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‘Legends of the Guardians’ Trailer: Bigger, Longer Look At Owls

Wednesday, June 16 by

We avoided posting the teaser trailer for Zack Snyder's Legends of the Guardians because our managing editor Col. Hans Longshanks wasn't into it. But now he is, so here's the full-length trailer. I'm not sure what experience he had with owls in the interim that changed his mind, but he has been acting weird since he went to that sweat lodge. Or more accurately, the day he didn't notice the gas leak in his apartment. All in all, Guardians looks great. But be careful while watching. You may find yourself enjoying the soundtrack before you realize it's Thirty Seconds to Mars. Not this time, Leto! CHECK OUT THE TRAILER AFTER THE JUMP. IT HAS OWLS.

Never Let Me Go

Wednesday, June 16 by

Director: Mark RomanekCast: Carey Mulligan, Keira Knightley, Sally HawkinsSynopsis: About a group of children who spent their childhood at a seemingly idyllic English boarding school, who as they “grow into young adults, they find that they have to come to terms with the strength of the love they feel for each other, while preparing themselves for the haunting reality that awaits them.Release Date: October 1, 2010

Tosh.0 Shows Tommy Lee Drumming On Boobs

Wednesday, June 16 by

Daniel Tosh is back as master curator of viral videos. He chooses, pokes fun at, and even parodies some of the distractions you wait for your co-workers to IM you on a daily basis. One such video that I'm sure you helped infect the internet with is the Worst Wedding DJ Ever. The guy basically plays the bongos on a woman's floppy boobies. So why wouldn't Tosh get Motley Crue drummer and known lothario Tommy Lee to reenact that? Check out Lee beating away on some "cymbals" after the jump. "Tosh.0" premieres tonight at 10:30PM/9:30c on Comedy Central.

Russell Crowe Jumps On 80′s Reboot Bandwagon With ‘The Equalizer’

Wednesday, June 16 by

Hopefully this chair was burned after the shoot. Russell Crowe is sorry and trying to atone for his violent, dangerous past by putting his skills to use helping those who need protection and/or the use of a phone. Not in real life though. Never in real life. Despite The A-Team's belly-flop onto hard concrete this past weekend, Crowe has been attached to a remake of the vengeance-for-hire series "The Equalizer." Crowe will play Robert McCall (originated by Edward Woodward), a former secret agent determined to help those in need via a newspaper ad. I imagine this will be modernized to a Craigslist ad. Because those in need certainly always have a $2,000 laptop and a costly Verizon FiOS connection. (LA Times)

‘Monster Squad’ Remake Nabs Writers

Wednesday, June 16 by

I remember it looking a lot cooler when I was eight.The much anticipated (by me) remake of The Monster Squad has come one step closer to completion with the addition of two new screenwriters. Mark and Brian Gunn (cousins, not husbands) have signed on to pen the reboot of Fred Dekker's 1987 classic.Assuming they don't totally ruin the film by going the Twilight route, it will be nice to see a vampire that wants to kill teenagers, not fall in love with them. Unless, of course, they base the Dracula character on my creepy Uncle Mike, who liked to do both. (Hollywood Reporter via Dead Central)

‘The Smurfs’ Take Manhattan: Official Picture

Wednesday, June 16 by

This film demeans us all, Papa Smurf.Sony has released the first photo from its upcoming movie, The Smurfs, and all I can say is hold on to your white, slightly phallic-looking hats! The picture depicts Grouchy, Papa and Clumsy Smurf in…get this…NEW YORK CITY!Magically transporting a fictional character into the real world can only be described as wildly original. But to go the extra mile and place them in such an obscure location goes above and beyond. I didn't even know you could film movies in New York! Of all the places for the Smurfs to end up, NYC has to be the craziest! That town moves a mile a minute! Talk about a fish-out-of-water story!The trailer for the film comes out this Thursday, but I don't need to wait until then to declare this movie an instant classic.* The only thing that could make it any better would be if they got George Lopez to do a voice. That would be tits! (First Showing)*I'm trying really hard to be less of a sarcastic prick, but holy crap, Sony! What choice do I have? Did you learn nothing from Space Jam!

MTV to Axe Four ‘Jersey Shore’ Cast Members (Not Axe Body Spray)

Wednesday, June 16 by

The oil spill destroys yet another beach.In today's economy, job security is almost non-existent. This is even true for those of us who get paid to be a raging douche bag and/or herpes spreading skank.TMZ is reporting that at least half the cast of "Jersey Shore" is facing the chopping block after MTV executives were "underwhelmed" by their performances this season. Obviously, this means there's been an overall decline in the number of teenage viewers renouncing Jesus Christ as their lord and savior, and someone at the network needs to be held accountable.The cast members in question are Lenny, Squiggy, Amerigo and "The C-Word." (TMZ)

This Guy Met Julie Andrews

Tuesday, June 15 by

Basically…in your face! (Videogum)This guy also met these links.'Psycho' Turns 50 (Moviefone)When Is It Legal To Masterbate In Public? (Asylum)Elton John Sings Praises Of 'Sweet' Rush Limbaugh (PopEater)Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, Old School-Style Video Game (FlimDrunk)Why Comedians Die Young (HolyTaco)7 Movie Theme Amusement Parks I'd Like To See Open (Unreality)20 Things You Should Never Google Image Search (BroBible)Free Diver Free Falls Into Blue Hole (TotalProSports)Most Wanted: Jenn Sterger (Maxim)The Ulitmate Fighter 11 Finale: The New Guys (CagePotato)Kim Kardashian Flashes Boobs And Butt In A Bikini (CelebJihad)Touchdown Jesus Burns! (Smosh)Respect My Authority, Please? (Pajiba)The Adventures Of Johnny B. Homeless (Atom)3D Nintendo DS (MadeMan)15 Things You Never Knew About Evel Knievel (RegretfulMorning)

Another ‘Entourage’ Season 7 Trailer With the Usual Drama and Drama

Tuesday, June 15 by

Turtle takes a hit while covered in gasoline, the dummy. Uuuuuggghhhhh. "Entourage" is coming back and it looks like "Entourage." Vince is having complications with a movie he's starring in (wank), Drama can't get work (wank, wank), Turtle's trying to be an entrepreneur (wankity wank), E's trying to find grown men's suits that fit him and getting all gaga over Sloan (wankity doo), and Ari is yelling at people about agency expansion, growth, and erections (waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaank). These are what we at SJ like to call "rich man problems." Not having enough water to fill your cup of Ramen Noodles up to the indented line, that's a poor man problem. Unless your Turtle. I guess for him that could be a considered a rich man problem. The kid's gotta eat. "Entourage" premieres on HBO Sunday June 27th at 10:30PM EST.  Check out the trailer after the jump…

New ‘Goldeneye’ Game Headed to the Wii This Holiday Season

Tuesday, June 15 by

Back in college, we played so much Goldeneye that my friend instinctively ran off the basketball court during a big game because he noticed a blue backpack that resembled the game's body armor in the bleachers. Now, a new version of the game is making its way to the Wii and it looks amazing, and Daniel Craig-y. My college friends have all scattered, so I'll need to round up three willing competitors. I think I'll ask my building's security guard. I bet he's good with a gun, and at spying on people in the bathroom. There will definitely be a "No Oddjob" rule in effect. He always aims for the kneecaps and that's just bullsh*t. CHECK OUT THE MOVIE-RELATED GAME TRAILER AFTER THE JUMP…

Break Unleashes The New Horror Channel

Tuesday, June 15 by

Can't get enough of vampires, even the sparkly kind? Does high-fructose corn syrup mixed with red food coloring really get you amped? Feverishly writing your own script for Troll 3? Then you might want to check out Break's newly-risen Horror Channel, the internet's latest resting place for all things creepy, scary and at least partially undead.Not only will you find trailers for all of the latest horror flicks, you'll find the best in short videos, extras for films & TV shows and web-based horror series.  Or, if you just want to browse by your particular horror fetish — er, genre — you can do that, as well. Think of the Horror Channel as Screen Junkies's ugly, disfigured cousin we keep in the cellar and feed fish heads. He's too disturbing to play in our sandbox, so we made him one of his very own. God only knows what it's filled with though.Stalk on over to the Horror Channel HERE.

‘Breaking Bad’ as a Sitcom

Tuesday, June 15 by

Behold the awesome power of the laugh track. When added to the dark drama "Breaking Bad" it magically turns it into a sitcom about a zany father who won't leave his house. My favorite part of the video is the title sequence. They did a great job of cutting together the wackier character moments of the show. After that, the laugh track works in some parts, but I wouldn't exactly say there's a whole lot of set-up/punchline riffing. Let's not forget, the show is about a guy who sells meth and whose lung cancer is in remission. Cue the chuckles! Check out the "Breaking Bad" sitcom after the jump…

Zach Galifianakis Could Be Cartoon Fish ‘Mr. Limpet’

Tuesday, June 15 by

It's like the fish is his boner.The Incredible Mr. Limpet is a movie that was made nearly 50 years ago about a cartoon fish that fights Nazis. No wait, don't stop me. Seriously, Don Knotts played a man who transformed into a fish and left his old life behind to take on German U-boats in the ocean. Don't look at me like that, it's a real thing! Anyway, now Warner Bros. wants Zack Galifianakis to star as Mr. Limpet in the remake to be directed by Kevin Lima (Enchanted).The LA Times points out that "The Incredible Mr. Limpet has always seemed like one of those Hollywood remake projects that actually makes sense." Really, Steven Zeitchik of the LA Times? The movie didn't make sense back when it was originally conceived, and now you think in this post-post-post WWII era audiences are hungry for a Nazi fighting flounder? Granted, Inglourious Basterds did well, but that concept was easier to go along with, even if they did killer Hitler in the end **Retroactive Spoiler Alert!** But okay, let's make Galifianakis a fish. Whatever. I give up.

Lethargic Trailer For Sofia Coppola’s ‘Somewhere’

Tuesday, June 15 by

Sofia Coppola is up to her old tricks again, pointing a camera at people bored by hotel stays. Somewhere stars Stephen Dorff as a lazy bones actor laying around all the time at Hollywood's Chateau Marmont Hotel who's life is reinvigorated by the unexpected presence of his daughter. I guess I should point out that she's played by Elle Fanning, but I won't because I hate when children are more successful than I am. So unread that last sentence. Coppola wants you to think she's making a point with the plaster mold drying shot (aren't we all just waiting around for our own soul plaster to harden?), but I see the bigger picture. The laying around. The kitty-cat awards show. Stephen Dorff is obviously channeling Garfield. This will become obvious once you see the scene where he kicks Robert Schwartzman off a table. Check out Stephen Dorff's rich man problems after the jump…

Peter Jackson Will Protect ‘The Hobbit’ From Brett Ratner If Necessary

Tuesday, June 15 by

It turns out that along with David Yates (Harry Potter films) and David Dobkin (Fred Claus), Brett Ratner has also been considered to direct The Hobbit. I don't want to tell a studio on the brink of bankruptcy how to run their business, but bitch is you crazy? I thought MGM needed a hit. Is this some kind of Brewster's Millions situation where they need to intentionally lose all their money in order to win a larger fortune?? Does Robocop have something to do with this???? Luckily Peter Jackson won't let that happen.He's gone on record before to say, "If [directing the films is] what I have to do to protect Warner Bros’ investment, then obviously that’s one angle which I’ll explore…The other studios may not let me out of the contracts." Thank you, Peter Jackson. You're the only one preventing us from having to endure Miley Cyrus speaking Elvish. Or worse, singing auto-tuned Elvish. (Deadline)

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