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‘National Treasure 3′ Drafts ‘Prince of Persia’ Writing Duo

Tuesday, April 6 by

It looks like Jerry Bruckheimer has found a kinship with writers Carlo Bernard and Doug Miro. The pair wrote his next two blockbusters, Prince of Persia and The Sorcerer's Apprentice, and now he has them on the hook to write a third National Treasure film for director Jon Turteltaub.When reached for fictional comment, not-real Jerry Bruckheimer had this to say:"The National Treasure films have always displayed a reckless abandon for all semblance of reality. After seeing how Carlo and Doug laughed in the face of physics and history with their other works, Jon and I knew they were the d-bags for the job. It also helps that they can't capture the way people actually talk."No plot specifics have been released yet but we'll keep you posted on Nicolas Cage's hunt for William Henry Harrison's gold or whatever it turns out to be.In the interest of full disclosure, I made that earlier quote up. (Coming Soon)

The Matrix Grants Neo Dope Skillz

Monday, April 5 by

Totally beats classes at The Learning Annex. (Unreality)Plug these links into your brain.Is Hollywood Going Too Crazy With 3D? (Moviefone)Oral Sex Spray Is a Fabulous Deal (Asylum)Tiger Faces Reporters at Augusta (PopEater)25 Sexy Baseball Fans (HolyTaco)Release Schedule for Finest Film Ever Created (FilmDrunk)15 Dumbest Video Game Tattoos You'll Ever See (Unreality)Soccer Player Throws Water Bottle at Fan (TotalProSports)Hottest Celeb Baseball Fans (Maxim)Bob Sapp Won a Fight, But It Wasn't Pretty (CagePotato)Alessandra Ambrosia Lost ALL of Her Baby Weight (CelebJihad)11 Awesome Burn-Out Fails (Smosh)5 Must Manipulative Tearjerkers (Pajiba)Rockateer DUI Caught On Tape (Atom)Get Her from Dinner to Bed (MadeMan)Hot Jordan Fish Pics (AllLeftTurns)

‘Star Wars’ to Be Intentionally Funny With New Animated Sitcom

Monday, April 5 by

Because this turned out so well. An official sanction from LucasFilms has made it okay to laugh at Star Wars. Not the films though. You must remain stone-faced while Hayden Christiansen delivers dialogue and when rubber puppets pop up during the pod race. That is law. What you can laugh at is a new animated series being developed by LucasFilms themselves to presumably cash in on the recent franchise-skewering made popular by "Robot Chicken" and "Family Guy." And the best way to do that is to hire Seth Green and Matthew Seinreich from "Robot Chicken." I posit, however, that the best way to ensure hilarity is to farm it out to France. (Variety)

‘Resident Evil: Afterlife’ Trailer Promises 3D, You Guys

Monday, April 5 by

I feel like I'm there. Wow. Thanks again James Cameron. Your need to develop and deliver a richer viewing experience to movie audiences has caused a ripple effect that cannot be stopped. Not only are ticket prices more expensive as a result, but now a new dimension of evil has been unleashed. Not cool, man. Evil was bad enough before. The Hell gate you opened is this trailer for Resident Evil: Afterlife, and I've half a mind to force you to watch it. I should also mention that this is a 3D movie. I'm not sure if that point was driven home by the throwing stars or the sword throwing or the sunglasses throwing. The only thing missing is Milla Jovovich facing camera while playing paddle-ball. Watch the trailer after the jump but be careful not to put an eye out.

‘The Big Lebowski’ Porn Parody Trailer, Man

Monday, April 5 by

It made sense to produce a porn parody of box office juggernaut Avatar and television sensations "Dexter" and "The Jersey Shore", but I can't say that The Big Lebowski deserves the same NSFW treatment. Never ever never not even once during a viewing of the Cohen Brothers film have I thought a cut to rough penetration was mysteriously absent. But hell, give the people what they want, and apparently the people want The Dude naked. I just thank my lucky stars they found someone to replace Tara Reid. No one needs to see that Frankenstein body floppin' around.

‘The Last Song’ Actress Melissa Ordway

Monday, April 5 by

Melissa Ordway modeled in various campaigns including Sketchers, Old Navy, and David's Bridal and has acted in 17 Again and on the television series "Privileged." She also looks good half-naked on the beach during sunset.   A word from Melissa: "She expresses her hurt through being very mean and vengeful to Ronnie." I'm sure Ronnie deserved it. He always makes fun of the slow kid who works at the grocery store. No, I don't care if we're talking about the same Ronnie. More pics of Melissa after the jump.

Old Spice “I’m On a Horse” Guy Belongs to Tyler Perry Now

Monday, April 5 by

Isaiah Mustafa the deodorant-shilling equestrian du jour, has been cast in Tyler Perry's next project. The former NFL player turned weird guy on a horse will appear in Perry's adaptation of his play Tyler Perry's Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When The Rainbow Is Enuf. Pfft, whatever hippie.Mustafa appeared on Oprah's talk show to discuss his newfound fame when Perry himself showed up to offer him the role. It's unclear where Mustafa will fit in with the all-star cast made up of Janet Jackson, Mariah Carey, Whoopi Goldberg, Phylicia Rashad and Anika Noni Rose, which originally featured no male roles. I'm sure he will fit right in though. As long as he doesn't cause Madea to have to take off her earrings. God forbid any man suffer that fate. Elsewhere, Orlando Jones has been cast in real-life as "Who?" (Cinema Blend)

9 Actors Who Should Jump Into T.V.

Monday, April 5 by

Not too long ago, most actors on TV were unknown before they were cast. Guys like Clooney and…other guys like Clooney. Then a trend started where the actors cast were former film stars — of a certain degree, at least. Actors and actresses that were once well-known before bigger and better looking talent overshadowed them. But TV has never shied away from second rate, so the trend has continued and will keep getting stronger. And alas, there are still many more of these former semi-moderately-successful movie stars in the unemployment line waiting for their TV break. Here’s just a partial list of such people and the shows they may be working on next. Because an extensive list might number somewhere in the hundreds. Lou Diamond Phillips

Anna Friel Joins ‘Dark Fields’

Monday, April 5 by

Anna Friel had to wash the smell of Land of the Lost out of her hair by doing theater in London's West End, but she's now returning to Hollywood with a role in Dark Fields. In the film, Bradley Cooper plays a washed-up writer who comes across a drug that makes him more intelligentier smarter. After reaping the rewards of being a know-it-all and schooling his peers at Cranium, he finds the drug has lethal consequences.Friel will play his ex-wife. Robert De Niro and Abbie Cornish are also on board to star in the thriller by Neil Burger. (THR)

Emily Blunt Gives ‘Captain America’ the Hand

Saturday, April 3 by

I hate reporting on stuff that ISN'T happening, but it's a slow news weekend and I thought you could use a picture of some stellar cleavage. Emily Blunt has officially passed on the role of Peggy Carter in Captain America. Most likely she prefers money in exchange for her services, and Marvel is notorious for hating to give up theirs. If they could pay their actors with t-shirts from the swag room they'd jump at the opportunity.Now that Emily is out, Kiera Knightley and Alice Eve are the top contenders. Isn't everyone like sooooo over Knightley yet? I want my Peggy Carter to have some meet on her bones. If Kiera gets any skinner she's going to have to develop a coke habit. Not because she should do drugs, she just needs a cooler explanation than genetics. (/Film)

Photobomb Fridays: ‘Amadeus’ + Drummer

Friday, April 2 by

Back in 1776 they had zero tolerance for street musicians. Here are your weekend links.The 'Inglourious Basterds' Clapper Board (Moviefone)8 Randomly Encountered Chatroulette Hotties (Asylum)Charlie Sheen Leaving 'Two and a Half Men'? (PopEater)25 Funny Crucifixes (HolyTaco)Tron Party in San Francisco! (FilmDrunk)Cool Gallery of Futurama Cosplay (Unreality)Cheerleading at its Finest (TotalProSports)Release the Crack-en a.k.a Booties! (Maxim)5 Pairs of Boobies You Have to See (Smosh)New Avatar 2 Trailer (CelebJihad)Thiago Alves's Brain Surgery Video-Blog (CagePotato)Miley Cyrus Career Assessment (Pajiba)Gay Ray, The Reggae Gay (Atom)How to Join the Mafia (MadeMan)NASCAR Prop Bets, Version Two (AllLeftTurns)

‘Splice’ Trailer is a Bold Re-Telling of ‘The Ugly Duckling’

Friday, April 2 by

She'll grow out of it. There's finally a trailer for Vincenzo Natali's eery sci-fi/horror Splice, that movie with Adrien Brody and the hot, bald chick with the mouth in her scalp (still kinda hot though). The movie impressed at Sundance and will see wide release on June 4th as a result. The film warns against the dangers of queefing in the face of God and law by creating your own monstrous human-animal hybrid. So seriously, guys. Don't do that kind of thing. Did Species teach you nothing? Check out the trailer after the jump.

SPLICE

Friday, April 2 by

Director: Vincenzo NataliCast: Adrian Brody, Sarah PolleySynopsis: Elsa and Clive, two young rebellious scientists, defy legal and ethical boundaries and forge ahead with a dangerous experiment: splicing together human and animal DNA to create a new organism.Release Date: June 5, 2010

‘xXx: The Return of Xander Cage’ Will Be All Up in Your Face

Friday, April 2 by

Time for his 3pm apple sauce.Do you hear that sound? It's the sound of Godsmack warming up their instruments. What could possibly have the ridiculously goateed rockers half-heartedly tuning and making that "jukka jukka jukka" noise? The return of Vin Diesel as Xander Cage, that's what.Of course, that's all old news. Today we have an extreme update. All the die-hard Xander fans who ripped their neck tatts off in solidarity, should be prepared to sew them back on. Not only will director Rob Cohen return to the franchise but he'll be bringing James Cameron's fancy 3D cameras with him. Probably uses a pretty cool truck to carry them too."I feel what we did in the beginning of the decade was bring a different attitude to the action movie and a different kind of hero. With the new 3D instrument and the techniques I can apply, we can create a different kind of cutting-edge experience in 3D by shooting it that way from the beginning the way James Cameron did 'Avatar.' This won't be fantasy characters, it takes place on Earth in real time. That's a new dimension to be explored, and I'm excited."That's right earthlings. You're about to be groin-punched in the face by a non-fantasy character that can surf on speeding missiles. You have until late 2011 to vacate the planet. (ComingSoon)

‘Harold & Kumar’ Creators Directing ‘American Pie 4′

Friday, April 2 by

Their recent strokes have only made them funnier. Harlold & Kumar creators Hayden Schlossberg and Jon Kurwitz are moving from hamburgers to baked goods. The duo is mounting American Pie 4 as both writers and directors. That leaves directing duties on A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas to newcomer Todd Strauss Schulson.The story for the latest Pie sequel is being kept under wraps, though I'm sure embarrassment, bizarre sexual fetishes, and Jim's Dad will remain major components. None of the original cast has officially signed on yet, but extreme interest has been voiced. You don't say? Should I go with a Jason Biggs, Chris Klein, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Tara Reid, Shannon Elizabeth, or Natasha Lyonne joke here… You know what, I'm gonna let it be. I'm sure the fact that the band camp girl is more prosperous than any of them is shameful enough. (THR)

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