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Dreamworks Pits ‘Wife Vs. Ninja’

Thursday, December 10 by

What if Amy Fisher knew karate? That's roughly the idea behind Wife Vs. Ninja, a pitch recently purchased by Dreamworks. The story centers on a scientist who leaves his Long Island housewife for his beautiful young intern. But the intern is actually a ninja assassin intent on murdering him and stealing his work. Not sure why the wife would want to save her cheating spouse. Must be children involved.Producer Michael Besman will write the script along with scribes Michael Zam and Jaffe Cohen. Not sure how good this one can be. I place it just above Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever on the Versus Movie Scale. (Variety)

THE LOVELY BONES

Wednesday, December 9 by

Director: Peter JacksonCast: Mark Wahlberg, Saoirse Ronan, Rachel Weisz, Stanley Tucci, Susan SarandonSynopsis: Centers on a young girl who has been murdered and watches over her family – and her killer – from heaven. She must weigh her desire for vengeance against her desire for her family to heal.

‘LOST’ Season Five Bloopers are Silly

Wednesday, December 9 by

Lost Season 5 Bloopers – Watch more Funny VideosThe LOST characters should spend less time joking around and more time figuring out why the f*ck they're on that island. The final season drops February 2nd on ABC. These links drop right now. Flowchart to Determine What Holiday to Celebrate (HolyTaco) Norwegian Goalie Makes Amazing Goal-Line Save (TotalProSports) Camouflage Can't Hide Stupidity (TheChive) 15 Freakishly Large Babies (SuperTremendous) I Want to F You With a Cobra (FilmDrunk) The Greatest Love Stories of the Aughts (Pajiba) Team Edward's Starting Left Tackle Injured (CelebJihad) A Literal A to Z List of CGI Movie Characters (Unreality) Cheech & Chong Blaze a New Trail (Asylum) Tennessee Using Tail to Attract Football Recruits? (BustedCoverage) Coffee That'll Wake You the F Up (RegretfulMorning) What Does Your Headache Mean? (MadeMan) Google Satellite and Sprint Cup Teams (AllLeftTurns) Russian Car Accident Turns to Fistfight (NothingToxic) Hanukkah is a Time for Sharing (Atom)

Bobby Bottleservice Auditions for ‘Jersey Shore’

Wednesday, December 9 by

Bobby Bottleservice – Jersey Shore Audition Tape – watch more funny videosBobby Bottleservice (the hilarious Nick Kroll) is back, and he's trying to claim his rightful place in the inevitable second season of Jersey Shore on MTV. With Bobby B as one of the tenants, the house will be more Guidorrific than ever. He'll bring his hair gel, Cadillac, and sloppy grammar to the party, and the overly tan dwarf ladies will eat it up like a big plate of gabagoolooka (my made up Italian deli meat).

What’s On TV Tonight: Wednesday, December 9th, 2009

Wednesday, December 9 by

Tonight, Top Chef ends its season and Padma Lakshmi regrettably covers up for the winter. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

James Cameron Develops ‘Avatar’…Again

Wednesday, December 9 by

I can do this all day, buddy. James Cameron is developing a futuristic sci-fi action film. Someone should tell him he's already been doing that for the past twenty years. It's called Avatar, Cameron. Remember? The blue mutant cat people? Ahhhh (dismissively waves hand).The event film set in the future, but not Fern Gully, is scripted by uber Hollywood screenwriter Shane Salerno. In June of this year it was mentioned in Variety that Salerno was developing a project for Cameron, and many think it could be Doomsday Protocal, which Salerno sold to Fox for seven figures of cold, hard cheddar. The project is about aliens and humans with various abilities being brought together to save earth. Sounds like one of those "important" movies. Please standby while I pass gas through the flame of a lighter. It isn't known if Cameron is intending to direct the project, or merely produce. The only thing that's known is Cameron just made a movie with aliens and humans being brought together, and he doesn't know it.(via /Film)

‘Jersey Shore’ Links Ed Hardy Hats and Sucker Punches

Wednesday, December 9 by

MTV's Jersey Shore is getting A LOT of negative attention, which is a shame because as I have stated on a few occasions that it is a solid show, an important show. In addition to numerous catchphrases they have now given us a piece of footage more compelling than the Zapruder Film. Watch in wild wonder as a drunken Seaside bar patron fist pumps directly into pint-sized castmember Snooki's face:   Bada-bing. Bada-BOOM! That. Is. Horrifying. Did you see the absent look in the assailant's eyes? It's as if he was under mind control a la The Manchurian Candidate. Did Chris Brown install that Naked Gun chip in his brain? We would ask Snooki but she isn't slated to wake up until February. And it should be known that Screen Junkies doesn't advocate this kind of violence. If someone offends you, tell them to shut their stupid face. You don't hit. You punch with your words. Unless it's a douchebag. Then you rail on him.

‘Cougar Town’ Actress Courteney Cox

Wednesday, December 9 by

Courteney Cox is 45 and still smokin' hot. There's something about dark hair and piercing blue eyes that makes me feel all funny in my nether regions. You can currently see Courteney playing the appropriate role of a cougar in Cougar Town on ABC. A word from Courteney: "I don't think I'm too thin at all. I understand when people say, 'Well your face gets gaunt."Don't listen to them, Cox! You're beau–hehehe. Cox…Check out more maturely hot pics after the jump.

JERSEY SHORE

Wednesday, December 9 by

Network: MTVSynopsis: Guidos and Guidettes move into the ultimate beach house rental and indulge in everything the Seaside Heights, New Jersey scene has to offer: hair gel and Cadillacs.

‘The Sorcerer’s Apprentice’ Trailer

Wednesday, December 9 by

Nicolas Cage loooooooves fake hair. We recently posted The Season of the Witch trailer, in which Cage dons flowing locks of stringy fibers, and it appears he continues the trend in the new trailer for The Sorcerer's Apprentice. There's CG magic abound in the Disney film, and Jay Barachul in disbelief of most of it. I have to say though, the dragon stuff is pretty cool. I mean, it's no Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, because that "film" was clearly Rob Cohen jerkin' it in front of a mirror, so maybe Apprentice can give CG dragons the recognition they deserve.

Jennifer Aniston is Adam Sandler’s ‘Pretend Wife’

Wednesday, December 9 by

Jennifer Aniston has signed on to costar with Adam Sandler in The Pretend Wife. Dennis Dugan is expected to direct the romantic comedy but much is being kept under wraps about this project, including the plot. All we know is that the original title was Holiday in Hawaii. It's unclear whether a fat guy will fall down or if Rob Schneider will play a weird ethnic dude. We're not even sure if someone will be injured in a testicle-hitting mishap. But I vow that once I know, you will know. (THR)

COUGAR TOWN

Tuesday, December 8 by

Network: ABCCreators: Kevin Biegel & Bill LawrenceCast: Courteney Cox, Christa Miller, Busy PhilippsSynopsis: A recently divorced woman decides to find some excitement in her dating life.

‘Youth In Revolt’ Trailer, Now with Dirty Language

Tuesday, December 8 by

Youth In Revolt Red Band Trailer – watch more funny videos Here's the new red band trailer for Youth In Revolt, starring Michael Cera and evil Michael Cera. I gotta say, I wasn't interested in this movie after seeing the original squeaky-clean trailer, but the dirty stuff in this one brings a slight smile to my face. Cera's showing some range and some balls playing evil Cera, and you just KNOW something hilarious is going to come from him eating an entire bag of shrooms. I'm not saying that these links are better on shrooms. A Comprehensive List of Tiger's Mistresses (HolyTaco) Million Dollar Car Wrecked in Accident. Doh! (TotalProSports) Animals Boozin' it Up (TheChive) Lana Wachowski is Lookin' Great (FilmDrunk) Hamster Jazz Band (SuperTremendous) 10 Best Horror Movies of the Aughts (Pajiba) Celebrity Sex Faces (CelebJihad) 12 Best Arrested Development Jokes You Never Got (Unreality) Whic Porn Star Would You Like to Date? (Asylum) The Lego Tiger Woods Accident Reenactment (BustedCoverage) Hot Girl Fails at Stair Surfing (RegretfulMorning) 10 Gourmet Grilled Cheese Recipes (MadeMan) Patrick to Drive No. 7 Car for Jr. Motorsports (AllLeftTurns)

Winged Malkovich and Hathaway in ‘Spiderman 4′???

Tuesday, December 8 by

Damn you Spiderman 4 internet casting rumors. First you had me believe that The Lizard would be the villian in Raimi's next installment of the franchise. Then you told that Rachel McAdams would don a sexy cat suit for the sequel and that turned out to be a lie (or a mean-spirited prank played on my peen) too. Today there is news that I want to believe but I've been hurt before and I'm just not ready. Movieline reports that the Lizard is out and John Malkovich has been approached to portray bird-themed bad guy The Vulture (my condolences to Patrick Stewart and Ben Kingsley). Making this report seemingly more full of poop is the news that Anne Hathaway is being eyed to step into the role of Felicia Hardy. But not the Black Cat alter-ego Felicia Hardy we all know from the comics. This version of Felicia Hardy would become a new villian known as the Vulturess. I just don't know if I can believe this. That whole incident with Rachel McAdams and my peen has left me with trust issues.  If this is the truth however, I hope the Vulturess costume looks a little something like this: (via Movieline)

What’s On TV Tonight: Tuesday, December 8th, 2009

Tuesday, December 8 by

Tonight on TV, people who make love to their cars.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP

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