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10 Best January Releases of All Time

Wednesday, January 20 by

We all know January movies suck. That’s why it’s so surprising and notable when a decent one gets through the first month of the year, let alone a downright good one. So maybe this is like rating the top 10 dictators less evil than Hitler, but since we’re stuck in January for another two weeks it’s at least nice to remember that there’s still hope for good movies. And I’m not talking about the Oscar movies that go wide in January or foreign movies that happen to get their U.S. release in January. I’m talking about movies intended to open in January that somehow turned out well.10. Hostel

Sony Hires New Director for ‘Spider-Man’ Reboot. Who Will Be Their Peter Parker?

Wednesday, January 20 by

After creative differences with Sam Raimi ground Spider-Man 4 to a halt, Sony decided to salt the earth and start over with a new story and a new director, one they could push around. (500) Days of Summer's Marc Webb is that guy!Webb is signed on to get bullied by the studio for one film with an option to do more if he's a good little bitch. From Webb:"I think the Spider-Man mythology transcends not only generations but directors as well. I am signing on not to 'take over' from Sam. That would be impossible. Not to mention arrogant. I'm here because there's an opportunity for ideas, stories, and histories that will add a new dimension, canvas, and creative voice to Spider-Man."After releasing this statement, Columbia chairman Amy Pascal said, "Good boy, Marc," before patting him on the head and giving him a juicebox. (Variety)

Call 976-SUDS Now

Tuesday, January 19 by

This commercial offers lonely housewives a chance to hear all the latest pre-recorded daytime TV news. Ladies can use this service when their husbands have torn the Soap Opera Digest by beating themselves to death with it.Hang up and dial 976-LINKS.25 Hot Trekkies (HolyTaco)Tennis Ball Boy Pees Himself (TotalProSports)More Hot Hotties of Facebook (TheChive)Crazy Heart vs. The Wrestler (Moviefone)Crazy Uncle Mel is Doing Vikings (FilmDrunk)That Hot Girl on TV During Football (Maxim)Post-Avatar Syndrome (SuperTremendous)100 Cheesiest Movie Quotes of All Time (Pajiba)Heidi Montag's New Plastic Surgery Face (CelebJihad)Battletoads 3D Has Arrived! (Unreality)Glow-in-the-Dark Bed Fit for an Avatard (Asylum)7 Unforgettable People You'll Meet at the Gym (RegretfulMorning)The NFL's Hottest Cheerleaders (MadeMan)Trick NASCAR Pool Shot (AllLeftTurns)

The Bourne Series

Tuesday, January 19 by

Bill & Sam are Gonna Makeout and Stuff on ‘True Blood’

Tuesday, January 19 by

You don't need to read my mind to see my boner. In True Blood's idiotic second season finale, Bill needed to save Sam by squirting him full of his magic vampire blood (SPOILER ALERT). Well, who knows who will be squirting what in the new season. Show creator Alan Ball tells Michael Ausiello that the vampire and shapeshifter now share "not just any connection, an erotic connection," as a result of the transfusion. Ball wouldn't disclose how erotic the scenes will be, but let's assume the monster-mashing is nestled somewhere near Van Helsing and New Moon on the Gay Monster Scale, or GSM as it's more commonly called. (Ausiello Files)

DVD Review: ‘The Bourne Series’

Tuesday, January 19 by

If you’re like me, and you’re still not convinced you should shell out the extra cash for a Blu-Ray player (case it point: my “revolutionary” mini-DV player is now worth $4 on Craig’s List), then the re-release of the Bourne Series on flipper discs is a good compromise. Like Jason Bourne himself the three discs don’t quite know what they are— DVD on one side and Blu-Ray on the other—which actually is perfectly fine with me: I won’t feel like a moron adding an obsolete DVD or un-tested Blu-Rays to my library. Read more after the jump.

‘Piranha 3D’ Trailer Looks Better Than Expected

Tuesday, January 19 by

All right Screen Junkies, time to put on your 3D glasses and get ready to witness the mayhem of Piranha 3D. In this trailer you'll see the — what's that? You don't have 3D glasses? Well, you're supposed to be ready at all times. These are the post-Avatar days we're living in afterall.For those of you who did come prepared, please enjoy this blurry look at a sh*tty movie that tries to sell you on the combined star power of Elisabeth Shue and Jerry O'Connell. Last week we heard it has had its release date pushed back maybe indefinitely. Moreover, if it does ever come out, word is it won't be in 3D anymore. But hey, BOOBIES!!!And on a sidenote, how are you going to make a movie about piranha where a guy on a jet ski rolls under the water's surface and doesn't emerge as a skeleton? That's just lazy filmmaking. (Pajiba)Check out the trailer with the little scary fishies after the jump…

Piranha 3D

Tuesday, January 19 by

DIRECTOR: Alexandre AjaCAST: Elisabeth Shue; Ving Rhames; Christopher Lloyd; Jerry O'Connell; Richard DreyfussSYNOPSIS: Prehistoric fish go apeshit at Spring Break.

‘Creation’ Actress Jennifer Connelly

Tuesday, January 19 by

Your obsession with Jennifer Connelly began back when she starred alongside a creepy (normal) David Bowie in Labyrinth. Since then it has grown with each passing film, and even though the quality of Jennifer's work has gone downhill since she won her Oscar for A Beautiful Mind, you still love her unconditionally. By the way, I project my infatuations. A word from Jennifer: "It's just funny looking back at yourself walking and talking at age 14."Someone's a late bloomer, Jennifer… I was already hearing about this thing people were doing called "sex" by 14.  Check out more pics of Jennifer's blooming after the jump.

Hustler’s Making an ‘Avatar’ Porno. Duh.

Tuesday, January 19 by

The "Reverse Na'vi-girl" has already been perfected. Someone over at Hustler had the brilliant idea to turn the second (soon maybe first) most profitable movie of all time into a porno. Give that man a promotion! In addition to Hustler, he must have an endless subscription to DUH!!!!!! Magazine.The nakey, sweaty, blue-smeary version of Avatar will be called This Ain't Avatar XXX, and it's just one of a few forthcoming porn parodies from Hustler. They also plan to "produce" This Ain't Curb Your Enthusiasm XXX, This Ain't Glee XXX, and This Ain't CSI XXX: Chatsworth. Another genius must by scribbling these names down feverishly in the titling department.In fact, the titles are confusing and misleading altogether. Is this NOT Avatar XXX? Does that mean it's just the Avatar without all the moaning and thrusting? If I'm browsing the shelves of my favorite adult bookstore for the latest Avatar porn why would I want to buy the one called This AIN'T Avatar XXX? I want This IS Avatar XXX. I want the IS! All of the blue, long-tailed, pointy-earred filthy IS they can crame into one poorly executed film! Just don't give it to me in 3D. My senses aren't prepared for that onslaught… (Empire)

‘MacGruber’ Red Band Trailer Explodes in Your Face

Tuesday, January 19 by

Today we have a first look at MacGruber, courtesy of this red-band trailer. Will Forte displays a swagger that is as equal parts Richard Dean Anderson as it is David Hasselhoff. Looks like a fun movie. It's filled with danger, intrigue, explosions, and Upper-Deckers. Just like one of Michael Bay's house parties.On a sidenote, did Val Kilmer hire Steven Seagal's stylist and Kirstie Alley's trainer? Rumor is that they needed the jaws of life to get him out of his trailer every morning.Check out the age-restricted red band trailer at here.MacGruber stunt-rolls in to theaters April 23rd, 2010.

Road to the Oscars: ‘Up in the Air’

Tuesday, January 19 by

       

‘Paranormal Activity 2′ Hires a ‘Saw’ Director

Tuesday, January 19 by

Last year's low-budget horror hit Paranormal Activity has been greenlit for a sequel. But how do you make a sequel to such a stripped-down film who's genius was found in it's simplicity? You hire a director known for their heavy-handed and overwrought filmmaking style.Saw VI's Kevin Greutert has been brought on board by Paramount to water down the scares and crank up the third-tier rap rock. Greutert was editor on all of the Saw movies and apprentice editor on Ernest Scared Stupid so we should be in really capable hands. The movie is scheduled to hit theaters on October 22nd, 2010, which leaves little time. Somebody get a Godsmack cover-band on the phone!! (THR)

Macgruber

Monday, January 18 by

Director: Jorma TacconeCast: Will Forte, Bill Hader, Val Kilmer, Kristen WiigSynopsis: A comedy based on Will Forte's bumbling secret agent whose lack of skill and abundance of personal problems serve as a detriment to him — and those around him.Release Date: April 23, 2010

James Cameron Envisions Rack of Tasty Na’vi Meat

Monday, January 18 by

Avatar won Best Picture last night on The Golden Globes, and James Cameron celebrated by staring at Zoe Saldana's boobies, or possibly the invisible basketball she's holding. Cameron sees things that aren't there, a side effect from his attempt to give Arnold Schwarzeneggar acting skills.Here are today's tangible links.25 Funny Billboards (HolyTaco)Peyton Manning Snaps at Jeff Saturday (TotalProSports)Jade Raymond is One Hot Geek (TheChive)The 25 Best Action Movies (Moviefone)Hot Women of Religious Movies (Maxim)The Abriged Avatar Script (FilmDrunk)15 Celebrity Yodas (SuperTremendous)Best Foreign Language Films of 2009 (Pajiba)Confirmed: Steven Spielberg is a Jew (CelebJihad)Busters. Myth Busters. (Unreality)10 Most Mantastic Moments in Black History (Asylum)29 Pictures of Hot Babes in Star Wars Outfits (RegretfulMorning)Inside the Mind of Motocross's Larry Linkogle (MadeMan)Danica Patrick Mega-Gallery (AllLeftTurns)Fat People Fight! (NothingToxic)Best if Chicago Sketchfest (Atom)

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