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Get Your Stinking Paws Off James Franco You Damn Dirty Apes

Friday, May 21 by

Collider is reporting that James Franco has signed on for Rise of the Apes, the upcoming prequel in the Planet of the Apes franchise. Franco is slated to play a scientist who, while working on a cure for Alzheimer's, befriends one of the test chimps known as Caesar. Caesar begins to learn at an astounding rate after being injected with a new anti-Alzheimer's drug. Franco's character takes pity on the intelligent creature, and informally adopts the animal in order to keep it safe. Big mistake.While it's far too early to judge the film, it has been reported that all of the apes will be the product of CGI rather than the traditional makeup and costumes worn in previous Ape films. And while I can't be certain, it would seem that this reboot pisses all over the grave of Ricardo Montalban by eliminating his character and altering the ape origin story. If Montalban was still alive, I'm pretty sure he'd protest by flinging his poo at James Franco. But he can't because he's dead, so I guess it really doesn't matter.Rise of the Apes hits theaters on June 24, 2011, baring some sort of monkey Apocalypse.

Let’s Watch Justin Bieber Bang His Stupid Head Into a Door

Thursday, May 20 by

In Justin's defense, glass is transparent, much like his aw-gee-shucks-I-wouldn't-bang-your-daughter-and-leave-her-for-dead-on-the-side-of-the-road-if-I-had-the-opportunity shtick.These links are streak-free.50 Most Shocking TV Moments (TVSquad)Shy People Are Bad at Marriage (Asylum)Handcuffs Await Lindsay Lohan (PopEater)25 Sexy Robots (HolyTaco)Oh Boy, Another Whiny Emo Pussy (FilmDrunk)Sexy Disney Princesses (Unreality)15 Sexy Adriana Lima Pics (BroBible)Armed Thug Gets His Ass Kicked By Skaters (TotalProSports)21 Animals Riding Other Animals (Maxim)10 Most Notorious Lawsuits in MMA History (CagePotato)Miss USA Rima Fakih Is a Mossad Agent In a Bikini (CelebJihad)25 Delicious Om Nom Noms (Smosh)5 Most Anticipated New TV Shows (Pajiba)Atom TV with Paul F. Tompkins (Atom)Video Game-Inspired Lingerie (MadeMan)25 Examples of Chicks and Beer (RegretfulMorning)

‘Glee’ Porn Parody Trailer Surprisingly Not Gay

Thursday, May 20 by

Hustler is at it again with their newest porn parody. The trailer for This Ain't Glee: XXX has me kind of confused. It's obviously porn. And it's obviously gay. But then why isn't it considered gay porn? Sadly the trailer doesn't answer this question or feature Dianna Agron Naked or Dianna Agron Shaved or even Dianna Agron Hot. But it does feature terrible singing. That's what guys like in pornos, right? Lots of talking and singing?? Oh heck, I'd better stop. Probably getting the world all turned on right now. CHECK OUT THE PIPES ON THESE LADIES AFTER THE JUMP…

Akiva Goldsman to Direct ‘Man and Wife’

Thursday, May 20 by

Akiva Goldsman (Left) and Ron Howard (Right) on the set of Inspector Gadget 2.Screenwriter Akiva Goldsman is putting down his pen and picking up his wand, or whatever instrument directors use while directing. The Oscar-winning writer is slated to make his directorial debut with the 20th Century Fox drama, Man and Wife. The film follows an assassin who falls in love with the woman he is supposed to kill. In most relationships, a man falls in love with a woman and then ends up wanting to kill her, but this film turns that convention on its head. Brilliant!You have to hand it to Goldsman, especially considering he wrote Lost in Space and Batman and Robin. A lesser man (like myself) or a traditional Japanese samurai would have committed ritual suicide after penning such awful scripts. But Goldsman kept at it and went on to do great things. Aside from trying his hand at directing, he is also producing the upcoming Jonah Hex film and is slated to adapt Stephen King's The Dark Tower for director Ron Howard. (Deadline)

PTC Wants to Shut Up ‘$#*! My Dad Says’

Thursday, May 20 by

The Parents Television Council has their panties in a bunch again, and this time the issue is over a word that isn't even a word. The new CBS comedy "$#*! My Dad Says" uses symbols to spell out the word "shit" and when spoken the naughtiness will be bleeped, but the PTC doesn't even want brains to get all filthy with interpretations.“CBS intentionally chose to insert an expletive into the actual name of a show, and, despite its claim that the word will be bleeped, it is just CBS’ latest demonstration of its contempt for families and the public.  There are an infinite number of alternatives that CBS could have chosen but its desire to shock and offend is crystal clear in this decision,” said PTC President Tim Winter. "The title of this show is the opposite of fleeting (profanity) – it is bold, shameless, and in-your-face. It really is quite unreal how contemptious CBS is of families and the public. In fact, just this afternoon they released a new logo that's offensive to both parents and children alike.Not cool, The Eye. Not cool. (Deadline)

MTV Picks Up ‘Teen Wolf’ Series

Thursday, May 20 by

MTV is building up their stable of scripted material with the news that a "Teen Wolf" series will join "Hard Times of RJ Berger," "Warren the Ape," and "Skins" on the channel. The network has picked up a series order for the pilot we reported about previously. But don't dust off your What Are You Looking At, Dicknose? t-shirts just yet. This is MTV we're talking about, so of course it will lean closer to Twilight than it will the classic film Teen Wolf. Expect gratuitous abdominal muscle shots as opposed to light-hearted Michael J. Fox masturbating obsessively jokes. Turns out those don't really go over too well at parties anymore. Either that or I've been going to the wrong type of party. (THR)

‘Megamind’ Trailer Pretty Much Just Teases

Thursday, May 20 by

Stroke humor in its purest form. Dreamworks has released a full length trailer for their new animated film Megamind. It wants so very badly to be The Incredibles, but without the voice talent of Coach, a.k.a Craig T. Nelson, it's pretty much S.O.L. They could have at least tried for Jerry Van Dyke. The trailer plays out more like a teaser that pimps the voices of Will Ferrell, Brad Pitt, Tina Fey, and Jonah Hill. I had to read the film's official synopsis to get a firm grasp of the plot, and the major turning point isn't even revealed in the trailer. Also, can we please put a cap on how many animated movies an actor can lend their voice to? Brad Pitt was a good get, but Jonah's shuffled up to the microphone in his P.J.s far too many times recently. Check out the trailer after the jump, and the synopsis so you can fill in the blanks. Megamind takes over theaters November 5, 2010.

‘Grey’s Anatomy’ Actress Leven Rambin

Thursday, May 20 by

On "All My Children," Leven Rambin played the autistic Lily Montgomery, as well as her street-smart but lovable older half sister, Ava Benton. So it must have been like a special ed Parent Trap sort of thing. Those soaps always take it to the next level.A word from Leven: "Even though I love fashion and all girl stuff, including the color pink, please know that I am not a 'Miss Priss'!"I like to imagine she gave that quote while sitting on a pink bed covered in pink throw pillows and chihuahuas in pink sunglasses. More pics of not Miss Priss after the jump.

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Megamind

Thursday, May 20 by

DIRECTOR: Tom McGrath CAST: Will Ferrell; Brad Pitt; Tina Fey; Jonah Hill SYNOPSIS: After super-villai Megamind kills his good-guy nemesis, Metro Man, he becomes bored since there is no one…

‘Looney Tunes’ Headed Back to the Big (and Small) Screen

Thursday, May 20 by

"Coyote Falls"? I don't get it? After years in hiding, Bugs Bunny and the gang are headed back to the big screen. In a throwback to the golden age of Warner Brothers cartoons, the studio is releasing three 3D shorts that will run in theaters before feature-length films. In addition, Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck are getting their own 26 episode show on Cartoon Network.This is the first major announcement from the Looney Tunes since they were sexually assaulted by NBA great Michael Jordan on the set of Space Jam 14 years ago Brendan Fraser on the set of Looney Tunes: Back in Action 7 years ago. Since cartoon characters are not protected under the law, Brendan got off on a technicality. But the event was so traumatizing that Bugs and company quit showbiz and hadn't been heard from since. Luckily, time heals all wounds, even the really stretched out cartoon kind.The first of the shorts, "Coyote Falls", will appear before the film Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, which sounds stupid and opens on July 30. The TV series will premiere this fall, and will probably be canceled next spring. That's all, folks! (Coming Soon)

JJ Abrams Calls In An Expert For Heist Movie

Thursday, May 20 by

It's been a year since JJ "Jeezy" Abrams purchased the rights to "The Untold Story of the World's Biggest Diamond Heist," and today they've found a writer. It's an inspired choice. Phil Alden Robinson, who wrote and directed Field of Dreams, and co-wrote the heist movie classic Sneakers, has joined the untitled project. It's not clear at this time who will helm the picture, though we're pretty much guaranteed an excellent movie given the pedigree already behind the scenes.The film will be based off this Wired article about the real-life "heist of the century." In 2003, a small crew of Italian jewel thieves got past ten layers of security and made off with $100 million worth of diamonds. $100 million! Whistle noise!! Think of how stealing that much money would change your life! You could afford to hire Andy Garcia to pretend to be a guy embarrassed by all the diamonds you just stole from him. And if he's busy, you can always get Mark Strong. (THR)

10 Fun Movie Drinking Games

Thursday, May 20 by

All of you love watching movies. Many of you probably also enjoy the act of drinking cereal-malt and distilled beverages that you can  purchase once you’ve reached the age of 21. Throw the two together with some friends (if you have none, works just as well) and you have yourself one excellent early-evening activity. Since you can make a game out of pretty much anything that plays on a screen (ads, soap-operas, etc), the following are a few of the better “battle-tested” samples:             Dazed and Confused

UPDATE: CBS Fall Line-Up Makes Grandpa Smile

Thursday, May 20 by

That sandwich doesn't stand a chance with Belushi hanging around. UPDATE: I've added clips of the new shows after the jump. CBS announced its new schedule of shows that you will avoid but still discuss awkwardly with someone's grandparents today. As previously announced, the Twitter phenom that stole our sweet Patrick away, "S#*! My Dad Says" will go up against "30 Rock" in the Thursday at 8:30 slot. "The Big Bang Theory" is its solid lead-in in a bid to grab every Trekkie for a solid hour. Tom Selleck and Jim Belushi return to TV with "Blue Bloods" and "The Defenders" respectively. And Grace Park in a bikini will change your granddad's opinion of Koreans with a rebooted "Hawaii Five-O." CHECK OUT THE FULL SCHEDULE WITH NEW SHOWS AND NEW TIMESLOTS AND NEW CLIPS AFTER THE JUMP…

Keep Shia Labeouf Away From ‘The Greatest Muppet Movie of All Time’

Thursday, May 20 by

George 'El Guapo' Roush of Latino Review says that "if you hate The Muppets, you hate life." I'll take it one step further. If you hate The Muppets, I hate you. By that logic, I don't hate Nick Stoller, the director of Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Stoller is at the helm of the latest outing from Kermit and the gang, The Greatest Muppet Movie of All Time. I always call The Muppets, the 'gateway drug for comedy nerds.' It's the first comedy we're introduced to, at least people our age. That's what we're going for with that. It will be for the whole family I guess, and for anyone who likes Muppets." Unlike my other childhood favorites (Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Eraserhead), The Muppets are perfect for a remake/reboot since the characters don't age. Well, neither does that "baby" from Eraserhead, but that's pretty much a Muppet when you think about it. At any rate, until Shia Labeouf signs on as the villain who pretends to be interested in porking Miss Piggy so he can kidnap The Muppets and sell them off to "Furries," I'm going to remain optimistic. Waka, Waka, Waka!

Paul Greengrass Won’t Be Taking ‘Fantastic Voyage’

Thursday, May 20 by

Tim Burton needs a better dry cleaner.Fearing retribution from Coolio, Paul Greengrass has dropped out of James Cameron's remake of Fantastic Voyage. Though Greengrass discloses that he was never actually on the project. He hadn't signed anything, nor did he intend to. Although he won't be sending Matt Damon on a trip through some dude's bloodstream, he may be eyeing another tentpole adventure film.Greengrass is reportedly interested in giving Treasure Island the Sherlock Holmes-treatment for producer Lionel Wigram. They're working with the studio now to decide on a screenwriter but I don't know why. A sexy version of Treasure Island has already been done. In fact I was watching it late last night on Cinemax with the volume off as to not wake Mother. (Deadline)

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