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Ozzy Osbourne Biopic In the Works

Wednesday, April 28 by

Sharon Osbourne is saying things. While promoting "Celebrity Apprentice," the reality show fixture revealed that a biopic about her slurry, hard-partying husband will soon go into production. The film, tentatively titled HurblemunbletopSHARON!!!!!!!, has a producer and lots of money according to Sharon.No cast or director have been announced yet but the production is said to be going with an unknown for the lead role. This could be the big break I've been waiting for. But here it is nearly 8:30 a.m. and I'm still sober. Time to go method. **pours tequila into bowl of Smart Start; snorts a line of kitty litter** YAHTZEE!!!! (Digital Spy)

‘The Hills’ Reenacted Supposedly by Kids

Tuesday, April 27 by

Supposedly this is a parody of "The Hills" with kids taking over the roles of the people? actors? morons? on the show. I gotta tell ya though, I just don't see it. Maybe it's like one of those Magic Eye posters where my brain can't discern, but this video seriously just looks like a regular episode of "The Hills" to me. Wait, let me stand a little farther back… Nope, everyone still acts retarded. (Babelgum)Oh my God, these links are totally links. 'Prince of Persia' Trailer Gets Lego-ized (Moviefone)History's Most Awesome Time Capsules (Asylum)Doc Says Bret Michaels May Not Recover (PopEater)25 Sexy Peta Girls (HolyTaco)James Bond Fans Shaken, Stirred (FilmDrunk)Best Fictional Bands in Movies (Unreality)24 Hot Girls Working Out (TotalProSports)11 Worst Places to Be Hung Over (Maxim)Harold Howard is Batsh*t Crazy (CagePotato)Beyone Fell Out of Her Top (CelebJihad)25 White People with Cornrows (Smosh)7 Most Vile Romantic Comedy Creatures (Pajiba)Wiki-Wiki Wikipedia (Atom)Adriana Lima Photo Shoot (MadeMan)Dennis Setzer Talladega Crash (AllLeftTurns)9 Childhood Characters You Crushed On (RegretfulMorning)

Megan Fox Gets Dissed On the ‘Jonah Hex’ Poster

Tuesday, April 27 by

Apparently only Josh Brolin matters on the new poster for Jonah Hex. Sure, Megan Fox is wearing a corsett, and the target audience is more likely to care about her heaving bosom than Brolin's mangled face, but she doesn't even get a tiny credit above the hackneyed tag. Sweet gatling gun, Jonah. Ever tried to fire one with one hand? The kickback alone would rip your G.D. arm off. Then you'd be an amputee with bad skin. There's a name for people like you: Sally Punkin. We drove her to tears in middle school. Well not me, but people I knew… (Yahoo)

Parkour Movie Actually Moving Forward

Tuesday, April 27 by

Parkour, the hottest trend of the month that Casino Royale came out, is finally getting its own movie. After having been in development for three years, New Line has hired Matt Johnson to write a script about a pair of master bank robbers who excel at their take because of parkour. Because of all the rooftop banks, you see. Channing Tatum was once attached to the project but has since jumped ship.

‘Ouija’ Movie Will Half-Scare the Crap Out of You

Tuesday, April 27 by

Spirits aren't likely to reach out. While promoting A Nightmare on Elm Street, Brad Fuller has been talking up some of his other half-cooked films. For instance, what's the deal with Ouija?"‘Ouija’ isn’t really a horror movie per se, it’s definitely more of a big action-adventure movie along the lines of…I gotta be careful what I compare it to [cough-JUMANJI-cough, cough]. But you know, it’s like a big action-adventure movie. And that script…I’ve read a couple pages of it, it seems good." I have an irrational fear of Ouija boards and ghosts ever since I watched Witchboard in the late 80's. (Note: it was before the Internet existed and my best chance at seeing Tawny Kitaen nude (Note: Tawny Kitaen was once worth seeing nude.).)"There are definitely horror elements, because it’s about Ouija and what happens from an Ouija board, but it’s a much bigger film. I would call it an action-adventure with horror elements."An action-adventure with horror elements. Sounds a lot like driving through Detroit. **clumsy rimshot results in finger jammy** (BloodyDisgusting)

‘A Nightmare on Elm Street’ Actress Rooney Mara

Tuesday, April 27 by

Rooney Mara is the little sister of uber-hottie Kate Mara. Even I'd feel self-conscious living in Kate's shadow, and I'm an adonis. Rooney starred alongside Michael Cera in Youth in Revolt, and can be seen as Nancy in the Nightmare On Elm Street remake/reboot/reimagining coming out this Friday.A word from Rooney: "For Halloween, my mom asked me what I wanted to be. I said Klara, the crippled girl in the movie Heidi."You clever, fox. Dress up like a cripple, everyone will assume you're disabled, and you'll reap the candy benefits. Check out more pics of the very able-bodied Rooney after the jump.

FOX’s ‘Panic Attack’ Will Replace Your Fears

Tuesday, April 27 by

We don't have to live in fear anymore, you guys. Fox has ordere– OH, HOLY F*CKSTICKS!!! WHAT THE POOP ARE THOSE IN THE PICTURE ABOVE????!!!!! From Variety:"Panic Attack" will be hosted by U.K.-based married psychotherapists and motivational coaches Nik and Eva Speakman."Panic" centers on a group of five participants who suffer from the same phobias. A team of therapists will help them face those fears.Through a series of challenges, the quintet will learn new ways to deal with those paralyzing fears — leading to one final, dramatic challenge. Friends and family will be brought in to watch their loved ones tackle that final test.So let me get this straight. Five people will have to live in a nightmare house haunted by life coaches with the fashion sense of a failed figure-skating duo. Talk about exposure treatment.First step is to identify your fear. Please look at the picture below and let me know what scares you the most.Next step is killing your fear with fire.

Olivia Munn Naked for PETA

Tuesday, April 27 by

Olivia Munn is sick and tired of the way Ringling Brothers is abusing their circus elephants, so she decided to take all of her clothes off in support. What does one have to do with the other? Something about nature. But who cares, Olivia is naked on a billboard at the intersection of Highland and Wilshire in Los Angeles. That's like fifteen minutes from my office. If I gaze through my Bird Watching Enthusiast brand binoculars I can see a crowd of pantless men circling her visage and chanting at this very moment. Preach  Olivia Munn :These beautiful animals are meant to roam free in nature and live wonderful, long lives. But instead, they’re chained up, electro-shocked and beat by employees of Ringling Bros all in the hopes that we, the public, will pay to see these giant majestic creatures standing on a stupid little ball.I'm totally against animal cruelty, but if Olivia really wanted my full attention she would have shown more cleavage. Seriously, her recent Maxim shoot was more revealing. So until I see pics of Olivia prancing daintily through the African outback in nothing but her birthday suit I'm going to reserve my judgement.Hehe! Look at him balance on that ball!

6 Comeback Projects for Steven Seagal

Tuesday, April 27 by

Steven Seagal has built a career laying his hands on other people. Recently this has brought controversy his way. What the man needs now is a comeback. Here are six projects that could easily put him back on top.  Law and Order: SVU (Seagal Victims Unit)

‘Ring 3D’ to Crawl Out of Screens

Tuesday, April 27 by

Just the other day on Things I Never Say Day, I was saying how badly we need a sequel to The Ring. Preferably one that is 3D and focuses on a more teen-centric angle. Well, save up your shillings for an inflated ticket price because it looks like Paramount is intending to do just that. Dream House writer David Loucka on script duties. No details yet about how the girl in the old VHS will return but one scenario has teens finding a VCR that still works. Really?Okay. Honestly, you kids today with your Jason Beavers and sexting parties. VCR's aren't that old or difficult to find. Either this film takes place in 2025 or Afghanistan. (THR)

Burt Reynolds and Judd Nelson Don’t Recommend Drugs

Monday, April 26 by

The two actors, not exactly known for their straight-edge lifestyle, watch over Dermot Mulroney like a couple of hypocritical angels condemned to the boonies. Memorable quote: "When I was in high school, if you couldn't chug-a-lug a pint of booze you were nothing." So true, Burt Reynolds. That one night with a 6-pack of Hard Lemonade earned me a ton of street cred.You too much of a pussy to click on these links?20 Sexy Mermaids (Manofest)5 Useful New Photoshop Filters (CollegeHumor)$20 Million Movie Stars are a Dying Breed (Moviefone) Erotic Masseuse Shares Her Happy Ending Technique (Asylum)Tito Ortiz Allegedly Abused Jenna Jameson (PopEater)25 Cats Vs. Invisibility (HolyTaco)Shocker: Russell Crowe Is Difficult to Work With (FilmDrunk)5 Worst De Niro Movies (Unreality)Sexy Snake Handlers (Maxim)UFC Will Release Ortiz If Charges Hold Up (CagePotato)Justin Bieber Shows Her Breasts (CelebJihad)12 Crazy Detention Slips (Smosh)Rick Astley and the Human Centipede (Pajiba)Iron Man 3 Audition (Atom)How to Get Better Sleep (MadeMan)Another Wild Weekend in Talladega (AllLeftTurns)

‘Toy Story 3′ Lots-o’-Huggin’ Bear Viral Video

Monday, April 26 by

Think you can pull the wool over MY eyes, Pixar?! I knew this video for a supposed Lots-o'-Huggin' Bear was a Toy Story 3 ploy the second I hit play. Sure, it looks authentic, but if this bear really existed I would have owned the crap out of it back in 1983. It doesn't even matter that a bear with the word "hug" in its name doesn't even give hugs but instead just receives them (like a normal stuffed animal?), or that the grindhouse-esque commercial cuts off right before the bear slaughters the little girl in her sleep and then goes for the rest of the family. I simply had to have everything I saw advertised, or mother got the hose again. Check out the surprisingly well-done video after the jump. It must have taken the Pixar geniuses months to render the fuzzy tracking at the bottom of the frame.

Nicolas Cage Could Be Too Busy for ‘Ghost Rider 2′

Monday, April 26 by

"Doggarnit. People like me."It appears that Nicolas Cage's crappy sequel plate is full. It looks like the cash-strapped actor may be forced to choose between roles.  From Vulture:Insiders confirm to Vulture that Columbia is facing a ticking clock on the rights to the BBQ-skulled Marvel Comics character: Legally, if the studio isn't in production on a sequel by November 14, 2010, the franchise automatically reverts to Marvel — which means the comic company's new owner, Disney. Insiders tell us that Columbia is asking Marvel for an extension. (Asking, pleading, it's a fine line.) But time is running out. Cage has spoken about his desire to make a second Ghost Rider; the issue is whether his schedule will be free before the deadline. Disney is also hoping to get him for a third National Treasure with Jerry Bruckheimer, which could be shooting as early as this fall and would presumably earn the star a hefty paycheck. And considering Cage's well-documented money troubles, that cash may trump his deep love of comic books.A Ghost Rider without Nicolas Cage wouldn't feel like a Ghost Rider film at all. That would be like The Punisher without Thomas Jane, or The Hulk without Eric Bana, or Iron Man without Terrence Howard. I can't even imagine a world where such travesties would be allowed.

Horse Gattling Gun, Crossbow, Boom!, 11 Seconds of ‘Jonah Hex’

Monday, April 26 by

In case you can't wait for the Jonah Hex trailer dropping later this week, SyFy has 11 seconds of footage for your impatient ass. The movie has had so many different writers, directors, reshoots, and delays I can only imagine that the final product will be somewhere between tolerable and intolerable. Wait what, it features Megan Fox in a corset and gattling guns strapped to an aggravated stallion? Take my money, box office cashier! (Movieline)Check out the footage after the jump…

‘Dancing With The Stars’ Partner Cheryl Burke

Monday, April 26 by

Cheryl Burke is a two-time Emmy nominated professional dancer. As a professional dancer partner, she won the competition in the second and third seasons of "Dancing with the Stars" with celebrity dance partners Drew Lachey (February 2006) and Emmitt Smith (November 2006). She is of Filipino, Russian, and Irish descent, which makes for one bomb cocktail.  A word from Cheryl: "My greatest achievements in dancing are still to come."Come on, Cheryl. You taught Drew Lachey how to cut a rug. God has nothing left in store for you. Dancing does a body good after the jump.

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