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This Year’s Oscars Are Gonna Be Off the Chain

Sunday, February 28 by

To ensure that this year's Oscars broadcast has a soundtrack just as bad as his movies do, giggly co-producer Adam Shankman has hired Good Charlotte's Joel Madden to serve as the ceremony's house DJ/head wanksta. Ah, I can see co-hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin awkwardly white guy rapping the nominees right now. Shankman says:"I wanted there to be a party atmosphere and I wanted to make sure everyone in the room was having a great time" Oh yes, I'm sure everyone in the room will have a good time. Especially these guys:(People) 

Taylor Lautner Gives ‘Max Steel’ The Hand

Saturday, February 27 by

Taylor Lautner has too many toys in his sandbox. After yanking both Mattel's Max Steel and Hasbro's Stretch Armstrong away from his peers while screaming, "Mine!", his Hollywood parents told him to make a decision. Lautner decided on Stretch, throwing Max back to the less fortunate, uglier, smellier kids to fight over.   An insider who carries Lautner's bag of wet wipes and binkies told Vulture, "When you sign on to make a movie with Hasbro, you know it will be in theaters a year later." Well said, overbearing Hollywood stagemother. I would assume Lautner would want to play a sweet futuristic character like Max Steel over a man with skin issues, but maybe he has opposing thoughts about what is cool. Or daddy demanded he abide by his decision or get the belt again.

Photobomb Fridays: ‘The Shawshank Redemption’ + Jester

Friday, February 26 by

Photo taken right before the prisoners ran a train on "the funny guy." Here are your weekend links.First Look at 'Iron Man 2' Action Figures (Moviefone)Naked New Yorkers Paint The Town Red (Asylum)25 Amazing Snow Sculptures (HolyTaco)Vancouver in Need of a Condom Refill (TotalProSports)Chat Roulette: The Movie (Unreality)Jones vs. Vera Fight Hype (CagePotato)Kate French is Ooh La La (Maxim)Candice Swanepoel Lingerie Megapost (CelebJihad)Bruce Willis Career Assessment (Pajiba)ManBear Part 2 (Atom)The Five Women You Meet in Bars (MadeMan)Shelby American Odds (AllLeftTurns)

Matt Damon Wants to Shut Down Sea World

Friday, February 26 by

Whale parkour is the new kite-boarding.A trainer was killed this past Wednesday at Orlando, Florida's Sea World in the jaws of Tilikum, the oldest and largest killer whale in captivity. It should also be known that Tilikum has two priors. From the NY Daily News:Tilikum, whose name means "friend" in the Native American language Chinook, has killed before – always unwittingly.In 1991, a marine biology student and part-time trainer fell into his tank in Canada and was dragged under by Tilikum. The whale and two females blocked her from getting out of the pool and tossed her back and forth in the air between them like a toy.In 1999, there was a case so bizarre it made headlines around the world: A man sneaked into Tilikum's pool at SeaWorld and his naked corpse was found the next day splayed on the whale's back.Wow. Is the soul of a reincarnated killer trapped in that whale's body?Actor Matt Damon makes this article film-relevant by joining the campaign to close Sea World down in the light of this tragedy. He tells Entertainment Tonight:"I think they should just shut them all down. I've never been a fan of places like that." Meh, put all those hard working people on the street. Matt Damon's never been a fan.At any rate, it's unclear what the future holds for Tilikut but the Syfy Channel's Original Movies Department is said to be interested in the whale's talents. Very interested. (via NY Daily News and IMDB)

Warning Moscow and Chicago: Michael Bay is Coming

Friday, February 26 by

It has become known to us that Michael Bay is planning on shooting scenes for Transformers 3 in both the heavily populated cities of Moscow and Chicago. All citizens are urged to remain calm. No more information can be provided at this time, but as a precautionary measure we advice that you secure all your women, eggs, and flammable liquids. More news when it becomes available. Good luck, and God bless. (/Film)

Steven Seagal Must Be Stored at Temperatures Below 68°

Friday, February 26 by

In an article about Robert Rodriguez's production slate, Empire mentions a small bit about Steven Seagal's difficulty on the set of Machete. Apparently Seagal insisted that he be cooled by a giant air conditioner at all times which now have to be digitally removed from the footage.Classic Seagal. Just look at these pre-treated stills from his past films. (The Playlist)

‘The Crazies’ Actress Danielle Panabaker

Friday, February 26 by

Danielle Panabaker has captured the hearts of men around the globe with her pixie-like appearance and her put-her-in-your-pocket-and-save-her-for-later appeal. She was also in Sky High, so………A word from Danielle: "I really did graduate at 14, and I go to college in the Los Angeles area near where I live."No one likes a bragger. And someone who's vague about their school so that someone else can't go find them.

Nobody Wants Credit for Jon Cryer’s Assassination

Friday, February 26 by

"Let me in!! I'm being MURDERED!!!"Jon Cryer must be a really good husband because it seems his ex-wife doesn't want to share him with the world. Earlier this year, an episode of Two and a Half Men was taped without a studio audience because Jon Cryer feared his ex-wife hired an assassin to kill him. Thus, depriving us of the most interesting thing that could possibly happen in that studio. I ask you this, does this look like the face of a woman who dreams of murder?Well, she doesn't think so. Here's her side of the story:Trigger’s lawyer claims on December 21, 2009, Trigger told her that her ex-boyfriend, Eddie Sanchez, had said he was going to kill Cryer and Trigger’s estranged husband, David Dickey.Trigger’s lawyer became so alarmed she contacted lawyers for both Cryer and Dickey. On January 10, Dickey confronted Sanchez. According to legal docs, “Mr. Sanchez not only flatly denied making such a statement, but he said that it was [Sarah Trigger] who had contacted him on numerous occasions, stating that she wanted to see the pair [Cryer and Dickey] dead, and even asking Mr. Sanchez if he would kill the pair, or if he would not, inquiring whether she could speak with Mr. Sanchez’s father about this issue.” Sounds scary and stressful for Cryer. If he had any smarts he would disguise himself as a teenager and hide out at his nephew's high school immediately. (TMZ)

This Summer: Kristainne Baille

Friday, February 26 by

Production start on this film slipped right past my radar. Kristen Bell and Christian Bale seem like perfect casting in this taut thriller. No release date yet, but it just moved to the top of my "must see" list.

Four Hotties Hop Aboard Farrellys’ ‘Hall Pass’

Friday, February 26 by

The Farrelly Brothers have been busy rounding out the cast of Hall Pass, the comedy where Owen Wilson is allowed to rub his genitals against any woman he wants with zero wifely consequences for one week. The cast currently consists of Wilson, Jenna Fischer, Jason Sudeikis, Amanda Bynes, J.B. Smoove, and Stephen Merchant.This morning comes news of the alluring actresses who will play the pontential recipients of the genital-rubbing. Christina Applegate, Alyssa Milano, Vanessa Angel, and Nicky Whelan have all inked deals to swell Wilson and Sudeikis's pants. If the Farrellys are hoping to attract the lucrative demographic of dumpy girls with low self-esteem, they're going about it the wrong way. (THR)

Michael and Walt Connect on Chat Roulette

Thursday, February 25 by

Wow, what a connection. They must have gone through so many penises and stuffed animals to finally find each other. I hope Walt immediately clicked "next" when he saw there weren't boobs on screen. Make a connection with these links.'Hurt Locker' Producer Apologizes for "Mean" Email (Moviefone)Teachers Suspended for Gym Lap Dance (Asylum)What Your Car Really Says About You (HolyTaco)Tim Burton's Weekend at Bernie's (FilmDrunk)Soccer + Women + Painted Jersies (TotalProSports)Most Terrifying 12 Seconds in Video Game History (Unreality)12 Hottest Women in MMA (CagePotato)Hollywood Hairpieces Timeline (Maxim)The Gary Busey Guide to Newborn Babies (CelebJihad)5 Best Horror Movie Remakes (Pajiba)Eat Your Soup From a Boot! (Atom)Find Out How to Get a Tank (MadeMan)McMurray Crew Member Leaps Car (AllLeftTurns)25 Female Douchebag Kissy Faces (RegretfulMorning)

Galifianakis and Hopkins to Exorcise Demons

Thursday, February 25 by

It's about to get projectile vomit-y in here!! In an apparent bid to recruit more kids to the priesthood, there are two new movies centering around exorcisms in the Hollywood pipeline. Priests are so hot right now. They're the new vampires.First up, Anthony Hopkins has signed on for the supernatural thriller The Rite. He'll play a Vatican-sanctioned exorcist whose methods are untraditional. In other words, he's a priest who doesn't follow the rules. Good luck finding a volunteer to stay after Sunday School to bang out erasers with you. (THR)The Hangover's Zach Galifianakis will portray an exorcist/slacker in Miracle Workers. The comedy tells the story of two friends who pose as exorcists until they encounter a truly malevolent evil. Shouldn't be a problem for Zach. He worked with Mike Tyson and survived. A demon would only rape him half as much. (Dread Central)

David Goyer to Tackle New Superman

Thursday, February 25 by

Superman rescues mini Goyer. It doesn't matter why.David Goyer will write the new Superman movie to be titled The Man of Steel. This doesn't come as much of a surprise considering Dark Knight partner Christopher Nolan is shepherding the project for Warner Brothers, but a welcome one, nonetheless.  Goyer intends to look to the original John Byrne creation for inspiration. Brandon Routh will not star and Bryan Singer is not expected to direct. So in other other words, less gay, more fun. Don't pretend like that's not an accurate description.Goyer's story involves Luthor and Brainiac, and won't be an origin story, so if you don't know anything about Superman you'll be like TOTALLY WTF? Don't worry, we'll watch all the prior films at my house before The Man of Steel hits theaters. I'll bring the popcorn, you bring the Bryan Singer  (LatinoReview)

The Man of Steel

Thursday, February 25 by

DIRECTOR: ???CAST: ???SYNOPSIS: A grittier look at the Man of Steel as he protects Metropolis from Brainiac and Lex Luthor. Based on John Byrne's depiction of Superman.

Justin Theroux to Write and Direct ‘Zoolander 2′

Thursday, February 25 by

Finally, the douchebags on MTV's Next will have some fresh quotes from a popular movie that they try to pass off as their own. It's been announced that Tropic Thunder and Iron Man 2 scribe Justin Theroux will write and direct a follow-up to Zoolander. In fact, Theroux is heading to Fashion Week in Paris to "immerse himself on what is current in fashion." He's absolutely NOT going for the wild parties, hot women, and mini-croissants stuffed with brie. Just in case you heard that was the real reason.Jonah Hill is in talks to play the villian and Owen Wilson will hopefully reprise his role as Hansel, though he has yet to commit. But Luke Wilson wanted me to mention that he's available, and will work for mini-croissants stuffed with anything. (Deadline Hollywood)

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