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Second ‘Karate Kid’ Trailer Includes Its Own Fart Sound

Wednesday, February 24 by

 "I just go where they tell me to."The biggest problem I have with The Karate Kid remake isn't the casting or the performances but the premise. In the second trailer, we see Jaden Smith uprooted 11,000 miles away from home and forced to adjust to life on the rough and tumble streets of Beijing. I'm sorry but I refuse to believe that China is worse than Detroit. If you've ever been to Michigan, you know it looks like the aftermath of a zombie war. In China, the only real menace is subway overcrowding. All that withstanding, I can see this movie doing well. Jaden Smith's smugness is played down and Jackie Chan works as the grizzled mentor. Also, a monk threatens to bitchslap a cobra. The only thing that doesn't work for me are the "humorous" moments. I mean, c'mon. Is this a remake of The Karate Kid or Rush Hour 2? WATCH JACKIE CHAN BEAT CHILDREN AFTER THE JUMP…

Lars Von Trier Wants You to Visit Denmark

Tuesday, February 23 by

Denmark Introduces Harrowing New Tourism Ads Directed By Lars Von TrierThe Onion got their hands on a few new Denmark tourism ads that director/cinematic sadist Lars Von Trier has been putting together. I'm sure more folks are inclined to visit now that they're aware of the banging club scene, but a pictorial on Willem Defoe's naked, flexed ass would have brought them in in droves.Take a magical trip through today's links.The Future of 3D in Cinema (Moviefone)Worst Real-Life Bosses (Asylum)25 Terrible Athletes (HolyTaco)Epic 80s Stripper Documentary (FilmDrunk)Naked Sled Racing Should be in the Olympics (TotalProSports)8 Best Hilarious Cameos in Comedies (Unreality)UFC Will Overcharge Fans in Movie Theaters (CagePotato)22 Awesome Things That Look Like Yoda (Maxim)Hilary Duff Thanks Her Fiancé with Her Mouth (CelebJihad)'Nightmare on Elm Street' Movie Poster (Pajiba)ICP Juggalo News (Atom)How To Make a Viral Video (MadeMan)Jimmie Johnson On Late Late Show (AllLeftTurns)6 Reasons Why You Didn't Get Laid Last Night (RegretfulMorning)

Coen Brothers Invite 13-Year-Old Girl into ‘True Grit’ Production Van

Tuesday, February 23 by

After casting a nationwide net, Joel and Ethan Coen have found an actress to portray the young protagonist in their True Grit remake. Thirteen-year old Hailee Steinfeld will be joining forces with Jeff Bridges and Matt Damon to hunt down Josh Brolin. Though Steinfeld isn't as popular as her co-stars, all of that is going to change. Her character, the fourteen-year old Mattie Ross, is described as a “simple, tough as nails, young woman in post-Civil War Arkansas. Her unusually steely nerves and straightforward manner are often surprising to those she meets. She possessed plenty of true grit and determination."Let's hope that Hailee Steinfeld is every bit as precocious as the character calls for. Remember, fourteen-year olds in Arkansas are considered mature for their age. They're at least mature enough to legally wed. (Deadline)

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Officially Dating and Pale

Tuesday, February 23 by

Pattinson always lets secrets slip when he's trippin' balls. Sharpen your razerblades all you emotionally fragile Twihards out there 'cause Kristen Stewart has officially stolen your man. Robert Pattinson confirmed that him and Twilight co-star Kristen Stewart have been dating for months but been keeping it a secret because they're frightened of girls cutting them open and parading around in their very own Edward and Bella suits. It was their wish to make their first public appearance as a couple at the BAFTA awards until they realized it's easier to be assassinated there.In kind of similar news, the vampire couple is being praised for their pasty white skin. Due to their popularity, experts predict that they could help lower cancer rates among impressionable teens and Jersey Shore fanatics. Kids in the school yard will learn that it's cool to be transparent, like my old friend Billy Costigan. We'd strip him down and hold him directly in front of the sun so we could watch as his heart pumped blood throughout his entire body. Our recesses were unsupervised. (DailyMail, CinemaBlend)

Bruce Willis Wants to Go Global for ‘Die Hard 5′

Tuesday, February 23 by

He's battled terrorists of the German, mercenary, cyber, and hot Asian persuasion. Now it looks like he's ready to go another round. With a string of recent duds behind him, Bruce Willis announced he'll be reprising the role of John McClane while promoting his upcoming dud Cop Out. According to Willis, this time around will see McClane stamp his passport and terrorism in one fell swoop."I think we're going to do a 'Die Hard 5' next year. It's got to go worldwide."He then lamented the plight of the action star."But I like so much more making fun of it, taking the piss out of it and not making it a big deal. Not making the fact that I've acted in a lot of movies a big deal. It's all illusion and it's all bullsh*t and it's a great job for me to have, but everything else you can set on fire. Making people laugh is the real deal."The ghost of Chris Farley commented "F*********ck you," while pouring over pictures of Willis's hot wife. (MTV)

‘Cop Out’ Actress Rashida Jones

Tuesday, February 23 by

Rashida Jones is the stunning daughter of media mogul Quincy Jones and model Peggy Lipton. If you need a reason to condone interracial relationships look no further than Rashida. Looks, brains, and she even sings backup for Maroon 5. What more could you want?!A word from Rashida: "Be friendly to everybody; protect yourself; people sometimes want a piece of you for no good reason."I have a damn good reason. I'm selfish and oblivious to the fact you wouldn't find me your intellectual or physical equivalent. So there (gives raspberry). More examples of interracial awesomeness after the jump.

Dolph Lundgren Does Elvis, Karate

Tuesday, February 23 by

Dolph Lundgren Sings Elvis, Smashes Stuff – Watch more Funny Videos

Kevin James and Vince Vaughn to Double-Team Craft Services Table

Tuesday, February 23 by

A lot of food gets wasted on film and commercial sets but that shouldn't be a problem on Ron Howard's upcoming comedy. Kevin James is expected to sign-on to play opposite Vince Vaughn in the untitled comedy about infidelity. In the film, Vaughn will play a man who finds out his best friend's wife is cheating and struggles with what to do with that knowledge. James, who appears next in Grown Ups, will play the betrayed friend who struggles with a pair of Docker's.It's good to see Ron Howard returning to comedy. I'm optimistic that these three will turn out genuinely touching, funny moments with a lot of heart. An enlarged heart, if you will. (THR)

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 4: ON STRANGER TIDES

Tuesday, February 23 by

DIRECTOR: Rob MarshallCAST: Johnny Depp; Penelope Cruz; Ian McShaneSYNOPSIS: Captain Jack Sparrow races to find the Fountain of Youth.

A Pirate’s Life for Ian McShane in ‘Pirates of the Caribbean 4′

Tuesday, February 23 by

Let's thank the Internet for this nightmare image.Disney has given Ian McShane the executive order to stop shaving. Deadwood's pimp and murderer has been selected to portray the notorious pirate Blackbeard in Rob Marshall's Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides. It's time to celebrate. Open the f*ckin' canned peaches!If McShane signs on, he'll be squaring off against Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow as he slurs and mumbles and gets slapped by women while trying to find the Fountain of Youth. Penelope Cruz has also joined the cast recently as Depp's atractivo sexualmente foil (translation: corset boobs). With these two casting additions, this could be a film to look forward to. Richardson has given it his seal of approval. (THR)

Dog Bugs Out to ‘Law & Order’ Theme

Monday, February 22 by

This pooch does not take kindly to Law & Order's classic theme. There's no telling if it's the "bum bums" or the "wah wahs" that rattle the canine brain, but I think we're ignoring the obvious. Richard Belzer has HUGE ears, people! They're so freakishly large! Large! Larf! Arf! ARF! (BoingBoing)ARF! ARF! ARF! (Here are today's links)10 Best Twist Endings in Movies (Moviefone)Have Porn Parodies Gone Too Far? (Asylum)25 Terrible Parents (HolyTaco)Mickey Rourke Needs a Condom (FilmDrunk)Hitler Sounds Off About USA's Victory Over Canada (TotalProSports)Tom Green Freestyles Better Than Xzibit (Unreality)The Green Ranger Rides Again in 2nd MMA Fight (CagePotato)Women Who Like to Get Wet (Maxim)Rachel Bilson Photo Shoot Outtakes (CelebJihad)DiCaprio May Wear Some Hammer Pants (Pajiba)A Video Chat Grosser Than Chat Roulette (Atom)Space Savers for Small Apartments (MadeMan)Miss Sprint Cup Paige Duke (AllLeftTurns)

Internet Pressures Betty White to Host ‘SNL’

Monday, February 22 by

We may have a problem on our hands as the combined might of college students and their Internet-savvy grandparents are realizing their strength. In the past week, not only have Facebook users managed to make a pickle more popular than Canadian ass-rockers Nickleback, but they may have also convinced Lorne Michaels to hire the dumb Golden Girl to host an upcoming episode of Saturday Night Live. A group of Betty White-heads nearly half a million strong took to the social networking site and petitioned for their favorite octogenarian to headline the show. And now Michaels is reportedly trying to put together a show that will work with White's advanced age. From Michael Aussiello:White would not be hosting alone. Rather, I hear SNL is putting together a “Women of Comedy” episode that would team the former Rose Nylund with several of her younger contemporaries. Ex-SNL MVP Molly Shannon is on board, I hear, and feelers have also been put out to Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.When told of the wellspring of support from her fans, White was reportedly thrilled/ready for dinner at 4pm. (EW)

Gory New ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street’ Pics

Monday, February 22 by

I'll have what she's having.A handful of new stills from the upcoming A Nightmare On Elm Street remake have appeared online and it turns out that Freddy won't just only be running his claws along walls and pipes for dramatic effect. Yeah, we get it. He's proud of that glove. Smelting and soldering are hard. Showboating, burnt weirdo.Judging from the pics and trailer, this film doesn't stray too far from the original but the surprises they do throw in look like really cool additions. By that I mean, A Nightmare on Elm Street now with hotter chicks. (MovieGod)SLIGHT SPOILERS AFTER THE JUMP BUT ONLY IF YOU DIDN'T ASSUME TEENS WOULD SUFFER FROM QUADRUPLED WOUNDS…

‘Cop Out’ Actress Ana De La Reguera

Monday, February 22 by

Ana De La Reguera is best known for her role as the nun in Jack Black's mexican wrestling film Nacho Libre. She' been slowly making a recovery since that crapfest. Ana also kind of resembles Penelope Cruz, but less horse-faced.A word from Ana: "Brad Pitt has bad breath."Let me consult my dictionary here. Yep, that's a burn. Ana looks like she smells delightful in the pics after the jump.

For Reals: Mark Strong is Sinestro in ‘Green Lantern’

Monday, February 22 by

Last month we reported that Mark Strong was considering playing Sinestro in Green Lantern, and now he's apparently made up his GD mind. DC Entertainment's Chief Creative Officer Goeffrey Johns revealed the news via his Twitter account the other day:Back from an amazing trip to Green Lantern town a.k.a. New Orleans!! Ryan IS Hal. And Mark Strong is going to be a brilliant Sinestro.Kilowog, the Guardians, Oa…all breathtaking. The age of Green Lantern is upon us!!He then went on to tweet:Found plastic beads in my stool this morning.  Bourbon Street is CRAZY, folks! In case you were unaware, Blake Lively is also starring in the Martin Campbell directed Green Lantern. Ryan Reynolds is doing something in it too. Something less attractive than Blake Lively. (Collider)

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