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Samuel L. Jackson Says Nick Fury To Star in ‘S.H.I.E.L.D.’ Movie

Thursday, May 13 by

This billboard never gets old.This past week, Samuel L. Jackson appeared on Radio Big Boy to promote Iron Man 2 in between bicycle horns and other wacky sound effects. He got to talking about his nine picture deal with Marvel and let slip the news that he will star in his own Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. movie. To me, it seems like he was just talking though.Jackson was pretty vague about when shooting would begin on the supposed film (sometime after The Avengers) and didn't seem to know much about the current slate of Marvel films. He didn't know who was playing Captain America, and mixed up Thor star Chris Hemsworth for Chris Pine. Though in all fairness, we handsome, strapping white guys do look a lot alike (we're always joking about that at our meetings). Still, I long for a day when I can live like Samuel L. Jackson, oblivious to movie news and the comings and goings of the Internet. Just once I'd like to feel the soft kiss of the summer sun. **squeaks finger slowly down window glass, sighs, resigns self to watching Hurley from Lost's "Dude" video** (Cinema Blend)

You Want to Send Me to Cannes? Uhhhh…Okay!

Thursday, May 13 by

That's right, boys! Soak it up!So I'm on a plane right now flying to Cannes for the the tiny, little film festival they do annually, and I'm having trouble remembering who I slept with/killed to get this opportunity. Also, my 767 jet must be equipped with magic because I'm posting on the site from 1000s of feet up in the air. Eat your heart out, George Jetson. Your future looks like a silly b*tch now.Come to think of it, no one in their right or wrong mind would request sexual favors from me in exchange for a trip to Cannes. That's right, Stella Artois so kindly sponsored this excursion for me. I plan on living it up on the French Riviera like Jacques D'azur, and attempting to hit on as many women as he has bedded with a simple come hither glance. Don't post this on my girlfriend's Facebook wall. She doesn't read the site.I'll be bringing you all kinds of fun audio and/or visual presentations documenting my escapades at the film festival. I even had to rent a tuxedo. With a bowtie. Why do I have a strange feeling I'll be working this trip off by serving tray passed mini quiches at an after party?I'm not certain yet what screenings I'll be attending or what galas I'll be drunkenly stumbling into, but rest assured you will know when I know. I mainly just plan on donning my tux 24/7 and unsuccessfully trying to convince people I'm Daniel Craig. Not James Bond, mind you. Daniel Craig. Now to secure some piercing blue eyes…My battery is running out because I lack discipline and don't refresh it like Apple suggests you do at least once a month, so I'll say au revoir for now. Keep on checking back for my updates and the use of French words that I pick up at high-stakes poker games and mustache-twisting pow-wows. Kisses, my babies!

Emma Stone Learns Secret to Popularity In ‘Easy A’ Trailer

Thursday, May 13 by

Emma Stone steps out from behind the shadow of Anna Faris in an attempt to crown herself the new Anna Faris with Easy A. In the trailer, we see her pretend-boink her gay friend in a fool-proof plan to make him popular. She then has to deal with her own new found popularity, as she is quickly drafted by other nerds to pretend-spread her pretend-legs in order to launch their own popularity. Amanda Bynes also shows up as her nemesis. What the hell happened to her? How did she go from this to looking like she discovered the same meteorite as Peter Sarsgaard? Can Botox do that to a person? Check out the trailer after the jump…

‘Multiple Sarcasms’ Actress Mira Sorvino

Thursday, May 13 by

Mira Sorvino is every Italian dude's fantasy: a tall, tough, hot, Italian broad whose dad played Paulie in Goodfellas. She also won a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her role as a foul-mouthed prostitute in the Woody Allen flick Mighty Aphrodite. So in summary, she's a tall, tough, hot, Italian foul-mouthed prostitute. Check, please!A word from Mira: "There's a side of my personality that goes completely against the East Coast educated person and wants to be a pin-up girl in garages across America."But then you remember how degrading that is, right? I've heard it 1000 times from you brainy girls. It always ends in me putting the lens cap back on my camera. More of Mira's beauty and less of her brains after the jump.

CANNES FILM FESTIVAL

Thursday, May 13 by

Stay up to date on my escapades at the Cannes Film Festival.

Adam Sandler and Happy Madison Take Interest In Ruining ‘Pixels’

Thursday, May 13 by

Pixels! – Watch more Game TrailersPixels has almost successfully unlocked every achievement required to become a viral sensation. Level One: it was emailed to you by your friends. Level Two: blogs reposted. Level Three: it was emailed to you by everyone in your office. And now, it has achieved Level Four status: being ruined by Adam Sandler. Expect it to achieve Level Five (being emailed to you by your mom) status in about four months.Back to Sandler. Happy Madison is in early talks to adapt Patrick Jean's video-game themed invasion short into a feature length film, though there's no indicaton how they plan to stretch the content that far. I can already picture Rob Schneider as a racially-insensitve depiction of Super Mario, and Sandler as the hapless dad tasked with imprisoning the escaped characters in the magic Atari console he purchased from Henry Winkler.Though I don't feel that Happy Madison is the best fit for this material, as a New Yorker, I encourage these 8-bit invaders to bring it on. If we start to live in fear, the Pac-Men have already won. (Deadline)

11 Terribly Awesome Movies

Thursday, May 13 by

We all have them: Our favorite worst movies. Whether due to poor acting, writing, production value or all of the above, there are some gorgeously entertaining cinematic turds that we just can’t flush out of our hearts. Here are 11 of the most awfulsome movies ever made. 11. Double Team

Nick Swardson and Michael Pena Join ’30 Minutes Or Less’

Thursday, May 13 by

People grieve in different ways.Michael Pena and fart detective Nick Swardson are in talks to join Danny McBride and Aziz Ansari in 30 Minutes or Less. Swardson will play the best friend to McBride's rigged-to-explode pizza guy cum (titter (hee hee!)) bank robber. Pena, who we'll see opposite McBride in season two of Eastbound and Down, is in talks to play a tattooed assassin. It's a good thing that the roles aren't reversed. I can't imagine Swardson as a tattooed assassin. Mostly because I can't take an assassin with a tramp stamp seriously. I don't know. He just seems like the type. (THR)

Francis Ford Coppola Rules Out ‘Godfather 3D’

Thursday, May 13 by

For all of you Francis Ford Coppola fans who are anxiously awaiting The Godfather 3D, I'm sorry to tell you it ain't gonna happen. In an interview with ElectronicHouse, the legendary director came out swinging against the craze, saying that most films aren't enhanced by 3D, except at the box office. “I feel that until you can watch 3D without glasses, it’s the same thing we know,” he says. “I personally do not want to watch a movie with glasses. It’s tiresome.” Coppola says he even removed his 3D glasses to watch portions of “Avatar,” even though it meant he was watching out of focus. Who does this guy think he is? I recently watched Clash of the Titans in 3D, and let me tell you that it was a thousand times better than The Godfather I & II combined! If Coppola has any hope of his films being accepted by future generations, he'll convert his entire catalog to 3D at once. That way we can watch Jack in the third dimension, as it was meant to be experienced. (CinemaBlend)

Hurley From ‘Lost’ Says “Dude” Over and Over Again

Thursday, May 13 by

Hurley from "Lost" says "dude," and he says it a lot. In fact, if you compiled all the times Hurley has said "dude" over the course of six seasons, it would last four minutes. Of course, you would never take the time to compile such a thing because you have a life. Luckily, the people from Jezebel don't, and they made this sweet video. (SlashFilm) Watch Hurley say "dude" over and over again after the jump.

Jamie Foxx Joins Bizzaro Cast of ‘Horrible Bosses’

Wednesday, May 12 by

I blame it on T-Pain.Just when I think I've wrapped my head around Horrible Bosses, it goes and throws me another curve ball.The first name I heard assoicated with the film was Jennifer Aniston. That's bad. But the next name I heard was Charlie Day from "Always Sunny." That's good.Then I heard Colin Farrell was joining the cast, and I was all like "Whaaaaaat?" But then Jason Bateman came on board, so I was back to "Yeeeeeeaaaah!"But now comes word that Jamie Foxx is joining the film, and my head is about to explode from all the confusion. At first glance, the addition of Foxx to the cast seems like a bad sign. He hasn't had a really good role since he won the Oscar in 2004 for Ray, and everybody knows he only won because the Academy wanted to give it to a blind guy. But on the other had, Cinema Blend is reporting that Foxx will play the role of a scam artist named Motherf*cker Jones. You don't have to be a Foxx fan to appreciate a character named Motherf*cker. But the confusion doesn't stop there. Latino Review is reporting that “There will be at least two other big announcements in the next few weeks regarding other roles." Based on what I've seen so far, my money is on Carlos Mencia and Aziz Ansari.

C-3P0 Backpack Guaranteed to Make Someone Somewhere Jealous

Wednesday, May 12 by

They're not just for Wookiees anymore. C3P0 backpacks have finally been approved for human use. Comfortably stores your iPad loaded with Tron novelizations, the hardcopies of your Tron novelizations, and an extra pair of weathered cargo shorts. Back to school can't come soon enough! (ThinkGeek)  There's even room for these links!Give Judy Greer Another Series! (Moviefone)Omissions from Maxim's Hot 100 (Asylum)Sean Penn Gets Probation for Kicking Photographer (PopEater)25 Ridiculous Senior Portraits (HolyTaco)Sharlto Copley Wants to Wear Alien Ears (FilmDrunk)12 Most Iconic Hats in Movie History (Unreality)Drag Race vs. Airplane (TotalProSports)Maximus vs. Robin Hood (Maxim)MMA Gif Party (CagePotato)Hayden Panettiere Bikini Pics (CelebJihad)20 Greatest Wrestlers of All Time (Smosh)Films That Were Better Than The Book (Pajiba)Star Wars Keyboard Lady (Atom)Summer Camps for Adults (MadeMan)Amish Stewart Fan (AllLeftTurns)

Brad Pitt and Darren Aronofsky May Play Nice For ‘The Tiger’

Wednesday, May 12 by

After having wrestled free from the clutches of Hollywood's strongest cougar, Brad Pitt is eyeing another big cat. Variety reports that Pitt may finally team up with Darren Aronofsky for The Tiger. Don't believe me? F you:[The Tiger] takes place on the Siberian plain, where human development is encroaching on the tigers’ habitat — and one tiger turns on the intruders. With townspeople being tracked and hunted with an almost supernatural power, a conservationist game warden must face down the tiger. It is a fight that only one of them can win.This marks the third time that Brad Pitt and Darren Aronofsky have almost worked together. Pitt has previously dropped out of two Aronofsky projects, The Fountain and The Fighter. Aronofsky was salty about it in the past but it looks like he's willing to let bygones be bygones. Either that or he's trying to feed Brad Pitt to a tiger. Revenge is a dish best served cold. And by tigers.

Tim Burton Ushers In ‘Monsterpocalypse’

Wednesday, May 12 by

We're a step closer to seeing a 270-ft Helena Bonham Carter stomping her way through downtown Tokyo. Tim Burton is reportedly going kaiju with the news that he's being brought in as a "creative catalyst" for a movie based on the nerdy board game Monsterpocalypse. The game, for those of you who have touched boobs, features giant monster figurines that fight in a heavily-populated metropolis.I'm not sure how a creative catalyst works. Do they all just hang out and being around him somehow gets their juices going? Do they have to lick him like a hallucinogenic toad? I bet he tastes like candy corn. (Deadline)

Matt Damon Goes to Great Lengths For Ballerina Sex in ‘The Adjustment Bureau’ Trailer

Wednesday, May 12 by

Welcome to your hangover. The Adjustment Bureau is bringing Philip K. Dick back to the big screen, and in more of a Blade Runner way than a Paycheck way. Matt Damon plays an ambitious politician on the brink of winning a U.S. Senate seat when he meets ballet dancer Emily Blunt. Then sh*t gets unreal. Just as he's realizing he's falling for her, mysterious men conspire to keep the two apart. The motley crew known as The Adjustment Bureau is led by Roger Sterling of "Mad Men," and it's my asumption that when they're not determining people's fates they're aligning spines in their unstuffy chiropractic practice. It's the place right by the Baskin Robbins. Park on Oak though, there are never any spots on Main. Check out the trailer after the jump. The Adjustment Bureau has orchestrated its release for September 17, 2010.

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