm excited about this new Tim Burton cacophony of mental wails, but a few Xanax might change my mind. (via JoBlo) 

What’s On TV Tonight: Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009

Wednesday, December 23 by

Tonight, Jessica Simpson's cleavage makes Dane Cook palatable.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE BREAKNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

Nature Finally Lashes Out at Brendan Fraser in ‘Furry Vengeance’

Wednesday, December 23 by

This raccoon needs to fire his agent. If you thought that the box office failure of Old Dogs signaled a sea change in American cinema, I'm sorry to say that you need to be less stupid. Below is the trailer for Furry Vengeance, a movie about woodland animals trying to destroy Brendan Fraser. Don't worry yourselves, animals. His management team will destroy him in due time. Furry Vengeance opens in theaters April 2nd, 2010, just in case you're looking for an empty theater that day. Commit eyeball-seppuku by watching the trailer after the jump…

‘The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus’ Actress Lily Cole

Wednesday, December 23 by

Lily Cole is one of those models that you look at and think to yourself, "How is that girl a model?" She's hot but also kinda weird looking, like there's too much face for her features, even though her eyes are huge. I have absolutely nothing to complain about below the neck. A word from Lily: "Kate Moss has had such a phenomenal career and I wouldn't even like to compare myself to her."Lily's got more meat on her bones than Kate, which is nice. Maybe she'll become known as the fat Kate Moss, meaning healthy-looking.  Check out more fat Kate Moss pics after the jump.

New ‘Inception’ Trailer is Trippy, French

Wednesday, December 23 by

France has given America so much over the years; the Statue of Liberty, cheese, a place for Johnny Depp to sleep, and now this new Inception trailer. I'm not sure if this is the trailer that will be attached to Sherlock Holmes later this week but I am sure that it looks intriguing and deserves a watch. Leonardo DiCaprio contends with a city that is literally curling in on itself as if it were being potato-peeled. It's hard to say what exactly is going on other than that, but Christopher Nolan's visual style has me hungry for more. Sadly, I failed French but I'll try to translate anyway. Hmmm. All I've got is "the duck… is tall." What does that even mean?? Is that part of another one of those damn confusing virals? (Making Of) Bend your mind around the trailer after the jump…

Ricky Gervais Torments Elmo

Wednesday, December 23 by

Recently Sesame Street's Elmo was having a really hard time falling asleep (you would too if you had a hand shoved up your poop-shoot). Luckily, the unbelievably famous Ricky Gervais broke into the young Muppet's bedroom to assist with a "Celebrity Lullaby." To coax Elmo off to Dreamland, Gervais decided to serenade him about the letter "N" and all the words you can spell with it. Words like, Nap, Nightcap, Nummies, and Naff off you insufferable little sh*t. Gervais doesn't come right out and say that but you can tell he wants to. Between this and their earlier insult-laden video, the tension between them is so thick. Hurry up and bang already, you two. Everyone knows you want it.

Ridley Scott’s ‘Robin Hood’ Poster Urges You to Remember ‘Gladiator’

Wednesday, December 23 by

Last week we showed you the hard rockin' trailer for Ridley Scott's down and dirty Robin Hood film. Today we have the UK poster which has the softer, more subtle approach of Russell Crowe trying to kill us. It features an intense Crowe murderously staring down the shaft of his pointy, shooty thing.More importantly, the poster reminds us that director Ridley Scott and Crowe once famously teamed up for Gladiator. The point they are trying to make is, if you loved seeing Russell Crowe stab and beat people in that film then you will probably enjoy him stabbing and beating AND shooting people in this film."I'll teach ya to readjust lights while I'm thespianing, ya c*nt."Given Crowe's explosive temper, the still looks more like he's threatening an unlucky lensman a la Christian Bale. Save where Bale uses his words, Crowe goes the more direct route of shooting them in the face. Robin Hood arrives in theaters May 14th, 2010. (HeyUGuys via First Showing)

‘Frozen’ Trailer Reinforces My Fear of Shared Seating

Tuesday, December 22 by

FROZEN trailer – Watch more Funny VideosThis Better Off Dead remake took a lot of liberties. Stay frozen right there and peruse these links…  25 Naughty Mrs. Claus Pictures (Holy Taco) Frank the Puppet Has Advice for Tiger Woods (Total Pro Sports) Laugh Away the Holiday Blues with LOL Jesus. Lol. (The Chive) Roger Ebert > Pete Hammond (FilmDrunk) A Look Back Maxim's Sexiest Covers of the Decade (Maxim) Christmas Dominos (SuperTremendous) The 10 Most Overlooked Films of the Decade (Pajiba) Reasons The Phantom Menace Sucked in a Streamlined 70 Minutes (Unreality) Facebook Cited As 2009's #1 Homewrecker (Asylum) Tramp Stamp Tuesday (RegretfulMorning) How to Avoid Fatal Attractions (MadeMan) Wendy Venturini Pictures (AllLeftTurns) Bikers Pulverize Heckler (NothingToxic) Animated Christmas Specials, This Is The Remix (Atom)

Leo Tries to Solve Who Dealt It in Final ‘Shutter Island’ Poster

Tuesday, December 22 by

Leonardo DiCaprio scowls in the new mystery Who Farted? The Motion Picture Talkie. Just kidding, you guys. Martin Scorsese didn't make a movie about someone farting. Though if he did, smart money would have Max von Sydow being the culprit. He seems like the type.This poster is nearly identical to the earlier poster with a few hardly noticeable changes. Mainly they spruced up the color to make it less dismal and depressing. Afterall, the last thing I want to be is bummed out when I see a movie about pyschologically crippled people stuffed into cages against their will. (CHUD)

What’s On TV Tonight: Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009

Tuesday, December 22 by

 Tonight, join Carrie Underwood as she warms your yule log. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

Enjoy Jaden Smith Getting His Ass Kicked in ‘The Karate Kid’ Trailer

Tuesday, December 22 by

The Karate Kid (2010) – Watch more Funny Videos Now, this is a trailer all about how I learned to karate kick and flip upside down. If you'd like to take a minute and hear about this thing, I'll tell you how I became the only black kid in Beijing. My moms moved to China and that really sucked. In the playground, getting my ass beat up. I talked to one Asian girl and then I'm like, "Damn! Did Jackie Chan just break off that kid's hand?" (via Yahoo)

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