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No ‘Anchorman 2′ For You, AGAIN!!

Thursday, April 29 by

As previously reported, Adam McKay has a serious case of the frownies today. After severely cutting the budget, Anchorman 2 is still a no-go with Paramount. There was a glimmer of hope earlier this week when the original cast agreed to cut their prices, but Paramount decided to pass all the same.I imagine it went something like this:ADAM McKAY: So there you have it, The Further Legends of Ron Burgundy!!PARAMOUNT EXEC: Very funny. But I'll need to consult with my adviser.SLAMS MAGIC 8 BALL DOWN ON DESK.PARMOUNT EXEC: Oooh. It is decidely not so. MWUHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!!!MAGIC 8 BALL: MWUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!A TEAM OF BAYWATCH WRITERS CLOSES DOOR ON McKAY'S FACE.(via /Film)

Shia LaBeouf Will Be Badly Beaten in ‘The Necessary Death of Charlie Countryman’

Thursday, April 29 by

Shia LaBeouf has signed on to star in The Necessary Death of Charlie Countryman in commercial director Dante Ariola's feature debut. Quick question about Dante Ariola, is that his real name or the one he uses when performing burlesque? I guess that doesn't matter right now.In the film, LaBeouf stars as Charlie Countryman. Just a normal dude who likes to hang and chill and maybe kick around the hack. Then he meets Gabi, but sadly she's already claimed by a violent crime boss. Charlie must take several sh*t-kickings to woo her. This sounds like Dante's Peak to Scott Pilgrim's Volcano. Those two movies somehow found a way to make lava boring, let's hope Countryman doesn't do the same for sh*t-kickings. (/Film)

‘Jonah Hex’ Trailer Brings the One-Liners

Thursday, April 29 by

A Malkovich handshake. We get it. He's got an ugly face. But the Jonah Hex trailer wants to make sure you fully understand that fact. Josh Brolin plays a scarred bounty hunter charged with hunting down his oldest enemy (John Malkovich, unfortunately not playing himself) who is preparing to unleash Hell. Megan Fox shows off her heaving bosom in a corset as another sexy dame that can shoot a gun with the greatest of ease. Also, Daniels from "The Wire" provides Jonah with weapons, and Will Arnett has a mustache and a word of advice. The only thing that's missing is Kenneth Branagh operating a mechanical spider. I'd like to see Jonah come up with a quippy one-liner for that. One that Will Smith doesn't already own. Check out the trailer after the jump. Jonah Hex saddles up in theaters June 18, 2010.

‘Grey’s Anatomy’ Actress Kim Raver

Thursday, April 29 by

Kim Raver kept Jack Bauer under control in 24, and then a sh*tstorm of TV roles followed. She was in "The Nine" (cancelled), "Lipstick Jungle" (cancelled), and now she's laid her head down on "Grey's Anatomy." Make yourself comfortable, Kim. A word from Kim: "I always wanted to be a superhero."Get bitten by something. I think that's how it usually works. I call myself Malaria Man. Check out more of Kim's anatomy after the jump.

Lane, Malkovich, Silly Hats: ‘Secretariat’ Trailer

Thursday, April 29 by

Just in time for the Oaks Celebration of the 136th Kentucky Derby, we have the trailer for Secretariat. Directed by Randall Wallace, it stars Diane Lane as a horse owner with a vagina (GASP!), that attempts to lead her thoroughbred to Triple Crown glory. John Malkovich co-stars as the horse's trainer and personal stylist. Here that swelling score? That means you can lump this one into Disney's growing catalogue of "Animals Who Defy the Odds to Blow Your F*cking Mind." To differentiate it from Seabiscuit, the filmmakers could have taken a few liberties with the material. My suggestion: the true story of a horse who ate too much, and lounged around like he was in the Caribbean. Here's an artist's interpretation of what that may look like. Check out the trailer after the jump. Secretariat charges into theaters October 8, 2010.

Princess Leia Bikini Car Wash

Thursday, April 29 by

Princess Leia Bikini Car Wash – Watch more Funny VideosMay cause heart palpitations, nausea, and even death in some nerds. Watch with extreme caution, and a Darth Vader mask on. (FilmDrunk)

SECRETARIAT

Thursday, April 29 by

Director: Randall WallaceCast: Diane Lane, John Malkovich, James Cromwell, Dylan WalshSynopsis: The life story of Penny Chenery, owner of the racehorse Secretariat, who won the Triple Crown in 1973.Release Date: October 8, 2010

Fox to Remake ‘Taken’ and Call It ‘Commando’

Thursday, April 29 by

Ah, now all the kids on my bus route will get my Commando references. Fox has hired David Ayer (Harsh Times, Street Kings) to write and direct a remake of THE BEST FILM EVER. A former Navy soldier, Ayer is putting his own real world spin on the character formerly played by Schwarzenegger. This time around, the elite commando on a mission to rescue his daughter will be "less brawny, but more skilled in covert tactics and weaponry."Ayer now needs to figure out how to make the film car-centric. That's the only bump on the road to getting Jason Statham to agree to star. (Deadline)

Crying Guy Helps Out Harry and the Hendersons

Wednesday, April 28 by

Harry Hendersons Best Cry Mash Up – Watch more Funny VideosCrying Guy feels your pain, Harry.(special thanks to Mark from Found Footage Fest for the assist)These links will cheer you up. Ricky Gervais to Host 2011 Golden Globes (Moviefone)Porn Star Rescues Man from Jail Sentence (Asylum)Jim Carrey is Acting Weirder Than Usual (PopEater)25 Ladies in Corsets (HolyTaco)Pete Hammond's an 'Iron Man 2' Whore (FilmDrunk)Werner Herzog Reads Where's Waldo (Unreality)Girl + Fitness Ball = Epic Face Plant (TotalProSports)If Ninjas Made a Wall Callendar (Maxim)Josh Barnett Plans His Fake Fighting Future (CagePotato)Leighton Meester Long Legs Megapost (CelebJihad)13 People Over 100 Doing Crazy Stuff (Smosh)10 Hottest Gingers (Pajiba)Mustache Gun (Atom)Cheapest Workouts fro Men (MadeMan)What It's Like to Ride in a Stock Car (AllLeftTurns)

J.J. Abrams and Steven Spielberg Might Make a Movie Together

Wednesday, April 28 by

"J.J., if you touch me again, I'll end you."Vulture's got some craaaaaaazy news, y'all. J.J. Abrams next movie will supposedly be both a tribute and a collaboration with his father from another lover Steven Spielberg. From Vulture's mysterious inside source:An insider tells us that Abrams is just now finishing a script described as “a tip of the hat to [Spielberg’s] movies of the 70’s and early 80’s.” We’re also told that Abrams plans to “roll up his sleeves and direct the script himself” by early this fall for Paramount Pictures, where he's based.Plot details are top secret – as if there’s any other kind of plot detail in Abramsland — but we’re told that like Spielberg’s Jaws, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, and E.T., the project will deal with everyday people whose personal relationships are tested when they are thrown up against extraordinarily fantastic – and possibly other-worldly – events.So THAT'S what you've been up to, Abrams, you wily S.O.B. You've been writing a shark/alien movie for you to direct and Spielberg to produce. The title for the film is being kept under lock and key and dirt and lead blanket, but Bearsharktopus would clearly be most apted. And if it's about anything other than a hybrid bear-shark-octopus, I'm not sure I want anything to do with it.

Bill Condon Will Direct ‘Breaking Dawn’

Wednesday, April 28 by

"Follow me, Edward. Onto a project far gayer."Oscar-winner Bill Condon (Kinsey, Dreamgirls, Gods and Monsters, Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh) is ready to swell the hearts of weepy teenaged girls everywhere. Just like Cinn-a-bon.Summit has announced that they have tasked him with directing the spell-binding romance and shirtless dudefest that is Twilight: Breaking Dawn. “I’m very excited to get the chance to bring the climax of this saga to life on-screen," said Condon. Which is fine, as long as he doesn't bring it on my Edward Man-Pillow. The Wayans Brothers are said to already be accepting breakdancing werewolf applicants for Twilte: To The Break-a Break-a Dawn. I'm kidding, of course. But how soon until this actually goes into production?

Signs Point to Yes for ‘Magic 8 Ball: The Movie’

Wednesday, April 28 by

Is a movie based on a soothsaying billiard ball unnecessary? As I see it, yes. Will that prevent Paramount from making an action-adventure film based on Mattell's Magic 8 Ball? Outlook not so good.Paramount Pictures has decided audiences are finally ready to embrace the Zen simplicity that is Magic 8 Ball: The Motion Picture. …Paramount has assigned as producer its former production chief, Brad Weston. The Paramount plan, we hear, is to turn Magic 8 Ball into a sort of live-action National Treasure–style action-adventure movie.Oh, I see. It will be a sort of live-action National Treasure-style action-adventure movie. Well, that makes perfect sense. Jerry Bruckheimer loves 8 balls. (Vulture)

Michael Bay Hot For ‘Heatseekers’

Wednesday, April 28 by

Paramount has picked up the action screenplay Heatseekers for Michael Bay to get his sticky fingers all over, a.k.a. produce, not direct. Bay's company Platinum Dunes signed a first-look deal with Paramount last October to make lower-budget genre pictures, and Heatseekers written by newbie Georgie Mahaffey is the first project to get the Bay mushroom cloud seal of approval.In the mold of "Fast & Furious" and "Point Break," "Heatseekers" follows a young ex-military pilot who infiltrates a gang of aerial "pirates" working out of Bangkok and takes part in an elaborate tower heist using powered gliders and parachutes.Are people just making up professions now? Bank-robber-surfer makes sense, but an aerial pirate? That's something a Kevin James character writes down on a job application to impress a sexy CEO. Then the next thing you know he's ziplining off a building in Bangkok where his ineptitude leads to his success. Too bad an Asian street gang led by Bay has already had their way with James's dream girl while he was up in the air jackin' around. The title HEATSEEKERS! flies at the screen. Roll credits. (THR)

‘Mythbusters’ Host Kari Byron

Wednesday, April 28 by

You might recognize Kari Byron as the female on "Mythbusters." She's got red hair and often wears it in pig tails. If you're a nerd, you just made a stain. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to change my pants.A word from Kari: "High explosives and electricity! Woo!"I remembered that from the show's credits.More hot gingerness after the jump.

‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ Porn Trailer

Wednesday, April 28 by

It boggles my mind that anyone would willing choose to watch a porn parody of "Curb Your Enthusiam." There isn't one character on that show that I would enjoy seeing naked. Alright maybe Cheryl, but I certainly haven't been itching to see her tossed into and tossed in a hardcore storyline. And then there's Larry David. I like to pretend that man's clothes never come off. In my mind, he's a never-nude.

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