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‘The Hobbit’ Delayed Yet Again

Monday, March 29 by

Fantasy movie-making BFF's (big fat fatties) Peter Jackson and Guillermo Del Toro have been been delayed further in their attempts to bring The Hobbit to cineplexes. Filming was slated to begin in June but has now been pushed back toward the end of the year. This push will probably jeopardize plans for the film's late 2012 release. TheOneRing.net cites the on-going money troubles over at the co-producing MGM as the reason for the delay and until they pull themselves out of debt, this film will not be receiving a greenlight.Personally I wish they'd hurry the hell up. I'd really like to be able to leave my house but I look ridiculous in this Gandalf costume that I was accidentally stitched into. (The Playlist)

David Cronenberg and Viggo Mortensen Back for ‘Eastern Promises 2′

Monday, March 29 by

Citing the lack of buck naked knife fights in recent films, David Cronenberg has reteamed with his muse Viggo Mortensen once more for a sequel to the 2007 film Eastern Promises. Steve Knight, who wrote the original as well as David Fincher's upcoming Pawn Sacrifice, has finished the script and Cronenberg is scheduled to begin filming next winter after he and Mortensen wrap The Talking Cure.At this time it is unknown if Naomi Watts and Viggo's manhood will reprise their roles but we should hope that Mortensen's package makes another appearance, because it was by far and away the breakout star of the original. Perhaps there's room for a naked rake fight in the script. (Deadline)

The Long National Wait Is Over; ‘Battlefield Earth’ Screenwriter Apologizes

Sunday, March 28 by

We all know that Battlefield Earth is bad. Like, worse than stuff on Fox Family bad. In fact, it won the "Worst Movie of the Decade" Razzie this month. An award that screenwriter J.D. Shapiro showed up to pick up in person. In today's New York Post, Shapiro wrote an apology that's ten years overdue. Think of all the people who went to their graves without this much-needed mea culpa. He also provided some backstory to explain how the turd was squeezed onto screens. Naturally, his penis is to blame:It started, as so many of my choices do, with my Willy Wonker. It was 1994, and I had read an article in Premiere magazine saying that the Celebrity Center, the Scientology epicenter in Los Angeles, was a great place to meet women.So a grown man who refers to his penis as his Willy Wonker wanted to get some crazy tail and as a result was hired to write a $100 million movie. And that led to Forest Whitaker wearing dreadlocks and Travolta talking like a castmember of Zoobilee Zoo. Hooray for Hollywood.You can read Shapiro's full piece at the NY Post. But be warned, you'll have to grit your teeth and suffer through his jokes. They're worse than ours.

Time Runs Out for ’24′

Saturday, March 27 by

Jack didn't take it very well.FOX has decided to pull the plug on 24 after eight seasons. Climbing budgets, declining ratings, and writers being unable to figure out what the hell is left for Jack Bauer to save are the main reasons the show will air its final episode in May. NBC flirted with the idea of picking up 24 next season but after their accountants crunched the numbers they realized the content wasn't worth the cheddar.There's still the possibility of a 24 feature film that would take Jack Bauer to Europe, but there's also the possibility of an Arrested Development movie, and we all know how sluggishly that's been making its adaptation. I enjoyed 24 a great deal in its earlier years, but quickly got tired of the same "Tell me where the bomb is!" storyline week after week after week after week. It had a good run. I'm glad they're ending it before it jumps a terrorist shark strapped to the gills with C4. (THR) 

Photobomb Fridays: ‘The Aviator’ + Tramp

Friday, March 26 by

The filthy hobo in the crowd made Howard's senses tingle.Here are your weekend links.Exclusive Kick-Ass Clip (Moviefone)What Not to Do in Tijuana (Asylum)Dennis Hopper Accepts Hollywood Star (PopEater)2010 Douchebag Trophy Presentation (HolyTaco)Toy Stormtroopers in Funny Situations (Unreality)Dirt Bike Glides on Water (TotalProSports)Ravishing Rock Chicks (Maxim)If Video Games Were Real (Smosh)Oil Sheik Purchases Victoria's Secret Models (CelebJihad)UFC 111 Weigh-In (CagePotato)Gerard Butler Career Assessment (Pajiba)Curb Your McConaughey (Atom)6 Places to Dump Your Girlfriend (MadeMan)Drivers Adjusting to Spoiler (AllLeftTurns)

International ‘The Sorcerer’s Apprentice’ Trailer Tries to Convince Us Magic is Cool

Friday, March 26 by

Jerry Bruckheimer would like you to know that Nicolas Cage is not some gay-bay sorcerer like you're used to seeing. No way. This sorcerer drives a sports car (and is probably going through a sorcerer's mid-life crisis). A new international trailer for The Sorcerer's Apprentice was conjured up today. (*submits resume to Variety*) In this version, we see the same framework of the first with Nicolas Cage in a dopey hat abducting Jay Baruchel from his life as a physics nerd to induct him into the life of a magic nerd. The largest difference is more footage of the excellent Alfred Molina as the villian "Maxim," a nefarious sorcerer who hangs out in dudes' bathrooms but then gets hidden hastily when girls are over. Sadly you'll have to wait until July 16th to see Cage go full-wizard. Witness the magic of computer effects after the jump…

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Kristen Wiig

Friday, March 26 by

The SNL cast member the writers rely on when the week’s host sucks

Heidi Montag’s Breasts vs. Shark. Why Can’t THIS Be a Reality Show?

Friday, March 26 by

"We're gonna need some bigger breasts."Look what you started, Adam Sandler. You gave Heidi Montag a cameo in Just Go With It and now she thinks she's Cecil B-Cup Demille. She tells People (or anyone else who will listen):“I am making the first 3D beach comedy about a shark that attacks a small beach town and I save the day with my 3D boobs. I’m now finally free to start my career and my new life as a female mogul in Hollywood! I’ve even written a role for Dolly Parton to play the town mayor!” Granted, it's a nice use of 3D but this movie is so insulting to victims of shark attacks and their families. If she could, I'm sure Bethany Hamilton would flip Heidi off with both middle fingers.

‘The Other Guys’ Motion Poster

Friday, March 26 by

A teaser for The Other Guys hit ShoWest last week and now Yahoo has officially released it to people who aren't allowed back in Vegas, deeming it a "motion poster." Call me old fashioned, but I like a play and pause button on my media. Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell sliding across screen like a couple of bad ass cops is a damn fine thing to witness so enjoy the autoplay and autorepeat. Don't you DARE close that window until it's cycled at least 10 times. Check out the fancy, shmancy motion poster after the jump.

‘Animal Kingdom’ Trailer Will Teach You Family Values

Friday, March 26 by

Animal Kingdom, the repetitively-described Australian crime drama, was loved by all when it debuted at Sundance. That's to be expected when your film includes music from bands like Air Supply. If 1980's comedies have taught me anything, it's that Air Supply is huge in ski resorts and mountain towns. The movie tells the story of a family of criminals as they are descended upon and taken apart by a group of detectives when one of their own turns on them. Think of it as a dramatic take on The Goonies. Without the pirate ship and kids and deformities. Watch the full trailer to see what all the buzz is about after the jump…

‘Marmaduke’ Trailer Features a Straight-Nosed Owen Wilson

Friday, March 26 by

They're dogs…and they're dancing! If you like talking dogs and the above picture doesn't terrify you then the new trailer for Marmaduke might just be your cup of tea. The film features a ton of talent including Owen Wilson as Marmaduke, Lee Pace, Judy Greer, William H. Macy, Fergie, George Lopez, and Kiefer Sutherland. How is this the first time that Keifer Sutherland has played a Rottweiler? The man was practically born to voice that creature. …And drink. …And fight. He was born to voice a dog, drink, and fight. **cue Donald Sutherland facepalm** Hey kids, check out the Marmaduke trailer after the jump!

King of Cannes Jacques d’Azur Missing

Friday, March 26 by

Have You Seen This Dapper Man?Cannes 1962. Jacques d'Azur gives some lucky lady the bedroom eyes.Legend of Cannes and a god among men Jacques d'Azur is missing and your help is desperately needed. The French film producer/director/actor/tennis player/chess master/backgammon champion/waterskiing pioneer and full time bon-vivant known for his work on the red carpets, swimming pools, and silk sheets of the French Riviera hasn't been seen since last week. Needless to say, his extremely wealthy family is distraught.Multi-tasking is Jacques Multi-Tasking d'Azur's middle name.

Sarah Palin to Star in ‘Alaska’ Reality Show on TLC

Friday, March 26 by

That's right. The most popular Halloween costume of 2009 (and would-be vice-leader of the free world) is joining the esteemed ranks of reality television. TLC has landed the Sarah Palin's "Alaska" reality series. In the eight episode series, Palin will show us her Alaska as well as take us inside her home. But knowing TLC this is all just a launchpad for a series about competitive moose-eating contests. I know how they think.Discovery Communications edged out rival A&E Networks for the show, with the remaining question being which of its suite of channels would air the program. Discovery Channel is considered the flagship brand, and certainly a home for travelogues, though the company felt Palin's appeal was better suited toward mom-friendly TLC. The network is best known for "Jon & Kate Plus Eight," and also airs "Cake Boss," "Little People, Big World" and "American Chopper." (THR)Seeing how being dumb on television launched Jessica Simpson and Snooki into super-stardom, my prediciton is we'll either see Palin in the White House or shilling for Carl's Jr as a result of this. Maybe both.

Ginger Kid Responds to ‘South Park’

Thursday, March 25 by

Smart move, Kid. I'm sure South Park won't take advantage of this.These links are for Gingers and normal people alike. Watch The World's Best Prom Now (Moviefone)Facebook May Help Spread Syphilis (Asylum)Bar Refaeli Grateful She's Away from Leo (PopEater)25 Babies with Laser Eyes (HolyTaco)Seth Meyers Discusses Will Forte's Boner Ghost (FilmDrunk)Five Crazy Rubik's Cube Videos (Unreality)48 Pics of UFC Ring Girl Arianny Celeste (TotalProSports)Divas of WWE (Maxim)17 Best Keep Out Signs Ever (Smosh)Miley Cyrus Spring Cleavage Coming in Nicely (CelebJihad)Georges St. Pierre and Frank Mir Talk UFC 111 (CagePotato)7 Best Theme Songs from Current TV Shows (Pajiba)Gigabots 2 (Atom)6 Essential Beer Cocktails (MadeMan)NASCAR Bathroom Prank (AllLeftTurns)25 Best Bachelor Frog Memes (RegretfulMorning)

3D Movie Ticket Prices Rising

Thursday, March 25 by

Yeah, yeah, keep laughing asshole.Remember how you were complaining last Friday night about how ticket prices have gotten insanely expensive? Oh man…you are gonna be so mad about this news. Theater chains AMC, Regal, and Cinemark have decided to increase ticket prices for 3D shows an average of 20%.Before you get that look in your eye and a Louisville Slugger, you should know that the phenomenal success of Avatar and Alice in Wonderland is to blame. So when you're paying $20 for a seat in Clash of the Titans next weekend at AMC Loews Kips Bay don't wish bad tidings on the stout theater manager, but rather on yourself for going to see movies. You know, if you didn't like wearing silly glasses so much this wouldn't be an issue.Needless to say, we're going to have a lot of disappointed women on our hands when they realize that their dates can no longer afford an extravagent night out at the movies. Expect sexual bartering to rise by 20%. (Vulture)

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