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Killers

Thursday, February 11 by

DIRECTOR: Robert LuketicCAST: Katherine Heigl; Ashton Kutcher; Tom Selleck; Catherine O'Hara; Rob RiggleSYNOPSIS: A vacationing woman meets her ideal man, leading to a swift marriage. Back at home, however, their idyllic life is upset when they discover their neighbors could be assassins who have been contracted to kill the couple.

‘Percy Jackson’ Actress Chelan Simmons

Thursday, February 11 by

Chelan Simmons is an actress who doesn't mind taking her clothes off in her movies, and we here at SJ fully support that. If you can stand it, check out Good Luck Chuck and Final Destination 3 for two perky examples. Or is that four perky examples?A word from Chelan: "A smile is way more beautiful than a frown."Not in some social sex circles. But I get what you mean. Check out more pics of Chelan's pearly whites after the jump.

New ‘Toy Story 3′ Trailer Of Course Looks Awesome

Thursday, February 11 by

The toys happily welcome Pervert the Octopus to the group. Nothing makes me giddy like a Pixar trailer. Those (evil?) geniuses always knock it out of the park, and Toy Story 3 looks like no exception. All of our favorite toys are back, and they're mixing it up with a new batch of playthings when they're donated to a day care center. You'd think the rest of the movie would follow Woody and Buzz as tiny tots jam them into various orifices, but instead it appears they're loving their new home. In The Closet Ken, voiced by Michael Keaton, convinces himself he has feelings for Barbie inspite of the new cowboy arrival, and Pervert the Octopus offers up massages (with happy endings, no doubt).  Everything's right as rain until the toys find out their abandoner, Andy, is looking for them. They decide to break out and go in search for the owner who cast them aside like yesterday's garbage when he decided to go better himself at college. What a selfish prick. You don't deserve these special toys, Andy! They're too good for you! You hear me, Dad?! Oops… That's an issue I need to take elsewhere. Check out the trailer after the jump. Toy Story 3 hits theaters June 18th.

Tyrese Will Do His Thing in ‘Transformers 3′

Thursday, February 11 by

Tyrese Gibson calmed all of our fears by getting the word out there that he will in fact return for Transformers 3. Though he's coy about when filming will begin. He tweeted sexilly:TRANSFORMERS 3: Is Full Throttle Full Steam Ahead….. Michael Bay gave me the start date.. And I can't share…Thank GOODNESS. I was really concerned this film wouldn't appeal to my inner-black receptionist. (Tyrese4Real)

New Line Brings Writers Along for ‘Vacation’

Thursday, February 11 by

Pack the kids and the dog urine-soaked sandwiches into the family truckster. It looks like New Line and David Dobkin (Wedding Crashers) are moving forward with their reboot of National Lampoon's Vacation. However, this time they're wisely dropping the National Lampoon's moniker. The goof-tards who made Van Wilder: Freshman Year spilled bong water on it and now it's ruined.News today is that screenwriting duo Jonathan Goldstein and John Francis Daley (Sam from Freaks and Geeks) have been hired to write the disastrous family outing. As previously reported, the new film will focus on Rusty Griswold as the hapless dad of his own family. Chevy Chase is expected to tag along as Grandpa Clark. No word yet whether Beverly D'Angelo or Randy Quaid will return or not. Though if Quaid is not welcomed back, Dobkin can expect a threatening, unpunctuated letter from his nutbar wife. (Variety)

Garry Marshall Directs a Porno

Wednesday, February 10 by

There's already enough anxiety involved with sex. I don't need Gary Marshall's stammering adding to it. But look at that blurry rack! AROOOgah!10 Things You Never Knew About The Brat Pack (Moviefone)25 Weird Toilets (HolyTaco)Drunk Vagina Celebration (TotalProSports)Inglourious Grammar Nazis (FilmDrunk)Not Another Fighting Movie Written by Hector Echavarria (CagePotato)What the Hell Happened to Tough Video Games? (Unreality)3 Reasons Hooters Might Be for Sale (Asylum)12 Awesomely Artistic Styrofoam Cups (Maxim)Lindsay Lohan Would Make an Obedient Wife (CelebJihad)3D Coming to Game Shows (Pajiba)Nick Griffin is The Nicksterminator (Atom)Women Want to Get Down on Valentine's (MadeMan)5 Best Daytona 500 Finishes (AllLeftTurns)

Exclusive Clip: Travolta Lovin’ Up On Mrs. Jones in ‘From Paris With Love’

Wednesday, February 10 by

From Paris with Love – Exclusive Clip – Watch more Movie Trailers

‘Spider-Man’ Reboot To Suck in 3 Dimensions

Wednesday, February 10 by

IN MIND-BONING 3D!!!!!!!!!Sony seems to be having a good time pushing Marc Webb around as he develops their Spider-Man reboot. Sony Marketing Chairman Jeff Blake announced today that the movie will be forcing its way into theaters on July 3rd, 2012 in sure-to-be-dull-by-then 3D. Great. Now I have to risk pink-eye to see this studio-directed bastardization? From Blake:“Spider-Man is the ultimate summer movie-going experience, and we’re thrilled the filmmakers are presenting the next installment in 3D. They resisted at first but we tightened the vice on their testicles and convinced them to see things our way. We find that groin pain can be quite the motivator. Spider-Man is one of the most popular characters in the world, and we know audiences are eager and excited to discover Marc’s fantastic vision (stiffles laughter) for Peter Parker and the franchise. Now let's cram this baby full of villians and give Spidey a jive-talking sidekick. Maybe a flying squirrel voiced by Eddie Murphy or something. And tits. I'm told teenage boys like tits.”No word yet on the film's title or which little jerk will star as Peter Parker. (Deadline Hollywood)

‘The Last Airbender’ Trailer Breaks Wind

Wednesday, February 10 by

That's a mighty fine pokin' stick you got yourself there, Mr. Airbender. Oh sorry, it's called M. Night Shyamalan's The Last Airbender. My whoopsie on purpose. The trailer for The Happening director's latest film has been released, and damn if it doesn't look like Night is trying to make us forget he directed The Happening. I've never seen the Airbender cartoons on Nickelodeon because I haven't watched Nick since I discovered my penis, but word is they're pretty bad ass. My excitement toward this film has been minimal to nonexistent and the trailer doesn't do much to perk up my nipples — except maybe for the constant chilly drafts of wind in it. This Airbender guy is worse than sitting next to the door in a busy coffee shop! Am I right or am I right or am I right?! The action looks aight, but I'm kind of getting used to seeing Krakens in my trailers, and the absence of one gives me the frownies. Check out the trailer after the jump and let me know your thoughts. Will this movie vanish from theaters like a fart in the wind?

‘Toy Story 3′s’ Ken is Ready for Safari

Wednesday, February 10 by

Disney-Pixar are slowly dumping out Toy Story 3's toy chest to reveal 14 new characters from the upcoming sequel. Today we meet Ken. He combines the masculinity of Dirk Benedict with the fashion sense of Jim Jay Bullock. It looks like Barbie's finally found real love after G.I. Joe's crippling PTS drove a wedge down the middle of their happy union. Good for her. I can't see anything wrong here. From Disney-Pixar:Grab your binoculars and join Ken on a safari! A swinging bachelor who’s always on the lookout for fun, Ken sports the perfect outfit for his eco-adventure: light blue shorts and a leopard-print shirt with short sleeves sure to keep him cool in the hot sun. And after his exciting expedition, Ken will be ready to hit the dance floor in style. His accessories include matching scarf, sensible loafers and a fashion-forward gold belt. Dozens of additional Ken outfits sold separately.You're gonna have to keep a leash on this one Barbie. One that matches the chaps preferably. (HeyUGuys)

‘Percy Jackson’ Actress Serinda Swan

Wednesday, February 10 by

Serinda Swan, who was named after a Tibetan flute, is a Canadian actress and model. She is perhaps best known for being the spokeswoman for AbsolutePoker.net. She also has a Megan Fox thing going on, and dare I say, is hotter than the Transformers "actress?" I dare. Unhand me!A word from Serinda: "I had to listen to a really gross story and go, “ohhhhhh.” Then I got to dance with Ted Danson."Hmmm. Did this occur in the fires of hell or at a dinner party? If it's a dinner party, it sounds exactly like a reoccuring nightmare of mine.Ted Danson would want to dance with the pics after the jump.

Joseph Kosinski to Inject ‘Black Hole’ With His Hard Science

Wednesday, February 10 by

Tron: Legacy director Joseph Kosinski is looking to bang out another popular science-fiction film and he's spilled a load of details about how he intends to fill The Black Hole. The film won't be a sequel a la Tron or an exact do-over either. Kosinski is looking to re-imagine the film by keeping the iconic moments that come to mind but also wants to jam this Hole full of hard science. And he promises not to blow it out. Says Kosinski:"I saw The Black Hole as a little kid. What sticks out most is the robot Maximilian. The blades and the vicious killing of Anthony Perkins. That freaked me out and that's definitely going to be an element that will be preserved. From a conceptual point of view, we know so much more about black holes now, the crazy things that go on as you approach them due to the intense gravitational pull and the effects on time and space. All that could provide us with some really cool film if we embrace it in a hard science way."This sounds like one of those pornos that will be informative as well. And I'm ready to learn. **unfastens pants** (MTV)

12 Crucial Sex Lessons from Movies & TV

Wednesday, February 10 by

  It was probably close to three in the morning in your living room. You were six sodas and three gorditas deep with the volume turned way down on the set, anxiously awaiting some practical knowledge regarding the mysterious act of sex. From the scenes that put wisdom in your brain and a strain in your shorts, these were the moments that taught you more about getting laid than anything else. Here are some of the lessons you learned. Porky's

Emily Browning Catches Some Zzzz’s in ‘Sleeping Beauty’

Wednesday, February 10 by

Sucker Punch's Emily Browning's star is on the rise and it looks like she's not afraid to shed her child star image. She's just signed on for The Perfect Woman Sleeping Beauty, an erotic thriller about "a student who drifts into prostitution and finds her niche as a woman who sleeps, drugged while men do to her what she can‘t remember the next morning." I don't know about you guys but I'd totally take photos of her where it looks like she's picking her nose. But I'm an animal like that.The film is a 2008 Black Listed script from Australian author Julia Leigh, who will be making her directorial debut with this project. Alice in Wonderland's Mia Wasikowska was originally set to fill the role but opted out in the 11th hour. Keep that in mind if you ever have a chance to date either of these actresses. If life imitates art, Emily Browning > Mia Wasikowska. (The Playlist)

Nakatomi Plaza: Don’t Have Your Christmas Party Here

Tuesday, February 9 by

McClane needs to get back in there and kill some henchmen on the middle floors. There's probably a centrally located dentist's office that could provide good fodder.Don't neglect the middle links.25 Worst Romantic Comedies Ever (Moviefone)25 Pics of Verne Troyer with Hot Chicks (HolyTaco)2010 SI's Bodypainting Soccer WAGS (TotalProSports)Precious's Mom Sings in a Subway (FilmDrunk)Mark Coleman's 5 Greatest MMA Moments (CagePotato)Behold The Tonight Show's Rotting Corpse (Unreality)A New App to Lead You to Nookie (Asylum)12 Hottest Swimsuit Videos (Maxim)Blake Lively in a Bikini Being a Perv (CelebJihad)6 Most Successful Career Redefining Roles (Pajiba) CariDee English Caught Cheating (Atom)Anti-Valentine's Gift Guide (MadeMan)Danica Finally Races (AllLeftTurns)10 Sexual Euphemisms You've Used By Accident (RegretfulMorning)

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