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Voltron Off the Big Screen, On to the Small

Wednesday, June 9 by

I've already written about pornstars and Muppets this morning. What else is left to cover but giant space robots!After years of rumors and indecision, plans for a Voltron movie have been scrapped. However, fans need not worry, as they'll soon be able to get their nostalgia fix on the small screen. A reboot of the popular 80's cartoon is underway. The new series will air on Nicktoons, and will be rolled out alongside a brand new toy line.As cool as these new toys sound, times are tough. If you find that money is too tight, construct a homemade "Voltron" robot using wire hangers, your cat, and a soldering iron. But make sure your cat is either asleep or dead before you start the soldering, or it's going to get really pissed off. I recommend using Benadryl and a brick, respectively. (Cinema Blend)

Notable Geeks Mintz-Plasse and David Tennant Join ‘Fright Night’

Wednesday, June 9 by

Take notes, boys. THIS is how you peacock.In news that is sure to make you say, "Hrrmm, yeah. That's okay. I guess," Christopher Mintz-Plasse and David Tennant have joined Craig Gillespie's Fright Night remake. The pair will use their soft joke-fingers to comically-relieve and tug the laughter out of audiences. Gently at first, but then harder and faster as the film approaches its climax.Tennant will play Peter Vincent, a character who in the original movie was played by Roddy McDowall as the host of a late-night horror show. In the remake, he’s a Las Vegas magician whose show revolves around horror-movie imagery. Vincent claims to be a vampire expert, but when the teen turns to him for assistance, he’s less than helpful. Mintz-Plasse is playing Evil Ed, Yelchin’s friend who feels slighted that Charlie has left his nerdy past behind and thus joins the vampire’s coven. In my experience you need to be careful when a middle-aged man dresses in a cape and claims to be a vampire expert. Last time I did that, the chubby teens at the Hot Topic turned me in to mall security. (THR)

Happy Birthday Jesus: I Got You a Muppet Movie (Christmas 2011)

Wednesday, June 9 by

When it comes to gifts, what do you get the man who has everything? The answer: a new Muppet movie!Disney has announced the latest installment from Kermit and the gang will hit theaters on Christmas Day, 2011, just in time for the Christ child's birthday.Writen by Jason Segel and directed by "Flight of the Conchords" co-creator James Bobin, the project is aimed at introducing the Muppets to a whole new generation of fans.According to Variety, the film will be up against Steven Spielberg's Adventures of Tintin and Cameron Crowe's We Bought a Zoo, both of which can kiss my ass. It's Muppet time, bitches! Wakka Wakka Wakka!

Pornstar Belladonna Moving Toward Mainstream Movies

Wednesday, June 9 by

Eat your heart out, Sasha Grey. And since you're here, eat your fart out, as well. Tee-hee!Pornstar Belladonna has landed her first role in a mainstream movie. The adult starlet is set to appear in Stripped, a new horror film which follows three young boys "trapped in a house with a 'family' of malevolent women." We can only assume that Belladonna will play the part of Nelson Mandela.For those of you unfamiliar with Belladonna's work (like myself), she is the Steve Buscemi of the porn industry. What she lacks in the looks department she makes up for with raw talent and determination. And just like Steve, she's not afraid to take a fist in her "ying-ling" or her "who-ha." Wait, does Steve even have a "who-ha?" And what's a "ying-ling?" Oh….oh god!You're a filthy whore, Steve Buscemi. A filthy, filthy whore. (Cinema Blend)

Voorhees Family Photo

Tuesday, June 8 by

Reunited and it feels so good.Check out these links with your homicidal mother. 'The Karate Kid': Where Are They Now?  (Moviefone)'Twin T*tties' Bar Event Celebrates Boobies (Asylum)Stephen Baldwin Talks Oil Spill, Palin, and Obama (PopEater)Sword-Wielding Porn Actor Dies (FilmDrunk)5 Rules of Strip Club Etiquette (HolyTaco)'Die Hard' Is Far More Hilarious in Japan (Unreality)11 Sickest Chill and Banger Songs Vol. One (BroBible)12-Year-Old Grabs Bull By The Horns (TotalProSports) Hollywood's Hottest Rides (Maxim)Fighters Union Needs To Unite (CagePotato)Rob Pats Cancels Appearance Due to Hemorrhoids (CelebJihad)40 Motivational Speeches in Two Minutes (Smosh)15 Most Popular Cult Movies Of The Last 5 Years (Pajiba)Loman's Deathmobiles (Atom)How To Know Not To Get Married (MadeMan)31 Of The Most Unusally Labeled Engery Drinks (RegretfulMorning)

Jamie Bell Will Most Likely Be Spider-Man Maybe

Tuesday, June 8 by

He'll be like this but older and with web stuff. Bleeding Cool is at it again with the Spider-Man reboot casting rumors. They're reporting that the role is pretty much Jamie Bell's (Billy Elliot's), as long as he passes the studio's turn and cough tests:I’m told that Jamie Bell was scheduled to fly into California this week. The plan is that he will be undergoing a few weeks of camera tests while simultaneously working with a personal trainer to ensure he is able to perform some of the more spider-like stunts that will be required of him. However this is being considered a formality.Frank Dillane is still being considered for the role, but he appears to be Sony’s back up plan. Unless something goes very wrong, I understand that Bell will be playing the Spider-Man role. To the extent that  Jamie has been heard referred to as Spider Man in casual conversation around Sony.I'd like to think those casual conversations go a little something like this:Studio Exec: I bet the new Spider-Man Jamie Bell doesn't have as tight of an ass as you.Attractive Assistant: My parents keep telling me I should quit this job.Studio Exec checks email on Blackberry. End scene.

New Cool ‘Mortal Kombat’ Trailer Thing Is On The Internet

Tuesday, June 8 by

Much like a transient hobo, a mysterious video appeared online today and wagged it's weiner at all of us leaving us bemused. We're not really sure if this has anything to do with Warner Bros. planned Mortal Kombat reboot or the next game in the series. What we do know is that someone dragged the Mortal Kombat mythos through the Saw garden and brought Black Dynamite and Seven of Nine along for the ride. Still, it's interesting to see a grittier, more realistic take on the source material. Or as realistic as a movie featuring a brain-eating reptile man, a knife-armed plastic surgeon, and a washed-up action star turned cop can be. Hey, Steven Seagal did it. Wagged his weiner at people, I mean. Whatever, at least ninjas aren't raining from the sky. (Kotaku) Check it out after the jump and be the judge. Ridiculous movie or expensive videogame?

Michael Bay Wants to Terrorize Washington D.C.

Tuesday, June 8 by

Democracy in action. Michael Bay has gotten it in his head to blow a whole bunch of crap up in our nation's capitol for his little movie film Transformers 3. Washington D.C. loves that Bay is bringing money to the city by shooting on location there, but it's not such a big fan of his plans to stage a "car race" along the National Mall's gravel paths and flood it with artificial light in order to shoot at night, and using simulated explosions and pyrotechnics at locations along Pennsylvania and Independence avenues. When President Obama heard the news he said, and I quote, "F*ck that sh*t. I need to sleep." Bay, however, doesn't subscribe to "laws" or "cease and desist" orders. He plans on shooting in D.C. until the National Guard drags him out bicycle-kicking and screaming. A studio spokesperson told The Washington Post, "We've gone from two weeks to 10 days to three days to seven days." They're working closely with Bay to further his understanding of time and the long hand on a watch. So far they've gotten to boom o'clock. (FilmSchoolRejects)

‘Indiana Jones 5′ Braving the Bermuda Triangle

Tuesday, June 8 by

Everyone hated the last Indiana Jones so the only rational thing to do is make another one. You know, as like an apology and stuff. The Kiwi (New Zealand) side of Stuff Magazine has the scoop on the Indy 5 plot details that you hoped would never surface: The new film will be Ford's last, and a return to the series' roots (meaning less state of the art visual effects) after the last entry failed to resonate with fans. (According to a mysterious source) Indy's going to The Bermuda Triangle: "Indiana Jones 5 will begin shooting next year, and much of the plot line will be centered around the Bermuda Triangle, an area over the North Atlantic Ocean where a number of aircraft are said to have disappeared (and definitely not because of f*cking aliens)." Stuff goes on to add that, according to their (soooo mysterious) source, "George (Lucas) and Steven (Spielberg) have been working on a script and it's almost there." They also report that "Harrison is on stand-by for filming next year. This looks like being an emotional and exciting conclusion to the franchise, with Indy facing his biggest challenge yet." As you can infer by the cited cloaked source, this news is somewhere in between a rumor and a fart in the wind. The only info I gravitated toward was that Harrison Ford is standing-by for filming. At least cook something! Jeez, Harrison…

Michael Fassbender To Lay The Smackdown on ‘X-Men’ or ‘Spider-Man’

Tuesday, June 8 by

Michael Fassbender is slated to be Comic-Con royalty one way or another. After breaking out big in Inglourious Basterds and The Hunger, Fassbender is now being eyed both for Matthew Vaughn's X-Men: First Class and Sony/Marc Webb's Spider-Man reboot. However, according to Showbiz411, he can only do one.If he chooses X-Men, he'd know full well how f***ing magnets work as he'd be playing Magneto opposite James McAvoy's Professor X. Should he choose the Spider-Man reboot, he'd play an unspecified villian who squares off against a teen-aged Peter Parker. I'd prefer to see him as Magneto, as he's an all-around great character whose extreme actions you can sympathize with. The most compelling villain in the Spider-Man universe dresses like an octopus.

The Lowercase a-Team

Tuesday, June 8 by

Joe Carnahan's The A-Team comes out this Friday. We'll be posting our review later in the week, but there's one thing I can tell you right now about the film: there are absolutely no midgets in it. Not even one. Luckily, Break remade the famous intro and cast little people as Hannibal, Face, Murdock, and B.A. It's big on action, short on stature. Check out The Lowercase a-Team after the jump.

‘Killers’ Actress Elena Kolpachikova

Tuesday, June 8 by

Elena Kolpachikova was born on the Black Sea in Yalta Ukraine, which sounds like a superhero origin story. She worked as a model in Europe for High Fashion designers, then moved to New York and graduated from the Lee Strasberg Institute and NYU film school, started her acting career and moved to Los Angeles. Beauty AND brains, fellas. Raise your hand if you're intimidated. More pics of the Elena a.k.a. The Complete Package after the jump.

You Can Be in ‘Titanic 2′! Mermaid Experience Preferred.

Tuesday, June 8 by

Sooooo someone's making Titanic 2: Mermaid Saviors. There's a casting call for it on Craigslist, which means I can only assume it's absolutely legit. You want to audition? Shave and oil your legs and slip those flippers on for your big shot on July 1st and 2nd. "Actors with mermaid and under water acting experience are highly desirable." The synopsis straight from the source:"The film begins moments after the sinking of the Titanic. All who have drowned are brought back to life by a futuristic race of mermaids, called the Mantocks, who welcome the humans to their underwater paradise. Soon after, JACK DAWSON is elected king of the underwater humans. DAWSON requests that all humans be returned above water, a request that is denied by KING MANTROCK. The humans are slowly brainwashed into worshiping their mermaid saviors. Meanwhile, the sunken TITANIC has become a haunted underwater wasteland inhabited by RAGGARO and his band of mermaid pirates. Will the humans ever free themselves from their mermaid slavery? Will the mermaid pirates wage war on Mantock?"I'm going to go out on a limb and say this could possibly be the best movie ever. When was the last time we saw a decent mermaid war waged on film, or video, or whatever they're going to shoot this thing on? I don't care what anyone says, tridents are a true mermaid man pirate's weapon of choice. Now let's take this sunken ship by force! **Stabs cheese cubes with three-pronged fork, dives into kiddy pool** (Cinematical)

Matthew McConaughey Developing Comedy For FX

Tuesday, June 8 by

Chillest family ever.Thanks to Kate Hudson, when you think Matthew McConaughey you don't automatically think comedy. You think beach yoga and Rogaine treatments. That hasn't stopped FX from picking up "Kick Ass Militia" from the bare-chested actor's production company J.K. Livin.Based on an idea from McConaughey's long-time friend JR Reed, "Kick Ass Militia" is a single-camera comedy about two brothers who butt heads on their Malibu compound. One is a survivalist and the other a free-loving cult leader. Think of it as "Two and a Half Men" with Ted Nugent replacing Jon Cryer. After hunting him for sport, of course. (Deadline)

Tangled Web of Movie Mercenaries

Tuesday, June 8 by

2010 has been the year of the "ex-military heroes out to do good…or evil." With The Losers already having left the cineplex, The A-Team due out this Friday, and The Expendables arriving later in the summer, we've been inundated with rock 'em, sock 'em gub'ment agents turned rogue.We decided to take a closer look at how all our favorite groups of mercenaries (those that used to do government work, that is) are related to each other – in a sort of "on and off the silver screen" way.

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