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‘Robin Hood: The Fatter Years’ Super Bowl Spot

Friday, February 5 by

The King of BurpsDue to my aversion to looking at Peyton Manning's square head, the only reason I was planning to watch this Sunday's Super Bowl was for the commercials. And now I won't have to even do that. Yesterday we had the Shutter Island leak and today we have an epic look at Ridley Scott's Robin Hood. Why pay the kajillion dollars for Super Bowl ad time when you're just going to release the spot beforehand? In spite of that, I gotta say that the movie looks pretty good. It's pretty much Robin Hood: The Fatter Years, which is to say a gritty look at the outlaw marauder before he got Disneyfied. Imagine Braveheart with Russell Crowe as H.A.I.C. (Head Australian In Charge) as well as some scenes with boats (I don't think I have to tell you how popular boats are). Let's hope this one is a hit. Russell Crowe seems like a really humble and appreciative guy. I'd hate to see him fail. Unlike Manning. His head looks like a damn olive oil can. HAVE AN EARLY LOOK AT THE SPOT AFTER THE JUMP…

James Cameron’s Forgotten Western Classic

Friday, February 5 by

Back in 1988 James Cameron made a terrible decision to direct a music video for Bill Paxton's band Martini Ranch. I'm sure the final product has been haunting him ever since, a horrible display of mariachis and teased hair that not even his domination at the box office can banish from his mind's eye. Ooooo is that Kathryn Bigelow?! Why in God's name don't they show more of her? And why is she wearing so many articles of clothing? Bustiers abound in this P.O.S. and Cameron doesn't slap one on Kathryn. If I wasn't so terrified of you, James, I'd give you angry fist shake. (Cinematical) 

‘Deal or No Deal’ Model Kelly Brannigan

Friday, February 5 by

Kelly Brannigan is briefcase number 24 on that gameshow hosted by the germaphobe. She was also voted Biggest Flirt in high school. I guess that's what happens when you strut to class in your bra with a pitbull.A word from Kelly: "I'm briefcase number 24."I don't have documentation of Kelly actually saying the above, but I have to believe she's given that answer when someone asked her directions to the airport.After the jump see why it's unnecessary for Kelly to speak.

Cop These ‘District 9′ Gats

Friday, February 5 by

Be the hardest geek in yo' hood with these life-size replicas of the burners from best picture nominee District 9. Them heads at Peter Jackson's Weta Workshop is slingin' the Gas Generator and Arc Generator pieces for 5 c-notes each. So, if you beefin' with some Trekkie who needs to get got, now you got the hardware to do so. Aaassa lama lakum, my brotha. (via /Film)

‘Cop Out’ Red Band Trailer

Friday, February 5 by

DOUBLE nut shot? BAHhahahaha! Tracy Morgan gets it right in between the legs and then he gives it to a 10-year-old. My vivid description really doesn't do the scene justice. And that is mainly what the Cop Out red band trailer is all about.  I'll admit, it's funnier than the first oral-sex-conversationless trailer, but I fear I still can't get behind this movie. Tracy Morgan has grown on me in 30 Rock, I just don't know if I can tolerate his unique line delivery for 90 minutes. It always sounds like his throat is seizing up and he's choking out words seconds before his death. Check out the trailer below. It has a crude drawing in it. (Hint: It's a penis…with balls.)

‘Buried’ Writer Cashes In with ‘ATM’

Friday, February 5 by

Chris Sparling attracted a lot of buzz with his script for Buried. After landing on the Black List, the film wooed Ryan Reynolds and was screened at Sundance to rave reviews. Lionsgate quickly bought the film and plan to distribute. Now, the screenwriter has parlayed that success into the sale of another script to the Safran Co. and Gold Circle Films. Newcomer David Brooks will direct.ATM is an action script that doesn't center around licking someone's butt. Actually it's about three co-workers who — on a routine stop at an ATM — unexpectedly end up in a desperate fight for their lives. I'm assuming this means they get held up or car-jacked. But I'm hoping it's a story about a guy's necktie getting caught in a killer, man-eating ATM.Could happen. (Variety)

‘Arrested Development’ Laugh Track Reduces Laughs

Thursday, February 4 by

Arrested Development with a Laugh Track – Watch more Funny VideosIt's amazing to witness how canned laughter can rape and murder genuine laughter. Arrested Development is one of my favorite shows of all time, so watching the above clip stirs an anger deep inside of me usually reserved for fat, ugly people who think they're smokin' hot. Hey, shows that still use a laugh track. Stop leaning on your crutch and write better material! Hey, fat, ugly person. Your massive cleavage doesn't make you less ugly! (Gawker)Here are today's pretty links.Check Out Top Rated Super Bowl Commercials (Break)Flowchart to Determine What You Should On Super Bowl Sunday (HolyTaco) Anna Kournikova Makes a Fan Horny (TotalProSports) Deciding on the Worst Movie Ever (Moviefone) Miley Cyrus's Sister ISN'T Wearing Lingerie (FilmDrunk) UC 109 Participants Make Super Bowl Predictions (CagePotato) 7 Must Have Gadgets from 80s Movies and TV (Unreality) Plus Size Swingers Take Over Jamaica (Asylum) Hooters Girls Explain Football (Maxim) Lock Up Your Whores Tiger Woods Leaving Rehab (CelebJihad) 15 Most Memorable Closing Credit Songs (Pajiba) The Berry/Steve Agee Experiment (Atom) Super Bowl Snacks to Keep You Slim (MadeMan) Behold, Snack Food Stadium! (AllLeftTurns) My Girlfriend is Stinky Down Below, What Now? (RegretfulMorning)

NBC Honors Black History Month Via Its Stomach

Thursday, February 4 by

NBC must rrrreeeaaaallllllyyyyyy love the legal process. Not only did they just pay out $44 million to Conan O'Brien,  but they also were just sued for stealing the font used in their logo redesign. Now their cafeteria is caught with its racist pants down. Or up. I don't know how racists wear their pants.Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and The Roots drummer Questlove tweeted the above picture today along with the comment "Hmm, HR?"An NBC publicist replied, "The sign in the NBCU cafeteria has been removed. We apologize for anyone who was offended by it."This of course has rightfully drawn a lot of offense. Many black people were bewildered when they laid eyes upon the controversial menu. In fact, most were overheard exclaiming, "$7.50?!!" (THR)

Some Little Jerk in The Running for ‘Spider-Man’ Reboot

Thursday, February 4 by

Let me preface this post by saying I disapprove of the Spider-man Reboot in general. With that said, little idiot Logan Lerman told Access Hollywood that he's in early talks to play Peter Parker in Marc Webb's jerktastic reboot of the Spider-Man franchise. Says Lerman: “It’s just, you know, conversations are starting. It’s a long process with the dumbass studio and the jerkball producers and everything. But it’s definitely a project that I’m really interested in, of course.  I’d love to focus on the sh*thead element a little bit more. It’d be such a fun experience.” However, the Hollywood Reporter says that the little snot and Percy Jackson star is just one of the dickwads with whom the sh*t-for-brains studio is meeting. Says a spokesman for the studio:“No offers have been made, nor have any business discussions been made with that fartknocker.”When asked for comment, a Spider-Man fan on the street (me) responded with a prolonged fart sound.So there you have it. The first official hat in the ring for the coveted role of Peter Parker. We'll keep you posted as more stupid buttheads are announced. (THR)

Danny McBride to Star in ‘L.A.P.I.’

Thursday, February 4 by

Yeeeeeah, Danny McBride likey. The comedic actor who hails from North Carolina is attached to star in L.A.P.I., which will be directed by his good bud Jody Hill. Based on a pitch from writers Michael Diliberti and Matthew Sullivan, the studio won't give it up and tell us what it's about except McBride will play a beaten-down, hardboiled private investigator, or as Hollywood-types call it, a P.I.McBride and Hill most recently teamed on the HBO comedy Eastbound and Down, of which season 2 should be premiering rather soon. They probably also most recently teamed on a basket of blazin' buffalo chicken fingers. Why? Because that's what guys do on Thursdays. (Variety)

Spider-Man Reboot

Thursday, February 4 by

DIRECTOR: Marc WebbCAST: ???SYNOPSIS: The teenaged years of Spider-Man are explored again in this reboot of the successful series.

‘The Sarah Silverman Program’ Actress Sarah Silverman

Thursday, February 4 by

Sarah Silverman is funny, cute, and doesn't mind if you fart in front of her. What more could you ask for from a lady?! Jimmy Kimmel not standing next to her. That's what I'd ask for. Sarah stars as herself in The Sarah Silverman Program tonight at 10:30PM EST on Comedy Central.A word from Sarah:"People are always introducing me as "Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne." I HATE that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm a slut!"Classic Silverman. …Slut.Check out more sluty pics of Sarah after the jump.

Diesel, Walker, Fart, Another ‘Fast & Furious’

Thursday, February 4 by

"Cranberry leather looks good on you.""I stole it from your closet after the sex we had together."We all knew this day would come, we were just waiting for the title. Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, and director Justin Lin are back for another Fast (fill it in) Furious, and they're naming this one after an instant scratchers lottery ticket. Fast Five, the fourth sequel in the franchise, promises more car chases, car crashes, Diesel and Walker disagreeing then agreeing on a plan of action, and latina cleavage.Fast & Furious made over $500 million at the box office so it's not surprising that Universal is rushing another one into production. I'm sure it didn't take long to get the key players together. An exec had to go over to Vin Diesel's place and get his okay, then stop by the dumpster outside where Paul Walker was eating breakfast. He threw a banana peel and scampered off, solidifying his involvement. (Variety)

caruso-meme

18 Awesome David Caruso Memes

Thursday, February 4 by

The master of the scene segue should take his sunglasses off for these memes. YEEAAAAH!!!

Jones and Statham Opening a ‘Snatch’ Bar

Thursday, February 4 by

Professional big British dude Vinnie Jones is interested in opening a chain of British pubs with fellow Redcoat Jason Statham. In fact, they've been talking about it for some time but their schedules have never let them a lot of time to dig in. Says Jones with rounded vowels:Jay has been working so much and so have I. The pubs will happen. We had a great spot right opposite the pier in Santa Monica. They just wanted too much rent. Me and Jay went to look at it and we had three other investors, all Brits. The mates discussed calling their chain "The Snatch Bar," which would be a decidedly disappointing place to hold a bachelor party. Rather than naked skanks and coeds, the place would be crawling with Australians. **slide whistle sound as erection deflates**This news will undoubtedly be a let down for 50 Cent, who has approached Jones about opening their own chain of English pubs. Jones however, was not interested. Either he felt it would work better in British hands or he and Fitty couldn't see eye-to-eye on the name "In Da Pub." (WENN)

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