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Japanese ‘Ghost’ Remake Seems Overdue

Wednesday, June 9 by

I apologize for all the penis-shaped objects this week.In order to make up for the lack of box office success of American movies with Japanese audiences, Paramount is planning a Japanese remake of Ghost. Why Ghost when they could remake something other than Ghost? Because of the pottery wheel scene, dummy! It's sexy, and dirty, and raw, and scored with Righteous Brothers music. The Japanese go apesh*t for that combo.The new version of Ghost will star Nanako Matsushima in the Demi Moore role and Song Seung Heon as the ghost of Patrick Swayze. Well not the ghost of Patrick Swayze, but the ghost of his character Sam in the movie. India's already remade the film twice (because once wasn't enough?), so who's to say it won't have the same kind of success in Japan. Wet clay is universal. That's why my apartment is full of my own head casts. Company doesn't find them at all disturbing. (/Film)

Trip Out On This ‘Rango’ Teaser

Wednesday, June 9 by

Yeah, uhhhhhh, here's the teaser trailer for Rango? Directed by Gore Verbinski (Pirates of the Caribbean, The Ring), it's tells the story of a chameleon with an identity crisis. I guess he's a fish in this teaser that does more confusing than teasing. However, the best women of the night have both down to such an art that a John usually can't tell the difference. So maybe this teaser is just like a skilled prostitute. Or Hunter S. Thompson's wet dream. The film stars the voice talents of Johnny Depp, Isla Fisher, Abigail Breslin, Bill Nighy, Stephen Root, Ray Winstone, Beth Grant, Ned Beatty, Harry Dean Stanton, and Alfred Molina. But you won't hear any of them in the teaser. That's the tease. Are you titillated? Check out the teaser for Rango after the jump.

Jay Baruchel and Nicolas Cage Play Pitcher-Catcher In New ‘Sorcerer’s Apprentice’ Trailer

Wednesday, June 9 by

The Nicolas Cage/Jay Baruchel goofy hair tour de force The Sorcerer's Apprentice released a new trailer during the NBA Finals. This time we get a better look at the thrilling action and bizarre enemies as Jay Baruchel cowers and trembles with Urkel-like aplomb. All in all, the effects look cool and the magic looks ridiculous. Still looks more believable than Jay Baruchel scoring with Alice Eve though.CHECK OUT THE NEW TRAILER AFTER THE JUMP…

‘My Idiot Brother’ Has Stupid Hot Sisters

Wednesday, June 9 by

Paul Rudd has assembled his past movie girlfriends and a few indie darlings to form a Voltron of hotitude.. hoticity… umm… attractiveness. Elizabeth Banks, Zooey Deschanel, Emily Mortimer, and Rashida Jones have all joined his upcoming Jesse Peretz project My Idiot Brother.In the film, Banks, Deschanel, and Mortimer will play Rudd's put-upon sisters whom he totally You, Me, and Duprees. Mortimer is a Park Slope mom with a failing marriage, Banks is a career girl, and Deschanel is a flaky bisexual who can't commit to girlfriend Rashida Jones. Hopefully Paul Rudd can help those mixed up lovebirds see the error of their ways and they live happily ever after in boob-touching bliss. Expect that news to swell a lot of pants at ironic yacht parties this weekend. (THR)

‘Splice’ Actress Delphine Chanéac

Wednesday, June 9 by

Delphine Chanéac is a French model and actress whose last American film appearance was in The Pink Panther remake as "The Ticket Checker." She landed a meatier role as Dren in Splice, but unfortunately she has a shaved, cleft head like the lunch lady we all used to make fun of in elementary school. A word from Delphine: "I had to wear blue socks over high heels, my hands became my feet and my tail was wrapped in blue."Worst. First. Date. EVER. More pics of Delphine without a tail after the jump.

Trailer for AMC’s ‘Rubicon’

Wednesday, June 9 by

This show will have more hair jokes than "Glee." After the season finale of "Breaking Bad" this Sunday, stay tuned for a preview of AMC's new drama "Rubicon" starring James Badge Dale, the guy who looks like the teacher from "Glee." The conspiracy thriller is about "an analyst at a New York City think-tank who is thrown into a story where nothing is as it appears to be." I realize that tells you absolutely nothing, but the fun of the series is the **wiggles fingers** myyyyyystery. I read the script for the pilot and liked it quite a bit. You have to pay close attention as the main character uses his knowledge of crossword puzzles to uncover a mass conspiracy, but the hook of the four-leaf clover grabs you from the start. I hope they don't go the "LOST" route and choose an obvious ending. I'll be so pissed if a clan of leprechauns is behind the whole thing. "Rubicon" premieres August 1st at 8/7c with a sneak preview this Sunday. Check out the trailer and poster after the jump…

RUBICON

Wednesday, June 9 by

Network: AMCCast: James Badge DaleSynopsis: An analyst at a New York City think-tank who is thrown into a story where nothing is as it appears to be.

‘Final Destination 5′ To Be (Directed By Cameron’s) Number Two

Wednesday, June 9 by

"Derp! Why did I drive into this log?"Still no word on what totally retarded plot contrivances will make their way into Final Destination 5, but today we have news that a director has been hired. Avatar's 2nd HMFIC, Steven Quale, will be in charge of impaling sexy teens for the fifth go-round. Really though, who builds a javelin manufactory next to batting cages? That's an accident waiting to happen.Quale has a lot of experience with 3D, having co-directed the underwater documentary Aliens of the Abyss with James Cameron as well as serving as 2nd Unit Director on Avatar, so perhaps this movie won't be a complete wash-out. No details from Eric Heisserer's script have been released, so we don't know what narrowly-avoided cataclysmic event will serve as a catalyst for the plot. The fourth entry was based around a NASCAR race gone horribly awry, and seeing how these movies get progressively dumber, I'm going to say this one opens with an Insane Clown Posse concert fire. R.I.P. Juggalos. C U in Shangri-La. (THR)

‘Golden Girls’ Porn Parody Trailer

Wednesday, June 9 by

Yes, they made it, okay? They made a porn parody of "The Golden Girls," that show about four old women, three of which have passed, and the other who the Internet won't leave alone. You all walk around with your heads held high like you're sooooooo superior and don't have a GILF fetish. Now if it were called "Golden Shower Girls" I'd understand why you wouldn't want to watch. Except for the sickos, of course. Not that there's anything wrong with watching old women get peed on. No, I take that back. This may bite me in the ass when I run for political office, but I stand by the belief that it IS wrong to watch old women get peed on. Unless they're dead. Roll the footage!

Voltron Off the Big Screen, On to the Small

Wednesday, June 9 by

I've already written about pornstars and Muppets this morning. What else is left to cover but giant space robots!After years of rumors and indecision, plans for a Voltron movie have been scrapped. However, fans need not worry, as they'll soon be able to get their nostalgia fix on the small screen. A reboot of the popular 80's cartoon is underway. The new series will air on Nicktoons, and will be rolled out alongside a brand new toy line.As cool as these new toys sound, times are tough. If you find that money is too tight, construct a homemade "Voltron" robot using wire hangers, your cat, and a soldering iron. But make sure your cat is either asleep or dead before you start the soldering, or it's going to get really pissed off. I recommend using Benadryl and a brick, respectively. (Cinema Blend)

Notable Geeks Mintz-Plasse and David Tennant Join ‘Fright Night’

Wednesday, June 9 by

Take notes, boys. THIS is how you peacock.In news that is sure to make you say, "Hrrmm, yeah. That's okay. I guess," Christopher Mintz-Plasse and David Tennant have joined Craig Gillespie's Fright Night remake. The pair will use their soft joke-fingers to comically-relieve and tug the laughter out of audiences. Gently at first, but then harder and faster as the film approaches its climax.Tennant will play Peter Vincent, a character who in the original movie was played by Roddy McDowall as the host of a late-night horror show. In the remake, he’s a Las Vegas magician whose show revolves around horror-movie imagery. Vincent claims to be a vampire expert, but when the teen turns to him for assistance, he’s less than helpful. Mintz-Plasse is playing Evil Ed, Yelchin’s friend who feels slighted that Charlie has left his nerdy past behind and thus joins the vampire’s coven. In my experience you need to be careful when a middle-aged man dresses in a cape and claims to be a vampire expert. Last time I did that, the chubby teens at the Hot Topic turned me in to mall security. (THR)

Happy Birthday Jesus: I Got You a Muppet Movie (Christmas 2011)

Wednesday, June 9 by

When it comes to gifts, what do you get the man who has everything? The answer: a new Muppet movie!Disney has announced the latest installment from Kermit and the gang will hit theaters on Christmas Day, 2011, just in time for the Christ child's birthday.Writen by Jason Segel and directed by "Flight of the Conchords" co-creator James Bobin, the project is aimed at introducing the Muppets to a whole new generation of fans.According to Variety, the film will be up against Steven Spielberg's Adventures of Tintin and Cameron Crowe's We Bought a Zoo, both of which can kiss my ass. It's Muppet time, bitches! Wakka Wakka Wakka!

Pornstar Belladonna Moving Toward Mainstream Movies

Wednesday, June 9 by

Eat your heart out, Sasha Grey. And since you're here, eat your fart out, as well. Tee-hee!Pornstar Belladonna has landed her first role in a mainstream movie. The adult starlet is set to appear in Stripped, a new horror film which follows three young boys "trapped in a house with a 'family' of malevolent women." We can only assume that Belladonna will play the part of Nelson Mandela.For those of you unfamiliar with Belladonna's work (like myself), she is the Steve Buscemi of the porn industry. What she lacks in the looks department she makes up for with raw talent and determination. And just like Steve, she's not afraid to take a fist in her "ying-ling" or her "who-ha." Wait, does Steve even have a "who-ha?" And what's a "ying-ling?" Oh….oh god!You're a filthy whore, Steve Buscemi. A filthy, filthy whore. (Cinema Blend)

Voorhees Family Photo

Tuesday, June 8 by

Reunited and it feels so good.Check out these links with your homicidal mother. 'The Karate Kid': Where Are They Now?  (Moviefone)'Twin T*tties' Bar Event Celebrates Boobies (Asylum)Stephen Baldwin Talks Oil Spill, Palin, and Obama (PopEater)Sword-Wielding Porn Actor Dies (FilmDrunk)5 Rules of Strip Club Etiquette (HolyTaco)'Die Hard' Is Far More Hilarious in Japan (Unreality)11 Sickest Chill and Banger Songs Vol. One (BroBible)12-Year-Old Grabs Bull By The Horns (TotalProSports) Hollywood's Hottest Rides (Maxim)Fighters Union Needs To Unite (CagePotato)Rob Pats Cancels Appearance Due to Hemorrhoids (CelebJihad)40 Motivational Speeches in Two Minutes (Smosh)15 Most Popular Cult Movies Of The Last 5 Years (Pajiba)Loman's Deathmobiles (Atom)How To Know Not To Get Married (MadeMan)31 Of The Most Unusally Labeled Engery Drinks (RegretfulMorning)

Jamie Bell Will Most Likely Be Spider-Man Maybe

Tuesday, June 8 by

He'll be like this but older and with web stuff. Bleeding Cool is at it again with the Spider-Man reboot casting rumors. They're reporting that the role is pretty much Jamie Bell's (Billy Elliot's), as long as he passes the studio's turn and cough tests:I’m told that Jamie Bell was scheduled to fly into California this week. The plan is that he will be undergoing a few weeks of camera tests while simultaneously working with a personal trainer to ensure he is able to perform some of the more spider-like stunts that will be required of him. However this is being considered a formality.Frank Dillane is still being considered for the role, but he appears to be Sony’s back up plan. Unless something goes very wrong, I understand that Bell will be playing the Spider-Man role. To the extent that  Jamie has been heard referred to as Spider Man in casual conversation around Sony.I'd like to think those casual conversations go a little something like this:Studio Exec: I bet the new Spider-Man Jamie Bell doesn't have as tight of an ass as you.Attractive Assistant: My parents keep telling me I should quit this job.Studio Exec checks email on Blackberry. End scene.

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