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‘Iron Man 2′ Gwyneth Paltrow Face Punch Rumors

Tuesday, April 20 by

The Onion News Network reports on rumors that Gwyneth Paltrow may take a blow to the kisser in the upcoming film Iron Man 2. It's my hope that Black Widow instigates the fight in a room with no doors and mounds of pillows, but as long as the blonde gets clocked I'll be aroused.These links won't fight back. Diaz and Del Toro Have an 'Ex to Grind' (Moviefone) That Is One Stacked Newscaster (Asylum)Leno Praises O'Brien (PopEater)25 Terrible Toys (HolyTaco)Wikus from 'District 9' Rocks a Boombox (FilmDrunk)'LOST' Tarot Cards Will Spell Your Doom (Unreality)Best of USC Cheerleader Swim (TotalProSports)Celebrity Sex Addiction Timeline (Maxim)Knockout of the Day: Jose Aldo (CagePotato)Kim Kardashian's Latest Animal Torture Alligations (CelebJihad)25 Men in Wigs (Smosh)The Poor Man's… (Pajiba)Less Money, Mo Problems Music Video (Atom)9 Sexiest Secretaries (MadeMan)Hamlin Fights Pain, Beats Competition (AllLeftTurns)

Greg Mottola to Study ‘Important Artifacts’

Tuesday, April 20 by

Just saying.Adventureland director and Turtle Club member Greg Mottola has been hired to write (and presumably direct) Paramount's adaptation of the overly-titled Important Artifacts and Personal Property From the Collection of Lenore Doolan and Harold Morris, Including Books, Street Fashion and Jewelry. Mottola will turn the fictional estate auction catalogue from a dissolved relationship into a romantic comedy that has Brad Pitt and Natalie Portman attached to star. Jennifer Aniston is said to be working on a similar project, starring herself and a life-sized Brad Pitt Hairdoll. (THR)

Kyle Chandler in Talks For ‘Terra Nova’

Tuesday, April 20 by

Kyle Chandler gets paranoid around lip-readers.The long-suffering fans of Friday Night Lights would be wise to stiffen their upper-lips while reading this next piece of news. Kyle Chandler is said to be in talks to star in a new pilot for Steven Spielberg and Fox, all but guaranteeing the cult favorite will not survive its current season. But whatever, let's look to the future. Or in this case, to the future and then to the past.In Terra Nova, Chandler will play to his non-football coaching strengths to play a patriarch who travels through time (much like he did in "Early Edition") and get chased by dinosaurs (much like he did in King Kong). But this family from the future warped to prehistoric times sounds familiar. Where have I seen this Space Age meets the Stone Age concept before? (EW)

‘The Back-up Plan’ Actress Noureen DeWulf

Tuesday, April 20 by

Noureen DeWulf proves that a strict Muslim household can create one of the sexiest women on the planet. The Indian-American received national attention for her very first movie, a short film called West Bank Story about a Palestinian cashier who falls in love with an Israeli soldier.A word from Noureen: "I have to be honest, I don't think my career is easy to deal with for my Muslim family."Acting and taking half-naked pics of yourself drinking from a garden hose are two very different ways to promote a career. They may have been fine with only the former. Check out more of Noureen disgracing her family after the jump.

Adrien Brody Gets F*cked in ‘HIGH School’ Teaser Trailer

Tuesday, April 20 by

It's 4/20, so of course a trailer centering around the sweet sticky-icky has dropped. Stoner comedy HIGH School follows a valedictorian who, out of fear of losing his college scholarship, begrudgingly teams up with a charismatic pothead to do the only thing they can think of to neutralize the threat—get the entire student body stoned.  If you can't tell by the above screen shot, Adrien Brody plays the drug dealer with a penchant for stink eyes, and Matt Bush, the kid from those "don't throw your f*ckin' minutes away!" AT&T commercials, plays Henry Burke, the student. Michael Chiklis dons a full head of whispy hair as the smarmy principal who institutes a zero-tolerance policy at the school and wants Henry's head on a pike. Those crazy kids at this past Sundance loved the film, but I heard that crowd only smokes kind buds, so your experience may differ depending on your allowance. Check out the… Oh man. **Giggles uncontrollably** I know I put something after the jump.

High School

Tuesday, April 20 by

Director: John StalbergCast: Adrien Brody, Matt Bush, Michael Chiklis, Colin HanksSynopsis: With his college scholarship hanging in the balance, Burke begrudgingly teams up with charismatic pothead Travis Breaux to do the only thing they can think of to neutralize this threat—get the entire student body stoned.

James Bond Sucks at Mario Kart

Tuesday, April 20 by

You'd think an expertly-trained international spy would stay focused on the actual mission.

Ron Howard and Brian Grazer to Make ‘Great Escape’

Tuesday, April 20 by

Having grown bored with dominating the fields of movie-making and silly hair-having, Imagine Entertainment brohams Ron Howard and Brian Grazer are pulling a Michael Bay. The pair have created an action-oriented reality thriller for TNT that challenges contestants to escape from movie-inspired scenarios. From THR:In "The Great Escape," ordinary people are put in cinema-inspired settings, challenging them to find a way out using everyday ingenuity. Each week, teams are dropped off blindfolded in a different extreme environment — lost in the desert, trapped in the mountains, locked in a prison, marooned on an island. This sounds like a fun and fresh premise. There's so many classic films that can be channeled for the program. Contestants could spend a terrifying night at Camp Crystal Lake, or get your teeth drilled by a nazi dentist. Or worse yet, they could be forced to raise an illegitimate child with Katherine Heigl.

9 Poorly Conceived Baby Movies

Tuesday, April 20 by

Jennifer Lopez's new movie, The Back-up Plan, premieres this week. The film is supposedly a comedy about having a baby. Unfortunately, the trailer looks about as funny as SIDS. In fact, the only humorous thing about the film is that it was originally titled Plan B. Now that's comedy! But when it comes to awful films about babies, The Back-up Plan has a lot of company. Here are nine other poorly conceived baby movies.  Son of the Mask – 2005 The Mask (1994) was a horrible film that was made slightly tolerable by the presence of Jim Carrey. So when you replace Jim Carrey with Jamie Kennedy and throw in a baby with magical powers, it’s pretty clear you’ve got a real crapfest on your hands. Did I mention it also stars Alan Cumming? Well it does.

‘Bond 23′ Delayed Indefinitely

Tuesday, April 20 by

Economic hard times haven't only hurt 85% of everyone you know, forcing them move back with their parents and job hunt to no avail for 14 straight months. No. The deflation has also taken its toll on cocksure British spies who get laid pretty much constantly and introduce themselves in needlessly redundant ways. The cash-strapped MGM has announced that development on Bond 23 has been halted indefinitely.Producers Michael G. Wilson and Barbara Broccoli have issued this statement:Due to the continuing uncertainty surrounding the future of MGM and the failure to close a sale of the studio, we have suspended development on ‘Bond 23′ indefinitely. We do not know when development will resume and do not have a date for the release of ‘Bond 23.’That sucks. I hate it when a film franchise isn't afforded the opportunity to be sequeled into oblivion to the point where the plots and villians all melt together into one homogenized, exploding blur. Stories like this really need to spread their wings, y'know? And has no one taken into consideration the feelings of the poor TBS Superstation? Now they'll likely never get to celebrate '23 Days of Bond' properly. (Coming Soon)

‘The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie!’ Trailer

Monday, April 19 by

Drawn Together – Watch more Funny Videos The show "Drawn Together" may have been cancelled, but that door closing left one giant window open for a movie. The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie! pulls a post-modern, meta headtrip by centering on the housemates, who deduce their show has been cancelled after they realize they can swear without being bleeped. "Family Guy" mastermind Seth MacFarlane also has a cameo as I.S.R.A.E.L. (Intelligent Smart Robot Animation Lady). Judging by MacFarlane's participation and the necrophilia in the above trailer, there's a good chance this could be one helluva laugh/vomit inducing cartoon caper. The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie! hits stores on DVD tomorrow.  These links are alive, and want you to make out with them. Top 29 Cities for Men To Live In (AskMen) Behind the Scenes of 'Get Him to the Greek' (Moviefone) Changing Internet Passwords Is a Waste of Time (Asylum) Christina Hendricks Esquire Pics (PopEater) 25 Sexy Gingers (HolyTaco) Spike Jonze Video Features Panda Furries (FilmDrunk) 12 Memorable Alligator Scenes in Movies (Unreality) BU Fan Gets Serviced in the Stands (TotalProSports) Louis Gossett Jr. Visual Resume (Maxim) 21 Questions with Paul 'Semtex' Daley (CagePotato) AnnaLynne McCord at the Beach (CelebJihad) 9 Cars You Should Never Drive (Smosh) The Case of the Disappearing Director (Pajiba) The Future is Weird and Dumb (Atom) Prototype 4G iPhone Discovered (MadeMan) Kim Burton Photos (AllLeftTurns)

Execs Just Discovered ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’ Could Be a Movie

Monday, April 19 by

Hey guys, women. Am I right? From Variety:Summit Entertainment has acquired film and TV rights to the "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" franchise based on the book series written by John Gray.Erik Feig, Summit's President of Production, stated, "'Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus' is not just the title of a book, or what we know will become an amazing film and TV franchise – it is a pop cultural mainstay and comically, sadly, romantically, all too often still true these many years after first being published. We are thrilled to have the opportunity to work on a franchise whose name everyone knows and whose reality everyone lives!"And we're even more thrilled to pull a Valentine's Day/He's Just Not That Into You/Love, Actually by cramming a bunch of rich, pretty people into a movie together. I don't think Jessica Alba has hooked up with Bradley Cooper in a movie yet. And with that forehead and underbite of hers, Drew Barrymore certainly looks like she could be from another planet.

UPDATE: Was ‘Kick-Ass’ Badly Beaten? No.

Monday, April 19 by

UPDATE: The final figures are in and Kick-Ass took the top spot with $19,828,687. How to Train Your Dragon came in at number two with $19,633,320. Still read the post though. I spent at least twenty minutes on it.Kick-Ass has some explaining to do after coming on hot and then underperforming in the weekend box-office sack. Sucks to be you, bro! Haha. That NEVER happens to me. Shut up. My eyes always well during allergy season.But did it really lose?Speculation was that it would earn at least $30 million so if you wanna be a dick about it, yes. As of today it holds the number two spot behind How to Train Your Dragon (final calculations come in tomorrow), trailing by $250k. But bear in mind that Dragon is a 3D movie for children. Kids movies always pack them in and when you factor in the higher cost of 3D tickets, it's no surprise that it raked in more cash. Adjust for that info, and the R-rated, non-3D Kick-Ass probably brought in a larger audience. I'd calculate all this info myself but the F12 button is all the way over there and it's time to go eat a sandwich. So in conclusion, just sayin'. (BoxOfficeMojo)

You Can Audition For Todd Phillips’s ‘Project X’

Monday, April 19 by

And please, keep the fat, bearded auditions to a minimum. Last week we told you that Todd Phillips is working on a raunchy, low budget comedy deemed Project X, which Joel Silver will co-produce and Nima Nourizadeh will direct. Unlike most outlandish secret projects in Hollywood, this one is actually panning out, as Phillips has given it a violent shove into the casting phase.People with faces and voices and dreams and no shame can audition for a role in the 12 million dollar budget comedy at projectxopencall.com. You need to be at least 18 years of age and look like you're actually 18, so Nic Cage need not fire up his Handycam. Your options for the video audition are as follows:Tell us your most embarrassing story.Tell us your craziest party story.Tell us about the riskiest or most daring thing you've ever done.If you wanted to impress someone at a club, show us how you would dance.Show us the one thing that you do that makes your friends laugh.How about all five at once, casting agents? I've kept a sh*tting myself yarn in my back pocket for years that's gonna bowl you over. Hollywood stardom, here I come! (Deadline)

Uglies Are People Too in ‘Beastly’ Trailer

Monday, April 19 by

Beastly is a retelling of Beauty and the Beast by way of Gossip Girl. Mary-Kate Olsen plays a witch who curses a rich, popular, good-looking classmate to look all gross and veiny — a reflection of the dick he is on the inside. He's then banished to Brooklyn where the rest of the minorities uglies live. In order to break the curse, he has to find someone, who despite his penile appearance, will sext him with naked pictures of herself. Enter Vanessa Hudgens.Find out what really matters underneath after the jump.

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