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Release Date Set for ‘Rise of the Apes’

Thursday, May 6 by

Variety reports FOX will release prequel Rise of the Apes on June 24, 2011, with Rupert Wyatt confirmed to direct. In a lie I just made up, he promised me he wouldn't cast Marky Mark or Helena Bonham Carter in any of the roles. Oooo Burton burn. Rise of the Apes is "an origins story set in present-day San Francisco. The film is a reality-based cautionary tale, where man's own experiments with genetic engineering lead to the development of intelligence in apes and the onset of a war for supremacy." When you play God with monkeys you get talking monkeys that can do math and read. Those skills alone make them superior to the average American!Peter Jackson's visual effects company WETA Digital will handle all of the effects on the film. They will render, for the first time ever in the film series, photo-realistic apes rather than costumed actors. Hmmmm, interesting (strokes sparse-haired chin). I hope they consider intermixing some practical effects as well. You really can't beat the realism of the apes in Congo.Stop playing God, Dylan Baker!!!

Sasha Grey Will Loan Her Chops to ‘Entourage’

Thursday, May 6 by

Professional sex-haver/indie film darling Sasha Gray has landed the role of Vince's girlfriend on the seventh season of "Entourage." From TV Guide: This is by no means a small cameo, but a major role as the new long-term girlfriend of Adrian Grenier’s Vince Chase. “I think Sasha’s going to have a very successful transition,” says Entourage creator Doug Ellin, who was impressed by the performer’s leading role in Oscar-winning director Steven Soderbergh’s 2009 film, “The Girlfriend Experience.” He won't admit it to TV Guide but Ellin was also impressed by the AVN Adult Movie Award winner's roles in Butt Sex Bonanza, Seinfeld: A XXX Parody, Butt Man's Stretch Class 3, Fox Holes, and I Wanna Bang Your Sister.It's said that Vince's new relationship is based off the past relationships of Charlie Sheen, which is a spoiler alert in and of itself. Her character is definitely going to end up dead in a ditch. I imagine that the plotline will require Turtle to dump her in the ocean, but opts for the ravine when he gets worried he'll scuff up his kicks if he drags her that far.

‘Mother and Child’ Actress Kerry Washington

Thursday, May 6 by

Kerry Washington starred in Ray alongside Jamie Foxx, who went on to win an Oscar. She then starred in The Last King of Scotland alongside Forest Whitaker, who went on to win an Oscar. Hey, male leads, you might want to look into working with Kerry. A word from Kerry: "I don't ever want to play a black prostitute."Then I suggest you keep getting acting gigs. More pics of the classy Kerry after the jump.

Michael Jackson Used To Prank-Call Russell Crowe

Thursday, May 6 by

"Is your refrigerator runnin'?! J'amon!" Apparently Michael Jackson and Russell Crowe used to be the best of pals. After L.A. Confidential the two become very close, I assume because of their mutual adoration for Jerky Boys albums, and Jackson would often prank-call Crowe. The former gladiator told GQ UK, "A gruff voice would say something was wrong, then this tiny little voice said, ‘Don't worry. This is Michael."Don't worry?! That's when the worrying begins! I'd prefer a loan shark with emphysema and straight razors for hands than Michael Jackson. It's just a good thing Crowe wasn't in the same room. The Sorry, Wrong Number scenerio would have ended with a rotary phone embedded in the King of Pop's skull. (Vulture) 

Kristen Wiig Is A Clown Hooker in ‘Clown Girl’

Thursday, May 6 by

Kristen Wiig is ready to make repetitive funny noises in full THX Pro Cinema Sound. The "Saturday Night Live" star has shelled out her hard-earned MacGruber dough  to option and adapt Monica Drake's novel Clown Girl. She's got her eye on the lead role of Nita aka Sniffles the Clown, a street fair entertainer struggling to make ends meet while trying to resist the lure of selling her body to clown fetishists.There are clown fetishists? THAT'S SICK! **He says as he scrubs grease paint out of his boxers** (Deadline)

Details Leak About J.J. Abrams’s ‘Super 8′ Teaser

Thursday, May 6 by

They're linked like E.T. and Elliott.We were excited when we heard that J.J. Abrams would be tipping his hat to the early films of Steven Spielberg for his next directorial project. Only because we were certain we'd see an alien shark that hunts treasure. Apparently, that's NOT the case though.Turns out that his soon-to-premiere super secret-double-probationary teaser for Super 8 is not a Cloverfield sequel or prequel or squeekquel after all. It's a teaser for the joint he's doing with Spielberg. The one that doesn't feature any Nazi-killing alien sharks./Film has a source who saw the teaser and provided an in-depth description. I've posted it after the jump along with an EXCLUSIVE screen cap. Don't get mad at me if the information turns out to be wrong. I'm just telling you what a guy heard from another guy.TEASER SYNOPSIS AND SCREEN CAP AFTER THE JUMP…

MTV’s ‘Guy Block’ Premieres Tonight With Parkour!

Thursday, May 6 by

Ultimate Parkour Challenge – Watch more Funny VideosAfter a decade of hell-raisin and hijinx in the Arctic Circle, MTV is bringing the Dudesons to the US of A. Same goes for parkour, but France instead of the Arctic Circle. Well, parkour has already been building in popularity in America (I blame Casino Royale), but now it's a live televised challenge! Check out a preview of all the crazy wall climbing and monkey action above.  "The Dudesons in America" and "The Ultimate Parkour Challenge" premiere tonight on MTV @ 10/9c

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15 Celebrities Servicing Invisible Men

Thursday, May 6 by

Let your imagination do the rest.

Mickey Rourke Up For Tony Scott’s ‘Hells Angels’

Thursday, May 6 by

Hells Angels founding member Sonny Barger OR Mickey Rourke circa 1994?In addition to Potsdamer Platz, Mickey Rourke is circling another Tony Scott project, and he's circling this one menacingly on a motorcycle while yelling hate speech. Typical Mickey.Rourke is up for the role of the outlaw Sonny Barger in Hells Angels, a script that Scott has been developing for ten years. Now, Scott Frank has been brought in to rework the script that tells the story of a young cop who infiltrates the nefarious gang. This is spot-on casting. I can't think of a single actor more appropriate than Mickey Rourke for the grizzled Hells Angels founder. You could have a motorcycle growing out of your ass, and Mickey Rourke would still be more appropriate for the role. (Deadline)

Ignore Stephen Baldwin – Restore Joss Whedon

Wednesday, May 5 by

Why would you want to donate money toward the restoration of nutjob Stephen Baldwin when your charity could be used to get more of Joss Whedon's smoking hot ass-kicking chicks on the air? Think about it. The more you know. Shooting star.These links don't suck, just like Joss Whedon.Summer TV Premieres 2010 (TVSquad)Hot Weather Girls All Over the World (Asylum)Emma Watson Had An Awful First Week at College (PopEater)25 Sexy Corona Girls (HolyTaco)Kristen Bell Is So Hollywood Ugly (FilmDrunk)Gallery of Avatar Cosplay (Unreality)Rutgers Kid Provides Another Epic Faceplant (TotalProSports)25 Hottest Mexican Women (Maxim)Randy Wants a Shot at the Winnder of Shogun-Machida (CagePotato)Jessica Alba Shows Off Her Tramp Stamp (CelebJihad)30 Best Pinatas Ever (Smosh)A Tire That Explodes Heads (Pajiba)Cinco de Mayo: Arizona-Style (Atom)Mother's Day Gift Guide (MadeMan)Sneak Peak at the NASCAR Hall of Fame (AllLeftTurns)

“Get Out Of There!” Montage

Wednesday, May 5 by

There have been montages of mirror scares and company arriving in film, and now our friends at Pajiba have put together one of characters shouting, "Get out of there!" They may have managed to find the line in every movie ever made. Kudos, Guys. Now clean up your bags of Late Night Tacos Doritos and get some shut eye. And then GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE! (Pajiba)

‘The Strangers’ Director Bryan Bertino Seeing ‘This Man’

Wednesday, May 5 by

Have you seen this man? Well, people across the world have seen him randomly in their dreams and I don't just mean ladies looking for a good time. Deadline reports that Bryan Bertino (The Strangers) is teaming up with Sam Raimi's Ghost House Pictures to bring this man's story to the screen.In This Man, the protagonist learns that he has been appearing in the nightmares of complete strangers. Ghost House has purchased the rights to www.thisman.org, a real website created by an Italian sociologist who has been tracking this real-life phenomenon. Insiders are referring to it as "a hair raising story that will be sure to delight horror fans.”Also delighted? Inevitable leading man Todd Barry.

‘I Spit On Your Grave’ Trailer Teases Worst Date Ever

Wednesday, May 5 by

I'm writing this one through gritted teeth, fellas. Below the jump we have a brief look at Steven R. Monroe's remake of the castration classic, I Spit on Your Grave. Sarah Butler stars as a woman who is attacked and sexually assaulted in the dead of night. She manages to escape and returns to take revenge on her attackers in shockingly vicious ways. Like, catching a fat guy in a bear trap. Or lopping off a guy's unit with a pair of rusty garden shears. Wouldn't a more fitting (preferable) punishment be to rape him? Eye for an eye and all. This lady's got issues. (Apple) Put a book on your lap and watch the trailer after the jump…

‘Attack of the Show’ Correspondent Sara Underwood

Wednesday, May 5 by

Sara Underwood is a former Playboy Playmate of the Year and Oregon State University student. She's filled in for Olivia Munn on "Attack of the Show" and recently helped wash cars with a group of Princess Leias in bikinis. A word from Sara: "I hate closeminded people who think they know it all."You'll love me. My mind's as empty as my tolerance for people who are different than me. More pics of the Playmate after the jump.

Official Release Date Bonanza! ‘X-Men: First Class’, ‘Breaking Dawn’, and ‘Cyrus’

Wednesday, May 5 by

Official.We've got official coming out of our asses today. So much official I decided to compile it all into one officially official post. Wookie, cue the official music! **Cue Salt n' Pepa**Kick-Ass director Matthew Vaughn is officially directing X-Men: First Class and 20th Century Fox has officially set a June 3rd, 2011 release date. The film will center on Charles Xavier and Erik Lensherr before they took the names Professor X and Magneto, and they were just two young men discovering their powers for the first time. And chillin'. Breaking Dawn, the final (yaaay!) film in the The Twilight Saga, has nabbed the official release date of November 18, 2011. It's recommended that Twi-Hards starting lining up at theaters after band practice and their orthodontist appointments today. A favorite film at Sundance this year, Cyrus, will officially open in select theaters on June 18, 2010. Jonah Hill will face off against himself, as Get Him to the Greek also opens that same day. Can theaters safely contain that much Jonah?Whew. Now THAT'S official, yo. (/Film,/Film,/Film)

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