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‘Big Tits Zombie 3D’ Trailer

Monday, April 19 by

You asked for it! Wait, you didn't ask for it? Well than the Japanese assumed you wanted it! The Big Tits Zombie 3D trailer is here, and it delivers on all the words in the aptly named title. You can even rearrange the words and the title would still apply. There are big 3D tits zombie, zombie big tits 3D, and 3D tits big zombie. The trailer is protected by an age gate due to some chainsaw carnage, but unfortunately you don't see any of the promised oversized mammaries (ripe or rotten). The film is about a group of strippers fighting a band of zombies, and some of the zombies play ping pong. Quit trying to stir up sh*t, strippers. Just grab a paddle and chillax. Check out the trailer below.

Rutger Hauer Doles Out Transient Justice in ‘Hobo With a Shotgun’

Monday, April 19 by

I was surprised when Robert Rodriguez's Grindhouse trailer Machete was given the big screen treatment, because Rodriguez is known to just say things. So color me super-secret-double-omega-very surprised at the news Rutger Hauer is to star in a feature length version of Hobo With a Shotgun. In 2007, SXSW held a contest which invited filmmakers to make cheap crap to go along with Grindhouse. Hobo With a Shotgun was by far the best of the bunch and Jason Eisener's fake trailer was attached to Canadian prints of the film. Filming on the feature version begins tomorrow with Rutger starring as the titular hobo. That's great casting as Hauer is no stranger to doling out justice or looking kinda like a hobo. Though Busey. Busey would have been a casting coup. (AICN) Check out the original Hobo trailer after the jump…

Andy Samberg Specializes in Ryan Phillipe’s Sloppy Seconds

Sunday, April 18 by

If movies and television have taught us anything, it's that our girlfriends will be immediately railed by cheesy Eurotrash douche-wads moments after we break up with them. That's just science. You can't fight it.Last night's hilarious SNL Digital Short takes aim at this trope by having Andy Samberg don the flaxen tresses of Viggo the Carpathian and ruin host Ryan Phillipe's life. One bowl of cereal at a time.

Trejo Bringing ‘Machete’ to Your Labor Day Party

Saturday, April 17 by

Let's get this barbeque f*ckin' started. This Labor Day, make room for Machete amongst your ice cold beers and charred hot dogs. The Robert Rodriguez produced film based off the trailer from Grindhouse will hit theaters September 3. Machete stars Danny Trejo as a blade-wielding Mexican ex-Federale who is double-crossed by a crooked politician. If for some loco reason blade-wielding Mexican's aren't your cup of horchata, keep in mind that Jessica Alba is playing twins in the film. Yes, that's right, Rodriguez DOES listen to your prayers at night, and he has answered them. Who else did you think you were appealing to? (Variety)

Photobomb Fridays: ‘No Country for Old Men’ + Old Man

Friday, April 16 by

Say's who?Here are your weekend links. 10 Nerdiest Superheroes (Moviefone)Jesus Has a Big Penis (Asylum)Kim Kardashian Doesn't Get Why We Like Her Ass (PopEater)25 Real Life Superheroes (HolyTaco)Courtney Love Weighs In on Cobain Role (FilmDrunk)Classy Gay Stormtrooper is Not Threatened by You (Unreality)Phillies Fan Makes a Great Grab (TotalProSports)25 Awesome Killer Robots (Maxim)Ben Fowlkes: A Remembrance (CagePotato)Rachel Bilson Flaunts It by the Pool (CelebJihad)Stoned Dogs (Smosh)Nic Cage Career Assessment (Pajiba)Nick Kroll & Donald Glover Drop Knowledge (Atom)6 Favorite Healthy Beers (MadeMan)Attendence Decline Stumps NASCAR (AllLeftTurns)

‘True Blood’ Porn Parody Trailer Meets Expectations

Friday, April 16 by

No surprise here, but they made a "True Blood" porn parody entitled Tru: An XXX Parody. It's a shame porn trailers aren't allowed to show any porn. In my opinion, it's the best part of these adult films everyone keeps fapping about. Watching the above video without kinky sex is like watching a Jane Campion film without kinky sex. All your left with is blood and bruised women. (FilmDrunk)

‘SNL’ With Betty White and Jay-Z Is Hood-Approved

Friday, April 16 by

Betty White and Jay-Z will reportedly squash their long-standing beef for an upcoming episode of "Saturday Night Live." Hova will appear as the musical guest on the May 8th episode which White is hosting after being cyber-bullied into taking the gig.For those worried that White is not up to the after-hours task had best check themselves."It's lovely, and at my age it's certainly unexpected. I've got so much energy, it's ridiculous. I love working. My schedule is a feverish one, and I'm used to that." Betty White's album is expected to drop on Roc Nation before the end of the year. Streets is hungry for this one. (MTV)

Curtis Hanson to Immortalize Fake Cop

Friday, April 16 by

The man profiled in the highly-amusing video above is Bill Anthony Jakob, a security guard who rolled into a small Missouri town and passed himself off as a Federal Agent by quoting Beverly Hills Cop 2 and flashing a badge purchased on the Internet. Jakob went on to arrest twenty meth dealers and significantly clean up town. Naturally, his story will now be made into a movie.Deadline reports that Curtis Hanson and Iron Man 2 actor-turned-writer Clark Gregg are in talks to bring The Man With the World's Biggest Balls (working title) to the screen. Not much is known yet about the tone of the film but it's expected to be a drama with comedic elements. Think more along the lines of The Informant and less along those of Martin Lawrence's Blue Streak or National Security or any other films in his "cops who are not" series. I mean, really. Would you seriously let this pizza-brandishing maniac into your police station?

‘Miami Medical’ Actress Lana Parrilla

Friday, April 16 by

If you're a big "Spin City" enthusiast you might remember Lana Parrilla as Angie Ordonez in the first season. If your memory doesn't go back ten years, you probably know her face from "24" and "Six Feet Under." If you still don't recognize her, I can't help you.A word from Lana: "The trauma surgeons in life are a little more calm than we are."After you stich up two-hundred wild-eyed junkies it becomes old hat.Maybe the pics after the jump will jog your memory.

‘Knight & Day’ International Trailer Promises Action Galore

Friday, April 16 by

Cruise wouldn't pay ten bucks for a Boston Market sandwich. If you thrive on non-stop explosions, car chases, and witty sarcasm then you're gonna have one helluva time watching this new international trailer for Mr. & Mrs. Smith Two a.k.a. Killers a.k.a Knight & Day. Hey, I enjoy a fun ride just as much as the next John reclined in the driver's seat of his Corolla, but there's a point when action set-pieces become more exhausting than five minutes of coitus. Having said that, no one does Jerry Maguire like Tom Cruise, and I still get tickled by his restrained fits of rage and amorphous torso. Seriously, what kind of crunches give you a three pack? Introduce some symmetry to your abs, Cruise. Check out the trailer after the jump. Knight & Day crashes into theaters June 25, 2010.

‘Grown Ups’ Trailer Makes Us Nostalgic for Laughs

Friday, April 16 by

Rock and Spade watching playback. Last summer, Adam Sandler decided he wanted to take a New England vacation with his buddies and stare at Salma Hayek's cans all day. A film crew tagged along and now we have Grown Ups. The film assumes the very believable premise of five guys who were childhood friends but haven't seen one another since they were twelve years old, so they decide to get to know one another again thirty years later. This isn't very different from the teaser we already saw. They just made more room for pee jokes. The movie opens June 25th and stars SNL's cast circa 1992 with the notable busty additions of Salma and Kevin James. Watch Kevin James make a sissy after the jump.

Review: ‘Death at a Funeral’

Friday, April 16 by

Death at a Funeral R, 93m., 2010Cast: Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence, Zoe Saldana, James Marsden, Columbus Short, Regina King, Keith David, Peter Dinkaledge with Loretta Devine, Luke Wilson, Tracy Morgan…

Samuel L. Jackson & Kellan Lutz Playing ‘Deathgames’

Friday, April 16 by

"Thank you for coming to our pudding party."Continuing on his path of selecting films with terrible titles, Samuel L. Jackson has signed on to star in Deathgames, opposite Twilight and Elm Street's Kellan Lutz.Former visual effects supervisor Jonah Loop, will make his directorial debut with the modern gladiator film. In the story, Lutz is kidnapped and forced to battle in the arena for the entertainment of online spectators. Jackson runs the games, overseeing them from his lair with the help of twin ladies "who see to his every desire." Just like Steven Seagal. If Seagal were computer-literate.(THR)

Creepy Willy Wonka ‘Lost’ Promo

Thursday, April 15 by

I don't even care that this promo for "LOST" offers zero solid information about forthcoming events, it's got a Willy Wonka voiceover that made my butt hairs stand on end. The person who suggested sampling Gene Wilder's iconic speech should get a raise and a popsicle. Or a Push Pop if a raise is out of the question.25 Best Movie Remakes of All Time (Moviefone)Transform Your Ride Into Tom Selleck (Asylum)Steven Seagal Made Jenny McCarthy Cry (PopEater)25 Insane Book Covers (HolyTaco)Robocop Is Jesus (FilmDrunk)30 Hot Girls with Ripped Abs (TotalProSports)5 Stages of Owning a Pet (Maxim)12 Most Memorable Movie Billionaires (Unreality)Mike Whitehead Charged With Three Felonies (CagePotato)Gary Busey is Obama's Top Adviser (CelebJihad)Homeless Rap Genius (Smosh)Carla Gugino Will Show Her Boobs On TV (Pajiba)The Obamourage Goes All Nude (Atom)Ways to Beat Workout Boredom (MadeMan)When NASCAR and Rap Collide (AllLeftTurns)The Friend Zone (RegretfulMorning)

Darren Aronofsky and Rachel Weisz to Make Me Cry With ‘Jackie’

Thursday, April 15 by

Darren Aronofsky and his affianced are hellbent on giving America the frownies.The hot spec script Jackie, about the immediate days following President Kennedy’s assassination, is getting the big screen treatment with Academy-Award winning actress Rachel Weisz attached to play the late first lady. Weisz’s fiancee, director Darren Aronofsky (The Wrestler), will direct and produce, along with his producing partner Scott Franklin and their Protozoa Pictures film company. Jackie catalogs the four days between JFK’s assassination and his burial, showing the beloved Jackie at both her most vulnerable and her most graceful. No deal is in place yet but it's expected to be soon. I can hear the manipulative music swelling and see the interspersment of actual funeral footage now. But I will not cry dammit. I will not. I just plan on thinking about something else.Thanks, Jackee. (EW)

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