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Jerry Seinfeld Has a ‘Story’ for Broadway

Tuesday, June 1 by

He's conquered television, starred on the silver screen, and surfed the internet. Now, comedian extraordinaire Jerry Seinfeld has set his sites on Broadway….off Broadway, to be exact. Seinfeld will direct "Long Story Short," a comedic monologue by SNL alum Colin Quinn. The play explores "2,000 years of human civilization and the rise and fall of its great empires, stretching from ancient Rome to Walmart." It is hoped that Seinfeld's name recognition will translate to ticket sales. Most Off Broadway shows close after only a week, sending the vanquished cast members back home to flyover country with their pathetic hopes of stardom dashed. This is not Seinfeld's first encounter with the Great White Way. In 1998, he closed out his old stand-up routine with a limited run entitled, "I'm Telling You For The Last Time." In addition, Monk's Coffee Shop, the fictitious hangout for the "Seinfeld" characters, is located at West 112th Street and Broadway. Not too bad for a guy whose only knowledge of high culture comes from Bugs Bunny cartoons. (Variety) See video of Jerry Seinfeld's Broadway debut after the jump.

Rent Movies at Audio Visual Plus…If You Dare

Tuesday, June 1 by

Audio Visual Plus Local Commercial – Watch more Funny VideosAt Audio Visual Plus in Houston, TX, they think a movie about a sinking ship is a comedy and their staff plays around in unspooled celluloid. You know the guy with the hat is a frequent behind-the-curtain browser. Rip up your membership card immediately.Thanks to Brett W. for sending this over.We're up to our EARS in links! 5 Best Fight Scenes You've Never Seen (Moviefone) Jonah Hill On Hiding Drugs Up His Butt (Asylum) Details About Gary Coleman's Fatal Fall (PopEater) 25 Horrifying Hooker Mugshots (HolyTaco) James Bond Kissed a Dude? (FilmDrunk) Gallery of Awesome Custom Darth Vader Helmets (Unreality) 37 Photos of Heidi Klum For Her 37th Birthday (BroBible) Erin Andrews Has Some Nasty Feet (TotalProSports) UFC to Host First Indiana Show This September (CagePotato) Kristen Stewart Cleavage Pics (CelebJihad) 20 Hair Salons With Ridiculous Names (Smosh) 5 Celebrity Women The Universe Hates (Pajiba) Learn How to Be Tight (Atom) Date Movies to Get You Laid (MadeMan) 20 Examples of Douchebags Holding Money (RegretfulMorning)

Charlie Sheen Expected To Serve Jail Time

Tuesday, June 1 by

"So then I sez to her, I can pay to have you killed."People is reporting that Charlie Sheen will serve a minimum of fifteen days in jail for chasing his wife with a knife on Christmas Eve and threatening to kill her. That hardly seems fair. IT WAS CHRISTMAS. The most stressful time of year. Who here hasn't wanted/tried to kill their girlfriend/wife/sorority-girls-who-now-inhabit-your-childhood-home during the Christmas season? If you don't raise your hand, you're a liar.But don't worry. Charlie's time in the pokey won't prevent him from earning a multi-million dollar paycheck for spouting off lame sexual euphemisms before canned gasps, chuckles, and wolf whistles. The plea deal will allow him to serve his time before "Two and a Half Men's" shooting schedule reconvenes. Thank God! Not the real God that we all love. One of those sinister evil ones.

Casting Shortlist for P.T. Anderson’s Scientology Movie

Tuesday, June 1 by

Always go with the vampire.P.T Anderson's untitled Scientology movie is looking for a daughter for Philip Seymour Hoffman's character, and none of the prospects are bearded or slovenly. According to Production Weekly, Amanda Seyfriend, Emma Stone, and "True Blood's" fiery redhead Deborah Ann Woll are all on P.T.'s casting shortlist, a list that I imagine is scrolled in ash or bodily fluid because why would he use boring ink.PW also reported last week that Reese Witherspoon had been offered the role of the mom. I suppose if you add her genes to the mix, one of the above girls is a viable candidate, but we better at least see the occasional mustard stain to be convinced Hoffman is Papa. (ThePlaylist)

Antoine Fuqua Sidesteps Bruce Willis For Tupac Biopic

Tuesday, June 1 by

Antoine Fuqua has announced that his next project will be a biopic focusing on the life of rapper Tupac Shakur. Last week it was believed that Fuqua would reunite with Bruce Willis for The Tomb as his next project, but now Fuqua describes that project as "a conversation I've been having with Bruce." Another recent conversation between Fuqua and Willis regards Doritos Late Night All Nighter Cheeseburger Flavored Tortilla Chips. How do they make those things taste exactly like a cheeseburger???Fuqua kept things real with Digital Spy:"It looks like we're doing Tupac Shakur's movie next in September, that's what I've been starting up and working on now. I've been working on that for a while with Morgan Creek and Jim Robinson. I just got the greenlight from him and we're going in September. I've just started to prep that."The director doesn't have any casting choices in mind yet, but hopes to find an unknown for the role. Before he even asks, I officially take myself out of the running. I tried to do the Tupac verse from "California Love" at karaoke recently and failed miserably. And my head was way too big for the bandana. On account of my intellect and all.

‘Finding Bliss’ Actress Stormy Daniels

Tuesday, June 1 by

Stormy Daniels, also known simply as Stormy, is a porn star, screenwriter, and director. She also appeared in the The 40-Year-Old Virgin as the object of Andy's fantasy after he viewed one of her films. She tried to run for a Senate seat in her hometown of Louisiana, but then soon realized there are pics everywhere of her getting banged.A word from Stormy: "I am ready today to declare that should I seek the office of U.S. Senator from the great state of Louisiana that I will do so as a Republican."The sexual prowess of the GOP just went up 100 fold.More pics of Stormy doing what she's best at after the jump.

‘Jersey Shore’ Cast Member Dabbling in Cocaine

Tuesday, June 1 by

Pauly D. looks as sober as a judge.BREAKING NEWS: Someone from the "Jersey Shore" cast is hitting the booger sugar. Radar is reporting that while filming the second season of the juiced, tanned, and greased show in Miami, one of the gang played in the snow. The identity of the culprit is being kept under wraps, but police are utilizing the tried and tested method of throwing rocks on South Beach and trying not to hit a cokehead. It's a numbers game at this point.“Miami is obviously a big drug city,” one source told RadarOnline.com, “and when this cast member want (sic) to score, it wasn’t hard.”Narc! Narc!“Finding someone to buy drugs from in South Beach is as easy as asking for it,” the source said. “It’s not hard and everyone is discreet.”Another Narc!“A connection was made and that’s all it took,” the source told RadarOnline.com. “A lot of things were done in code. Other people knew about it but no one ratted out this person.”I don't know about you guys, but I've had enough of these accusations. I'm going to go mow my mother's lawn. **Walk-runs into bathroom to flush stash**

McG To Produce ‘The DUFF’

Tuesday, June 1 by

Breast-lover McG has picked up the rights to produce an adaptation of Kody Keplinger's teen novel The DUFF, under his Wonderland Sound and Vision banner, the shingle responsible for "Chuck," "Supernatural," and "Human Target." For those not fluent in mean-spirited teenager, DUFF stands for "designated ugly fat friend." Or in McG's case, Brett Ratner.The DUFF tells the story of an unpopular girl who falls into the arms of the popular boy she believes she hates. Before everyone gets grossed out at the thought of an ugly person finding love and happiness, bear in mind that this will be a feature film so the lead will merely be "Hollywood ugly." Which means Miranda Cosgrove with braces or glasses or… [shudder] both. (Variety)

8 Disturbingly Sexual Movie Creatures

Tuesday, June 1 by

With the release of Splice this Friday and the introduction of the film’s monster Dren, played by model and actress Delphine Chanéac, we’re being treated to another marginally hot yet horribly wrong murderous beast for two hours of cleavage and mayhem. And while it’s awesome that the vampires and werewolves in Twilight all look like they should be trying to sell you sweater vests, most movie beasts have no business trying to stir up unwholesome feelings in you. And yet, despite how obvious it is that nothing that can eat you should give you a boner, filmmakers keep slipping dirty little things in there.Aliens

‘Resident Evil’ Has A 3D Poster And A Familiar Face

Tuesday, June 1 by

With all the focusing on who will or will not be objectified in Transformers 3, we've lost sight of another important issue. Will someone accessorize their tube top with a gun holster in Resident Evil: Afterlife? Answer is yes. Actress Milla Jovovich tweeted that Sienna Guillory will return to the role of Jill Valentine in the sequel.“So to answer many of your questions in one fell swoop, yes! The gorgeous and talented Sienna Guillory is back as Jill Valentine in RE4!!!” That's pretty much what I just said. You guys could have just taken my word for it. Jerks. In other Resident Evil news, ultimate-re has released a new "3D" poster for the movie. But be warned, it's 3D in the same sense that the "Lost" finale supplied closure.CHECK OUT THE POSTER AFTER THE JUMP…

Peter Jackson Prefers Belgians to Hobbits

Tuesday, June 1 by

When Guillermo del Toro dropped out of the directors chair for The Hobbit, one replacement immediately came to mind: Peter Jackson. But Jackson seems dead set against directing the prequel to the Lord of the Rings trilogy unless his presence is absolutely necessary.“If that's what I have to do to protect Warner Bros' investment, then obviously that's one angle which I'll explore.” This assumes that it’s even possible. He explains, “The other studios may not let me out of the contracts.” Currently, once such contract has Jackson directing the third installment of the upcoming Tintin series. Will Tintin, the tale of an effeminate, Nazi sympathizing Belgian and his little white dog, prove to be as lucrative as The Hobbit, the long awaited adaptation of one of the most popular fantasy books in history? Only time will tell. (CinemaBlend)

Martial Arts Star Tony Jaa Becomes a Buddhist Monk

Tuesday, June 1 by

Martial Arts star Tony Jaa, best known for his work in the film Ong-Bak, has joined a Buddhist Monastery in Surin, Thailand. The move comes after a failed attempt at directing the first Ong-Bak sequel, and the poor box-office showing of Ong-Bak 3. The now bald actor took his vows on May 28th and will serve as a monk for an unknown amount of time.I sincerely hope that this trend makes its way to Hollywood.  After the disappointing failure of Sex and the City 2, it would be nice to see the cast forced to join a Catholic convent deep in the Italian back country, or to have Shia LaBeouf commit ritual suicide to alleviate the shame he feels for Indiana Jones 4 and Transformers 2. God be praised! (SlashFilm)

Victoria’s Secret Congratulates Rosie Huntington-Whiteley with a Spank Video

Monday, May 31 by

Much to the delight of teenage boys everywhere, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley was named as Megan Fox's replacement for Transformers 3. And to commemorate Rosie's new job, her former employer, Victoria's Secret, has put out this video featuring the lingerie model's greatest hits. After all, what better way to celebrate her impending objectification at the hands of Michael Bay than with an objectifying underwear ad/spank film? And based on her performance in the ad, I'm smelling Oscar! Wait, no. That's smegma. See Rosie Huntington-Whiteley's acting talent on display after the jump.

Drunk Memorial Day Barbecue Post: Black ‘Spider-Man’ Debate

Monday, May 31 by

My stupid sisters in-law is a racists!So here I amm, drinking off my ass off, enjoying my brothers bbq, when all of the sudden hes wife starts running hers mouth asbout Spiderman.  I don't tal aabout to her abouut being a loudmouth b****itch, so why dos she try to talks to me about SPidey?So anyyways, she starts saying spidermans should'tn be the black guy from nbc's"Cimmunity", (Donald Glover), and I'm all like "why the f*** knot?!" Spiderman is a fictucious characters, so why not let a black guy play him for a chage.Its not like we're taking about a reel charcter from the real world. If Toby McGuire was playing martin lawrence king jr., that woulnd be tottally rasicsit? But spidey man is not real. See what I mean?I hate my sister-in-laww. She is so stupid and rascist. She went to a 2 yrs college and never left home. I went to a foureyear schools andf spents semesters in Spain, so I hace more perspecives, ya know.If you want a good movie about black people, you should watch The Wire! That's the best mocvie about black people their is. I should make my sister in laws watch The Wire, then she'd be cool with black spidey. God my siter in law is a b***ch.

‘Finding Bliss’ Actress Christa Campbell

Monday, May 31 by

Usually when an actress starts her career doing softcore Skinimax movies, she ends her it doing hardcore porn, but Christa Campbell has managed to get more mainstream with every credit. She went from Erotic Landscapes to Lonely Hearts, and can be seen in Finding Bliss, which opens June 4 in NYC and June 11 in L.A. Reruns of her Skinimax movies can be seen on Skinimax.A word from Christa: "Life live, enjoy."And a l'chaim to you too, kind lady. Much more of Christa's skin after the jump.

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